A Void to Fill.

Usually when I begin writing a post I open my trusty Word Document with a grain of an idea and begin typing. This time I am sitting here waiting for something witty to discuss. Okay, so maybe witty is pushing it a little. Sometimes I am inspired by social media, not to write about a topic discussed but by how that makes me feel about an underlying problem or feeling I observe.

It’s been several minutes now, and something keeps coming to mind, a daughter. I don’t have one but through the years I seem to borrow daughters of other people. As a teacher and youth director at my church it was bad, as in every girl from the age of 16 and under was my child.

I’ve done well in my later years, being a good father figure to children out there that didn’t have a father or didn’t have one that was emotionally present even though in the house. It’s a painful thing.

After I lost my memory I also lost some daughters. It seems things just weren’t the same for them. I get it and I don’t blame them. It’s a painful thing.

But now I’ve borrowed another one and it’s been a good thing for me. She’s a good one. Somehow, I always fall into these wonderful young ladies who are smart and talented. Of course, it’s still not real. I don’t know, I just feel like there is this void inside that needs filling and I keep grabbing on to these wonderful people to support and encourage. That’s what I really love to do. That encouraging and supporting feels so good to do for someone. But, of course it’s not real, is it? It’s a painful thing.

Of course, some people are going to say I need to just be happy with what I have, and believe me, I love my son, B. For those of you that don’t know about B, I call him that because he’s my (B)oy. Yep, not putting his name out there, not even on Facebook with people who already know about him, not even a picture of him.

B is super smart, always on the equivalent of Dean’s List at his private college prep school. He has amazing promise on the trumpet, according to his band director, and even the director at an event including all the local schools’ best musicians performing together took time to point him out specifically. I just wish he would practice at home, but he doesn’t because he worries he’ll bother my migraines. I have them 24/7 since the concussion.

So yes, I have a great son. And I am perfectly fine with that and happy with that. The thing is that it just feels like something is missing. I have a feeling that one day that void will no longer be a problem, but for now, I’m borrowing a brilliant (G)irl who is the exact female version of B.

Well, that’s a little more personal stuff about me and how all that internal stuff works for me. A lot more than I planned but once I start writing I usually don’t back down. I go with it and share it. Fearless to a point. Honest to a fault. (Oh yeah, I don’t lie in my writing, just so you all know. If you read it here, it’s Truth.)

Catch y’all next time.

PS

Of course I came up with a topic as I finished this.

Advertisements

Sighing Blooms (Throwback Thursday-My very first Haiku Ever)

Ron Overlook 2

The broken heart sighs

The wind aids vanquishing time

Growing the flower bloom

Non Accidental Events Lead to Intentional Good-True Story

Non Accidental Events Lead to Intentional Good

by: Ronovan

Sometimes you just don’t know how you ended up where you are. I’ve been in many ‘places’ over my many years and somehow they end up being connected in one way or the other. Oh, I don’t mean by actually connected in the sense that one thing knew the other but in that there was a reason one happened and ended and the next began.

Light at the end of the tunnelI had an interesting life growing up. I was born of two people who were picking oranges in the groves of Florida during a time of free love, or maybe at the end of that era really. My father from Tupelo, MS. who was a drummer, guitar playing singer who drove a truck and recorded at Sun Records in Memphis, TN. Yes that Sun Records, and yes, that’s where Elvis recorded. And no, he wasn’t Elvis.

He was also part of the Southern Mafia which led me into a few interesting situations. Ever been 3 years old and been chased down dirt roads in Florida by a man with a gun? No? I didn’t think you had. How about being back home in Tupelo, MS and having to be slung around in a truck doing a 180 because of some ‘men’ that had blocked the road to stop your father? No? Well then you didn’t get shot at and the windows shatter either.

There were other things that happened as well, all in the span of the years up to my 2nd grade in school. That’s when I ‘arranged’ for a girl on the playground to see the black belt mark across my back and run to the teacher. I had made a promise not to tell, and I was a good boy and kept my promises. I didn’t ‘tell’ anyone. After the police and social workers finished with me that day I never saw my bio father again. He and my mother were divorced anyway, so no great loss.

