10 Things Every Writer Needs But Never Thinks About
by: Ronovan
There are things that every writer needs that they never think about and no one will ever advise them on. Well today I will share with you those secret things that only the most experienced and dedicated writers know about and like to keep to themselves. But don’t tell anyone or my life will be endangered. And with that I give to you the first secret need:
A Fluffy Butt Cushion
All serious writers must use one of these. Have you ever noticed that groove that forms on your middle finger from writing for so many years, I call it my writer’s mark? That comes from the wearing away of tissue from all that writing. Well imagine what all that writing is doing to your butt. For some of us that might be a good thing, but for others . . . well I can tell you there are some that need to hang onto what the good Lord gave them or they’ll fall right through the potty seat.
Clock With Multiple Alarm Settings
Those writers who make words their lives forget about everything else. Now enters the need to schedule everything and set an alarm to it.
• Potty breaks
• Lunch
• Taking a drink of water
• Bathing—If not, then skip the next three
• Sex
• Wedding day—if you actually remember to go on a date
• Dates—Otherwise don’t worry about the previous three
If you are a serious writer then you will also need a portable alarm set for appropriate lengths of time after the Potty Break and Date breaks, and possibly the Wedding Day . . . Honeymoons do not require alarms, as long as they are not over 48 hours long.
Nair
This is for men and women writers. Shaving of anything takes too much time. Nair the hair or go super earthy. Unless you are Alan Moore you will not get away with the Sasquatch look.
See-Through Shower Door
With your imagination you will never come out of the shower for fear of what is on the other side of the curtain.
Shamwows
You’re a writer, you know why you need this and where you need this, and I’m not talking about geographical location. Men admit it you have Butt Sweats, get the Shamwow. Women . . . I read about . . . Chest(?) Sweats today. (Sorry I just could not type the other word.) (Why is it warm in here now? Should I include a fan on this list?)
Canaries
These are just in case either; a) the alarm clock does not work, or b) you ignore the alarm clock when it alerts you to shower time. If the Canary dies, it’s time for a shower. Miners used these things for a reason.
Dog
As a writer you’ll need someone who will love you no matter what. Cats are too smart and independent to love you just because you offer them a three day old piece of left out pizza. Plus if you smell like roadkill they will NOT come near you. A dog will still think you are the greatest thing ever since . . . that piece of pizza. Then of course they will intentionally lick your face lovingly after licking their butt. Dogs are sneaky little guys.
Why? You need an alarm to tell
you to go Potty and have Sex
and you are asking why
Plastic Flowers?
A Clue
See Previous Need.
Ideas
If you are making lists of crazy things such a Canaries and Butt Sweat towels then you really need more ideas to write about.
Thus ends THIS list of the 10 Things Every Writer Needs But Never Thinks About. Keep them secret and take them to heart.
Much Respect
Ronovan “Fluffy Cushion” Writes
(I don’t need the cushion. Just saying.)
© Copyright-All rights reserved-RonovanWrites.wordpress.com-June 18, 2014.
LOL! This is so funny!
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Thank you! It came to me and I wanted to do something fun.
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yea, humour is after all the best medicine. 😉
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And the funny part is there is a bit of truth in each one really if you think about it. 😀
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Which is why it is so funny! You could do this for stand-up comedy. It would go down really well with the right crowd.
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🙂 Oddly I apparently thought about stand-up at one time. I know I don’t portray a humorous side here often but it’s been dampened a bit. I may try to push it to the fore a bit more. And thank you very much.
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😉
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Tweeted….god help me if I ever get this bad 🙂
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Really funny !
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Thank you! My life is funny. 🙂
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Humorous, yet truth is found in each morsel of wisdom shared! After reading this I know I’m prepared to write today; minus the dog – he’s getting picked up on Friday! 😉
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🙂 Thank you. The humor is in the truth of it. 🙂 The fun part was how easy it came to me. I just looked around my room. 😀
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It’s fun to write when it comes so easily, and a bonus when it comes out comedic! 🙂
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Ha,ha! Love these. Thank you for your wise words and suggestions. I am so getting that butt cushion! 🙂
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🙂 Thank you! Yes, please do. Some butts are valuable assets.
