The L.A.W. is Thrilled to be Trippin’. Who said that?

AmiraTL3CatTL3ElenaTL3JennaTL3KateTL3Credit: Freefoto.com

 

 

 

 

 

The last time with the L.A.W. Ronovan and the team faced off against zombies as they made their way toward the home of a key person behind the missing U’s and other letters threatening to make their friend Hugh disappear back in Britain. Just as they thought everything was finally okay they faced offed against an even bigger

“Thanks guys,” said Amira with a wave and a chin thrust. We had Thrillered for at last 10 blocks with the Zombie Horde as they showed us how to find our destination.

“No probs, A. Mak, just make sure I get that signed copy of The Reaping,” said the leader of the dance troop. I wasn’t sure I wanted to see the Musical Comedy theater production they had developed. Thriller meets Walking Dead meets Dirty Dancing. Would Baby eat her Daddy for putting her in the corner? Would she fall apart when lifted in the air? Would Johnny melt when he rehearsed in the river? Were Zombies afraid of water? Wait, was the Wicked Witch of the West a Zombie? Whoa!

“Ronovan?” I shook my head at the sound of the voice. Turning I saw hazel eyes staring into mine.

“Um, ya?” I asked Kate.

“Just checking. You had the concussed look like my daughter Molly used to get when dropped on her head as a flier in cheer.”

“Pretty close. I think I’ve been in Lubbock too long. I’m not all that thrilled to be here.”

“Muahahahaha!” Elena was cracking up. “Not ‘thrilled’. Zombies. Thriller. Hahahaahahahaa.”

“I think brain chick has been here to long too,” said Cat as she flexed her fingers.

“Well we’re here now,” I said, finally shaking off weird thoughts. “Let’s see if Cyril Bussiere is home.” I knocked on the door.

“What do you want?!”

I had not been expecting that kind of answer nor that accent. “You sure this is the right address?” I asked Elena.

“Yep. See the Napoleon shaped door knocker?”

I squinted. “Is that who it is? I thought it was Marlon Brando,” I said.

“It ain’t no Marlon Brando or  Nappy Poleon,” said the female voice behind the door.

“Then who is it?” I asked, figuring at least talking was something.

“Dennis Hopper, C.B. loved him some Speed. He watched that movie until the tape done broke in two and then had to get a DVD one.”

“Um, is C.B, I mean is Cyril home? We’re friends of his and kind of need to talk to him,” I said.

“That boy done gone and took off for the FeFe land. Scoundrel that he is. Gave me chocolates and nylons and then throws me to the side.” The door opened and the largest woman I had ever seen was in the door. Now I know people like to say that, but this woman was about 6’9″ and weighed easily 500 lbs. I don’t think there was much fat. She was round with what her Momma gave her. I’ll just say that.

“Urr, um, were you and Cyril . . .,” I began.

“Honey, that man done had me cleaning this apartment for him and that little sweet thing of a wife of his for a year now, and then he just up and leaves. Now what am I supposed to do for a job? Tell me that. Well what you standin’ there lookin’ like some fool who done seen the second comin’ of the Manga Carter.”

I was speechless. I really had no idea what to say to that. I really had no idea really what she was saying and coming from me that is saying a lot, if you really think about it. Things get kind of random around here.

“I know, I know!” We all turned and squinted.

“Honey, you best be turnin’ out them lights,” said the woman. “And put that hand down. This ain’t no class room. Wavin’ your hand like you some kindercare with a need to go number one or somethin’.”

“Sorry,” said Jenna as she put her hand over her smile and lowered the hand that had been waving in the air for attention. “But I bet that dance troop we just left could use some help. They mentioned something about cleaning out some store over on 5th and Walker.”

The woman reached inside and grabbed a bag and stormed out past us. There was silence as we all stared in stunned amazement that it, she moved.

“Okay,” said Amira. “Get going and search the house. C.B, I mean Cyril has obviously skipped the country but we need to find out all we can here before we head out.”

“But if he’s left already we are way behind,” said Cat.