But through that and a series of not accidental events, because I know that all things are used for the good of life, I ended up in a situation where I worked with young people and helped many with home lives that were rough. Even the arrangement of time to work with them was an obvious non accidental event.

Even today, being here in the blog world and meeting new people, encouraging and being encouraged has been another non accidental event out of a life changing event. Good comes out of everything, no matter how bad it is, it only remains a negative influence on me/you if you let it be such.

 

© Copyright-All rights reserved-RonovanWrites.wordpress.com-2014

A Friend is a Smile.

Everyone, please visit my very first ever Guest Blog. Amanda of insidethelifeofmoi was kind enough to let me share something from my heart. Please go and check it out and follow her blog if you are not already doing so. She is very engaging with those who comment and is a very sweet young lady.
Much Respect,
Ronovan

Sunday Thought: Be Still and Know

I read an article by someone I have come to consider a good friend of mine, Allison at Long & Luxe, and a phrase she used reminded me of one of my favorite all time scriptures.

 

Sunset Pear Harbor
gettyimages © Original Photo by Kathy Collins

“He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”-Psalm 46:10

 

Each person reading this has different beliefs and we each have something we turn to that brings us comfort and peace. During a period where I was dealing with high blood pressure, which due to my weight loss I no longer have, and some newly found health problems at the time my world was chaotic. My mind was not able to focus and things had no stability to me.

 

I’m not one to believe in coincidences. Some people say God doesn’t speak to them. I say they just don’t recognize his language.

 

During this time two things happened:

One Wednesday night at church we broke up into different groups and prayed for each other. The one praying for me prayed for peace and focus in my life without my saying a word of my need.

 

The next week, as I was functioning as the Youth Pastor for my church, I took our youth to a Steven Curtis Chapman concert. For those of you not familiar with him, he is an American Contemporary Christian music legend. Some say he even broke the boundaries and brought music of a type that spoke to a new generation of Christians.

 

During the concert Chapman had the lights turned down low and it was just him and his guitar. And he sang this song.

Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is holy
Be still oh, restless soul of mine
Bow before the Prince of Peace
Let the noise and clamor cease

Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is faithful
Consider all that He has done
Stand in awe and be amazed
And know that He will never change
Be still

Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is God
Be still, be speechless

Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know He is our Father
Come rest your head upon His chest
Listen to the rhythm of
His unfailing heart of love
Beating for His little ones
Calling each of us to come
Be still, be still

As I said, I don’t believe in coincidences. I recognized God’s voice in what was going on around me. This was in 2008 and has been a mantra of mine ever since. Be still and know God is God and that there are things beyond your control, things you just have to pray about. Give the grief and the sorrows to Him. Let God be God.

 

Since an accident in my home in the summer of 2013 I’ve been through some tough times. One thing that has never left me is the Word of God. This verse keeps me going. I’ve expanded on it as I’ve studied the Bible more and taken a fresh look at how Christianity is today.

 

“Be still and Let God be God and people be people.”

 

I see the slogans and shirts about “Be calm . . .” or “Stay calm . . .” If I have to rely on people to bring me peace and calm, I’ll just give up now. My phrase means just stay calm and be yourself and LET God take care of the rest and LET people be the people they are and wish to be. Yes, as a Christian believing in Heaven and Hell I will share with someone what I think because I love them, no matter who they are, but I’m not going to force them to be what they don’t want to be. Jesus didn’t do that, and he’s the one I follow.

 

I heard Be Still and Know for the first time at that concert weeks before Chapman lost one of the three daughters he adopted from China. His youngest son ran over her in his truck as she ran to him. He didn’t see her. Chapman kept yelling to his son as he drove off after the helicopter taking his daughter away “I love you son. I love you.” Chapman eventually was able to record again. Was able to be still and know.

Much Love

Ronovan

 

bloglovin

2014 © Copyright-All rights reserved-RonovanWrites.wordpress.com