I’m Unwell but You can’t Tell-A look inside of Me.

Sometimes I look and search for a story to tell.
Walk down the same lines, find I’m unwell.
But is that really the case of what I really and truly am to be?
Or is it something else other people have planned for me?
I know I’m not great inside, making confessions and fail.
But does that  mean that I am really unwell?
Only time will tell.

Music, songs, lyrics and their meanings. Anyone that can write a novel in the space of a chorus and a few verses has my envy. Some people have said I should do something with some of my lyrical poetry. Can’t write or play music so that’s kind of a brick wall. Besides, my story is always the same.

Today’s song came out of left field. I was not really feeling any of the Beatles songs I was looking at and I really wanted a song writer. Billy Joel was suggested but then one of the best song writers of the modern era came to mind and I ended up with Rob Thomas and Matchbox Twenty. It helps I’ve seen them in concert at least twice.

Unwell.

On the live DVD Show: A Night in the Life of Matchbox Twenty, Rob Thomas states that he wrote the song as a metaphor for humanity in general, a song for people who are “messed up and feel alone like that. We all feel a little messed up sometimes… you’re not alone.”-Wikipedia

I just rediscovered this song today. As I read the lyrics, as I do first when looking for a song to connect to and share, every line hit with me. Though I don’t ride the train, being in public in lines of any type is a train of sorts.

Wearing sunglasses everywhere I go and earplugs 24 hours a day 7 days a week and in public draws glances and kids stare at you. You hear the whispers. “What’s wrong with that man?” Up to that point you trick yourself into thinking nothing is wrong.

I don’t remember things from before but I know feelings of situations. For a man who at one time total strangers would say “You stay here near that man while I run into the restroom” at an amusement park now being that man that there is something wrong with, that’s the unwell part. It’s not the actual problem that is the problem, it’s the problem people make out of the problem that’s the problem. That’s what makes me unwell.

Reading the lyrics, yeah I stare at the ceiling, finding those familiar shadows. I know where the spot that reminds me of a puppy is. I also can look at the designs in the floor and find the clown face or the robot.

Am I headed for a breakdown? Probably. I haven’t stepped over that line yet but I can see it and the chalk has been blurred a bit. I am unwell. I discover how to be well but then unwell happens. Sure, I’ve become the master of appearances. Look at Rob Thomas. All those lines inside of him. He taps into something to come up with these great lyrics. Great lyrics come from a genuine place. Is Rob unwell, or was he when he wrote this song? How is he now?

I’ve resigned myself to unwell. I’m okay with it. I don’t sleep much. Sometimes none, sometimes 2 hours. Occasionally I will get 5 in. Less than 4 is the norm. The rest of the time is spent writing and reading, both of which I am not really supposed to be doing if I want to be well. But you know what?

No
Way
Am I going to stare at the ceiling
All
Day
Waiting for the
Break
Down
Everyone knows is on the way.

Stop comparing me,
To who I used to be.

All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like I’m headed for a breakdown
And I don’t know why

But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell
I know right now you can’t tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see
A different side of me
I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired
I know right now you don’t care
But soon enough you’re gonna think of me
And how I used to be, me

I’m talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they’ve all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I’ve lost my mind

But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell
I know right now you can’t tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see
A different side of me
I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired
I know right now you don’t care
But soon enough you’re gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I’ve been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they’ll come to get me
Yeah, they’re taking me away

But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell
I know right now you can’t tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see
A different side of me
I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired
I know right now you don’t care
But soon enough you’re gonna think of me
And how I used to be

Hey, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I’m just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I’m just a little unwell

 

Ronovan The Unwell but You Can’t Tell

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

© Copyright-All rights reserved by ronovanwrites.wordpress.com 2014

Advertisements

Are You A Catfish?

If you know Eloise of Mello-Elo, you know she’s a sweet lady and a lovely person. Read the article and give her a hug. I can’t believe someone would accuse her of being a catfish.

