A recent conversation and the #YesAllWomen response to Elliot Rodger’s deranged murders began me to thinking a bit.
Notebooks are a great source for inspiration. You write down important thoughts that you don’t want to forget, such as a conversation I had about the subject of men finding women from other countries more attractive than the women of their own country. Or more specifically it was that they were fascinated by them. Just to clarify, the conversation was with a woman. Twitter can bring things to your attention you try to avoid, like the Elliot Rodger insanity.
Men like to say that it’s the individual person that matters and we look for;
• the intellect over the eye candy
• the heart over the hairstyle
• the soul over the sexy
• the tenderness over the–you can fill that one in
But is that really true?
The conversation led me to wondering what men looked for most on the internet about women, such as the nationality or what the internet calls race. (An aside here, I prefer one race, the human one.) Do men in the United States prefer one ‘race’ of woman over another? Do they prefer traditionally Asian women, African women, Egyptian women, French women, or Indian women?
A search will find different answers but it seems in general Asian women top most lists, followed by African/African American, and probably Latin women are a close third if not tied for second. But there is no specific research pointing to any definitive answer.
As with many ideas one has there occurs an evolution into another idea.
Where this train led was internet pornography. Don’t worry I didn’t go searching those sites. I’m no prude or hypocrite. It’s just not my thing at this stage of my life. Maybe when I was younger, but I really don’t know. You all know why. But these days I have other things to focus on or at least try to focus on.
But if we men do find intelligence and the like attractive then why in 2012 were there 40 million Americans regularly visiting pornography sites? To be honest, not all of those were men. Women also enjoy pornography. But I am speaking from the male side because,well,I am one.
Think about that quote for a moment and let it sink in. You can apply it to men and women watching videos as well. These ‘manuals and training videos’ teach SOME men and women about the wrong kind of sex or what sex isn’t. Then when the real world hits them in the face, they strike back.
I’m not saying that pornography is the cause of all the crimes against women, or even men, but I think it does dehumanize people in one’s mind and desensitize people to what is respectful or reality. I know that’s an old fashioned phrase but it shouldn’t be. People cry out for respect but when you use the words ‘be respectful’ they treat you like a joke or some alien.
This is a quote all people need to realize. If you’ve ever seen the documentary Supersize Me you see that eating McDonald’s for every meal for an extended period of time is not good for you, a too much of a good thing scenario of sorts. Some might say pornography is such a thing but that’s an opinion.
You love McDonald’s for what it is but it’s not real. You go home and eat a real hamburger and it is the best tasting thing. It’s just right on the outside, just slightly charred with the inside still tender and moist, and you actually have to open your mouth wide to eat it. Your mouth begins to water even before the bun reaches your lips. Then that first bite makes you wonder why you ever went to McDonald’s in the first place.
In truth pornography also makes what you ARE having less than what it is. You expect the almost impossible. You expect what people are being paid to do or are intentionally performing for viewing.
Pornography is a temporary fix. For some it may even be an emotional fix. But it’s a fake fix, a placebo. You took a sugar pill to cure a disease. It gives you a buzz, a momentary high, but minutes later you crash and feel as though you just wasted your life. You promise yourself you’ll never do it again, you’ll never eat another Big Mac. The next day you are in the drive-thru because the fix is intentionally created to be addicting.
What’s the solution?
Pornography can be an addiction which is a habit. Break the habit with another habit. If you feel porn calling, go outside and walk, or start writing. You find that email in your inbox? Unsubscribe, block it, do whatever it takes to stop it from being delivered. You find yourself typing that site address? Well, that one is on you my friend. But you can set your filters to stop sites from being accessed.
This article started as one about why men thought women from other countries were more fascinating but it ended up elsewhere. I guess the fascination is like going on vacation. Do you want to stay home for that week, or do you want to go away for a week? You want to be home but you enjoy the scenery of the vacation.
As for the pornography, what suggestions do you have to help people who really struggle with this? Keep in mind this is an addiction for some, a real illness. It’s like smoking, binge eating, drinking and any drug you become addicted to. It induces a release of those endorphins to make your mind temporarily happy. So sincerely think about it and leave a thought or suggestion.
In conclusion I would like to say that anything that demeans another person isn’t right. We’re meant to lift each other up in positive ways. Even though I see pornography as an addiction, an illness, I don’t condone any of it. It’s kind of like an episode of Happy Days from years ago when one of the characters named Potsie, an innocent teen, sees a centerfold and says something like “I bet that would look great in a sweater.” Potsie got it right.
One last quote.
© Copyright-All rights reserved-RonovanWrites.wordpress.com-June 07, 2014.
9 thoughts on “Men, Supersize Me, and Pornography.”
I had a husband once who was very addicted to pornography, still is. In our conversations, it was clear that for him partner sex was not like tenderly “making love,” it was not like a union, and it lacked the high that pornography gave him. Even so, it also turned out that he loved my body more than he loved ME and he left me for someone in his office, then still showed up at my door in the middle of the night, wanting sex with me. Weird guy. I might add that for most women, pornography is emotionally unsatisfying even if it stimulates. Good pornography for women, if there were to be such a thing, would include the “foreplay” of romance and sexual tension and the “story”
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Thank you for commenting. 🙂 From what I found the pornography that many of the women would access was more story based than video or photos.
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I cant stop smiling Ron… 😀
But coming to the point…lots of women around the world day and night suffering…because many lame men expect fro theur wives or girlfriends to do whtever is shown in the porn movies…they dont understand the difference between reality and fake…and some are so sick mentally that they make porn movies of their partner and distribute it…many women are suffering but there is no one to stop them…its a great post Ron…
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Thank you. I have a feeling some are being scared off by the title of the article. 🙂 But it’s me, so how can it be a filled with ‘bad’ stuff. 🙂 But the industry feeds on what a lot of society tries to make men think things are supposed to be. Some men suffer as well because they can’t be what they see and then think there is something wrong with them, then either stupidly do something to their own lives or even worse to someone else. The article is about women but the problem runs deep on both sides.
I agree…its lot more deeper thn it seems…but its good that every now and then there are people like you who highlight social issues 🙂
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This is an amazing post, thank you so much. As a woman, it’s so hard to push back on pornography and be seen as objective. For me, it all comes down to relating to the opposite sex or other human. What can be objective about the mystery and awesomeness of connecting to another person?
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Thank you! As I wrote this, I wondered if people would consider it hypocrisy coming from a man, since it is soooo obvious that all men are into pornography. Note sarcasm there.
I try to consider both sides when writing an opinion piece and in truth we all fall at times in areas related to a topic if not the topic itself. And I admit it. Then I move on. Don’t be afraid to speak out. Speak it and others will speak and then more. 🙂
Bravo for bringing this topic up. I have a lot to say on the subject but not much time at the moment. I will say that I’m tired of a lot of society normalizing Porn. It’s not natural it hurts individuals, relationships, and families.
Porn causes a disconnect between sex and love. Not just marital love but love and respect for human beings in general. The layers of harm go very deep.
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