In the last episode of The L.A.W. & Ronovan who met Ms. Marzapan and Hugh in a skytower or something like that, um, there was like this zombie dance troop and the L.A.W. and Ronovan, I mean me, I mean I discovered that Cyril Bussiere had created all these mind altering things to get rid of like all the Hugh’s of the world. I secretly think it’s because he is jealous of Hugh’s, well I won’t tell that now. Just wait. I just hope we catch him before that housekeeper that he left behind without a job does. Oh, and the Doctor showed up to give us a ride to London.
“Well that certainly was a bumpy landing,” the Doctor said.
“Indeed,” Elena said. She had taken on a British accent for some reason. Actually all of the L.A.W. had. I feared that if music started to play they would tell me what they want what they really, really want. But the door opened just in time.
We apparently had come to rest in some type of store.
“Ow!” Cat said.
I looked and she had an Oreo stuck to her head. “What the—,”
“Uh uh, Kate, none of that language,” Jenna said. “Hey, look!”
We all turned to follow her very excited finger. “Ruby slippers!” Kate said. She dove for them but they disappeared as her hands grasped nothing but empty air. Stinky empty air.
“What is that awful smell?” Amira asked.
“Smells like Troll feet,” I said.
“That’s because that is precisely what it was. Internet Troll feet,” the Doctor said.
“Oh, Doctor, I am so glad you came,” a woman said. We all turned.
“No way!” Jenna said.
“Yes way!” Amanda said.
“No, really no whey,” Jenna said looking at the case behind Amanda. “I love yogurt without whey in it. It’s a great substitute for sour cream and things like that. Lot less fat and calories. Yum!”
I looked at the Doctor. He looked at me. He went into the blue box thing. And then, gone. I couldn’t blame him.
“You know I so don’t blam—,”
I didn’t get the words out of my mouth before I found myself being tackled to the ground by several tough women. One that looked like a train. And one with a—Rudolph nose?
Screeching tires and the smell of burning rubber assaulted our senses. “Yeah, baby,” we heard. “I say, I didn’t see any rockin’ so I came a knockin’.”
We all stared at the man with the thick glasses, mop top hair and extremely tight pants. “It can’t be,” I said.
“Oh but it can, baby. Well, you’re not a baby, that’s just one of my catch phrases. Unless, wait you’re not a man!” Suddenly the insane1960s reject was trying to pull off my shirt and my hair.
“Austin Powers, get off of him,” Ms. Maple said.
Powers looked up and squinted at Ms. Maple. “Honey?” He asked. “Honey Maple, is that you?”
“Austin, I told you never to call me that in front of people,” Ms. Maple said. I had only seen her on Skype but I didn’t think the red flushed complexion was her natural look.
Powers got up and was at her side in a flash. “Groovy, baby. And I do mean baby,” he said. “At least I didn’t tell them why I call you Honey.”
Ms. Maple giggled like a school girl.
I looked at the others and saw various reactions from the rolling of eyes to dry heaving. There was even a reindeer being used as a gag to not laugh. I just hope it had not been tried on for a fitting.
“Should we ask him why he is here?” I asked.
“I say no,” Amira said.
“Agreed,” everyone else said in unison.
“Jenna,” Amanda said. “What did you find out in El Waco?”
For some reason none of us corrected her. It was like we had entered a Twilight Zone and decided we would just go with the flow. “Cyril Bussiere is behind it all, or at least he’s a top gun. Oh, I sooo loved that movie. And the songs. Oh, Take My Breath Away was sooo good. And then You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling. I just melt every time Ronovan si—,”
“Ahem,” I said.
“Oopsie,” Jenna said. Her smile flashed.
I shook my head. “You really need to explain to them someday that you have a friend named Ronovan or this could all get really weird.”
“For sure, right?” she said.
Face palm.
“Okay, as she was saying. French Texan blogger Cyril Bussiere, also author of The World Might available on Amazon at a reasonable price and can be followed on Twitter at @CyrilBussiere, came up with a special formula that looks and tastes just like—,”
“Yes?” Kate asked.
“You were there, Kate, you know,” Elena said. “You told us what it was.”
“Oh, right. Healthy Oreo cream,” Kate said.
“Not so healthy,” I said.
“Mind altering.”
Amira was right. “And, we found blueprints,” I said.
“For what, a death ray?” Amanda asked.
“No.”
“A sting ray?” Eloise asked.
“No.”
“A blu ray?” Cat asked.
“Cat!” the rest of the L.A.W said.
“I got caught up, alright?”
“Mind controlling helmets that look like bowl cut hairstyles,” I said.
Amanda’s eyes got bigger than ever. I swear I saw photos of Thailand. “The royal family.”
“Exactly,” I said. “And possibly Rhianna and Miley Cyrus. Just saying.”
“Oh dear,” Amanda said.
“We can only stop all of this one way,” I said.
“How?” Seven female voices asked in harmony.
I just so hoped they didn’t discover they all loved ABBA. Mama Mia. “We go back in time.”
“What? How?” Eloise asked.
Amanda smiled, tilted her head to the right and gave her trademark look. “I know,” she said and pointed.
We all turned to follow her obviously mommy finger. The psychedelic painted Mini Cooper.
“No way,” said Jenna.
“Oh yeah, baby,” Amanda said.
“All aboard,” Eloise said.
I just had time to turn before Amanda ripped the onesie off.
“Oh dear,” Eloise said. “Thank goodness for this Batman onesie I had on underneath.”
I hung my head and just hoped that this would all be over soon. I had no idea crossing the ocean meant crossing into insanity. And here I always thought British women were hot. Maybe it was Australian women I was thinking of. Where was Olivia Newton John from again?
“Everyone in,” Elena said. “Ronovan, you first, backseat. Pile on the Ronovan time.” Okay maybe this wasn’t so bad after all. Wait, where was Hugh?
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