Smile, it’s FREAKIN’ FRIYAY!

Sexism and discrimination in today’s holiday society.

The world today is filled with sexism and discrimination everywhere you look. No matter the country or the people, there they are, the isms and the nations. I’ve returned to lend my voice once again to champion for all of those who are victims of these awful things.

This past week perhaps millions of heart shaped boxes covered in red, lace, and roses were shared around the world. They said I love you on the lid, but those words were merely a mask for the evil hidden within. Boxes filled with various chocolates injected with flavored cremes, liquors, and even a different texture of chocolate. Valentine’s day is the top candy day of the year and loved by all who love love or simply love the sweet or bitter taste of that miracle of beans found in Mexico. Blast your blood thirsty conquistador heart Hernán Cortés.

I believe all of you should see the obvious direction this is going. Sexism and discrimination are built, literally, in to the products of Valentine’s Day, and specifically those of candy companies.

Valentine's assorted chocolate heart.

I, yes, this poor red-headed-step-child, am a victim of this cheapskate sexist discrimination. Have you ever watched a man with large fingers attempt to remove chocolates from those heart-shaped boxes each year? Once a year I find myself resorting to one of the following methods because candy companies make the chocolates of a size that is so close to the exact size of their particular space that my man-child fingers cannot raise the chocolate up enough to remove. They are made for tiny lady fingers. Hmm. There was a time I would have rambled after having typed lady fingers about biscuits or cookies, but I’ve matured sense then. On with the show. Chocolate removing methods.

  • The Smash or Pinch Method: This requires one to damage the chocolate in such a way that the velvety chocolate covers the fingers, but the candy is now easily removed.
  • The Roll Method: With this one you must constantly run your finger tip from the edge of the candy and over the top in hopes the chocolate with flip on to its side.
  • The Dump It All: This one is obvious, but I’ll explain anyway and note the drawback. You simply flip the box over in a bowl and all the chocolates have found freedom, freedom to my mouth. The drawback? The nice chocolate maps they have in the lids of the boxes are now useless and you now risk biting in to your Valentine’s favorite kind by mistake, although it was bought for you, but we all know how it really works. Chocolates belong to women, even if owned by a man. For single men, never having had a girlfriend on Valentine’s Day, keep the afore mentioned in mind.
  • The Push Up: You raise the tray of chocolates up and push from beneath the one you want so it raises up enough for you to remove it. (Note: This one was provided by a therapist that I discussed this with.)
  • The Toothpick: Just use a toothpick to flip the chocolate over or stick the toothpick into the piece hors d’oeuvres style.

Although one can use any of the methods above, they are not all feasible, depending upon the situation and number of people partaking of the chocolates.

Now you can understand why chocolate companies are cheap, sexist, and discriminatory to us big fingered gents. What would it take to add just a little more space for the chocolate? I’m sorry I don’t have even a pinky finger small enough to fit in that hairline fracture of a space. Nor do I allow my nails to grow to that length, well not intentionally, but they do sometimes when I get lazy and nonattentive to my nail growth grooming.

Have you ever come to the end of a blog post and wondered why you ever started reading it to begin with? Well, I think you answer yes to that question if ever asked again. But blogs are a place to get that itch out of your brain. I’ve been adequately scratched…for now.

I’ll Clean Up For You – Tim Hawkins (Comedy Love Song)

Spunky takes over!

When Hugh and Toby’s away over at Hugh’s Views & News, what happens?

Romantical country songs.

Enjoy. 🙂