NO! – a poem.

NO!

 

As the end wept upon the land,

we could hear the approaching fall.

Justice answered the trumpet’s call,

trusting the fight to her troop’s hand.

 

Fate trembles with haste to expand,

through misdeeds by her shameless foe.

Past foolish decisions now crow,

“Wait—no—this was not meant to be.”

They beg the nation, “Hear our plea.

Heal honor, shout, no…no… NO!”

 

My entry for this week’s Décima Poetry Challenge No. 23 FALL. (A New Challenge here on ronovanwrites.com)

Poetry Lost Mind Image

© 2020-  Ronovan Hester Copyright reserved. The author asserts his moral and legal rights over this work.

Ew Gross or A Stalker Gawk Cur- a poem.

Ew, Gross

or

A Stalker Gawk Cur

A Taco Bell date got you cussed.

That former flame turned out her light

when your wallet became too tight.

Your love life has turned into dust,

and now Friday nights are a bust.

Your face is a lunatic smile

while stalking her twitter profile.

Dude, that brain of lust should be trussed.

 

 

Not good at all, but I needed to write. So, I did.

 

My entry for this week’s Décima Poetry Challenge No. 20 SMILE. (A New Challenge here on ronovanwrites.com)

Ronovan Writes poetry image standard

© 2020-  Ronovan Hester Copyright reserved. The author asserts his moral and legal rights over this work.

Now Democracy – a poem.

Now Democracy

Life is a spec of illusion

in this moment of history,

in this hour for empathy,

we are ripe with no delusion.

 

To  gain victory’s conclusion

into the storm’s eye, we must go,

against the rage-fueled inferno.

With spirit of a promised land,

and power of the strong right hand,

freedom fires in our hearts shall grow.

 

My entry for this week’s Décima Poetry Challenge No. 16 GROW. (A New Challenge here on ronovanwrites.com)

Ronovan Writes poetry image standard

© 2020-  Ronovan Hester Copyright reserved. The author asserts his moral and legal rights over this work.

To Peace and Pride- a poem.

To Peace and Pride

Souls seek to make right the wrong,

by the resetting of the mind,

and the relearning to be kind…

the steps of healing… will be strong.

 

The path of progress will be long,

first highs then lows to overcome,

by strength, by faith we’ll succumb.

With the liberties of this land,

equally in each person’s hand…

peace and pride… will finally come.

 

My entry for this week’s Décima Poetry Challenge No. 15 KIND. (A New Challenge here on ronovanwrites.com)

to peace and pride poem as PNG image.

© 2020-  Ronovan Hester Copyright reserved. The author asserts his moral and legal rights over this work.

Kindness through Cable.

This week’s Kindness is an article I read on the GoodNewsNetwork.org site. They share articles that are exactly what their title says. This one shows a Greenville, South Carolina cable technician showing up just in the nick of time to help a mother of two under the age of 4, one being Sailor who is blind and has two rare brain disorders. Click the link above to check out the full article and the mom’s words.holding a disabled son of a customer while he was there to fix the internet. Next week I’ll share the article I was too tired to finish I wanted to share this week, but was saved by this miracle of an article.

 

Calbe man holding customer's son.

Kindness is my Comfort Zone.

Kindness is a buzzword now. I think some people don’t even realize what it really means, or how to live by it. Sometimes we think we’re doing a kindness and it’s really just something we’re supposed to do in the first place. So what is kindness? Is it different for each person based on what they believe or how they grew up or their current life? In a way, I believe if we all did as we should, kindness wouldn’t even be a word. What do you think Kindness is? Share a Kindness post with  us today in the comments and maybe someone will click that link and benefit from your view or image or an experience you share. I’ll be doing this each Thursday as health permits mainly to remind myself that kindness exists in the world. Oh, and follow me on Instagram as this is my first image to ever share as I have had the account for several years now but never had anything to share. @ronovanwhester  Share the image if you would like.

 

Kindness is my Comfort Zone image.

The Ignorant White Man.

Man with his head in the sand.
The Ignorant White Man

The definition according to the Cambridge Dictionary of Ignorant; not having enough knowledge, understanding, or information about something.

With that in mind, let’s move on. I was an ignorant white man for most of my life. Studying history at university and then teaching to the young minds of America, I thought I had a grasp on what reality was. I wasn’t prejudiced against anyone. I didn’t consider myself racist either, nor sexist. Not a bigot, or homophobic.

Thus, I was ignorant. I was all of them.

No, I was not them intentionally, nor are the vast majority of the white men of the world, and America specifically as a subject here. We were born into it. We were born into ignorance, racism, sexism, and so forth. Why? How? Because most of our parents were. Our country has been born into it for decades if not centuries.

