I am brokenhearted over US.

A blog is a place to get things off your mind and your heart. We’ve turned it into something entirely different and thus less therapeutic. When I first started blogging I did a lot of therapy with stories and poetry. Over time I thought I lost that ability. I did. I didn’t have the physical or mental energy to keep going. After you blog as intensively as I did you might understand.

I also discovered another reason I stopped. Pain. I can’t sit for more than a minute, if even that log without great pain from the bottom of my spine and inching upward. Within minutes, unless I grit my teeth and forge my way ahead, I am lying down on a couch or a bed. Walking after sitting for a few minutes is difficult because of that pain, and just the pain of trying to stand brings even more pain.

That’s not why I am brokenhearted. I tell you all of that to give you an idea of what I am going through as I write this. Many of you probably won’t like what I have to say, but then again, this is a blog. This is my journal and my journey. Those of you that were around at the beginning you know the journey I’ve been through here and with you.

I am probably one of the biggest supporters and encouragers of women. If you were here during my earlier years you would have seen almost daily posts about how great I thought women were or interviewing women, or sharing their posts here on my blog. That is another reason this is painful because people are going to think I am against women.

I support the #MeToo movement in its original purpose. I think we can all agree that some have come along and not helped it very much and have only detracted from those who are real survivors of assault and sufferers of harassment. I think women who are assaulted should be heard, even if it is decades latter.

On Wednesday I watched the Senate Judiciary Committee Hearing testimony of Christina Blasey Ford and Judge Brett Kavanaugh. The way this entire thing has been turned in to a political circus is disappointing. Ms. Ford almost experienced the worst thing a woman can experience as far as I am concerned, other than maybe losing a child of any age. I have no doubt she was attacked. I do question if it was Judge Kavanaugh simply based on the other people stated as being there deny any such party occurred.

Those are my opinions. We are all entitled to those and friends all over the world believe different things but remain friends. I think those differences make for more interesting friends and even perhaps better friends because they allow for a person to grow and experience differing opinions rather than a homogenized world view.

I am not going to fault Ms. Ford’s gaps in memory because I also have memory problems, or problem, after suffering a Grade 3 concussion that ended up providing me with retrograde amnesia. In other words, I lost all of my memories from before that concussion. Was it entirely from the fall and my head striking against three hard surfaces in three different places before I impacted with the floor? Perhaps there is also an emotional trauma issue.

My only theory with Ms. Ford naming Judge Kavanaugh and his not being the attacker is that perhaps in her trauma and over time Judge Kavanaugh became, to Ms. Ford, the true attacker. No, I do not think she is naming him out of some spiteful plan to keep him from the Supreme Court. No, I do not think she ever wanted to be part of what some are calling a delaying tactic. I have read the timeline of from when she thought of writing the letter until her entering the courtroom today. She never wanted to testify. She never wanted people to know her name. She wanted the Committee to take her information seriously and use it in their decision making and investigation process. Not until after some of the Committee found out that the Ranking Member had a letter regarding Judge Kavanaugh did the existence of said letter end up public and the fire was lit. Within two days reporters of The New Yorker had the contents, somehow. She revealed her name two days later in The Washington Post because reporters were sitting outside her house, talking through the window trying to calm her dog down, and even entering her classroom while she was working. People were also calling her colleagues at Stanford University.

I am heartbroken that someone related to this hearing, this confirmation, leaked the existence of her letter and then obviously her name. Someone that was either elected to one of the most powerful positions in the nation or perhaps someone that works for one of them betrayed a woman that was terrified of going public. If you saw her today you would see that she is someone that seems very private about her personal life. I could see that by the way she spoke and her body language. But I’m not an expert on that, it’s just my opinion.

Once she was exposed she then did her civic duty, as she did in the beginning by notifying her member of Congress. If only Senator Feinstein had thought to ask Judge Kavanugh questions about sexual assault during her private question meetings with him, or even during the public hearings, or even in the 1200-1300 written follow-up questions perhaps none of Wednesday would have happened.

I am heartbroken over the hyper politicized nature of this entire procedure. All Senator Feinstein had to do was ask Judge Kavanugh in her on-on-one meetings, and if he said no, then contact Ms. Ford and say she believed there was a need to move into an official investigation. I actually believe Senator Feinstein thought she was doing the right thing and the best thing for Ms. Ford. That is not a joke. I don’t believe she is the type that would use this woman’s tragedy for political plots. The hyper politicized does not come from Senator Feinstein but by others sitting to her left during the hearing.

