for the someone

for the someone poem by Ronovan

I reckon I can find a way
A way to say it
But don’t betray it
Cause I don’t know if my heart can take it
 
Playing with a somber tempo
Baby I used to solo
Not sure about this
But I’ll give it all I’ve got to . . . know

Why am I so jaded
Has my love line faded
Do you know what I’m hopin’
Keep the windows open
Shine those rays over
Taking me slower
To the extreme
 
Kisses are splendid
Broken dreams are mended
Our senses are blended
When we are of one
 
My walls are forming
Memories are storming
Time for performing
Why do I turn and run
 
My knees are bruising
So sore from overusing
Tumbling from confusing
Please give me something to hold on . . . to
 
Slippin’ on pages
Filled with rages
Somehow never engages
Now fighting for someone
 
Tell me your staying
No more delaying
Baby I’m praying
For you the one
 
Why am I so jaded
Has my love line faded
Do you know what I’m hopin’
Keep those windows open
Shine those rays over
Taking me slower
To the extreme

for the someone

Ronovan

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Easy Connecting and Disconnecting: The Problems.

They come and go, sometimes without our even knowing it. The social connections, the tangible next door friend and the stranger a world away who friend in a click and are gone in another. Do people disconnect on a whim or is it for a real reason? What has the ease of Online Social Interaction and Easy Connecting and Disconnecting: The Problems.Disconnection done to us socially as a society and perhaps even morally?

Thinking about things like this puts a knot in my stomach I can’t get rid of until I sort it out through words. Admittedly when I have someone disappear from my social network of “friends” I don’t always ask why. I know the coming and going is a part of the world and of this modern way of forming connections. But sometimes I do wonder.

On Facebook you must deal with people you’ve allowed into your circle of reality. When those people decide to drop you, then you wonder what happened. There is no explanation and thus the knot in the stomach begins. And dropping is the feeling that one may feel.

“What did I do?”

That’s the question that comes to mind first. For me my online social connections are my lifeline. When I lose one it rattles me somewhat and I dwell a little bit.

For someone like me, when someone, especially a female, decides to no longer be a friend you then wonder that very question above. Then you wonder what has been said. I’m a pretty appropriate guy when it comes to online social communications. Maybe in the past I’ve had moments. You would have to ask that old me. Like the one from a few days ago. That’s about how far some of my memories go.

Those social contacts keep the memory lines open. A lot of people don’t realize it but for some of us we may visit various social platform profiles in a rotation to keep people familiar to us. For a memory problem sufferer it can be important. A disconnect can throw things haywire in a major way, especially for someone who is sensitive and has actual feelings.

What has easy detachment brought about in society?

For one there is a lack of working through a problem. A person now unfollows a person and the argument or discord is over. Or it is as far as the un-follower is concerned.

In the celebrity circles it’s an easy way to get publicity and start a celebrity feud to drive up public interest in yourself. Pick the popular flavor and attack them and people will then take notice of you if you have begun to slip in notoriety. VMA awards anybody?

But for the rest of us it is more than a platform. We may have thousands of “Friends” or “Followers” but we have a lot in the offline world, the online world may at times be like a phonebook of all our old and new friends. Facebook is like that for me.

With the not needing to finish a conversation, or work out a situation, society is slowly becoming less and less able to resolve conflicts to the needed end. They still float around and build up into a frenzy. You can look at society and see how things spread like wildfire but no one ever took the time in the very beginning to try to stop it from happening—they went straight into the fire.

When once we had the chance to think overnight and arrive at some common sense we now have people go off onto Twitter or Facebook and speak emotionally.

I mentioned morality.

The ease of online sharing of EVERYTHING with ANYBODY has brought about many problems, even its own show—Catfish. If you have one person you share something with because of distance, I get that. Some relationships are separated by miles because of many reasons. And I do believe there are cases where online capabilities has made for some relationships to stay close and survive instead of drift apart during times apart.

But online has given some this sense of power and invulnerability that one can say and do anything without repercussions. They carry that over into offline life and you can see in society how some things spread and get out of hand. When certain agencies need social media experts just to do their jobs properly I think we have a problem.

I am thankful for online social connection. But I do have problems at times with the Disconnectors. But I suppose we all do it at some point. It’s easier than facing someone and telling them whatever the problem is. If you ever get disconnected by me, put it down to a memory thing. I pretty much stay connected to everyone. Well, unless you are like an uber-jerk. You know who you are. Muahahahahaha.

(Um, that last part was a joke people. So stop thinking it was you I was talking about. Paranoid much?)

There of course is the idea of Ease of Social Connectivity leading to Societal Disconnect. That’s another topic my thoughts are circling around and I may discuss another time.

What do we do?

Keeping a protective barrier is one idea. By barrier I mean have emotional security checks in place people need to pass through before entering that real Easy Connecting and Disconnecting: The Problems.“Friend” circle. Not everyone will hang around but using our mind and not heart will protect that heart. Yes, I know…sometimes that heart is going to take over. And sometimes it will be correct. But with the majority, treat your heart and self like you would treat a child in your care and who you would allow them to be with. In other words, Guard Yourself by taking your time in who you let into your private circle of true friends and remember that social network is like social anything, it’s just an every now and then thing. Just like social drinking though, it can get you in trouble.