In the coming weeks I plan to share some specifics about certain topics I’ve been exploring as I examine who I am, but for today I want to share this; white man America either doesn’t realize or chooses not to recognize, that things have been built in this nation from day one with White Man Privilege in mind, which in just a few generations became White Man Ignorance. Our nation has oppressed first the woman, then the Native American, and then the African. This is why people say racism is Institutionalized in America, it’s part of the framework.

As generations come and go they fall further down the hole of ignorance until we reach today. Today we Ignorant White Americans say let things be equal, but we, the majority, do not actively do anything to make a change, or we say things are already equally available to all and thus we show our ignorance by thinking equality is a reality.

Many years ago, Atlanta was home to something called Freaknik. It was like the Spring Break for young Blacks. Man did they go wild, just like the young people did at the beaches around the country, but were less reported on. There were news reports of cars being stolen, other thefts, attacks, and even defecating in people’s yards. I, however, did not let this deter me from attending the Atlanta Braves baseball game that I had tickets for. This was during their dominating years. (Sigh, those were the days.)

There I was, on the bus that was returning fans from Fulton County Stadium to the MARTA train station. All of us blissfully Ignorant White Americans, and one young black man. The bus was surrounded by Freaknik partiers. But you know what? I didn’t feel afraid. Not one ounce of fear came over me, even with some of the threatening gestures made toward us and the words shouted about us. I looked at the young man and he looked afraid but at the same time he was shaking his head at what was going on outside the bus.

Thinking back on that moment now, I reversed it all. What if that was an all-white crowd going crazy and that bus was full of Black Americans? Do you think they would not have had an ounce of fear? I can’t bring myself to think that. For one thing, we’re in Atlanta and the South in America still has that reputation from all those years of slavery and then the KKK during the Civil Rights Movement. So, I get it. (More on the truth of racism in the South and the US another time.)

The first step to shaking off your ignorance, and I am looking at you White Man, and yes, you too White Woman, is to realize equality does not exist outside of being a white man. And don’t begin to talk about affirmative action. What some companies consider a token position here and there just to avoid a law suit or to look good to others does not make a change, nor does a half white/half black President without the support of his Congress.

It’s time for each person to examine their own lives as well as the society they live in, wherever they live, and come to the truth. The Ignorant White Man might then be able to understand why Black Lives Matter is such a powerful and needed movement and why the #MeToo one is as well. But there is also an opportunity for the other side to realize the Ignorant White Man does need to learn, needs to realize the truth, but has a lifetime of ignorance to overcome. It all takes time, but as long as we move forward, always, then we are moving in the right direction.

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Paul and Don’t Judge the Non Christians.

Yesterday I wrote a somewhat controversial article. Reactions have varied but I have found them to be of the expected so far as of the writing of this article. I removed the article because I decided I don’t think it quite got my message across the way I wanted to and it has affected me a bit. Now after some thought I decided to put it back up. I figure, my blog, my thoughts, so why not? 🙂

Thus, I am taking my time for my Sunday Thought to make some things clear to Non Christians and Christians alike. Because I think both need to understand something that has not been emphasized enough in churches and the public domain.

1 Corinthians 5 NIV
12 What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? 13 God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.”~Paul to the Corinthians

The only people Christians are to hold accountable to New Testament teachings are other Christians. Paul’s verses above followed a section where he had to explain something.

I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— 10 not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. 11 But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people. (Purple text refers to a fellow Christian.)

Don’t get these verses wrong. Not associating comes a long time after Christians attempt to help the fellow Christian to see what they are doing and get back on track. It’s not like, oooo we caught you at something and now you are to be gone from us you bad boy you.

Now, don’t get me wrong about not judging Non Christians, that doesn’t mean a Christian should say, “Hey, that’s awesome,” when seeing something that is against our faith.

Just like Non Christians may say, “It’s fine for Christians to believe what they want, but don’t expect me to applaud what they believe.”

A commenter mentioned it was offensive for Christians to proselytize and tell people they are wrong and bad. I think Christians understand the feeling when we are told we are wrong and bad daily in the media and by our government.

And please, don’t confuse Jehovah ‘s Witnesses’ dogmatic ways of Saturday morning door-to-door knocking and telling you that you are wrong with how Christians are supposed to do it. They even tell Christians they are wrong. Most of my family are Jehovah’s Witnesses so I get it. They and I have had some interesting talks in the past.

I taught my youth group to simply listen to people and if a reason came up to share their faith then do so, otherwise don’t. Forcing never works.

But back to the verses mentioned. Paul had a great way of bringing the focus of the early Christians back to where they belonged. Whenever the early church began whining about everyone else, he always said don’t worry about them right now, worry about yourself and the church first.

Romans Chapter 1 is one of the most misrepresented chapters in the Bible. Why? Because a letter was divided into chapters. Paul talks about what certain things are sins in Chapter 1, then in Chapter 2 he points out that the church members are doing those things so shut up and take care of yourselves instead of yelling about others. But because of the Chapter break people tend to study that first Chapter as a separate piece instead of looking at the whole.

