The continuing saga of Ronovan’s search to save his friend Hugh from disappearing at the hands of the Grammar Black Market. Ronovan has joined up with The L. A. W., The League of Awesome Women to find out is happening. We find our hapless Chunk in the middle of the dark streets of Lubbock, TX the Fab Fem Five. If he only knew what had been going on in England with Hugh and Miss Maple and the Royals.
The cast:
Lubbock, TX, population-just under 300,000 and home to three universities, it isn’t surprising we would find a major minor bad guy here, especially one that considers himself an academic.
“Ronovan is with us and we are about to go in,” said Jenna. I wondered who she was talking to on that wrist communicator thing all the L.A.W. members were wearing. I had an idea since her accent had gone all British that it wasn’t Dick Tracy. Knock knock jokes were not my forte. Let’s just say they ain’t in my rep-o-twar-ay. (To find out who Jenna was talking to click here.) I wiped my forehead . . . again. Nights were still hot in Texas, or was it the humidity?
Heat was still rising off the concrete sidewalk even though the sun had set over hours ago. I could smell the old exhaust fumes on the empty street. They burned my nose with each breath.
“Too bad we couldn’t bring the ship all the way,” said Kate. “But we’ll get to work the kinks out of our muscles after that long trip.” I had noticed Kate had a lot of energy or perk or something. I thought perhaps too many chocolate covered espresso beans in the L.A.W. Mobile or a few ‘bad’ mushrooms had found their way into her kitchen, but it turned out she was a fitness freak.
Yes, I said it. When it’s dark and you were walking down a dark, creepy street in Lubbock, TX, yeah, I’m going to call her a fitness freak. Just not to her face . . . or within hearing distance . . . of the planet.
“Slow down, Kate,” said Amira. “We can’t rush into this.” She glanced to her sister. “What do we have on Lubbock?”
Elena tapped the side of her glasses as we walked slowly along the dark street, leaving the safety of the camouflaged L.A.W Mobile farther and farther behind. Elena’s eyes moved back and forth rapidly. “Not much to worry about. There have been some weird reports of ‘zombie parties’ lately. Wish we could check one out. That would be so cool.”
“Not as cool as ours was,” said Amira. “I love that show. Zombies and TV and hit show, who would have thought.”
“Tru dat, home spice . . . nice . . . rice . . . you got that right, sis.” You had to love Elena as she was just so smart and adorable. All I could do was shake my head at the young lady I had come to think of as uber intelligent. Just like with me, stick with what you know, right? Ferizzle my frizzles. Word.
“So I am like so worried about my beta reader not liking my next chapter,” said Jenna, apparently finished with her knock knock jokes. Cheerfulness had a way of lightening even the darkest streets. But it was still creepy and exhaust fumey.
“Someone is reading your fish?” I asked.
“No, you silly. A beta reader is author geek for test reader. But authors couldn’t pass an English test if we tried so we like to call them beta readers or we freeze up at the thought of a test. Talk about humongoso writer’s block.” She flashed a smile.
“Stop that!” Cat growled. I jumped. Foot slipped. Body fell. Noise echoed. I was going to seriously need some new undies after this was over with. “That smile of yours keeps lighting up everything and gives us away.”
I stood up as quickly as possible from the hot concrete, keeping my distance from growly face.
“Oopsies, my bad,” said Jenna as she covered her smile with her hand. Dimples showed on either side. “But as I was saying, my beta reader won’t like that I wrote about an M&M invasion of Cookie Land. It’s not exactly in keeping with the book plot.”
I couldn’t help but laugh a little. I could just imagine the look on someone’s face reading that. I looked up and noticed we had fallen behind slightly. Kate had picked up the pace again and the others had followed along without noticing.
“Well you could always write about some whacked out security detail for the president run by cartoon characters. I bet that would really throw the reader off. But we better catch up to the others,” I said.
We both started walking a little faster when we were suddenly faced with a hit video from the 1980s. And I was not thrilled . . . at all.