Even before the allegation came forward, Senator Feinstein’s colleague Senator Booker back in late July called Judge Kavanaugh Evil and anyone supporting him was complicit in evil a full month before meeting with him one-on-one on August 23. Senator Booker attempted through his phrasing of a question to get Judge Kavanaugh to say Yes he thought Ms. Ford’s allegations were a ploy being used against him. If Judge Kavanaugh had said yes, he would have been vilified even more than he has been so far. Her allegations do appear as though they are being used by members of the committee as a ploy to keep Judge Kavanaugh from being confirmed. Even before they had heard Judge Kavanaugh respond to the allegations they decided he was guilty.

I am brokenhearted that my country has forgotten the immense privilege it is to be considered innocent until proven guilty. Some of our elected officials, some who want to become President of the US someday, have forgotten that we are innocent until proven guilty. They have thrown it away in their desire to deny a man nominated by a President they despise. They throw it aside because this man is a conservative and they are afraid he will help overturn Roe v. Wade.

I am brokenhearted watching apparently intelligent adults on news programs with their minds and eyes closed to events in front of them just because they don’t like Ms. Ford or Judge Kavanaugh. Both sides have come out, even before the hearing on Wednesday, saying they believed one or the other. They hadn’t even had a hearing yet.

I am brokenhearted that I am even writing this. I fought with myself for hours before finally giving in I could not get away from it. I had to get all of this out, plus so much more but I’ve been at this for well over 30 minutes and my spine has locked up and is screaming at me. My migraines, which as a result of the concussion, never stop, not even for one second in the last, four years I think. Migraines, a bad spine, Fibromyalgia, and ME/CFS all combined are not a fun filled day at the beach.

I am brokenhearted because I am ashamed of how low my country has fallen. Not just in this hearing, but throughout government and the mindset of my fellow citizens

I once was a Republican. That changed during the early months of 2017. No, I am not a Trump supporter, nor was I then. My candidate didn’t make the final cut. Write-ins are a great thing. I decided that after the election I would at least give things a chance. Be optimistic. Be hopeful. Be prayerful. And now here we are, a nation that on the surface appears so divided we should almost divide in half and move people around. But we are the United States and we go that way through one hard fought war, and kept that way through the darkest and bloodiest time on our nations soil. (That didn’t involve the killing of Native Americans.) We will stay that way through what I pray is only two more years before some amazing person comes along, be it a Democrat or perhaps a different Republican steps up to make a challenge.

I am brokenhearted because I no longer have a party that I can call home. But I have decided I don’t like the party system any longer. Look what it does to intelligent people.

I am brokenhearted that I may have to leave this country someday because I stay awake at night thinking about the disaster we are. I think about all the good things we could be, could be doing. There is so much this country could solve if there was no other side of the aisle and everyone just sat together, talked, discussed, brainstormed, and tried to find commonalities instead of all the things that divide. Focus on the united not the divided. It’s on our nation’s name.

I’ve talked enough. I have journeyed through this page and hope I can now sleep a little with a less cluttered and frustrated mind. I hope no one has read this because it will likely frustrate whoever is foolish enough to take this journey with me.

Much Respect to Y’all and good night  or perhaps I might say good morning by this time.

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7 Positive News Websites.

With the end of the world being predicted almost daily, it’s important we recognize there are good things happening in spit of it all. I truly can’t stand how the media thrives on negativity, and not just in regards to politics. Therefore, what I’ve done is searched out sites that share positive news. You might think all you would have to do is google for these sites, but you would be surprised at how many sites either no longer exist or or basically abandoned for years. I even clicked on an article dated this year for a list of sites and some of those listed were inactive.

What better site to begin our journey to good news than with;

https://www.GoodNewsNetwork.org/  From the USA.

What is it?

Although based in the USA, the Good News Network brings us stories from around the world ranging in topics from energy solutions to environmental issues, and from mental health recommendations to just plain feel good news, because sometimes all you need is a smile. It appears to be updated on a daily basis.

https://www.Positive.News/  From the UK.

What is it?

A UK based site that pulls news from around the globe, Positive.News lists as their categories; Society, Economics, Science, Environment, Lifestyle, and Perspective. As you can see, you have plenty to choose from. There are definitely some inspirational articles on this site and it’s updated daily.

https://www.SunnySkyz.com/

What is it?

I’m not certain where this site is based out of, but it brings news from around the world. The site is updated daily and has much of what you would expect but also has Funny Clean Jokes, Videos, and Pictures. A great visit.

http://www.YesMagazine.org/  From the USA.

What is it?

Updated every day, Yes! Magazine has articles with a bit of depth to them that will make you want to do something about the world. I’m looking forward to getting in to this one myself.

https://www.Goodnet.org/  From the USA.

