Non Accidental Events Lead to Intentional Good-True Story

Non Accidental Events Lead to Intentional Good

by: Ronovan

Sometimes you just don’t know how you ended up where you are. I’ve been in many ‘places’ over my many years and somehow they end up being connected in one way or the other. Oh, I don’t mean by actually connected in the sense that one thing knew the other but in that there was a reason one happened and ended and the next began.

Light at the end of the tunnelI had an interesting life growing up. I was born of two people who were picking oranges in the groves of Florida during a time of free love, or maybe at the end of that era really. My father from Tupelo, MS. who was a drummer, guitar playing singer who drove a truck and recorded at Sun Records in Memphis, TN. Yes that Sun Records, and yes, that’s where Elvis recorded. And no, he wasn’t Elvis.

He was also part of the Southern Mafia which led me into a few interesting situations. Ever been 3 years old and been chased down dirt roads in Florida by a man with a gun? No? I didn’t think you had. How about being back home in Tupelo, MS and having to be slung around in a truck doing a 180 because of some ‘men’ that had blocked the road to stop your father? No? Well then you didn’t get shot at and the windows shatter either.

There were other things that happened as well, all in the span of the years up to my 2nd grade in school. That’s when I ‘arranged’ for a girl on the playground to see the black belt mark across my back and run to the teacher. I had made a promise not to tell, and I was a good boy and kept my promises. I didn’t ‘tell’ anyone. After the police and social workers finished with me that day I never saw my bio father again. He and my mother were divorced anyway, so no great loss.

But through that and a series of not accidental events, because I know that all things are used for the good of life, I ended up in a situation where I worked with young people and helped many with home lives that were rough. Even the arrangement of time to work with them was an obvious non accidental event.

Even today, being here in the blog world and meeting new people, encouraging and being encouraged has been another non accidental event out of a life changing event. Good comes out of everything, no matter how bad it is, it only remains a negative influence on me/you if you let it be such.


© Copyright-All rights

Finding Freedom

Finding Freedom

by: Ronovan

Think about a person you hate. It doesn’t have to be someone you personally know. Seriously think about that person. Now think of the sucking of emotional energy from your body the mere name of that person does to you.

It’s similar to that feeling of falling in love in high school or even now really, and aching for the person and then it not happening. You feel like you have the flu you are so drained. Every part of you aches and you have no energy left.

Losing your mind of memories takes that away. As to how I know about how it feels . . . I’ve been writing for 20 years. I have a lot of notes and novels to look back through on that draining feeling. And . . . well . . . I go through it every day. Not the hate part though.

There is a blessing in having a Lost Mind…you have Lost Hate. I literally hate no one.

After losing my mind of memories a great many things became clear to me. I know that sounds a bit odd but having a mind clear of preconceived ideas was and still is something . . . liberating. Just think for a moment of that person from earlier. Do you have it yet . . . that feeling inside?

Now . . . imagine that name has no meaning to you. Imagine there is no emotional history attached to it.

The sad part is that I am reminded of what people are to me, or what they have done to me in the past. That information doesn’t go in my notebook. You may remember that I have a notebook where all the important memories go. I leave out the bad things and immediately begin to think of something else as soon as I can . . . kittens, puppies, hula dancers.

When you lose something you often think negatively. For me the initial loss was negative but even out of something that bad has come something good. I lost my memories but I found a freedom few people will ever be able to find. I found the freedom to live each day knowing people as they are and not how I think they should be.


Much Respect


Men, Supersize Me, and Pornography.

A recent conversation and the #YesAllWomen response to Elliot Rodger’s deranged murders began me to thinking a bit.

Notebooks are a great source for inspiration. You write down important thoughts that you don’t want to forget, such as a conversation I had about the subject of men finding women from other countries more attractive than the women of their own country. Or more specifically it was that they were fascinated by them. Just to clarify, the conversation was with a woman. Twitter can bring things to your attention you try to avoid, like the Elliot Rodger insanity.

Men like to say that it’s the individual person that matters and we look for;
• the intellect over the eye candy
• the heart over the hairstyle
• the soul over the sexy
• the tenderness over the–you can fill that one in

But is that really true?

