Part of blogging is networking and part of networking is social networking.

GET BACK HERE!!!

I know, I said the word, networking. Anyone else have the full body shiver? But we’ll talk about one particular social networking platform today that really can apply to pretty much all of those dreaded diseases, well some of you call them that. Parasites. Life suckers. Time travelers. Well you call them that because somehow you sit down and suddenly you are two hours into the future.

But I have a solution for you.

My Top Five Ways to NOT Gain Twitter Followers

Yes—Twitter. What can Twitter do for you in regards to your blog? By connecting with other bloggers who then ReTweet or RT your Tweets other people then find you. Also if you Hashtag things properly you will get your blog noticed. But I’m not here to talk about those things. Those things just bring even more attention to your blog and cause you to have more people to read Comments from and watch click Like.

No, I want to tell you how NOT to get people to follow you on Twitter. I want to save you from those pains of progress.

It was difficult to decide the order because all are pretty close.

Number Five

Force account verification before letting someone Follow you.

So I see you, maybe you even Followed me and I am like, okay, I’ll bite. No, I’m not an Animal Animal Animal. Whoa, anyone else hear Maroon 5 for a moment there? Um, the verification thing, right. That’s when I get the message pop up that you require me to verify I am a human before I can Follow you, even if you have Followed me in the first place. That is an excellent way NOT to get a Follower. Tell me you think I am not Human. I love it. It makes my day. Please, sir, may I have another?

The great part of this is, a little thing is on your account, an image that lets us know you require verification. Even though it’s easy to do the verification process, it’s still a process and I ain’t doing a process. So if you don’t want me to Follow you, set that up and I’ll move along.

Number Four

Don’t put information in your Bio section.

Mystery. Ah yes. We all love them—in books, in movies. You should keep yourself a mystery by not telling anyone about who you are or what you are interested in or what you might be Tweeting about. That’s a way to make people keep moving on. If you Follow me and I go check you out, as I do everyone who Follows me, and I don’t see something that lets me know something about you, that you are a for real person, then enjoy my Tweets but I won’t be enjoying your advertising of whatever you are tweeting for someone about. Oh no. I just mentioned wanting to confirm you are human! Oops.

Really, I want to know you’re not a dummy account of something I will tell you about later. OOOOO cliff hanger.

Number Three

Keep the nice Egg photo as your image.

Twitter is the second coming of Easter at times. All those new eggs out there that have been around for a few years kind of smell after a time. I see egg I think, “What? Not even a cat photo?” I’ll go check them out but it’s rare I find a reason to Follow Back. So if you don’t want Followers keep the Egg and don’t use an approachable photo. Dom photos seem to scare me and others away as well. Doms and Eggs. Both have four letters. Interesting. Maybe four letter words keep me from Following. Hmm.

Number Two

Use a bunch of random letters as your handle.

I love not being able to pronounce a name or Twitter Handle. HZZxccSxCzzh might be a great person but I’ll never knooowwww. Bunches of messed up letters just screams to me, “No, do not look at me. I am not here. You can’t see me. I’m a ninja.” That’s right. I can’t see you. I am like, “What? Not even CatLover013?”

Number One

Put up Buy Twitter Followers as your header photo and/or Bio information.

I love how many people are part of the SPEED UP YOUR TWITTER MARKETING CAMPAIGN club. You can tell who they are because of that pretty blue header photo that tells you how much it costs to buy Followers. The blue brings out the color in my eyes. I’m not a club joiner and not into buying Followers. That doesn’t serve a purpose to me. But go ahead and join it and you won’t have to worry about me Following you. It just says to me, “I was told that this is a great way to get people to follow me and I fell for it and I have like no one really following me and I don’t really have anything to say but if I put up blue people will come and look at it and if they do it long enough they will learn the secret lottery winning numbers.” (Yes, this is how my mind just sort of flows sometimes. Scary, huh? Don’t you wish you were me?)

 

And a Bonus of How to Get me to UnFollow you fast.

I mentioned earlier how I want to know people aren’t dummy accounts so I look to see if they have bios or tweet things. Well, there is a reason I look for that. One reason is because often times as soon as I do follow someone that is like a total mystery they send me a Direct Message telling me how much I can pay them to Follow me with their 18,000 Twitter accounts. Do that and you have lost my Follow.

Well, I hope you enjoyed the advice and that you lose a lot of potential Followers. I love to help, as you all know. Live long, prosper, and Hermit like Kermit in the swamp.

 

Ronovan

 

 

 

 

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