“We have a way,” said Elena as she started dialing a number on the wrist thingy she had on.

The rest of us started searching the place. “Oh look, a Blue Moon,” said Kate.

We all looked at her as we knew the moon was white and shining tonight. She looked back at us and saw the confusion. “See,” she said holding up the bottle. “His favorite beer. I think it’s the Belgian thing about it. Nasty stuff, don’t you think?” She asked as she threw it out the window.

“I got something,” said Amira from a back room. We all rushed down the hallway.

“Looks like he’s been studying up on Oreos and their ingredients. I think these are recipes and he substituted these chemicals for some of the real ones or at least added them,” she said.

Kate leaned over her shoulder to look. She was the ingredient expert seeing as how she was the resident health nut. “If those things are what I think they are then they would add no taste to the Oreos or change the color and actually help burn calories as well.”

“Hugh is addicted to those things,” said Jenna. “Every time there is coffee there has to be some Oreos or some type of biscuit, as he likes to say.” She controlled the smile so it was just a grin. The strain was amazing and we were afraid she was going to pull a dimple muscle. It had happened before from what I had heard.

” And look at these,” said Elena. “Plans for some sort of helmet but no, not a helmet but a mind control device. They look like bowl cut hair styles.”

“Oh no, the Royal Family has those,” said Jenna.

“Mind altering Oreos, Mind Controlling Mop Tops,” I said. “This is bigger than Cyril. Someone must have a closer connection than even this diabolical Frenchxan.”

I noticed they all looked at me. “What?”

“Frenchxan?” Jenna asked. Yes, even she looked at me funny.

“Well he’s French and he lives in Texas so I put French and Texan together and . . .”

“We get it,” said Amira as she turned to Elena rubbing her forehead. “ETA?”

“Should be outside now,” said Elena.

“Okay, guys, time for a trip, outside.” We all marched outside at Amira’s words.

There was an odd blue telephone thing out there. “Wait, I’ve seen one of these on TV. It belongs to . . .,” I began.

“Who,” said a voice as the door opened.

Out walked a man I had only seen on TV. “Anyone want a jelly baby?” He asked in a British accent. I looked around at everyone. They all marched inside and took their favorite color jelly baby from him as if this was common.

“Well, are you coming or swimming?” The Doctor asked.

“Take the red one, Ronovan, the red one,” said Cat over her shoulder with a smile.

“I so can’t believe this,” I said.

“Who would?” Dr. Who asked. Then he laughed insanely as he shoved me in and we were suddenly streaking away.

 

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Things I Learned From Women-The Low Down #FemaleFocusFriday

I asked and received. Isn’t that a great thing about having  a blog? You can ask things and sometimes people answer. I sometimes what I will end up with. I mean my questions. I actually sat down and wrote the first questions that came to my mind last week for Female Focus Friday. That might actually concern some of you considering the questions I asked. Some of you wanted to know the results So here they are.

ron_ballgame_blackandwhite
Me

Things I Need to Know From Women-The Low Down

 (I first had the ending called the Down Low. Even my amnesiac brain said something about that didn’t sound right.)

Are bra’s comfortable at all?

PennyLaneThoughts-“No” (Paraphrase-Evil man contraption.)

penny
Penny Lane Thoughts

Mara Eastern-Embarrassed to say (Paraphrase-She’s comfy in her clothes.)

eclecticalli-“Now, it’s more comfortable than not wearing one when I’m out and about” (Paraphrase-Yes unless being tortured.)

Nishi-“should feel like second skin nothing uncomfortable about them” (Paraphrase-She either is well fitted or uses paint.)

Tempest Rose-“Bras suck.” (Paraphrase-No) Eloise agrees with Tempest

Winterbayne-“I don’t mind sports bras.” (Paraphrase- Yes, normal bras suck, as Tempest says.)

qwietpleez-“In a word, NO. Not simply no my friend, but nooooo.” (Paraphrase-I like to repeat myself for emphasis because the bra is so tight and pokey I have no idea if I said it strongly enough the first time.)