“Excuse me,” I said as we tried to go around the party machine.
The bodies moved with us, not allowing us to pass. “Uh, Ronovan, dude, look,” said Jenna. I looked where she was pointing.
“Seriously?” I asked.
“Amira! You’re missing the partyyyyy,” Jenna called out.
All we could see around us were people dressed up like zombies. “You know, you’re a bit old to be doing the zomtusi,” I said to the man who was either 20 years older then I or 20 younger. I had a bad feeling. The makeup was great but I wasn’t sure Hollywood was called in for just a party to make people look this bad this good. “But I am seriously hoping to hear some Vincent Price voice coming through a boom box somewhere and a beat kickin’ it.”
One of them reached out and grabbed Jenna’s arm. She did what any woman would do. Now I don’t know about that whole zombies feeling no pain. But this one felt pain as he dropped to his knees clutching his zombies.
“Well they aren’t the dead kind,” said Jenna. Random one-liners came to mind but before I could do anything she kicked it up a notch.
The next thing I knew all I could see was blonde hair flying all around and the bright light from her smile blinding our attackers. I felt hands grab my neck from behind. I screamed like a . . . high pitched voiced man? Yeah.
That’s when the rest of the L.A.W. arrived. I’m not going to attempt to describe the action that took place next as they all did some serious To Wong Foo Julie Newmar moves on some Crouching Zombies Hidden Aladdins, yeah apparently one of the guys didn’t know the theme of the party and came as Aladdin, and quickly had things under control.
Elena knelt beside one of the unconscious undead or whatever. “These guys are legit. This isn’t makeup,” she said. “Those zombie parties might have been more than reported.” She looked around. “Anyone have any wine?”
“Then what’s with the Arabian Nights guy over there?” I asked.
Amira looked at the guy in a little vest and balloony pants as she handed Elena a flask. Then looked back at me. “Hey, we hit first.”
“I know and ask questions later,” I said.
“No, we just hit first. We usually aren’t around for later,” she said. “Why do people bother with waiting around for asking questions? It just causes law suits and hurt feelings.”
“You think this zombie crap is that powder concoction they use in the islands?” Cat asked.
Amira looked around at the bodies. “If so it would take a lot of it. Not sure where they would get a big batch of puffer fish powder around here.”
Elena passed the flask back to her sister. She had a yuck face on. “Did you guys press that with your feet after a soccer game?” She asked.
Amira turned the shiny metal container upside down. “Apparently you like Chateau le Foot 2012.”
“Texas Tech University Health Services Center is here. They would have just about any chemical or powder you would need, I would think,” said Kate. Thank goodness hew as looking at her wrist communicator. I saw the screen and she was playing Minecraft. “Mandi, don’t do that or I will seriously kick your cheery butt when I get home,” she mumbled.
I nodded slowly and turned. “So someone with a bit of medical background and knows some biology stuff, huh?” I stopped and looked at Amira and Cat. “How do you know about puffer fish and zombies?” I was getting a little creeped out. Okay, I was way past that.
“Do you need to know?” Cat asked as she took a step toward me. A whistling sound echoed through the dark streets. Everyone lifted an ear as if trying to detect where it came from, everyone but me.
“Um, it sounds like you’re right, Ronovan,” said Elena. We were still on the same track.
“Uh, guys,” said Jenna. “Yeah, I think they really want to party with us.”
We all turned and looked up the street the way we had been walking. There were dozens of zombies headed our way. I turned. “They have friends,” I said. There were more behind us. I couldn’t believe it.
“Ladies,” said Amira. “Let’s get ready. Cat, get the attitude on. Kate pump up the perky. And Jenna . . .”
“Yeah?”
Amira’s eyes narrowed. “Lock and load the dimples,” she said. “We got some zombie butt to smack down.”
“Yay, I love butt smacking,” said Jenna.
I just wanted Chinese food, some tacos and a football game. What was I doing in the middle of a zombie butt smack down?
Much Respect
Ronovan-Lost In LalaLand
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