Thoughts by Mello-Elo

Definition of a catfish – A catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they’re not using Facebook or other social media to create false identities, particularly to pursue deceptive online romances.

Example:
Did you hear how Dave got totally catfished last month?! The fox he thought he was talking to turned out to be a pervy guy from San Diego!

or

I was really falling for that gorgeous gal on Facebook, but she turned out to be a catfish.

courtesy of urban dictionary.com

Catfish could also be construed as those who seek out friendships, creating a persona that is not their own, to exist in a world in which they might not normally be accepted. Am I being pedantic? You tell me.

Social media allows us to edit the images and opinions we share in this global village. Is it surprising that some are tempted to reinvent themselves in…

View original post 692 more words

Four eyes are sexier than two

Alexis @collegeladyblog just ended up with her first pair of glasses. She shares what she has discovered. A genuinely good read and a very mature and wonderfully written piece. Please visit and take a look. And yes, FOLLOW HER BLOG! (She’s not crazy psycho massive content like I am!) Did you guys just hear a screaming voice or was that just me?

A College Girl's Confessions

Glasses: The universal symbol for the socially awkward nerd or the uptight librarian. When I think of glasses I think of the intellectuals, the Comicon fanatics, the hipsters, and those particularly proficient in the game of Magic.

In my head….I was not the one to wear glasses. I denied my inner nerdiness. However, it seemed as if the universe was aiming to make me embrace it.

I had an eye exam appointment scheduled last week and I was sure my vision was just fine. Growing up with my mom, the concept of annual eye exams were not a thing she thought to be important so I never had one. Visiting my dad led me to an eye exam which I thought was overrated, but went anyway.

At the exam they made me stick my head in what looked to be a torture device. It was. I pressed my eye into…

View original post 374 more words

Unskinny Fat-Self Image Insanity

Unskinny Fat. Anorexic. Muscles Me Not Got. I’m not sure what you want to call it, but self image of women, especially the young these days is wearing thin on me. Is that at pun? Not exactly. It’s a fact. I’m ticked at what society has done to generations of females.

 

A society sitting on its own big derrière tries to dictate to females what they should look like or what the perfect body image is like getting celibacy or relationship tips from a Kardashian. It’s just not worth it.

 

 ~~~

Unskinny Fat-Self Image Insanity

~~~

Just a quick note: There are no images in this article. Why? Because I don’t promote an ideal image or even humilite someone that is an example of Unskinny Fat or Unfit Skinny. Some people can’t help what they are, some can. I’m not here to judge. Be happy with it. Now on with the article.

 

First of all, do you know what Unskinny Fat means? Perhaps Unfit Skinny is a better way of putting it? Now you probably are getting on the track of my crazy train mind. You see there are people out there who lose weight to be skinny, duh, right? But how do they do it?

 

One way is to stop eating or eat next to nothing. Lose weight? Yes. What are they losing? Muscle. So what is left? Fat. So yeah, you’re going to fit into those clothes you want to but you aren’t going to look fit. You’ll me squishy and unhealthy and there is a good chance you will die if you aren’t careful.

 

Then you have the Unfit Skinny that lose everything and are just bone, anorexic. I’m not going to name any celebrity names because I’m just not like that. But just pay attention and you can see them.

 

The Unskinny Fat and the Unfit Skinny just don’t look healthy. There are slim/skinny women that look healthy.

 

Men and women in the fashion magazine world need to put the airbrushes away and get real. The number one sex symbol is still Marilyn Monroe. Get a hint people. Men enjoy women of every size and shape. I want a woman that is healthy and happy not miserable in her own skin.

 

Do you not what really causes problems in those people that are heavier than those magazine people? Stress. It’s a killer. Why is there stress? Because they are concerned about their weight. There are people in this world that are ‘overweight’ but healthy. I’m not saying go out and be overweight and be happy, I’m saying go out and be healthy not insanely into body image.