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Yes they are! Assss are hot and sweaty…chests! Thanks for the ping back! I will be the happiest brickhousechick with my fan and butt cushion. What more can a gal ask for? 🙂
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hahaha that’s a good one Ron!
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Thank you! And totally unexpected from me. 🙂
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I so needed this chuckle today. And just so you know, they actually make sweat cups for the female chest area. And my husband bought me a voice recorder so I could talk my ideas out in the shower. Definitely a necessity.
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ooooo I must take notes for the next installment. And check this article out. http://brickhousechick.com/2014/06/18/my-new-battery-operated-best-friend/
it’s the one I read that I couldn’t use the name of the word. 🙂 But you might be interested in the thing she found. 😀
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Curiosity piqued… guilty. I clicked on the link. Brickhousechick, you crack me up!!!
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Haha this was a great read!
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Thank you! I enjoyed writing it.
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I absolutely LOVE everything you post! Thanks for sharing!!
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Wow! Thank you so much. I really didn’t know if people would like this from me.
Much Appreciation
Ronovan
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Dear Ronovan,
You’ve outwitted your fellow authors with this one. You bring sparkle to a blogger’s eye. Thank you.
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Thank you so much! I didn’t know if people would like it. I just wanted to have fun for a change. 🙂
Much Gratitude
Ronovan
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I would have to agree…
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The shower curtain one made me giggle. SO. TRUE!
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🙂 Okay, that was compliment I will save. I made you giggle. 🙂
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And you never saw it coming from me.
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No, never! 😉 Just kidding, just kidding, lol
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Hi! Quite an interesting list! So if my butt isn’t that big..do I owe it to too much writing? And hey, not all women need them, only ones who sweat A LOT need them (yes, I read the article)!
Fun read!
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🙂 Thank you! I had fun writing it. I may have to do a writer’s Butt article someday. Pardon my using that word. But it might be hilarious. I hope this didn’t make you think badly of me.
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No I had so much fun reading it 🙂 I now know that you’re funny too 🙂
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Thank you! I have ruined my quiet dark poet persona.
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Hahahaha 🙂 that’s not a bad thing!
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Too good! And I really want that cushion!
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Your pinky on your right food said to you? 😀 You have a new Follower.
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Cheers Ronovan! You already had me! 🙂
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Oh my goodness, so funny! Much enjoyed this fun after a long work day.
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Thank you! I decided to write a fun thing for a change. I may have ruined that pain ridden dark poet image though. I mean seriously, Fluffy Butt Cushions. But they all have a bit of truth to them. 🙂
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OK, this was very funny. I was even tempted to seriously consider. The jury’s still out on that though.
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Thank you! Consider….the fluffy cushion?
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Hmmmm…maybe
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🙂 It was a fun article to write. Something different from my usual. Personally I need the canaries, but don’t tell anyone.
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*Zips lips*
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By the way I had to start following your Blog. I can’t wait to see what you do.
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Thank you, Ronovan. I’m following you too.
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I now realise why it feels my life is incomplete… I need a fluffy butt cushion! I owe you one for bringing it to my attention! 🙂
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this is great! I love your sense of humor Ronovan! I never really considered Nair a necessity before….
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Some mentioned waxing but men are included as writers and well…we’re wimps really when it comes to that.
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oh yes I have noticed this! I never underwood that reaction cause it’s really not that bad!
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understood not underwood. Though now I may need to listen to a Carrie Underwood song.
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🙂 Not Carrie but the name fits the topic.
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HA HA HA that is perfect! I will likely be humming this tune for the rest of the day 🙂
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OMGosh, so funny. Went to Brickhousechick’s site and know exactly what she means. Especially about getting out of the shower only to be soaking wet 30 seconds later. Will have to give the Shamwow thing a try, cuz my cornstarch powder only works for about 40 minutes. Either that, or I’m ordering six of those fan thingys to hang all over my body! 😀
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Glad you enjoyed. 🙂 It was as fun write. 🙂
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Excellent work, and now I know what a Shamwow is (and is used for :O)
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Thank you! Well, a writer has to do what a writer has to do. 🙂
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