Respect: Part One-A Poem

Poweful Woman — gettyimages © Original Photo by pokchu

Respect Part One
by: Ronovan from Life

Yes
We All
Are Aware
Of Your Ogles
And Your Staring
Of Your Cat Calling
And Of Your Compare
Your Blood Flowing
In One Direction
Your Brain
Caught
Up in
Yes
Crude
Immature
And Vanity
Filled Inspection
Not Anyone’s Piece
Nor Their Property
Nor A MidNight
Boy’s Fantasy
I Am Brains
Beauty
All
You’re
Weak And
Feeble Of Mind
With Ego Fractured
Y’All Don’t Understand
Why We’re To Be A Man
A Mature Being of Life
Appreciates Beauty
Intelligence And
God’s Creative
Masterpiece
Woman Is
For Life
Honor
Love
Air

FemaleFocusFriday: What I NEED to know about ROMANCE from WOMEN!

September 12, 2014September 12, 2014 Ronovan Humor Advice, Dating, Dating Advice, Humor, humour, List, Lists, Men, Relationships, Romance, Women

Oh Laaaadies! Holla if ya heeeeaaarrrr meee!

I have no idea why I did that but it just came to mind as I started to type. Could you imagine living with me never knowing what to expect next? I’ve asked a range of advice questions for y’all before on some many things but today . . . a rarity is occurring. Ronovan . . . is . . .

. . . focusing.

How to ask you Out In Person, Phone Call, or Text Message

That’s right ladies it’s

ROMANCE DAY!!!!

(Yes I can feel the sizzle now. And strangely I like it. Who brought jumper cables?)

Oh yeah, focus, Ronovan . . . focus. Be the romance to be the romance. Philosophically that makes sense to me but in print it looks rather odd. Much like my photo. Hmm. Oh yeah, focus. So in person, on the phone or . . . yeah Kelly done told us about the third one.

I just want to make it clear that I obviously don’t really need help in this area, ahem, but my men friends might appreciate some advice.

Blue Jeans or Slacks/Pants or Saggin’ & Draggin’

What do you want your date to dress in? I know, I know, you’re going to say it depends if you are going to a rodeo or some other place. Let’s pick some other place for this. No Bostonian leather shoes and double breasted suit at the poop palooza. You don’t want to be seen with a dork. I get it. Okay so I know which one you might do away with automatically. Unless the mood is a bit other than romantic and well . . .

Natural Musk, Cologne, or Duck Commander Date Repellent

You know, it’s a difficult question for us. Seriously. What if you are allergic or asthmatic? What if and what if? We don’t want to be in the middle of a date and have to rush you to an emergency room, that would just waste of the all you can eat taco buffet at the Huddle House Mexican Night. I am guessing here, just guessing which one you would say no to.

(And if anyone knows of an all you can eat Taco Mexican Night at Huddle House, please let me know. I can get frog legs at the local convenience store. I kid you not.)

Flowers or Nothing or What

Maybe it’s an old fashion thing to ask, but what would you call Romantic or even would like to see happen? We might think of flowers and then freeze at the thought you might be allergic or hate the flowers we pick out. Then if we bring nothing do we look like a cheapskate? Then what if we brought some alternatives? Like maybe a cat toy?

Car, Truck, or Something Else

Now when considering this you need to consider other options like where you want to go on the date and do you want to climb up in the muck hauler or ride in the over compensating mobile or do you want to get a work out in the something else? Considering the attention some women put on calorie intake I am not certain about discounting number three, if it were disguised perhaps as as pedal car.

Candle Lit Dinner or Picnic in the Park or Do Ya Want Fries Wid Dat

Now that is unless he’s dead broke, it’s the anniversary of your first date ever and he’s recreating it, or you just don’t care and want to be with each other because that’s where the true romance is at. Taco Bell served me well in those early days. I think I know we can probably rule out number three as being Romantic. See even that guy agrees.

Dancing, No Dancing or Whatever

This one might be a little difficult because of various situations. For one, even if women can’t dance they can dance. But men when they dance, well. They think they dance like this . . .

But in reality dance like this . . .

