Feeding is not nourishing… by @FTThum

An Awesome post written for #BeWoW. Well, I think it was written for far more than that but it happened to coincide with it. I know she worked on this a few days and it came out great. A definite MUST READ for everyone. Seriously. Don’t miss this one.

MEANINGS AND MUSINGS

Busy-ness and stress are no strangers in my life. I am adept at managing it all. To replenish my energy, I meditated, slept the requisite 6 hours, ate nutritious food, made lists and check them off – everything to ensure daily life ticks over as it should. Well, I probably could have gotten more than 6 hours sleep if I ‘gave up’ writing but life would be unbearable :-).

Then a friend reminded me to nourish myself. It was then I realised in the midst of ‘doing’ living, I’d somehow forgotten to care for myself. You see, to look after myself as in to nourish myself takes more than eating the right foods and sleeping the recommended number of hours. I know this.

In essence, nourishing is more than meeting biological or physiological needs. Nourishing is about feeding the spirit and soul. By the way, nourish comes from the…

View original post 387 more words

Advertisements

Live in the Now, not in the Then.

“The only use of an obstacle is to be overcome. All that an obstacle does with brave men is, not to frighten them, but to challenge them.”~Woodrow Wilson

Two weeks ago I asked you to Make a List of Your Negatives, while last week I said to get rid of one of those negatives. Two problems with that last one. One, the article was long and few people read it. The other problem, for those who read it I imagine you were expecting me to tell you how to get rid of those negatives. By the way, there was more to the article than ‘get rid of one of those negatives’.

Today I’ll attempt to be brief and tell you how to be rid of negatives.

X Out the Past and 0 Out Your Future

Let’s take your list of negatives in their nice columns and for every negative that comes from a past event place an x beside it. For every negative whose source lies in the future, in other words something you are wanting but can’t have yet or may never have, place a little circle beside it.

Now realize you are looking at things that cannot be reached or dealt with in the present. Wait before you start yelling about controlling what might happen in the future.

Those Past Negatives are in the past. Unless you want to apologize to someone or forgive someone, you are most likely out of luck. Drop those Past Negatives. And if you haven’t apologized or forgiven in all these years and are having problems with it, that’s called Regret. You can visit my Regrets are where they belong, in the past from this past Wednesday for some good quotes about regrets.

Know You Are In The Now

Expecting anything from someone else is a Negative you will never control. That’s one Negative you are to never allow to take a rest in your mind. It’s time to live in the now, not the yesterday, not the future, but the now. Here. Now. Not in the what you wished you had or what you hope to have, but in the what you have. You can work toward what you want to have some day, but that’s some day. That’s a goal, not a Negative.

Take your list, do the x’s and o’s and start working your way through those x’s. And really, if you are strong enough, you can toss them all, but if you haven’t already done that, then you most likely will need to take the baby steps I’ve talked about previously. There is no hurry, no race, no trophy.

You need to:

  • Think about why that Negative happened
  • What you had to do with it
  • Why it is still hanging with you
  • What can you do about it
  • What it has done to your life
  • Then realize it is over

That last part is the most difficult. Read through the article again and you’ll see why you are to let it go and let it be over. You’re in control of it all. Don’t ALLOW anything, especially a memory to control YOU.

Live in the here and now, and enjoy life.

“When faced with a challenge, happy families, like happy people, just add a new chapter to their life story that shows them overcoming the hardship. This skill is particularly important for children, whose identity tends to get locked in during adolescence.”~Bruce Feiler

Much Love, Success, and Respect

Ronovan

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

© Copyright-All rights reserved by ronovanwrites.wordpress.com 2015

Losing it. What do I do?

There’s a saying that goes something like, “You don’t know what you got till it’s gone.” For about two years I’ve kind of laughed at that phrase. For some of us, when something is gone we don’t even know what it was which means we don’t miss it.

I’ve been fine with it. I go through each day with a new loss flittering away and I feel fine. That’s because I don’t know what flitters away. Okay, so I know something is likely being lost. I’m aware that memories are lost.

Normally I don’t stress about it because stressing leads to other problems. Recently a memory loss, a huge one, became evident—with vigor.

I’ll explain an “other” problem for a moment. Depression. Well, I don’t know that it really needs to be explained. We all know what depression is. When a memory goes away and I then have people forcing that memory back in my head, or trying to get it back in there, things happen. The brain snaps. I actually at some point feel a pop in my head. I am sure it’s not really anything physical, only a psychological representation of what is happening.