The conversation led me to wondering what men looked for most on the internet about women, such as the nationality or what the internet calls race. (An aside here, I prefer one race, the human one.) Do men in the United States prefer one ‘race’ of woman over another? Do they prefer traditionally Asian women, African women, Egyptian women, French women, or Indian women?

A search will find different answers but it seems in general Asian women top most lists, followed by African/African American, and probably Latin women are a close third if not tied for second. But there is no specific research pointing to any definitive answer.

As with many ideas one has there occurs an evolution into another idea.

Where this train led was internet pornography. Don’t worry I didn’t go searching those sites. I’m no prude or hypocrite. It’s just not my thing at this stage of my life. Maybe when I was younger, but I really don’t know. You all know why. But these days I have other things to focus on or at least try to focus on.

But if we men do find intelligence and the like attractive then why in 2012 were there 40 million Americans regularly visiting pornography sites? To be honest, not all of those were men. Women also enjoy pornography. But I am speaking from the male side because,well,I am one.

Steinem Quote

Think about that quote for a moment and let it sink in. You can apply it to men and women watching videos as well. These ‘manuals and training videos’ teach SOME men and women about the wrong kind of sex or what sex isn’t. Then when the real world hits them in the face, they strike back.

I’m not saying that pornography is the cause of all the crimes against women, or even men, but I think it does dehumanize people in one’s mind and desensitize people to what is respectful or reality. I know that’s an old fashioned phrase but it shouldn’t be. People cry out for respect but when you use the words ‘be respectful’ they treat you like a joke or some alien.

Despentes Quote on Pornography

This is a quote all people need to realize. If you’ve ever seen the documentary Supersize Me you see that eating McDonald’s for every meal for an extended period of time is not good for you, a too much of a good thing scenario of sorts. Some might say pornography is such a thing but that’s an opinion.

You love McDonald’s for what it is but it’s not real. You go home and eat a real hamburger and it is the best tasting thing. It’s just right on the outside, just slightly charred with the inside still tender and moist, and you actually have to open your mouth wide to eat it. Your mouth begins to water even before the bun reaches your lips. Then that first bite makes you wonder why you ever went to McDonald’s in the first place.

In truth pornography also makes what you ARE having less than what it is. You expect the almost impossible. You expect what people are being paid to do or are intentionally performing for viewing.

Pornography is a temporary fix. For some it may even be an emotional fix. But it’s a fake fix, a placebo. You took a sugar pill to cure a disease. It gives you a buzz, a momentary high, but minutes later you crash and feel as though you just wasted your life. You promise yourself you’ll never do it again, you’ll never eat another Big Mac. The next day you are in the drive-thru because the fix is intentionally created to be addicting.

What’s the solution?

Pornography can be an addiction which is a habit. Break the habit with another habit. If you feel porn calling, go outside and walk, or start writing. You find that email in your inbox? Unsubscribe, block it, do whatever it takes to stop it from being delivered. You find yourself typing that site address? Well, that one is on you my friend. But you can set your filters to stop sites from being accessed.

This article started as one about why men thought women from other countries were more fascinating but it ended up elsewhere. I guess the fascination is like going on vacation. Do you want to stay home for that week, or do you want to go away for a week? You want to be home but you enjoy the scenery of the vacation.

As for the pornography, what suggestions do you have to help people who really struggle with this? Keep in mind this is an addiction for some, a real illness. It’s like smoking, binge eating, drinking and any drug you become addicted to. It induces a release of those endorphins to make your mind temporarily happy. So sincerely think about it and leave a thought or suggestion.

In conclusion I would like to say that anything that demeans another person isn’t right. We’re meant to lift each other up in positive ways. Even though I see pornography as an addiction, an illness, I don’t condone any of it. It’s kind of like an episode of Happy Days from years ago when one of the characters named Potsie, an innocent teen, sees a centerfold and says something like “I bet that would look great in a sweater.” Potsie got it right.

One last quote.

Haide on Pornography

© Copyright-All rights 07, 2014.