Kiss Good Night, Hand Shake, Or Something Else

We have come to the end of the evening, I know . . . I know . . . there are some steps missing like a stroll along aromantically lit street that seems to transport you back in time, or a classic movie being shown special on the big screen, or a concert that is difficult to ge t tickets for. Then of course perhaps coffee or something and the ride home.

Now we come to the second most important moment of the second most important moment of the night. The kiss . . . oh the most important? Well how to handle going to the potty, especially if it’s number 2. How romantic is that? But you asked.

There are people out there who still live with their parents. It doesn’t matter what age the dat eis, they live at home for some reason. A kiss? Okay, a soft, tender but intent kiss is a good start if you mean it. Or a lingering gentle hand shake, bu the there is the one that probably mean can relate to . . . The father inquisition . . .

Men need to know what you expect. It would be nice if their were a manual but so many of you are different. So I want to hear from you. I mean I reiterate that I PERSONALLY don’t need in the help in the romance department if you know what I mean but there are some out there that do. What are your answers? We NEED to KNOW!!!!

Cause all I got are . . .

Much Respect

Romance Man

Ronovan

(Yeah, I could have given the guys the word but you know, I can’t be sharin’ my secrets. Anyone seen my Atari 2600 Joy Stick? It’s my turn to play Frogger. Freakin’ Alligator.)

Sexy Intelligence. A #FemaleFocusedFriday article. Men join in.

September 5, 2014September 5, 2014 Ronovan Opinion Articles Attractive, Fetish, Intellect, Intelligence, Marilyn Monroe, Men, Sexy, Women

Intelligence is sexy. Some of y’all think of a movie stereotype nerd or geek when hearing the word intelligent, but it’s not the rule, it’s the exception. I’ve mentioned before in a Confession what the mind does for me. I thought I would elaborate about . . .

Sexy Intelligence

Ah, Marilyn Monroe. Considered the greatest sex symbol of all time. Yes she was beautiful and sexy. Master of the empty look in a full figure. What makes this photo sexy, and a few others I’ve seen? She isn’t posing, she is engrossing. Marilyn wasn’t just a pretty face and body, she had the brains to go with it. Her career shows you that. She just happened to be foolish enough to fall into the dark part of the world. A bleached blond angel bound for disaster. A highway to crack up central.

People find all manner of things appealing and desirable. Look at a list of fetishes and I am certain you will discover some surprising revelations. Of course the foot fetish comes to mind when thinking of fetish. I can understand finding a woman’s feet attractive. You can do a lot with a massage.

I have an Intellect Fetish. I need to explain what I mean by intellect. Intellect to me is not just knowing facts. Intellect is knowing how to properly use the information you have and in a manner that does not come across as a condescending, arrogant, jerk face.

You have the looks, the style, grace, the complete package, and then you speak. It doesn’t take long ti realize the elevator doesn’t reach the top floor.

I’m not saying you need to spell words correctly in a blog, heaven knows I mess up at times. You may even use the wrong word, it happens. But it’s your message that makes it happen for me and I am sure for others. Give me a brain with a decent packaging and I’ll take it over the Christmas wrap and a child’s toy any day.

Ladies AND Men

What do you find sexy and what makes you feel sexy?

Answer both or one.

10 Things Men Think Women Think They MUST Know About Men

August 15, 2014August 15, 2014 Ronovan Humor 10 Things, Advice, Car Repair, Clothes, Cuddling, Food, Funny, Gifts, Humor, humour, Lists, Men, Relationships, Sex, Toys, Washing, Women

1o Things Men Think Women Know About Me

A list of things about what I believe is an easy thing to do. I was challenged by Florence T. to come up with a list of things we think women know about us. I of course never back down from a writing challenge. And yes, ladies, challenge me if you will.

I enjoyed this moment to delve into what I think men might think about this. Being a man it should be easy, but y’all may understand why there may be difficulties at times. These are not what I specifically thing about each subject, but I think people get tired of hearing my personal thoughts about things like this. But without any further rambling and to do, in no particular order but number so I will not get lost I give you . . .

10 Things Men Think Women Think They MUST Know About Men

#1

What they MUST know:

We ignore them EVERY time they talk unless the word SEX is mentioned.

Truth:

We don’t ignore. We are simply selective in what we acknowledge in having heard. Society has given us a way out. We are portrayed as buffoons on TV and in movies. We do not like this image but if we must suffer through it, then we will take advantage of it. And no, SEX is not the ONLY thing we acknowledge, Hamburgers, Nachos, Tacos, Pizza, and Steak also are worthy. And even for some none of these words will work.