What is it?

Not really updated every day but what it does give are good articles, depending on what you are looking for. It has everything from the planet to individual good work and inspiration. I found it interesting that it was founded by the daughter of the American-Israeli businessman and founder of Carnival Cruise Line, Ted Arison, Shari Arison, who heads the family’s philanthropic organization.

https://GoodBlackNews.org/  From the USA.

What is it?

Good Black News was founded by Harvard Graduate Lori Lakin Hutcherson who is not only the Editor-in-Chief of GBN but also a TV writer and producer along with other writing ventures around the world of print. There are 19 categories along with subsections for ease of navigation, with recent articles being on the landing page. The site is updated daily and it really looks like a professional site. I already subscribed to receive updates in my email.

https://www.OurBetterWorld.org/en  From Singapore.

What is it?

Our Better World is a site dedicated to the Asian community and is well represented by people from various backgrounds. You really need to check the site out for the categories they have, ranging from Diversity & Inclusion to Friendship & Family, and from Migrants & Refugees to Wonder Women. The site seems to be updated frequently, if not daily. There definitely appears to be great content.

If your cultural group isn’t represented like a the Black and Asian communities, it wasn’t for the lack of trying. Of course going through all theses sites it’s a good chance I missed a lot. If you know of good ones, and I mean POSITIVE news, leave a link in the comments and I can add it to the list here for all to see.

Catch y’all later.

 

This Week in the Life of Ronovan or How I almost became a Democrat.

Okay, so that title may actually not really apply to this post. I have no idea yet because this is what I call a stream of thought post, like a diary thing but in no way like one. It’s more like saying I’m just going to share whatever comes to mind because I’m just to lazy this week to go back and polish things up and make sense of whatever I write. This should be a blast for me and possibly painful for you if you actually read it.

You may be happy to know I don’t remember much that happened this week. One thing I’ve been working on is a list for you guys and ladies. I wanted it to be made of 10 sites but I’ve only found 7 that I want to use so I either will change the title or create 3 new sites just so I can use that spiffy title I came up with.

I actually did an entire post about how Kanye West was misrepresented by the press and Social Media regarding his history of slavery comment. It was a well done article, then he tweeted. The guy means well, he’s just not articulate off the cuff in interviews. So I had the post ready to go, I went to Twitter during a break, checked on Kanye for anything else and sure enough … he’d Tweeted. I guess you know what happened to that post that I spent hours on. I still may use part of it though. There are some great historical people I was not aware of that came out of slavery to become success stories … enough to encourage anyone.

Most of you know I’m a good Christian boy, to the point of having been a super Christian in my church a few years ago prior to my accident. I’m a Conservative, but not., but I really am. Actually I think I am a mix. I’m not sure if that makes me and Independent or what. I almost became a Democrat this week, thus the reason for those fist couple of very long sentences of intro. President DT backed out of the Iran Nuclear deal. Up to that point I was praying for hope. I actually mean that. I was praying that something positive would happen. Okay, so we did end up with the three detainees released from Korea, but I don’t think that had anything to do with DT, but more to do with North Korea doing a great positive PR program to the world. But in the moment that DT finally, and utterly ruined the reputation of the United States I was done with him.

I even went so far as to Tweet I might have just become a Democrat with a Tweet of a The New Yorker article about what it really means to the US with our pulling out of the deal.

But, at the end of the day and the week I have youtube to pull me through. I don’t have TV to watch. Yes, there is TV in the house but I just don’t watch it because of various reasons. I have Amazon Prime but often that takes a bit more commitment than I have to give. I sometimes just want those quick little bits of humor to let  me know the world still exists and is mostly a good place to be.

Leave a comment below with your favorite youtube channel for me to try out. I really love humor, trivia, history, and well it seems like I like everything.

I hope everyone has a great weekend and I’ll catch y’all next time.

A Void to Fill.

Usually when I begin writing a post I open my trusty Word Document with a grain of an idea and begin typing. This time I am sitting here waiting for something witty to discuss. Okay, so maybe witty is pushing it a little. Sometimes I am inspired by social media, not to write about a topic discussed but by how that makes me feel about an underlying problem or feeling I observe.

It’s been several minutes now, and something keeps coming to mind, a daughter. I don’t have one but through the years I seem to borrow daughters of other people. As a teacher and youth director at my church it was bad, as in every girl from the age of 16 and under was my child.

I’ve done well in my later years, being a good father figure to children out there that didn’t have a father or didn’t have one that was emotionally present even though in the house. It’s a painful thing.