Romans 2:1 NIV
1You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.~Paul to the church in Rome

Gotta love it, right? Paul sure had a way with words. So Christians, the next time you begin to judge a Non Christian by our Christian standards, think about these verses in this article today. 

For Non Christians I hope there is an understanding that the majority of Christians don’t have problems with anyone. In fact our very faith teaches us to love everyone, no matter who or what they are. Sometimes Christians forget that part, I think it’s partly because it’s not taught enough or mentioned enough in the churches. And I hope people understand that more and more Christians are being told they are bad and wrong as a whole because of a vocal minority that gets the attention and brings negativity to us.

In closing I will say this, do not tell me I cannot speak my my beliefs. I don’t ridicule others, and I expect the same in return. Learn the difference between hate speech and a belief. I may say something is a sin but it does not mean I hate someone who does that sin. You shoplift, you are  a thief, you have stolen, you have sinned. I tell you that you have sinned. That is not hate speech. Oh, sorry, the government says it’s bad, so I guess I am covered…for now.

Much Love, Success, and Respect

Ronovan

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5 Ways to Connect with Your Children #1000Speak

Connecting with people is something you have to work at. Okay, so it comes naturally for some people. This article is being written with the 1000 voices speak for compassioncurrent 1000 Voices for Compassion theme of Connection in mind. Oddly it goes along with something I’ve been thinking of for some time now and carries over from something I wrote previously in my Let your Kids be them and not you.

I’m not a strong connector these days, and haven’t been for the past couple of years. I was prior to that but now I am more of a recluse. That being said, there are people you can’t and shouldn’t be a recluse from—Your Children.

I look at a lot of problems today and I personally believe a lot of them could have been prevented if a good and healthy connection had been established and maintained between the parent and child. Notice I said a “good and healthy” connection.

My son goes to school before I get up in the mornings. Often times I am asleep when he comes home. Chronic Fatigue is part of my Fibromyalgia so I really have no control over when I will drop off and sleeping problems mess things up as well. Thus, when I am with my son I need to make certain there is that connection. It may be only a look or a couple of words but there needs to be something positive and building going on.

5 Ways Parents Connect To Their Children

  1. Be Less Self: I know you don’t think of yourself as begin selfish but when you consider that very often you are molding your child to be what you want them to be instead of what they should be, you are being selfish. This is in regards to utilization of talents and intellect. We should all try to mold our children into being good people, so don’t even think about going off on me about that.
  2. Listen: Children like to talk, IF they have parents that like to listen. You may not like to listen—Pretend. Listen to your child and respond to them. Acknowledge you have heard what they said. Your child will grow in confidence, social abilities and even vocabulary.
  3. Be Aware: Paying attention to your child will give you ideas and clues about their likes, dislikes, desires, goals, wishes. You will see where they thrive. I know my son. From the time he could stand and throw a ball, and I mean literally just that, he could throw a strike down the hallway to me. I knew then that baseball would be the sport he would thrive at. Did I push him to it? No. I personally wanted him to play football, but through the years I changed my mind. Knowing my son, I see that he likes to know what his assignment is, do his assigned task and still be a part of a team. Also he is not a very aggressive type physically. Football is out. Basketball? He’s tried it and it is mayhem at his age because other kids don’t do their assigned tasks on the team. But baseball? He is the starting outfielder his first year playing. I mean that as in they put him where they know a team hits to most. He is also the clean-up hitter. That means he is their power hitter. His first year playing. I also can pick out a book I know he will like. Why? Because he is like me and I’ve noticed it. He likes non-fiction books and will be watching a documentary on public television he turned to.
  4. Patient: Here is a big one. Patience is a hard thing to be at times. But if you are a screamer, a yeller, you will not connect with your child. And if you are a physical punisher to a bit of the extreme, you will definitely not connect. I know that one personally. Kids do dumb things at times. You will think your kid is mature one moment and then do something completely their age the next and it will make you so mad. Just remember their age and take deep breaths and count to a million.
  5. Affectionate: Here is another tough one, especially for a lot of men. Hug your child, no matter their age. Why? So you can teach them hugging and being affectionate is normal and a hug is a sign of love. Left on their own and without a role model, they will turn elsewhere. Hugging will turn into something not simply meant as a sign of love and affection for someone. Also words are signs of affection. Tell your child you love them. Tell them you are proud of them for random things. Or maybe say “That was awesome” to something random. Don’t reserve those words for good grades or athletic achievements.

Connecting with your child teaches them to connect with others and that takes care of a lot of things out there. You may not realize it but they are learning all those things you are doing, each of those five things I mentioned above, simply by observing what you are doing. They know you are listening, they know you are being patient.

By modeling for them these characteristics we are helping the future.