When that happens, Ronovan is gone for a time.

My huge memory loss recently led to such a situation. I would think things were going fine, then wham, another hit from a different side. Lulled into things being okay. Wham, another hit. Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat.

Now, here I am, depressed, physically ill, and looking for the learning lesson of it all.

Memory problems make for a bad emotional entity. They also make for a bad relationship of any type. You wake up and you don’t know if that person who is your friend, spouse, significant other, father figure is still going to be that for you.

Who is it fair to in that situation? As I’ve been writing this I’ve been sorting through it all. I suppose the best thing is if it’s a repeat offender status thing, cut and run if the situation allows for it. I know live in family members can’t do that but there are things you can do.

Accept the memory loss person (MLP) for who they are, knowing what is possible.

Be supportive in the efforts of the MLP to handle it. Think for a moment about this. You wake up, or are even going along writing or watching a video and then—WHAM—you don’t know what day it is, or what city you are in, or who that person in the other room is. Ever wonder how a person handles that each day?

Think about being in the middle of a sentence and forgetting who it is across the table from you. In this age of internet and digital conversations and friendships it’s even more difficult to remember without those constant physical/visual cues.

People might find it surprising that I wake up and have forgotten the people in my house. Or I will go through one of those situations above. My body goes through a routine each morning and I discover what my problems are and I just go with it. I’ve told myself in letters not to stress, that I am normal. This is normal for me. I tell myself to begin to write something from a list of projects I’m working on.

Sometimes memories will come back or at least enough of a familiarity to make things fine or functionable. Yeah, another of my made up words.

What about the other person, the person forgotten?

What would I do if I were on the other end of this?

I honestly can’t answer that with an all encompassing solution. I think patience is part of it, understanding, and you know maybe even just cut and run. I know people balk at that last one but it is an option. But that is the option people will focus on here because it is seen as the uncaring, cold idea and how could I even think of telling someone to do that if a person cared about the MLP or of the MLP cares about the person.

I’ve been living with this for two years. You get to the point, where after having written about it, thought about it, and lived through it, you cut through it all to the heart or heartless of it all and give solutions.

And what about the MLP? Should they keep trying to remember, opening themselves up to an emotional tug-of-war to then either go through the loss again, perhaps not knowing it, or then being shut off once a connection is established again?

What do I do?

I have no one answer for myself. Perhaps I should, it would make my life easier. Can a person live a life, a healthy life mentally without people? I suppose they can but I’m not that far gone yet.

Now, for those who look at my writing and things I share each day and think I seem normal and I have all these friendships and all, the MLP has tricks they use to get by. Don’t call out the MLP for this if you still want to be a part of their life. At least they are trying.

I’ll tell you one trick I have. It’s called the Ronovan Writes Weekly Haiku Poetry Prompt Challenge. No, that’s not a plug for my challenge. I am telling you about a trick. There are people who do the challenge every week, and that means I read their work, usually at least twice, think about it, review it, see their names, and all of that every week. It doesn’t work for each person because of lack of regularity but when I see the name I know it’s familiar and once I get to their site things come back.

MLPs have sensory/emotional impressions of people if not actual memories. I know by a name, if it has been around me long enough, if that person is someone that is positive for me or negative, if that person is a friend or foe, if that person is emotionally good for me or a life drain.

When you hear that old saying about first impressions, it’s true. Make a good first impression and good last impression as well. You are asking, “How do I know when that last impression will be?” Whenever you leave the communication presence of someone, that’s your last impression until the next time you connect with them.

Well, this has been a longer message than I had planned, and I’m not sure if it is even what I had intended, but it is what it is and that’s all that it is. So, as I have just now read back through it, you might find it surprising I forgot about half of what I wrote while I was writing this. But again, it is what it is. I’m not to blame, you are not to blame, there is no blame.

Oh, I just remembered why I was writing this. Seriously. That big recent memory loss I had, like a mind wipe almost, took some important people away and broke things. Hmm, never mind. You know, I’ve tried. I think I will just deal with the depression of it all, come out the other side, and say I am what I am. It’s all I can be. Even if I don’t like it, I have to accept it or wind up on the 6 o’clock news.

 

Much Respect

Ronovan

© Copyright-All rights reserved by ronovanwrites.wordpress.com 2015