#2

What they MUST know:

We like women wearing tight fitting clothing or see through clothing.

Truth:

There is a rare occasion that tight fitting clothing is something we prefer to see women in. I see women wearing things so tight that I wonder how blood circulates. Very few of them should have stepped out in this attire in the first place as the sizes are not only tight, but perhaps two sizes too small. As for the see through attire? We can see more going to a restaurant or walking through any Walmart. Style, grace, a nice fit, and something hinting at what is beneath are far more appealing. Hinting by the nice fit and the moving of the body under the material.

#3

What they MUST know:

We are Cuddling Machines.

Truth:

We are not Cuddling Machines. Yes we do like to snuggle and cuddle at times, but this is referring to the after SEX moments. For me it is a fortunate thing if the blood pressure is not so great that my arteries do not scream at me. Muscles are trembling and every part of my body is aching from use. It has been the most enjoyable and most excruciating 5 minutes of my life. I cannot cuddle.

#4

What they MUST know:

We want to be examples of perfect health.

Truth:

We like salads. We like the grilled salmon over the fried oysters. Both of these statements are sometimes statements. As Cookie Monster says, “C is for Cookie and that’s good enough for me”. And to paraphrase what society has forced him to say, “Cauliflower is a sometimes food”. If you need more clarification please see the end of #1.

#5

What they MUST know:

We want our foods perfectly organized on our plates . . . not touching.

Truth:

This is some myth taught in a class we males were not included in. If the food isn’t touching that means there is less of it. In fact we like most of our foods to touch as they taste better together. If we go to an all you can eat buffet our plates are layered like lasagna and you may find lasagna under the fried chicken and the fresh yeasty rolls, if the popcorn shrimp isn’t hiding it.

#6

What they MUST know:

We don’t care about what softness of toilet tissue we end up with.

Truth:

Just because you can’t see us cry in the bathroom, the one we have been exiled to while using the sandpaper that seems to only be in the exiled bathroom does not, mean we don’t care. Men do not walk the way we do because we have different equipment below the belt line. We are trying not to cause ourselves to cry in public. Now you know where John Travolta got the strut from in Saturday Night Fever.

#7

What they MUST know:

We enjoy practical gifts for every gift occasion.

Truth:

We want toys. I need not go into this one any further.

#8

What they MUST know:

We always want monkey SEX.

Truth:

We are not that animalistic . . . all the time. There are those days when we have been thinking about you all day long . . . through the hours of sitting in traffic to get home . . . and we are animalistic, but sometimes we actually prefer the slow moments of the connecting gazes.

#9

What they MUST know:

We ALL know how to fix cars.

Truth:

My father knew better than to let me near a car. He used me as the free tire rotating service growing up. That was my job every few months on a Saturday. I was ‘learning’ how to change a tire. No I was ‘being used’ for free labor. That is about as far as it goes. Yes I can put oil in, and various other fluids, and even change a battery if need be. I am sure if I really had to I could do much more, I am intelligent and can read and follow instructions. But it is not a born with gift.

#10

What they MUST know:

We are all the jealous types.

Truth:

This is a bit serious. There are some ladies that will intentionally draw attention in order to make their Significant One jealous. We know this. Here are the things to keep in mind when doing this. If you have friends that do this, let them know.

1) If you make the wrong Significant One jealous, violence will occur

2) If you want to play that game, some of us will let you play it alone

Bonus

What they MUST know:

We don’t know how to use the washing machine.

Truth:

You know guys go to college and do their own laundry and often times end up with a fiance. Then what happens? Marriage and suddenly the wife decides the husband does not know how to wash clothes. Now this is not one I believe there is a complaint about. But I am putting it on the list because it is one of those things women MUST think they know about men.

I know much of the above is perhaps just my own opinions and in truth you can even turn some of them around and change the genders, especially with #10. But I accepted the challenge and I put some thought into it. I like to be funny with these lists but I also like there to be truth in each number I give so we can all share and learn. And perhaps even learn we are wrong, both you and me.