Duke-Tip-Award

 

Much Respect

Ronovan

 

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Diane and Jack: Hater Hate?

diane-and-jack-diddy

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The Importance of Being You.

We are all different. A bit of an obvious statement but in parts of the world being different isn’t accepted, expected, or tolerated in the slightest. If we were all meant to be the same it would be a very boring and no-point-in-free-will world. improtance-being-you

Each of us is meant to give something to the world as a whole. No, that doesn’t mean I am going to go and invent something that will save the universe from the attack of the space amoebas. (Do I get nerd points for spelling that right the first time?)

However, I may be the person that influences the person that does invent that something. We look at ourselves at times and since we are different from the norm we sometimes turn ourselves into the ultimate anti-norm we can, feeling that is what we are supposed to be. It is our badge of honor somehow. It pushes us away from society and love and friends and happiness. Perhaps being alone is your happiness, perhaps it’s your norm. But I don’t think complete and total alone-ness is anyone’s norm.

Yes, society is part of the problem of our lack of acceptance of who we are. You may be a lover of punk rock with Goth influences and love watching Harry Potter while eating cotton candy. And you read Fifty Shades to discover how not to write a book for quality but for sensationalist salesmanship of secret desires you would like to explore but are ashamed to admit. If you admit all of that, people will look at you strangely and that look influences you without you even realizing at times.

But there is something you are missing. You are important as you. If you like to wear Polo shirts and khaki pants plus do all those things above then do it. Why, because that’s you. You are your norm. The only norm in the universe is what people are meant to be. Not what a society expects people to be.

The importance of being you is that you are meant to influence something in this world for something good. This isn’t to say you are to intentionally go about seeking out what that is. Just. Be. You. As a teacher I know of what I speak. There may be something I said that made an impact in a student’s life that then brought about something in them that then led to something in another and so on.

The power of positivity in life is an expanding phenomenon. It’s a building block on top of another and another and another leading to something. One harsh word, one sarcastic barb, one insensitive comment at the wrong time and you, yes you, may push a person over a line. What is that line? Perhaps it is not going to college, not getting a job, committing suicide . . . not asking for help . . . not asking for help again.

Whatever you are, that’s the line you should take without embarrassment or shame or feeling awkward. The ultimate expression of love—to me—would be to be you and not an imitator or fake. Truth is love. Therefore, you being who you are is love and that is so important in this world. Once you realize it’s okay to be you, it’s the norm to be you, then you recognize and accept it’s okay and the norm for other people to be themselves is okay as well.

The norm is in each form.

 For my first post in my BeWoW series click Get Positive: Sorting Your Life’s Junk.

I thought I would add a little mention after a reader thought of the above article. Do not think that if your norm is to be a murderer or child molester is something that would be considered positive on the world. The I idea someone might consider those lines of behavior as norms of positivity that I would think of never occurred to me and thus never entered the original article above.

As a follow up to this post I wrote Encouragement as a Norm not an Exception the very next day.

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My Sunday Thought: The Year of Renewal

I believe I’ve spoken of a pastor friend of mine before who brought me fully into a love of studying the Bible. He has his own ministry now that he is retired in which he teaches Apologetics in Oklahoma. I greatly enjoy Apologetics as it goes so hand in hand with my love of History. One verse that is key to his ministry is;

Romans 12:2
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

I wanted to share this verse with you today as the final My Sunday Thought of 2014. I would like for you to look around at the world today. Look at what is popular on television and in the various forms of media.

Now take Fifty Shades of Grey and give it to your 10 year old to read. I know many of you are likely thinking this book is for adults only. I slip into that vein of thought at times when I write some of my poetry not that there have been many that could not be shared and yes, even in a Romance I’ve written there are scenes that are a bit much at times, not yet published nor revised by me. But does it make it right? Does the fact of the existence of something in a society make it right?

We should be able to hold ourselves up proudly at any moment and look at people and say “Do not throw me in with the swine you have made yourself to be.”

There is truly nothing of this world, the popular world that I care to be a part of. What do I want filling my mind? Do I want negativity and hatred or positivity and encouragement? Do I want skewed views of every single moment of life that is played out and inflamed according to media direction for the purpose of ratings when they could be trying to help a situation or do I want that which will give me hope and give me the ability to love every creation of God on this planet as a creation of God regardless of my dislike for who or what they are? Do I want to be an instigator or a mediator?

People don’t agree with my ideas. They believe they are a bit extreme. I believe we should not fill our minds with the trash that music has become, the movies, the literature. Don’t get me wrong, I believe everyone has the choice to do as they wish. There are a lot of aspects of life that should be portrayed in literature but done wisely. I simply believe that I have the choice to not fill my mind with some of it. I even suggested to people at my church, in ministry leadership positions that we should try to not support industry that supports all of the things that are a negative influence. We should not buy our fuel from stores that sell pornography. All I received from that was a nodding of the head with the “but” look to it. How could we ever possibly do that?