Oh, and write a lot about a lot of things. That always helps. I mean who can socialize when they write all…the…time. I’m looking at you, and you know who you are.

Much Respect

Ronovan



Ron_LWIRonovan is an author, and blogger who shares his life as an amnesiac and Chronic Pain sufferer though his blog RonovanWrites.WordPress.com. His love of poetry, authors and community through his online world has lead to a growing Weekly Haiku Challenge and the creation of a site dedicated to book reviews, interviews and author resources known as LitWorldInterviews.WordPress.com.

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Lonely lay the heart. (A poem.)

Lonely lay the heart of the man, under the feet of love’s caravan.
Through sands of burning glass, to the brittle savanna’s finger grass.
Cutting and scratching for a hole of entry, fighting against a time tested sentry.
Lonely lay the heart of the man, in search of the tenderness of his love’s hand.

A whisper of a word begins the stir of change, as rumblings sound throughout the range.
Shattering boundaries and crossing borders, the word on her lips destroys the stone’s engraved orders.
Raging seas roll within his confines, thoughts racing and winding about building for her shrines.
A whisper of a word begins the stir of change, in search to burst the heart beat of the one to whom love is so strange.

Fire burns through granite of the hardest find, intent on finding the only one for his kind.
What was once a shadow of mindless raving, now is pulsating with the blood of a lifetime’s craving.
With the wind now blowing to fan the flame, neither the source or the man will ever be the same.
Fire burns through granite of the hardest find, molten like lava to burn her image in his mind.

 

Much Love, Success, and Respect

Ronovan

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Share it, don’t wear it.

First of all, THIS IS NOT A SELF SEEKING PITY POST! I am simply sharing as therapy here. I share to let others see that we are all the same and have the same things happen or similar things happen. Even the positive people of the world have screwed up lives at times. So PLEASE do not take this as a pity post.

Seeing that tomorrow is my day for a positive post I am getting myself ready for it now. The past few days have been those days where I want to simply sleep all day.

  • Fevers have been occurring in the house.
  • Breakfasts have been reappearing with sudden force.
  • Migraines have been off the chart.
  • Pressures have run rampant.

I’ve been on the verge of:

  • Giving up dreams.
  • Giving up friendships.
  • Even giving up a book I wrote and telling the co-author it’s theirs to do with as they wished.

A lot of people look at me and think, just rest. “You do too much.” “It’ll be okay.” “You’re under stress.” But they forget a few things about me. Old Ronovan isn’t all okay up there in the noggin.

It’s been a while since I’ve been on the cusp of debilitating depression. Depressed? Yes. Hide in my room and not come out for any reason whatsoever? No. I think it’s been maybe a month and a half or so.

Recently I’ve lost memories of friends. I get emails from them and have to wing it. I don’t want people to get upset with me, because I hope things will come back. I read back through previous emails from them to get an idea of things and then come up with a decent reply.

You know, the bad part is there are people I wish at times would just disappear that don’t. Do you have people like that?

What people don’t get is I do so much in order to keep out of depression. But then I get in to so much and border on letting people down and then the depression begins.

So why am I saying all of this while wanting to get ready for a positive day of posts? You gotta get it out of your system.

Share it, don’t wear it.

Know what I mean? You have those friends like that? They like to wear their problems and not get rid of them. It’s like they are so happy to be down. I share and get it over with. blah

It’s difficult to be a friend of mine in the sense of like a outside of blog friend. Like in email and chat friend. You don’t know if I am going to be normal one moment and completely not handle situations properly the next. There is like a wire inside my mind that overheats and as it does it doesn’t want to work right.

You know like on the dryer in your house. Sometimes a part will heat up and it will actually just get hotter and hotter. That’s my brain. I can feel it at times doing that. But it feels more like an icepick scratching and scraping away at a spot, trying to make its way deeper inside my brain.

That’s when I enter the, “I’m sorry” zone. I apologize for everything and then I disappear. I’m not gone for good, but I need to shut down and try to patch things back up and cool the brain down.

I hope my friends are reading this so they will understand me better. If not? I guess I will keep going through the cycle. You do what you have to do, right?

See you all tomorrow for Be Wonderful on Wednesday. I’ve got the bad out and can now go for the good. You can even look at this as positive. I do. I shared it, I didn’t wear it. And I’m not hiding.

Oh, a cool thing today. My son is in the fourth grade and recently they took a reading test to see their level of reading. He sort of blew it off not realizing what it was for. His level came out to be half way through the 8th Grade and he was second highest in his grade. He so needs to learn each test is a test no matter what it is. Geesh. Imagine what he might have done. Anyone surprised he’s an advanced reader?

Remember to find me and follow me at @RonovanWrites, on Google+, and on Facebook.

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Scent of Fear

Haunt wafts through the air,

Like a scent of man’s

Release of bowels.

skull

Ronovan

(my second for my prompt challenge this week of haunt&release-screams pain.)

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