Luccia Gray-“No.” (Paraphrase-The constricting embrace of this device takes my breath and leaves me feeling faint at his aproach.)

hubilicious-“They’re okay. If you have small boobs, they are probably not necessary, but if you have bigger ones, they spare you the trouble of two things wobbling in front of you that might potentially throw off your balance. ” (Paraphrase-If you got ’em you need ’em if ain’t you need no restraint.)

ifollowislands-“I hate bras.” (Paraphrase-Born free, live free.)

Serins-“Who likes bras?” (Paraphrase-Men want to see women in pretty sexy things.)

FlorenceT-” ‘no bra’ ” (Paraphrase-Men are decent without one then so am I. Women Power.)

 

Result: No (Paraprhase-Men if you l

ike them, then wear them for each other at your man gatherings.)

 

Mara
Mara Eastern

 

Do you like g-string undies?

PennyLaneThoughts-“I’ve worn them for years.” (Paraphrase-Yes, and my friends are cowards.)

Mara Eastern-Yes. (Paraphrase-If it’

s girly bring it on.)

eclecticalli-“It just…makes no sense.” (Paraphrase-No. The dentist didn’t prescribe butt floss so I ain’t wearin’ it.)

Nishi-Yes. (Paraphrase-It he G-String fits, wear it.)

Tempest Rose-“G-strings suck.” (Paraphrase-No.) Eloise agrees.

Winterbayne-“not my thing really” (Paraphrase-Only when I’m in the mood on days not including the letter a.)

qwietpleez-“eww-gross” (Paraphrase-gag me with a spoon)

Luccia Gray-“No.” (Paraphrase-Yon silken garment meanders into places one not soon should allow.)

hubilicious-“No” (Paraphrase-I don’t like sea life.)

Alli
Eclectic Alli

ifollowislands-“Hate them, too!” (Paraphrase-Ain’t no show going on round here.)

Serins-“um no” (Paraphrase-Wants to see Ronovan in g-string undies.)

FlorenceT-“only if necessary” (Paraphrase-I think MY VPL is sexy.)

 

Is drawing with a pencil around your eyes fun?

Mara Eastern-Loves it. (Paraphrase-I’m an artist, what can I say?)

eclecticalli-“. . . I have trouble tracing when all odds are in my favor . . . ” (Paraphrase-I hated art class.)

Nishi-Oooo, fun day time. (Paraphrase-I’ve been drawing with my 2 year old daughter way too much.)

Tempest Rose-“Makeup sucks.” (Paraphrase-You want a right around your eye? Come here and I’ll give you one that you don’t have to draw on.”) Eloise agrees.

Winterbayne-“not squeamish about my eyes” (Paraphrase- It’s expensive and I ain’t buyin’ it when the guy doesn’t even bother to trim his nose hairs.)

Nishi
The Showcase (fabulousnishi)

qwietpleez-“Perhaps at Halloween.” (Paraphrase-I go on one date per year because makeup is expensive.)

Luccia Gray-“Yes.” (Paraphrase-I don’t need it but I like to make the men drop to their knees when I walk by and not just stand in awe.)

hubilicious-“I don’t do that.” (Paraphrase-I failed coloring in Kindergarten and never looked back.)

ifollowislands-“I used to apply eye liner . . .” (Paraphrase-I’m too pretty to have a need for it now.)

FlorenceT-“. . . it’s a health hazard.” (Paraphrase-I have moments where I want to stab things with pencils and the family avoids me when I work or put on makeup.)

 

Result: Yes, by a narrow margin.

 

Do you like the feminine product commercials?

PennyLaneThoughts-“No” (Paraphrase-Get a clue.)

tempest_rose
Nonsense & Shenanigans (Tempest Rose)

eclecticalli-“I find them amusing.” (Paraphrase-I have more in life to worry about than a commercial.)

Nishi-No (Paraphrase-Let’s switch places and you try it, bub.)