I am aware of the things, I just choose not to fill my mind and life with them. As the new year approaches give the idea of renewing your mind a consideration. Fill your life, your mind with positives so you may be a positive influence. Introduce the idea to your friends and family as well. Don’t be down on someone when they do listen to something or watch something. You just choose not to participate. Have your own music with you, a book. Or be like me and carry earplugs everywhere and then you don’t have to listen to anything or anyone you don’t want to. Yes, I have a medical excuse but so do you. You don’t want to be filled by the ill.

What you eat fuels your body. If you feed it junk your body will quickly lose energy. It stands to reason you think what you fill your mind with. What do you what fueling your mind?

In closing I am making my 2015 The Year of Renewal. A renewal of focus on those things that are most important to me and most important to my future. If you choose to travel along with me perhaps you will see that renewal playing out here in the pages of Ronovan Writes.

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My Sunday Thought: Be quiet.

Be Quiet Chalk Board ImageI always like to write my Sunday Thought about something to do with events that are happening in society today. The problem with that is the same things have been going on for weeks now and to be honest I have been attempting to avoid simply going off on a rant to say exactly what I think of the various situations. So far I’ve held my tongue and merely spoken in a somewhat neutral tone. Mostly because it would be such a long article that I know it would not be read and everyone has there opinions.

And they would be just that. Opinions. You can take two people and give them the exact same information and they will see something different. It all depends on your view of how things operate.

Why do I not give my full blown, knock down, in your face opinions on Ferguson, Cosby and Garner? Because it would be an opinion that, although not in the media and not sensationalized or used inflammatorially would still add fuel to a fire that no one can know 100% either way about. Don’t make assumptions about my opinion based on that statement. Why?

James 1:19-22
19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. 21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.

And if you don’t want to take the advice of the half brother of Jesus then take it from the wisest normal man that ever lived.

Proverbs 17:28
Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent,
    and discerning if they hold their tongues.

I’ve taught my son one thing if nothing else. Keep quiet unless the teacher asks him the question or he’s certain of the answer being asked. You see kids just spout out an answer sometimes and look like they are crazy. We think it’s funny. Adults do it and we look foolish. That happens in every aspect of life.

 

Much Respect

Ronovan

 

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I don’t know.

I’m not one that’s known from shying away from topics that are difficult or sensitive.

Ferguson.

I was going to write about this, and I even did a little but then as I looked at the media reports and the hatred being put out there to fan the flames higher and higher, I decided I would rather talk about . . .

In all honesty, I don’t know what to talk about. If I were to say I support the outrage and the protests at the decision  of the jury, then I would be fanning the flames as well. If I said that based on the autopsy reports and the photos of the officers face following the event, that I could see how the jury came to their decision, then it would suddenly become a racial issue.

Even though I am not 100% White.

Some are looking at my photo and wondering what could I be. It doesn’t matter what I could be, it’s what you see that matters. “Love your neighbor as yourself.” In this situation, on both sides, if that phrase had been used and lived by none of this would be a discussion, and that starts with the stealing from the store earlier all the way through today and how protests are destroying property of people not involved.

“Love your neighbor as yourself.”

 

Ron_LWI

 

 

 

 

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Soul Lives

Flipping through the lines of lives every day, I have to say

Where are the regrets to be had

By the officially clad

Shining lives

Spinning knives

What do we need

You and me

Is there so much hurt

In the universe

That we can’t be

In unity

 

We strive

 

Soul lives

Soul lives

Soul lives

Soul lives

 

There’s travesty

In their majesty

Battle lines

Over conscious minds

Why does it mean

No more obscene

Draw the fire

With one soul liar

 

Soul lives

Soul lives

Soul lives

Soul lives

 

It matters not what we know . . . but what we’re told . . . no no no NO

Our lives, revives, Soul lives, yes what we know . . . is more–than–we–hold

 

Be beautiful in the moment, every day, be what you say, no no no . . . no don’t–no never give way

Soul lives

Soul lives

 

The travesty, of your majesty, your arrogance, of your extravagance, of your dominance no no no NO

Soul dies

Soul dies

 

But I don’t give . . .  my Soul Lives

 

burning_candle_snow.jpg

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The Bad Husband/Father: Expectation VS. Reality

I like funny. I like being funny. I attempt it at times. I epic fail at times.  Not long ago I wrote a guest blog for insidethelifeofmoi. I tried so hard to write something funny and when I was first asked about it I had a great idea and should have written it then. The problem, I waited too long, and my funny died.

I can still  pull it off at times but only when I don’t think about it. And with a deadline approaching I wrote what you are about to read, somewhat edited now. It was inspired by one of Amanda’s articles The Good Wife: Expectation VS. Reality Amanda and I agreed it just wasn’t right, the tone wasn’t right for that moment. In fact it was a bad idea.