After I lost my memory I also lost some daughters. It seems things just weren’t the same for them. I get it and I don’t blame them. It’s a painful thing.

But now I’ve borrowed another one and it’s been a good thing for me. She’s a good one. Somehow, I always fall into these wonderful young ladies who are smart and talented. Of course, it’s still not real. I don’t know, I just feel like there is this void inside that needs filling and I keep grabbing on to these wonderful people to support and encourage. That’s what I really love to do. That encouraging and supporting feels so good to do for someone. But, of course it’s not real, is it? It’s a painful thing.

Of course, some people are going to say I need to just be happy with what I have, and believe me, I love my son, B. For those of you that don’t know about B, I call him that because he’s my (B)oy. Yep, not putting his name out there, not even on Facebook with people who already know about him, not even a picture of him.

B is super smart, always on the equivalent of Dean’s List at his private college prep school. He has amazing promise on the trumpet, according to his band director, and even the director at an event including all the local schools’ best musicians performing together took time to point him out specifically. I just wish he would practice at home, but he doesn’t because he worries he’ll bother my migraines. I have them 24/7 since the concussion.

So yes, I have a great son. And I am perfectly fine with that and happy with that. The thing is that it just feels like something is missing. I have a feeling that one day that void will no longer be a problem, but for now, I’m borrowing a brilliant (G)irl who is the exact female version of B.

Well, that’s a little more personal stuff about me and how all that internal stuff works for me. A lot more than I planned but once I start writing I usually don’t back down. I go with it and share it. Fearless to a point. Honest to a fault. (Oh yeah, I don’t lie in my writing, just so you all know. If you read it here, it’s Truth.)

Catch y’all next time.

PS

Of course I came up with a topic as I finished this.

My Space Got Hijacked.

When I decided to take a little break that turned into an over one-year break from active blogging, I intended to reenergize mentally and emotionally. I’m a blogger that started this adventure without boundaries in place. What that means is I was open to everyone who seemed to need help. And I got plenty of people showing up.

Of course, I kind of asked for it because I seriously put myself out there with my personal struggles. I shared history and current factors that led me to where I am now, or rather where I was then. But I made a mistake by shutting down entirely during my break and distanced myself from my blogging friends.

Amazingly I don’t think that I forever pushed some very important people away. Since my post last week, I’ve received comments and messages welcoming me back and some ‘you were missed’ sentiments. That was a big relief. Now I just need to become active visiting around the neighborhood without becoming addicted again.

One of the things that made this blog be anything that it might be is poetry. I never wrote poetry with maybe the exception of a handful years ago and then I started a blog. As I roamed around followers’ blogs I found poetry. It was then I decide I would give it a try and it became the biggest outlet for a lot of things going on inside of me. Shortly after learning what a haiku was I started a monthly haiku challenge. It’s been going ever week without fail since with week 200 coming up shortly. I even kept it going through a hospital stay and a tornado where I ended up evacuating my home to travel to a hotel for safety. That last one happened twice.

I’m an amateur at best when it comes to the rhymes and all of that, but I do think I ended up a nice level before I stopped cold turkey. Why do I bring this up?

Now I am finding it a struggle to do what was once my favorite thing to do on my blog. It’s as great lesson in even if you have a talent for something that if you don’t keep practicing you can lose it. I also stopped writing fiction and for an author with a book available on Amazon that hurts so deep I can’t even describe it.

I get an idea to write a piece of poetry or a story and before I can even pick up a pen or get my laptop going something clicks inside of me and the engine shuts down. Now as I attempt to get back into those good habits I once have I’m going to need to break with the old ones I’ve developed and that is the biggest piece of advice I can give anyone that is a creative.

You need to pick a creative space that is dedicated to your art, no matter what that art may be. Don’t allow any sedentary activity into that space. Why? You get an idea and then you go to that spot or you head to hop on your bed with your laptop and what happens? What happens is your body and mind slip into the habit that takes place most often in that space. You won’t even realize that is what’s happening.

For the longest time my bed was my writing space because it was the only place in the house that I could use, but I did an excellent job of writing and filling my days and evenings with creativity. Then during the break my little space in the house, I called my own, became a place for watching movies, reading books, taking naps, and simply resting while Fibro Flares did their thing.

Now I am rewiring my mind and body to be back to the olden days of blogging and writing books. Writing these posts each week are what you might call baby steps. I don’t advise forcing yourself into a creative space all at once. If you do you will end up so frustrated, you might just give up entirely.

So, if you are suffering from a decrease in blog output or other creative endeavors, see if you’ve hijacked your creative space for other things … then hijack it back, but in a nice and easy way.

See y’all next week.