Tempest Rose-“suck” (Paraphrase-Have you seen a theme yet, Ron?) Eloise agrees and in an accent.

Winterbayne-“cheesy” (Paraphrase-Dorks make commercials.)

qwietpleez-“So silly they are.” (Paraphrase-Leia sends C3PO out to buy them.)

Luccia Gray-“No.” (Paraphrase-Man asks things of stupidity.)

hubilicious-“Nope.” (Paraprhase-Are you serious?)

ifollowislands-“like a nappy in your panty” (Paraphrase-Where a diaper dude and see what you think?)

Serins-“here they are done very tactfully” (Paraphrase-American ad people are dorks.)

FlorenceT-“NO” (Paraphrase-Ron, you are a dork for asking.)

 

Eloise_De_Sousa
Thoughts by Mello-Elo

Result: No. Or in the word of Tempest “Suck”.

 

Do you like products that change colors and the like just to attract your dollars?

PennyLaneThoughts-“Not since I was about 12” (Paraphrase-Ron, your questions are weak.)

eclecticalli-“have you seen the Ellen commentary” (Paraphrase-I got what Ron was asking about. The whole changing to attract Gender dollars.)

Tempest Rose-“Sucks” (Paraphrase-I like mine black.) Eloise agrees.

Winterbayne-“I do color code.” (Paraphrase-Ron, ask a better question.)

qwietpleez-“I’m fairly easy to please” (Paraphrase-Black is basic.)

Luccia Gray-“helps some people” (Paraphrase-I’m good at walking the line and seeing both sides of the possibilities.)

WinterBayne
Winter Bayne

hubilicious-“I like pens that write.” (Paraphrase-I can’t make up my mind.)

ifollowislands-“”I don’t care” (Paraphrase-I lose pens.)

FlorenceT-“No.” (Paraphrase-Advertising people are dorks.)

 

Result: Indifferent  But you know what Tempest thinks.

 

If a man has a nose hair waving at you on a date, do you still kiss him?

PennyLaneThoughts-” . . .guy was . . . hot, I’d kiss him . . .” (Paraphrase-I would close my eyes and think of Hugh Jackman.)

eclecticalli-“. . . not be a deal breaker . . .” but “. . . if . . . ” (Paraphrase-Dates bore me and I don’t even notice he has hair.)

Nishi-“. . . maybe not . ” (Paraphrase-Why are you asking?)

Tempest Rose-“. . . is natural.” (Paraphrase-It doesn’t suck.) Eloise says the guy should worship her enough to be more presentable.

Winterbayne-” . . .good personality . . . I wouldn’t have noticed . . .” (Paraphrase-The guy bored me out of me gourd.)

qwietpleez-” . . . if the tables were turned.” (Paraphrase-Pull the sucker out.)

TheQwietMuse
Qwiet Muse

Luccia Gray-“Yes.” (Paraphrase-“Dost thou fail to notice my wavering, my love?” “Not until you pointed it out my dearest dolt.”)

hubilicious-” . . . go with Tempest . . .” (Paraphrase-Blood shed is eminent.)

ifollowislands-“. . . too gross.” (Paraphrase-Dude, take care of it or I no shave nothing no more.)

Serins-“There are worse things.” (Paraphrase-At least he doesn’t  have bats in the cave about to fly on your face.)

FlorenceT-“eeewww” (Paraphrase-eeewww (notice the balanced use of e’s and w’s))

 

Result: This hair is split.

 

If a blind date goes badly do you hate the friend that set you up?

PennyLaneThoughts-“never been on one . . .” (Paraphrase-You’re out of luck, Ron.)

LucciaGray
Luccia Gray

eclecticalli-“Unless the guy is a real jerk wad . . .” (Paraphrase-If he’s at least hot, she’s off the hook.)

Tempest Rose-“Forgive but . . .” (Paraphrase-Make their lives suck.)

Winterbayne-“Refuse to speak . . .” (Paraphrase-Save on cellphone bill. No unlimited texting and only 600 monthly minutes with no roll over.)

qwietpleez-“would never happen” (Paraphrase-I rock!)