But here we have it now. It’s a serious subject that I will try to make an easy read. It’s something I, as a man, feel needs to be said.

 

What comes to mind when you think of expectations today’s society has for a Good Husband/Father? Look at the media, television, and even many movies, and what do you see?

 

I am not asking you what you think as you sit calmly at your work desk, at your kitchen table, or in your bed reading this. I am asking you what society at large thinks just from what they are fed through input sources.

 

I want you to think of the last 30 years of television and think of the dads. Now take Cosby out of that picture. You know a lot of the men in the most popular shows are shown as buffoons. Yes they are given a facade of intelligence or power but they usually end up as a joke, a punch line. And yes, I know this was the role of women in the past and it was not right then either, and it is not right when it occurs today.

 

Without man being used as a joke then how will we have comedies? Situations can be funny without people needing to be made fools of. My point is look at society today and see how the fathers and husbands are doing, and how even children are looking at those men.

 

Now you see why this is about Bad Husband/Father Expectations. I couldn’t come up with the Good Husband ones, not ones that people really honestly and truthfully EXPECT a Husband/Father to do. The key here is EXPECT. Want, yes, EXPECT, no.

 

You might want us to cuddle with you . . .

man_woman_cuddling_bed_smiles

 

 

 

 

 

. . . but you don’t expect it.

Fore the sake of readability I will just refer to the husband as opposed to husband/father.

 

The Bad Husband/Father: Expectation VS. Reality

What entertainment and media has led a society to believe.

First of all I do not think entertainment and media are  solely responsible for everything in every situation. And I know there are truths in every scenario presented, that’s what makes it funny, we can all somehow relate to it because we probably know someone who did something like the situation shown in the episode. The following is about part of what entertainment and media are responsible for, what they could help correct.

We’re Not Helpful with our own Children

 BAD HUSBAND EXPECTATION

Men are selfish and only interested in time for themselves and incapable of helping there kids. They are so inept they don’t know how to do 3rd Grade homework or even make a meal without calling for take out.

 

 GOOD HUSBAND REALITY

Some men are like that. Then you have those that are real men. To them their responsibility does not end with just helping pay the bills. It doesn’t even cross their minds to be the Bad Husband. Some of us jump in the car as soon as work is over and drive as fast as the law will allow turning a 45 minute drive into a 37 minute one to pick up our child from after school before the late fee kicks in so said child doesn’t have to stay there any longer than need be. Even man_helping_boy_with_homework.jpgthough the wife says it’s not necessary to make the trip, we want the child home and not waiting. Then turn around and drive the 45 minutes back home, even while in pain that some can only imagine.

Upon arriving home the Good Husband starts the homework process with the young (I hate homework and want to play) child and puts dinner on to cook and returns to help with the homework which is progressing just fine, even if there is the melt down that occurs each day for certain ages. Yes people, your children are not the only ones that cry and have that moment and then turns back into an angel minutes later to finish the homework happily with pride (at times).

 

BAD HUSBAND RESULT

It sends a message that men don’t’ do anything and that the women do it all. Both genders growing up think it and either a) go along with it or b) rebel against it in an irrational manner not realizing what the majority truth is.

 

 We Prefer Sports over All Else

 

BAD HUSBAND EXPECTATION

We have a sporting event we cannot live without seeing. Then it happens. The child wants to watch something, or the wife wants to go somewhere. We fake injuries, give excuses or flat out refuse. We even shove money at the situation. Anything goes in order to see our sports program. We even pay the children to lie to help out.

 

GOOD  HUSBAND REALITYBestFather8

Family comes first. Yes there are events we would like to see. For instance the University we graduated from is playing football against their biggest rival, but we’ll find out the score. We can record it if we want it that much. Experiencing an autumn tradition with the family means more than a sporting event. Seeing the excitement in your child’s eyes as they know you are nearing wherever it is you go, that’s better than a, yes I am going to say it, silly ball and men you don’t know.

 

BAD HUSBAND RESULT

Men think everything else is more important than the family becomes a cliché go to idea. It becomes a staple of society. It sets a standard that children and even a future spouse will accept down to. Yes, ‘accept down to’ as in they won’t expect a good man for a husband.

 

 

We Just Want Sex for Our own Pleasure

 

BAD HUSBAND EXPECTATION

5 minutes or 15 minutes tops. Not only is it just for us, but we like it when we want it and where we want it and we pout if the answer is no. The woman gives in out of pity and we’re like school boys with a new toy. This is the only reason we are with a wife in the first place, we are hoping we don’t have to face a life of rejection.