 

Here are some statistics from the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders:

 

  1. 95% of all dieters will regain their lost weight within 5 years
  2. The body type portrayed in advertising as the ideal is possessed naturally by only 5% of American females
  3. 69% of girls in 5th-12th grade reported that magazine pictures influenced their idea of a perfect body shape.
  4. 81% of 10 year olds are afraid of being fat
  5. 20% of people suffering from anorexia will prematurely die from complications related to their eating disorder, including suicide and heart problems.

 

Ladies, let me tell you something. I love you alive. That’s the way I want you. I want you healthy and with strength. Let’s be honest here, I don’t want a weak woman, in any sense of the word. If you have friends that think you need to look a certain way, they’re not your friends.

 

Oh, you’ve heard that before? Do you think maybe that’s because it’s the truth? Read the statistics up there. Go down the path that leads to death or down the path that leads to a healthy, happy and beautiful you. It’s up to you.

 

This is not a scare article. This is a I love you article. “But, Ronovan, you don’t know me.” Hey, are you human? Do you have feelings? Then I know you. If you were in front of me with a car coming would I let you die? No. Why, because I love you. I see this train wreck waiting to happen with people with this insane body image thing. I have to speak or it’s just like watching the car hit you.

 

But you know what? Driving a road with curves is a whole lot more exciting to me than just traveling down a straightaway.

 

 

Much Respect

Ronovan

 

© Copyright-All rights reserved-RonovanWrites.wordpress.com.

Give Me a Photo Please!

Photos of women kissing men, draped over men, attacking men in sexual ways, or basically giving to the man. It doesn’t matter what type of photo I want to find on the internet, I’m going to come across photos 95% of the time that are men centric.

 

I’m sick of it.

Screaming Man

 Give Me a Photo Please!

“Oh, Ronovan, you know you like looking at those pictures.”

 

Don’t confuse me with the men in your life and men don’t confuse me with the filth in your minds. And no, I know not all men enjoy it.

 

To be honest, give me a photo of a woman from the shoulders up with beautiful eyes and smile and I am a very happy man.

 

I wrote a poem where I simply wanted an image where it was the man passionately kissing the woman. I wanted clothing on, and it being a deep romantic kiss. Romance and passion apparently mean naked and the woman doing the kissing of anything and everything.

 

I also wrote a poem where the man was being sensual to the woman. How many photos out of thousands do you think I found where the man was doing the sensualizing?

 

And man doesn’t kiss the woman passionately or romantically. I had to settle for a picture that was almost close. Nothing was close.

 

This goes along with a lot of how I see society today, man centric. Okay, so here is my take on the way it should be. Now hold onto your hats, seats or what your Momma gave you, because some of you won’t like it.

 

I’m about to go Amen on you.

 

God looked around after Adam named the animals. Remember that? Not a companion could be found for old Adam, well young Adam I suppose. So what did God do? God created woman.

 

Now here is my take on that creation. In the Bible you have to read around and see a few things to realize how beautiful the Garden in Eden was. God then created something that man would find more amazing and more beautiful and more desirable than anything else on earth. Yep, woman.

 

Some of you that read my various writings know my opinions about women. Now maybe you can understand it on another level. I admire women. I admire their beauty and their intellect. I especially admire those women with strength. If they have all three, a truly rare combination, The Triple Threat, I become speechless and am in awe.

 

 

AwwwwAww

 

 

No, awe! Grrr, anyway, now it doesn’t matter if I put in coffee cup I am going to find an image pop up that’s of a woman with the coffee cup, hopefully, placed in a strategic location. Trust me men, I love the female form as much as, if not more than the next guy, but I don’t like exploitation. Even in the photos I use I darken them and crop them to attempt an avoidance of such an act on my part.

 

No wonder the young girls, teens, twenties on up of the females have an image problem. And no wonder the same aged on the male side are turning into pigs and dogs at a younger and younger age.

 

Rant over.

 

Much Respect

Ronovan

 

© Copyright-All rights reserved-RonovanWrites.wordpress.com.