Ladies, are there things you think you know and want to know the real deal? Message me here, or if you want go to my About page and use that form, or email me at ronovanwrites@gmail.com, or even DM me on twitter @RonovanWrites. I really do mean it.

For next week each day I think will take Florence T up on the second challenge she offered up.

“Or what could be a ‘perfect’ balance between two persons in a relationship..not talking about equality here… ‘balance’! Did I just take the humor out of your post? Oops! :)”-Florence T

Much Respect

Ronovan

10 Things Women Need To Know About Men

August 8, 2014August 8, 2014 Ronovan Humor Advice, Blogs, Dating, Dating Advice, Internalizing, Life, Men, Opinions, Quesitons, Realtionships, Relationship Advice, Sex, Spouses

I see lists about ‘How to Know Your Man’ and ‘How to Make Your Man Happy in Bed or Anywhere Else’ and I wonder sometimes if even the ones by men are really nom de ploomers for 12 year old girls working for tickets to Judson Beader concerts.

Why do I say that?

I am so glad you asked. Let me tell you . . .

Things Women Need To Know About Men

Just remember that these are all based on my own opinions and what I have observed. Which are observations and which are my own personal opinions you will most likely know if you have read my site much. Enjoy and please, don’t kill the writer.

#10

Men Sulk and Pout

Ladies, I know it is difficult to believe that we men who scream at TVs during sporting events do this but yes . . . we internalize things. We prefer you think we are insane or mentally deranged rather than discuss it. Pizza . . . Tacos . . . Game Systems . . . Shooting things filled with glow in the dark stuff at night? Sure, but talking–no. We’re not mad at you. We’re not ignoring you. Just let us sulk and we get over it faster. The longer we are talked to and asked about it the longer it takes to get over. Let us pout. Do you really want to hear about the long awful day we had at work? Do you really?

#9

Don’t ask Don’t Tell

Ladies, you know those times when you ask us ‘what do you think?’ I’ll be point blank honest here. Perhaps I am honest because I don’t have the degrees for Creative Writing and all of that to tell the truth in a more creative way, just a degree History Education and writing tons of research papers. Or maybe it’s the concussion thing. My one year anniversary is coming up by the way. My imaginary self and I will be eating at an all you can eat Taco and Chinese buffet in No Calorieville. I hope you will join us. But here it is…ready?

If you already know what the answer that you want is, don’t ask us. We don’t know what to do. Do we be honest, or give you the answer you want? You say be honest . . . but is that ALWAYS true?

Examples:

“Is this shirt too tight?”

Okay, the male brain has now seized up as traffic has swarmed in the form of Spaghetti Junction in Atlanta, GA at 5 PM on a Friday before a three day holiday weekend.

Yes, it’s too tight because it shows off your breasts too much to other people.
I love that she has incredible breasts and I am proud she’s mine, eat your heart out boys.
She’s asking if she’s gained weight. Oh no, what do I do?
She’s asking if she’s gained weight. Do I tell her no because if I say yes then she will think I think she’s put on weight?
Man she looks good. How long will it take to get that thing of. (I hope she isn’t wearing a bra, I have no idea how those hooks work.)

You may not realize the male mind does this on its own without the participation of the male itself and all in the span of 1.01 seconds. Then the male enters into the picture and uses knowledge and common sense. You read that right. And you wonder why we get in to so much trouble with this one.

“Baby, those twins look outrageous. Mmm Mmm Mmm! You fine, girl.”-Either the young guy with no clue or the older over the hill midlife crisis male who is reliving his unsuccessful young guy days.

“I like it, but honestly honey, I love your body, and I love the fact men know how great your body is. Men are going to be staring at you enough as it is because of those kill me eyes and that beautiful smile.”-Mature, experienced male with common sense in use. Men, only use this one if you are sincere. Seriously. Customize to fit what you find amazing about the beauty of your woman.

“I don’t know, whatever.”-Moron alert and future divorce case.

#8

No opinion

Sometimes we really don’t have an opinion about something, especially if it has nothing to do with us or we just don’t know anything about it. Also there are times we are just that laid back and are like go with the flow. No, we are not always that indecisive . . . we just don’t have an opinion or we just like your opinion. Imagine that, huh? Did I say that out loud? No. Whew, awesome. There is another reason, we’re lazy and just don’t want to think. I’m serious. Even me, the one that is always thinking, I get to that point where I can answer what I want on my sandwich; ham or turkey.