 

 

GOOD HUSBAND REALITY

Massage_FrankfurtWe love when what we do makes the woman happy. For some of us that is the pleasure of it all. We know it takes more to make a woman sated in bed than it does a man, or at least most men, but there is something enjoyable about a happy woman, especially when she in turn takes control. And you know what? Even if there is no sex there is still a relationship as long as the love is there.

 

 

BAD HUSBAND RESULT

Boys and girls are growing up to be women and men thinking sex is a bargaining tool and not what it is really meant to be. You take a look around and then come back and disagree after listening to the the songs and watching the music videos. Do I sound old? No, I sound like someone who realizes one of the largest influences on our children is music, not parents. “Not my kids, Ronovan.” I’ve been a high school teacher and a youth ministry director . . . yes your kids too.

 

 

We don’t sacrifice

 

BAD HUSBAND EXPECTATION

We’re all for us. No matter what it is we are out for number one. We buy cheaper clothing for the kids, cheap gifts for the wife, just so we can get a new golf club that is no better than the other 5 versions of the same. We miss ball games and events because we are doing something for ourselves rather than for our family. We disappoint.

 

GOOD HUSBAND REALITY

We don’t care what we wear. We buy khaki colored pants to wear to work and everywhere else, no matter what store they are from. They don’t fade except to become a lighter tan color. Our shirts have mends in them, collars are faded, and elbows are thread bare. In these times you do what it takes to give your child/family the best that you can. You wear the same shoes for years even though every time it rains your feet get wet. The shoes LOOK okay from the top, so you keep going.

 

BAD HUSBAND RESULT

The idea is men are selfish and don’t care. What does this do to the ideas that children develop? You say “It’s only TV, Ronovan.” I ask you, who do they listen to more, you or the TV? And in all honesty where do they learn more from?

 

 

We don’t work hard

BAD HUSBAND EXPECTATION

Whether at work or home men have these things where they take every shortcut to just get by, to just get the job done.  These shortcuts are shown as being dangerous and life threatening at times, but people laugh at what the husband has done. Humor? I like humor, but humor doesn’t have to come at the expense of one of the only two pieces of society.

 

GOOD HUSBAND REALITY

Driving all day from house to house after making phone calls for hours and then entering homes one would never bring a house plant in to in an attempt to earn money to keep a life style and a future going, the man then continues his roles of chauffeur, tutor, and cook along with his community work.

Also yard worker, errand runner, and all around list completer should be added.

BAD HUSBAND RESULT

We are bad role models for the kids and disappointments to our wives. Even when we are not bad role models you can still hear the little jokes at times your children or wife agree with.

 

 

We are inept at life

BAD HUSBAND EXPECTATION

Somehow we’ve gone through life without having learned social graces or any other basic abilities for life. We cannot do anything for ourselves in a conventional manner and if left alone to our own devices will humiliate our families with our attempts, ruining kids chances at being popular and wives chances at promotions. We cannot cook, clean or any other home related activity without help from even a child who has more mastery than we do.

 

GOOD HUSBAND REALITY

We are quiet when necessary, speak up when needed, and when riled we have a way of making our views politely aware to everyone. We don’t yell, we don’t shout, but we make our choice of importance known without a doubt. We have charm, we have intellect, we have awareness and we can combine it all to intersect in our daily walk of life.

 

 BAD HUSBAND RESULT

Again a bad example is set for the young. And even spouses who know the truth will eventually fall prey to societies expectations.

 

We don’t remember anything

BAD HUSBAND EXPECTATION

We all have amnesia. Birthdays, anniversaries, and any event not 100% to do with ourselves is up for forgetting. I speak on this from experience as I suffer from retro grade and short term amnesia.

 

GOOD HUSBAND REALITY

We remember it’s spirit day at school when no one else does. We remember it’s time for a doctor’s checkup or a birthday when others might should have. You walk into the room and forget what to say, from your words you spoke we help to get you back on the way or even tell you want you were going to say.

Do we forget things at times, yes but so does everyone with so much on our minds. That’s what society is these days, snippets of micro moments that overlap and do not give us a chance to remember anything. Me personally, the retrograde and short term memory problems kind of have taken their toll, I don’t even have the snippets.

 BAD HUSBAND REALITY

The idea that we don’t remember anything means we don’t care enough to remember or listen.

 

 

 

TV and other forms of entertainment have used the husband/father as a pratfall for comedic relief for decades now. As the years go by what we see becomes something we believe. I know some will say they use the wife for the same reasons in some entertainment. I invite you to write an article of your own and share it. Today is from me and from my angle. A man who suffers from Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, Retrograde and Short Term Memory loss, at least three herniated discs in his spine including his neck, and 24/7 Migraines who now finds himself only able to at times cook a nice dinner every once in a while. I can only write on one topic at a time. Perhaps I will write on what men expect from a Good Wife from a man’s point of view at some point. I can tell you this, the  list would be short; Love, Care, and Share or maybe I would get more detailed as I got thinky about it.

