I love a song. A beautiful song. It’s a remake of a Vertical Horizon song called  Best I Ever Had. The remake or cover is by country artist Gary Allan. As with any song the lyrics can take on the meaning you give to them. I often focus on the title words Best I Ever Had. But the song is a painful song, and perhaps that is why I connect to it. I hear the loss in Gary Allan’s voice, the pain, the sincerity that only he could give to this song.

Gary Allan went downstairs to get his wife a Coke that she asked for because she said she felt sick. Minutes later he heard a pop. He returned to the bedroom to find she had removed a gun from his gun safe under the bed and committed suicide. I prefer not to go into the details.

It took Allan some time to get to a place where he could really deal with it all and this was the song he recorded. Some looked at it in the beginning as some strange change in his style and had issues with it. I did not even know who he was but the song hit me.

Best I Ever Had can be given to so many different things. The obvious being love.

As I was finding a song to share today and came across this many old things came to mind. One in particular was the day I dropped the family off after church. It was the worst time of my adult life and the sermon that day hit me. I drove. I had no idea of what was to happen, but I needed to get away and be alone. I had not had time alone to deal with a situation that had occurred, a  life changing situation.

The happy face

Had to be in place

An no one was the wiser

I went driving. I said I went to a local park but it was closed for that time of the year. I just drove. Finding an empty parking lot I stopped and sat there. I didn’t break down and release it all. Thoughts came to mind of failure, disappointment and how things would be better and solved if I just came up with the final solution. But then the little face came to mind.

When I was in the hospital this past year after a fall in my home, I remembered a little face. A little face that led me through all the strangeness and confusion. Small faces help so often to keep us in reality and force our selfishness away.

I still have those moments every day of failure. I have forgiven myself for the life changing situation but I have also given the message to never let me drive off alone when remotely depressed. I have a grasp on reality for now, I know it, I am okay with it, and thus I am fine.

This song as I’ve learned of its meaning for Gary Allan adds to the beauty of it. In this song Allan gives the Best HE Ever Had in a vocal performance. For me this song means every possible meaning, even in a way a happy meaning. Yes, you can give it that if you look at it  that way, as that was my original intent in sharing it.

I don’t want people to think there is anything wrong or that I am looking for attention, I am simply sharing a story of my life with you. Hoping that part of me helps a part of someone that might be reading.