#7

Sure, Okay & Fine

This was is so whatever that I couldn’t even come up with an image for it Guess what? You’ve heard us say those words and you don’t believe us. Well guess what again? Some of us actually mean it. Shocking I know. But rather than speak in sentences with all those parts of speech, we use the efficient one word answer to get back to what we were doing and/or avoid saying something to either a) make you mad or b) causing a lengthier discussion that will eventually lead into our getting into some sort of trouble which would lead to . . .

#6

Gifts are NOT for buying Forgiveness

We give you flowers, candy, a gift card to Home Depot for supplies for your favorite little homemade fish pond and you think we are trying to buy you off instead of saying we’re sorry. That is our saying we’re sorry. We’re not buying you off, we’re talking. We’ve been trained not to say we’re sorry or show emotions. Emotions are a weakness. Instead we do something else, like buy you something nice to say we’re sorry for spending so much on the credit card bill.

#5

Sometimes we really are staring off into space and not at the server.

When we’re out to dinner, we’re not always checking out the server in the required form fitting, skin tight black pants. (I wonder about that at times. Isn’t that like really a bad thing to have as a requirement?) We’re actually sometimes either a) tired and staring off into space not even knowing where we are looking or b) bored at the third time in the last hour you’ve talked about the same thing at work that’s ticked you off. My apologies for that second one, I know we do the same thing, but ladies, you are so much more intelligent than we are, perhaps leading by example would make the old dogs learn new tricks.

Sure we listen, we care, but after 2 or 3 times . . . we get it, you get it, the server in the skin tight black pants gets it. If we reacted indignant at what happened and acted like we were going to do something, you would then tease us or call us an idiot and say that it is only a little thing and you don’t want to cause any problems because it’s a great job. Huh?

#4

We Like Chick flicks.

You read that right. Just don’t ask us about it. Don’t give us a choice. Just say you want to go to that movie Saturday night. We need the excuse. I mean really, at the end of Armageddon when Bruce Willis is saying goodbye to his daughter, didn’t you notice the man in your life tearing up?

#3

We Like to Smell Pretty

When you go to the store and shop, because you know if you don’t everyone you love will die from hunger because they may have some mental block about like grocery shopping, buy us the nice smelling soaps. We like to smell good and you like us to smell good. Don’t give us the chance to be macho and go for the unscented, floats in water soap. We’re old enough to be more concerned about smelling nice rather than sinking battleships.

#2

We Don’t Think About Megan Fox During Sex

In the middle of sex, do you want to know what we’re thinking? It all depends on the situation. We are focused on how it feels and either a) praying we don’t end the session early or b) hoping we can keep going with that pain in the back before it ruins the moment.

But I am sure some men do think about things. Like earplugs for those who don’t like the overzealous screamer. There are screamers and then there are fire alarms. Screamers are fine, just saying but a lot of focus goes into those fire alarm moments. I mean really, I appreciate appreciation but well sometimes . . . you know?

So, no, no Megan Fox or anyone else for most of us. We’re just enjoying the feel of things.

#1

The Final Thing, and the one you’ve been waiting for . . .How to Make Us Happy In Bed.

How to make us happy in bed? It’s a simple thing really or is it? The idea most things you read about is show up, get naked and the man is happy. Maybe that works for some, but ladies let me clue you in on something. We like the heart behind the happening. A woman could be the worst technical lover to ever exist but can satisfy a man she loves and loves her back because he feels her intent and heart behind it. So it’s not just about showing up and trying to be sexy.

