I hunt through these cracks

For remnants of a lost dream

Search the wind that tears.


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My Loves: A Man’s Testimony of Heart

What kind of love do men feel? I considered searching for opinions and comparing them to what I come up with, but then I decided that since I am writing this from a man’s perspective, specifically mine, that I would just go with my own thoughts. After all, I’ve been told in the past there isn’t a doubt about my being a man. I’ve always taken that as a compliment.


What love does a man feel? I could go into the various loves of sports and foods but I’m not doing that today. Instead I wanted to discuss the real things that pull, pound, and pulverize the heart. The kinds of love that when they don’t go right, leave you feeling like you have the worst flu any man can ever have.


This is about loves for a woman. This is about the loves that men don’t talk about. This about the loves men deny that have to their friends. But if you are a man and you say you’ve never had one of these loves, then . . . count yourself blessed or else have an exam done because you are in denial.


Men get those loves. Is there a level order of love? Men think much of order in things like this. I’m not sure why and I don’t really care to delve into the why. At this moment my heart is on loves. I often wonder when it isn’t.


I see no reason to not just say I as I write this. Why not say man or men? I’m speaking from what I know. I am sure other men feel or have felt what I might talk about, but this is me. As I begin this I have no plan. What you read will be whatever comes out of me as I go. Think of this as an open heart letter unedited.


My Loves: A Man’s Testimony of Heart

by: Ronovan

Love from afar. I know her but she’s out of reach. The thought of her for a moment makes the world lighter than air but then the aching heart begins. My mind quickly tells me the truth. I fight it. I don’t want to know the truth, I just want those moments of happiness, even if they are illusions and delusions. They only harm me. Why can I not enjoy them for a moment?

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Waves of Uninvited Sensation

Waves of icy fingers spread

Grasping for a hold

Slipping across the surface

Gone but returning twice cold

Waves flow undetected

Toward opalescent spheres

Through lightning flashes meander

And hysterical maniacal tears

Grasping with deflective talons

Not making the slightest defense

Staring into the nothingness

Losing all time and all sense

Waves of icy fingers spread

Spreading over the rippled mass

Holding onto the silent monsters

Shattering the quivering like warped glass

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Embattled-Poetry for What you Need it to Mean


by: Ronovan

You begin silent

Over the noise of the world’s moansWoman with Migraine

Cacophonous dins ring


Creeping into the dwelling

Like smoke through the crevices

You engulf all things


Confusion then starts

As the opposed forces clash

Battle is begun


The lightning afield

Covered melded defenses

Trembling in space


Furious fists

Pound the helpless whimpering

Hands force the pain back


The driving deepens

The anguishing to great heights

Flies into maniaWoman with Migraine


The darkening breaks

The shattered foes defenses

Hide insanity


You stand the victor

Over the assured defeat

Sight slips to the base


Your voice is not heard

As the sound falls to dead ears

Sleep comes to the lost


Until the next dawn

Breaks and the day is anew

Once again it comes




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My Soul Bleeds

My Soul Bleeds


These eyes see tragediesCover _Red
Falling lives in every direction
Hopes and dreams denied
Their pains added to my collection

Why do I feel so much
My chest expands to fill space
Anguish rips to shreds
Tears streak this pale face

I care too much
Wanting to be all things to all
Wishing for nothing
I teeter atop the heap knowing I will fall

The fall is inevitable
The mistakes come and I cannot save
My heart is worn through
My soul bleeds from the last joys rays


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I Destroy

I Destroy


I destroy that which I love

My words wander into oblivion

They drift sedate and comfortable

Always driving away everyone


I know not what they do

They slip through the cracks of my mind

I despise the day

A fall flipped a switch for no control I can find


My judgment is hindered

My life is incomplete

My ways are forced hesitant

I always fall in defeat


The beginning is a fortune

Times bring happiness as if a boy

But always and inevitable

The best I have . . . I destroy



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Insanity Havens Shattered

Insanity Havens Shattered












I can’t see where I am waiting

The light has gone out of my eyes

The dam breaks into the cavernous hollow

That was once my mind filled with memories of you


Now I don’t know what I am here for

I can’t seem to discover my path back through

The rifts of the time I was in before

Keep me in your thoughts and your heart


Torch marks engrave the image of you

Torn deep into the crevices of my soul

I look for a way to hang onto the pain

The pain of loving you


Thunder pounds into the echoes of madness

Lightning strikes behind my dimmed eyes

Even opened

They still see lightning strike images of you


Cracks formed in the insanity havens

Believed to be the sanctuary holding me bound

But now

Now I can no longer heart beat be found




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I hate a word

I hate a word

I hate a word that is inside

I hate a word that is felt

I hate a word that cannot be explained

Black Sight

  I hate a word

It pushes at all things

There are moments of embracing

It grabs me and holds me down


I hate a word

It squeezes me to death

There are times I cannot control it

It shuts me down to nothing


I hate a word

It smothers my heartbeats

There are struggles in the night

It shuts me and cloaks my eyes


I hate a word

It captures my minds words

There are ways it slices my throat

It chokes me and takes my life

 I hate a word

 Black Sight

I hate . . .

Black Sight


Black Sight~~~~~~~

Black Sighti hate . . .Black Sightme


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One More Year Old Feels Like Ten

One More Year Old Feels Like Ten

by: Ronovan

 One Candle

One more year older

This last one felt like ten

I wonder why I go through it

Was it punishment for a sin


Yeah, I know, don’t worry

I’m just talking out loud

I know the good Lord don’t do that

He done took him up in a cloud


But still I don’t mind asking

Why, why did all of this happen

A year of my life has done gone

And a steady tap on the brain keeps tappin’


You would think I would get used to it

Waking without a solitary clue

But how do you grow accustom

To something that every day is new to you


Hmm . . . Yeah, I know it’s all good

I got my health and home and something

Haha, the health is the something

That I’m certain must be the crunching


One more year older

The next will feel like ten

I know it was the Enemy

That tries to drag me into the den


I must have been on the right track

Cause the Enemy don’t worry with those

That are already with him

He worries about those who are his foes


And to that I say Amen


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