Luccia Gray-“. . . never blame anyone . . .” (Paraphrase-Revenge comes to those who have long sense forgotten.)

hubilicious-“I think not.” (Paraphrase-He hurts me then he is toast.)

ifollowislands-“. . . friend was laughing afterwards.” (Paraphrase-Immature friend be gone with you!)

Serins-“. . . I don’t go for such a thing.” (Paraphrase-Were is the chocolate?)

FlorenceT-“no hard feeling BUT . . .” (Paraphrase-Lucy you got some splanin’ to do.)

 

Result: No

Would you date a friend?

PennyLaneThoughts-“NONONO” (Paraphrase-I like my TV better.)

hubilicious
hubbilicious

eclecticalli-Yes (Paraphrase-What? Doesn’t everyone do it?)

LisaListed-“. . . if he ever made an effin move.” (Paraphrase-Dude, whatcha waitin’ for?)

Tempest Rose-“I’ve dated almost all of my friends.” (Paraphrase-New people suck.)

Winterbayne-Yes (Paraphrase-Move on.)

qwietpleez-“. . . I married him.” (I come from a small community.)

Luccia Gray-“No” (Paraphrase-My wish is for a dish of uncommon rarity to mine eyes.)

hubilicious-“. . . why not?!” (Paraphrase-Game on like a like a . . . something rhyming with on.)

ifollowislands-“. . . what can you lose?” (Paraphrase-Can’t deny that feeling so high.)

Serins-“. . . yes . . . no . . . ” (Paraphrase-Huh?)

FlorenceT-“Yes” (Paraphrase-Ron, are you trying to ask me something?)

 

Result: Yes

 

Do you feel discriminated against in grocery stores with the shelves so high?

PennyLaneThoughts-“No” (Paraphrase-Desperate for questions?)

ifollowislands
I Follow Islands

Mara Eastern-No (Paraphrse-I see tall people.)

eclecticalli-No. (Paraphrase-I have style I  have grace Rita Hayward gave good . . . what was the question.? Vogue Vogue Vogue.)

Tempest Rose-oooo (Paraphrase-Ron, feels discriminated for the low shelves because he’s tall and has osteoarthritis and herniated discs throughout his spine.)

Winterbayne-“Hadn’t thought about it.” (Paraphrase-Thanks Ron for making me notice!)

qwietpleez-“Nah” (Paraphrase-I say that but I shouldn’t h ave to ask help for nothing.)

Luccia Gray-“Never” (Paraphrase-I do not dwell on matters not of utmost import.)

hubilicious-“Should I?” (Paraphrase-Any other questions, Ron.)

Serins-Marketing (Paraphrase-I think I will over think this to the guy that was in marketing.)

FlorenceT-“Yes” (Paraphrase-Tall people are evil.)

 

Result: No

 

What is the biggest turnoff in a relationship to you?

PennyLaneThoughts-“I think my biggest thing is dishonesty.” (Paraphrase-Turned off by most men.)

Serins
Serins Sphere

eclecticalli-“Dishonesty. Meanness. Lack of respect.” (Paraphrase-Turned off by most men.)

Tempest Rose-“. . . everything.” (Paraphrase-Men suck.)

Winterbayne-“Arrogance & overcompensation in an attempt to impress me.” (Paraphrase-Turned off by most men.)

qwietpleez-“When people try to control their partner OR are entirely too dependent on them.” (Paraphrase-Turned off by most men.)

Luccia Gray-“Rude, unclean, or drunk men . . .” (Paraphrase-Your gender is deplorable.)

hubilicious-“Dishonesty” (Paraphrase-Turned off by most men.)

ifollowislands-“A football fanatic.” (Paraphrase-Turned off by most men.)

Florence T
Meanings & Musings (Florence T)

Serins-“I don’t know” (Paraphrase-Men are cool.)

FlorenceT-“Narcissistic and/or crass men” (Paraphrase-I’ll answer with as many things as I like.)