Yeah, I know, if that were true with all men then prostitution wouldn’t be a business. Porn would not be a business. But give me heart and you get me . . . never mind that . . . umm.

~~~~~~~~

Now I know that a lot of the above has to do with communication and that some ladies love to communicate and men just don’t and that is a huge problem. I am not condoning or excusing the above, I am just telling you the truth of what is reality. Sure some of us try to do better but failures occur. I like to understand things. Tell me things so I don’t interpret something wrong. I want to learn from whatever is happening. But once I know and you know I know . . . as I said above, don’t blame me for staring at the wall.

Anyway, that’s it for today, my Feature for Female Focus Friday here at RonovanWrites. I love Fridays. For all my Friends that might read this, please tell me what things you think?

And ladies if there are things you would like to know my opinion on . . . let me know. I would love to share . . . I really would. That would be awesome, and maybe some of your questions will be answered next Friday in a Female Focus Friday Feature.

Until next time,

Much Respect and Admiration

Ronovan

Female Focus Friday: Things Men Need to Know About . . . The When and Why to Shut Up . . . During a Vent

July 25, 2014July 25, 2014 Ronovan Writing Advice, Blogs, Dating, Humor, Men, Relationships, Women

Guys, take it from me, the man who knows . . . Women want us to Shut Up.

Not a major revelation, since I imagine most of us have heard those words, or close to them . . . a few times. But I’m not talking about those times when you . . .

Are about to announce the name you’ve picked out for your child that you promised not to mention to anyone. (This usually is also accompanied by a bruised shin that occurs from underneath the restaurant table.)
Or when you start telling that joke in front of her parents you just know is wrong. (Yes, never tell the mother-in-law the joke about the Secret Service discovering who peed the words The President Sucks in the snow outside the White House. Yes, being OJ Simpson at the time was funny, and yes it being in the First Ladies handwriting was also funny. But still . . .)
Or when you are about to tell your mother the truth about what your wife thinks of one of your mother’s specialty meals. (See results of the first type of shut up moment.)

No, I’m talking about the truly important times to shut up. Bruises will heal. Some scarring may occur, depending on the shoes worn or the length of the nails as they dig into your hand if a kick is not available. There are things worse, much . . . much worse.

So let me give you . . .

Things Men Need to Know About . . . The When and Why to Shut Up . . . During a Vent

First you need to know that whatever the stage of the relationship, they have to let things out sometimes. If you read all those magazines and watch all those talk shows like Oprah you will know pretty quick that “They are like Stars” and “We are like a . . .” well it rhymes with Venus. At least that’s how it seems when it comes to handling those talk times. We are insensitive. At least that’s how we’re portrayed. We’re not insensitive. We’re just not trained right.

WAKE UP! This is important. Pay attention.

You know the talk times I am talking about. She’s had a bad day, and she needs to talk, and you half mindedly listen and give your advice on how to handle the situation. Before long you realize that either 1) you are alone in the room, b) you are being glared at, or the most likely 3^rd) you don’t notice a thing and keep talking as you watch the game assuming you have done something amazingly helpful.

Men if you are reading this and you identify with the first two or believe she was happily listening as you spouted wisdom between screams at the coach on TV for his bad play calling and crunches of nachos while still advice spouting then I advise you to keep reading.

The scenario:

You walk into the room and your Significant One does NOT look happy. She doesn’t give you the ‘what the frilly hoohaa have you done this time’ look, so you start breathing again. Now you do the only correct thing of the next several minutes to two hours that you will do. You ask, “What’s wrong honey?”

She will do of two things:

She will say nothing is wrong, and you will either stupidly accept that, or you will rightly be sensitive and ask her what is really wrong, knowing you will probably regret it, but you love her and must continue.
Or she will immediately begin telling you what is wrong without any further prompting.

Now we enter the ‘Shut Up Zone’. Men, I know it’s difficult, but in time you learn. At times you will forget, but for the majority of the time you will make your life easier. Follow these basic rules of ‘Listening to your Significant One Vent’.

The Reasons you need to Shut Up are . . .

#1

. . . so you can listen. Listening accomplishes a lot of things.

You need to know what is actually going on for the test later. (The test will be unannounced and at any moment within the next 2 days to 55 years.)
Another reason is to know when she is actually speaking specifically to you. If she pauses and stares at you, you best be ready with, an “of course, you’re right”.

