I hunt through these cracks
For remnants of a lost dream
Search the wind that tears.
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Suffering
My Loves: A Man’s Testimony of Heart
What kind of love do men feel? I considered searching for opinions and comparing them to what I come up with, but then I decided that since I am writing this from a man’s perspective, specifically mine, that I would just go with my own thoughts. After all, I’ve been told in the past there isn’t a doubt about my being a man. I’ve always taken that as a compliment.
What love does a man feel? I could go into the various loves of sports and foods but I’m not doing that today. Instead I wanted to discuss the real things that pull, pound, and pulverize the heart. The kinds of love that when they don’t go right, leave you feeling like you have the worst flu any man can ever have.
This is about loves for a woman. This is about the loves that men don’t talk about. This about the loves men deny that have to their friends. But if you are a man and you say you’ve never had one of these loves, then . . . count yourself blessed or else have an exam done because you are in denial.
Men get those loves. Is there a level order of love? Men think much of order in things like this. I’m not sure why and I don’t really care to delve into the why. At this moment my heart is on loves. I often wonder when it isn’t.
I see no reason to not just say I as I write this. Why not say man or men? I’m speaking from what I know. I am sure other men feel or have felt what I might talk about, but this is me. As I begin this I have no plan. What you read will be whatever comes out of me as I go. Think of this as an open heart letter unedited.
My Loves: A Man’s Testimony of Heart
by: Ronovan
Love from afar. I know her but she’s out of reach. The thought of her for a moment makes the world lighter than air but then the aching heart begins. My mind quickly tells me the truth. I fight it. I don’t want to know the truth, I just want those moments of happiness, even if they are illusions and delusions. They only harm me. Why can I not enjoy them for a moment?
Waves of Uninvited Sensation
Waves of icy fingers spread
Grasping for a hold
Slipping across the surface
Gone but returning twice cold
Waves flow undetected
Toward opalescent spheres
Through lightning flashes meander
And hysterical maniacal tears
Grasping with deflective talons
Not making the slightest defense
Staring into the nothingness
Losing all time and all sense
Waves of icy fingers spread
Spreading over the rippled mass
Holding onto the silent monsters
Shattering the quivering like warped glass
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Embattled-Poetry for What you Need it to Mean
Embattled
by: Ronovan
You begin silent
Over the noise of the world’s moans
Cacophonous dins ring
Creeping into the dwelling
Like smoke through the crevices
You engulf all things
Confusion then starts
As the opposed forces clash
Battle is begun
The lightning afield
Covered melded defenses
Trembling in space
Furious fists
Pound the helpless whimpering
Hands force the pain back
The driving deepens
The anguishing to great heights
Flies into mania
The darkening breaks
The shattered foes defenses
Hide insanity
You stand the victor
Over the assured defeat
Sight slips to the base
Your voice is not heard
As the sound falls to dead ears
Sleep comes to the lost
Until the next dawn
Breaks and the day is anew
Once again it comes
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My Soul Bleeds
My Soul Bleeds
These eyes see tragedies
Falling lives in every direction
Hopes and dreams denied
Their pains added to my collection
Why do I feel so much
My chest expands to fill space
Anguish rips to shreds
Tears streak this pale face
I care too much
Wanting to be all things to all
Wishing for nothing
I teeter atop the heap knowing I will fall
The fall is inevitable
The mistakes come and I cannot save
My heart is worn through
My soul bleeds from the last joys rays
2014 © Copyright-All rights reserved-RonovanWrites.wordpress.com
I Destroy
I Destroy
I destroy that which I love
My words wander into oblivion
They drift sedate and comfortable
Always driving away everyone
I know not what they do
They slip through the cracks of my mind
I despise the day
A fall flipped a switch for no control I can find
My judgment is hindered
My life is incomplete
My ways are forced hesitant
I always fall in defeat
The beginning is a fortune
Times bring happiness as if a boy
But always and inevitable
The best I have . . . I destroy
2014 © Copyright-All rights reserved-RonovanWrites.wordpress.com.
Insanity Havens Shattered
Insanity Havens Shattered
I can’t see where I am waiting
The light has gone out of my eyes
The dam breaks into the cavernous hollow
That was once my mind filled with memories of you
Now I don’t know what I am here for
I can’t seem to discover my path back through
The rifts of the time I was in before
Keep me in your thoughts and your heart
Torch marks engrave the image of you
Torn deep into the crevices of my soul
I look for a way to hang onto the pain
The pain of loving you
Thunder pounds into the echoes of madness
Lightning strikes behind my dimmed eyes
Even opened
They still see lightning strike images of you
Cracks formed in the insanity havens
Believed to be the sanctuary holding me bound
But now
Now I can no longer heart beat be found
2014 © Copyright-All rights reserved-RonovanWrites.wordpress.com.
I hate a word
I hate a word
I hate a word that is inside
I hate a word that is felt
I hate a word that cannot be explained
I hate a word
It pushes at all things
There are moments of embracing
It grabs me and holds me down
I hate a word
It squeezes me to death
There are times I cannot control it
It shuts me down to nothing
I hate a word
It smothers my heartbeats
There are struggles in the night
It shuts me and cloaks my eyes
I hate a word
It captures my minds words
There are ways it slices my throat
It chokes me and takes my life
I hate a word
I hate . . .
alone
~~~~~~~
i hate . . .me
2014 © Copyright-All rights reserved-RonovanWrites.wordpress.com.
One More Year Old Feels Like Ten
One More Year Old Feels Like Ten
by: Ronovan
One more year older
This last one felt like ten
I wonder why I go through it
Was it punishment for a sin
Yeah, I know, don’t worry
I’m just talking out loud
I know the good Lord don’t do that
He done took him up in a cloud
But still I don’t mind asking
Why, why did all of this happen
A year of my life has done gone
And a steady tap on the brain keeps tappin’
You would think I would get used to it
Waking without a solitary clue
But how do you grow accustom
To something that every day is new to you
Hmm . . . Yeah, I know it’s all good
I got my health and home and something
Haha, the health is the something
That I’m certain must be the crunching
One more year older
The next will feel like ten
I know it was the Enemy
That tries to drag me into the den
I must have been on the right track
Cause the Enemy don’t worry with those
That are already with him
He worries about those who are his foes
And to that I say Amen
© Copyright-All rights reserved-RonovanWrites.wordpress.com-June 20, 2014.
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