As for me with my problems I still do what I can. Up until an accident not long ago, I was the Good Husband Reality. The Good Father Reality. Yes, the examples I gave for the Good were me. And yes we need to have entertainment but I believe we need to have entertainment that uplifts and builds up people and society rather than tears it down. Everything we are bombarded with leads to assumptions being made about society. And you know what happens to you and me when we assume, right?

The next time your child smarts off at you, using a phrase you don’t recognize, check what they are watching. That safe channel they watch, guess what? They have things now being included that society has slowly accepted as okay and fine for our social norm but we would never teach our children or model for our children. I role model for my child. If he can’t do it, I can’t do it . . . except for driving a car. I do that one, although even a 10 year old boy thinks he can do it.

If you’ve made it this far I will now tell you that there are Husbands/Fathers that are worse than what you see on television. My biological one was such a . . . person. That was back in the early 70s, when I was very small and there weren’t such bad examples on TV that I know of. Media and entertainment are not completely responsible for society today, but it would be nice if they would control things, things that CAN be controlled.

Is that okay with you? Do you like the direction society is taking? Where does our responsibility for it begin and end? Who watches and supports the entertainment? They might be garbage to the mind peddlers, but who are the ones who buy it?

 

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A Friend is a Smile.

Everyone, please visit my very first ever Guest Blog. Amanda of insidethelifeofmoi was kind enough to let me share something from my heart. Please go and check it out and follow her blog if you are not already doing so. She is very engaging with those who comment and is a very sweet young lady.
Much Respect,
Ronovan

Asphalt and Inheritance

 

cropped-cropped-lost-mind-michael-h.jpg

Why, why, why?

Is this time to be torn by the pattern woven by men?

Do lives creep silently to catch a breath just for a moment in a light that will never set upon them?

Hurling through concrete hoops to land on melted asphalt to be trapped by the creations they have made.

Can they complain?

Do they have a right?

They made it.

They were the forces that shoved it down the throats of others.

Helplessness has been rewarded with gloating over the fall of the mighty movers of all.

The meek and the earth,

They shall inherit.

But is the earth our home or heaven?

The meek of what shall inherit which?

 

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Are You A Catfish?

If you know Eloise of Mello-Elo, you know she’s a sweet lady and a lovely person. Read the article and give her a hug. I can’t believe someone would accuse her of being a catfish.

Thoughts by Mello-Elo

Definition of a catfish – A catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they’re not using Facebook or other social media to create false identities, particularly to pursue deceptive online romances.

Example:
Did you hear how Dave got totally catfished last month?! The fox he thought he was talking to turned out to be a pervy guy from San Diego!

or

I was really falling for that gorgeous gal on Facebook, but she turned out to be a catfish.

courtesy of urban dictionary.com

Catfish could also be construed as those who seek out friendships, creating a persona that is not their own, to exist in a world in which they might not normally be accepted. Am I being pedantic? You tell me.

Social media allows us to edit the images and opinions we share in this global village. Is it surprising that some are tempted to reinvent themselves in…

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Waking up and Recognizing

Waking up and Recognizing

by: Lost Mind

Sunglasses  Dark

What things are on this Lost Mind of mine

People focusing on a cinema and a dime

This world has gone total whack crazy

While lives die greater in numbers than F-bombs in a picture by Scorsese

 

We’re petty and selfish in ways we don’ t know

Don’t blame yourself for our ignorance though

Don’t get and angry with me for saying it

It’s just a thing that we all need to change and recommit

 

Did you buy a soft drink for 1.69

Did you stop on the way home for a fast food dine

While there is food in your house and a drink

I do it to, all that money and the good with it I don’t think

 

But it’s not all about the paper and the jangling discs

It’s about the deep and the core within our midst

No matter what you give in the way of the wealth

If you don’t change your heart death won’t come from lack of health

 

Dig a little deeper way down go where you hide

Go past the hole forming in the pocket on the right side

Take a u-turn and head back upright

Then squeeze that blind heart real real tight

 

When you finally feel the pain and the ache

And the agony is way way more than you can take

That feeling is the day to day fate

For those people to the world just don’t rate

 

We enjoy or luxurious compared lives

While girls are being taken by gun and knives

We enjoy our milk shakes and our Big Macs

While kids hide in mountains waiting for another rocket attack

 

Hey–you–yeah, the one looking at porn

There are babies that will die as soon as they’re born

While you HD and stream and grip your sex addiction online

Those babies grip a finger for their only time

 

Have I been preaching during this diatribe

I don’t know, do you feel so sick like you are poisoned by cyanide

I’m just here to share what thoughts seem to flow

Don’t like it, then just tell me to blow

 

After I wrote this another blogger friend of mind commented that apparently we were in the same mind set today. Take a look at Turn it Off if You Want to by joatmon 14.

 

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