 

Result: Looks like Dishonesty

 

Well there you have it. We have some answers. Don’t be surprised if there is a follow up to this about what I think about the answers and results.

 

Much Respect

Ronovan

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Things I Need to Know From Women

Curiosity killed the cat, I just hope it doesn’t run over Ronovan. There are things I wonder about. Some are important and some are not. Having a blog I get to ask these questions without the fear of being damaged bodily. Although I am certain I may hear about it through Twitter DMs, About page message system, emails, and even facebook messages. I am entirely too accessible.

Things I Need to Know From Women

 

Are bra’s comfortable at all?

The mere thought of having to wear a harness freaks me out. It’s like having to hook up a guide dog for service. I just can’t imagine. Come to think of it, I am happy I can’t image. I have a great imagination but brassiere wearing isn’t a great image apparently. At least not on me. I will stop at that with this one.

 

Do you like g-string undies?

I just had to ask this. A friend said she only wore them with certain outfits because of VPL. I had to google VPL, I thought her auto correct had malfunctioned. Shoelaces for undies seems so uncomfortable. Yes, men seem to get a thrill out of the idea but have them wear them and see how long that lasts. I just threw up a little in my mouth. Personally I would rather a woman wear those cheekies, I think they are called. They are probably just as uncomfortable but at least they leave something to the imagination and to me are just sexy.

 

Is drawing with a pencil around your eyes fun?

If I had taken a pencil and started drawing around my eyes with it as a child I would have been punished. Even little girls would have been. But it’s a huge business for adults. Eye liner, mascara . . . have you ever thought how scarey mascara sounds?

 

Do you like the feminine product commercials?

I just can’t imagine sitting there with the family and suddenly certain commercials come on and  my son looks at me and begins to ask questions. I am trying to think of a man product that would be similar. I am sure there should be but men aren’t willing to admit it. I suppose hemorrhoid cream would be the closest. But I just don’t see how anyone would want their bodily functions, which are beyond their control spread across the television screen.

 

Do you like products that change colors and the like just to attract your dollars?

Do you really care what color your pens are? I even read that one college in Canada was banning various colored ink due to their being racist or discriminatory. Do you prefer your ink to be pink or is okay with you if it’s blue?

 

If a man has a nose hair waving at you on a date, do you still kiss him?

You like the fellow, he’s been nice and sweet and you have thought about that goodnight moment at the door. Then on approach the nose hair waves at you. If you kiss him it might even touch you. What do you do? What . .  . do . . . you . . . do?

 

If a blind date goes badly do you hate the friend that set you up?

It happens. I know none of the ladies reading this ever had to go on a blind date. But let us say hypothetically you did go on one, what would you do if it went badly?

a) Forgive the friend

b) Disown the friend

c) Get revenge and set said friend up with the worst possible date you can find (Sorry, I’m not medically allowed to drive yet.)

 

Would you date a friend?

The killer happens. You go out with . . . a friend. Is it possible? Can it work? What if it doesn’t? Can you remain friends after having . . . you know . . . done the deed . . . kissed? It happens and if it goes unchecked the friends just keep going down the path to marriage and so on and so forth without that in love aspect. Would you date a friend?

 

 

Do you feel discriminated against in grocery stores with the shelves so high?

So you are elevatededly challenged and you approach the soft drink aisle. And of course what you want is on the top shelf. I know a lady of 68 who stepped on the bottom shelf to reach the bottles. She is maybe a hair over 5 feet tall. The bottle slipped and came down on her head. Now if it had been the side of the bottle it might have been okay. The problem  is it came down straight bottle cap first. Is it rational to have the shelves so high when you can never find anyone to help? I don’t know how many times I’ve had to help people get things down in stores. Is it a form of discrimination or insensitivity law?

 

What is the biggest turnoff in a relationship to you?

Not much I can say here. This one is really up to y’all to speak on.

 

Those are just some of the things that came to mind recently that I need to know from women.

Much Respect

Ronovan

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