#2

. . . so you can remember not to give advice. Men, the Significant One does not want your advice. If they wanted advice they would call their mother or their best friend, neither of which you are. Oh, you think you are her best friend?

Men, we like to think that. We may even believe that. But the truth is, once you become the Significant One’s other there is a change in the dynamic. There are things that can no longer be said or shared for fear of hurting our masculine pride. Don’t believe me? Okay, your significant other is thinking of Johnny Depp while kissing you. And that ‘mmm’ sound, was not meant for you. How do you feel now? Point made.

#3

. . . so you can remember not to try and solve the problem. Men, they don’t need us to solve their problems. In fact if you listen well enough, you may realize there is no problem. We are the ones that created the mythical problem by asking what the problem was. In reality there probably wasn’t a ‘problem’. They just need to vent. If you do not ‘Shut Up’ you will then create a . . .

Wait for it.

. . . BIGGER problem . . . YOU. As for solving a problem, if they want us to help they will ask us to help. (A secret, they usually don’t need any ‘help’. Yeah, like I said, just shut up.)

#4

. . . so you can tell when the vent is over. Men, you’ve listened well, but have you paid attention. The vent is over and you are sitting there staring at her. This will lead to a couple of dangerous possibilities;

It is assumed you were not paying attention and zoned out,
Or your opinion may be asked, although only on a rare occasion.

Do not, I repeat, do NOT give an opinion. Agree and say that you totally agree. I REPEAT, DO NOT GIVE AN OPINION!

“But DUDE, she ASKED FOR MY OPINION!”

“DUDE, SHE IS ASKING YOU TO AGREE!!!”

#5

. . . so you cannot ask questions. Men, shut up and just listen. Don’t ask a question because you will do one of two things;

Make her mad that you interrupted
Or you will send her off onto another vent before she comes back to the main vent

I repeat . . . Shut Up.

How will you know the vent is over? I will make this simple for the moment, although this could be an entire article of its own.

Know the Significant One’s body language
Listen to the voice for a change in pitch
Finally notice the vein is no longer protruding wherever it protrudes and the shoulders are no longer up around the ears from tension and the hands have stopped waving

You may ask, “Ronovan, how do you come by these freshwater pearls of wisdom. ”

Oh young grasshopper mint cookie. Though the waters may appear calm, even this tiny grain of sand in the great ocean of the male population irritates. You either become a pearl, or you are spit out.

As for the Significant Ones reading this today, I ask, are there other reasons to add to the “Shut Up” list? Please advise. We really need to know.

The ever Needy and

Much Respectful

Ronovan

I’m Back-Return of the Lost Mind Poet

July 12, 2014July 12, 2014 Ronovan Poetry Anger, Bullying, Harrassment, Men, Poem, Poetry, Slam, Women

I’m Back

by: Lost Mind

Did you enjoy my break

Did you enjoy the vacation

Well it’s over now

It’s time for a proclamation

To all those idiots

Who take shots on the blogs

I won’t be calling you pigs

But boys you be acting like hogs

No, I ain’t a wordsmith

I ain’t poetically adept

My words come out wild

I’m manic I sound desperate

I’ve been riled and angered

Yeah, you might say I’m ticked

Because I’ve been seeing some boys

Who been acting like a . . .

You don’t take no for an answer

You think your truth is better

You don’t even have one

You couldn’t find it with an Irish Setter

Some of you like to spout and spew

Like a philosophical misfit

Let me tell you something guys

We’re all just full of . . . it

The women say what they say

Then take it as fact

Don’t be looking for reasons

To jump on in for an attack

Oh, I’m sorry

Do you think I’m talking about you

Well if you think that

Then start brain swirlin’ why you think it might be true

Look at my history

In the poems I’ve wrote

My message is consistent

With women don’t rock my boat

Yeah, I’ve been quiet for quite some time now

You thought the Lost Mind done been found

That I had done been happy

That I was over the rainbow bound

Oh I try and do I get my smile on

But let me tell you something Jack

When the Lost Mind snaps

My poetic reflex snaps back

So to all those self important self attention seeking typists

That is for both men and women as well

Don’t be throwing out your spiel

Because you got nothing to tell

You Might Be An American Male if . . . The Fifth of July Edition

July 5, 2014July 5, 2014 Ronovan Humor, You Might Be An American Male if . . . America, American Men, Groin Shot, Humor, Larry the Cable Guy, Male, Men, Swimming Pool Fail

The day after the Fourth of July is a tradition every year. Ah . . . what, you didn’t know that? Well every year the Fifth of July happens.

You see these lists of what to do on the Fourth of July. I decided not to do one of those, nor a ‘what traditions there are’ list. Instead I decided to give my Friends a look into the American Male.

So I give to you my first edition of:

©You Might Be An American Male if . . . (The Fifth of July Edition)