Rose & Ghun Episode One: You want me to do what?

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“Ow,” I mumbled.

“Does that hurt, pretty baby?” I stared up out of one eye at the woman above me. Perfect lipstick and hair, nails still shimmering in the light of night, and brandishing a tire iron she had just used on my ribs.

“Only a little, Cornelia,” I managed. “I guess you aren’t what you used to be.”


I’m not very smart…sometimes. That’s the idea that flowed through my head as my body rolled along behind it. The pavement was cold on my face. I smiled and my lip stung from the cracks in it. “Broke a heel,” I said. “Should have stuck with the iron.”

She stalked toward me. It’s amazing how beautiful people can look so hideous when evil twisted them from the inside. As for me on the asphalt . . . if it had just been Cornelia things would have been fine, but she never traveled alone. Part of her posse, gang, whatever gorgeous women criminal types called their hired thugs was present.

“Not gonna move, purdy boy,” said Larry.

“That’s ‘pretty baby’,” I said.

“Yeah, pretty baby, Larry,” said Justin.

Good, I got the names right. Big sacks of meat all looked the same through a swollen eye…in the night…in the street…on your face, points for me. Now what? Only one thing I could do.

“unnnnhhh,” was all Larry managed as my heel connected with his inseam. I rolled like a log along the street whRose1ile Justin paused to glance at his partner. Can’t run, then roll.

“Get him!”

By the time Justin turned at Cornelia’s order I had made it to my feet and was running…hobbling or maybe it was skipping. The only concern I had was that I was fast enough. Gary’s was not far and if I could make it there, then I might have a chance.

“Ain’t happenin’,” said Justin. I could hear boots pounding the street. Why do big men move faster these days? Why am I saying ‘these days’? I’m not even middle aged. But with the life I led maybe I was middle aged.

I could see Gary’s Grill’s sign lit up not even a block away. But sucking wind and dancing ribs were not going to allow me to get there. My feet kept running into the air as my head and shoulders came to a sudden stop.

“Aw, pretty baby got caught,” said Cornelia.

Justin held me in his arms like a constrictor, not that he needed to. I was spent. Cornelia walked slowly up and smiled. She had brought the tire iron. “I warned you not to take the case, now didn’t I?”

I couldn’t answer and wouldn’t have even if I could have taken a breath.

“That building fire was an accident. That’s what the insurance company is going to find out, and you are not going to disagree, are you, pretty baby?”


Cornelia glanced over my shoulder and nodded. The arms loosened slightly. At least I could breathe again.

“Now what did you want to tell me?”

“Why do you call me pretty baby?”

The slap jerked my head sideways and my neck popped. Why do women take these crazy classes where they exercise by fighting? That was a pro shot. Rib pain, the constrictor had returned.

Fingers pulled my hair and my face lifted to hers. “Drop the case or else,” she said. She leaned in close to my ear. I felt her breath and could smell her perfume. “Drop the case, Trevor. I don’t want this to get worse,” she ended in a whisper.

She stepped back and nodded at Justin. I was slammed to the pavement and couldn’t move. I saw them walk away. It wasn’t a bad sight. Justin leaving was a good thing, and even in the condition I was in…well…Cornelia was Cornelia, evil or not.

“And I was coming to you for help.” I slGhunowly rolled over onto my back and looked up into the face of another woman.

“What can I do for you?” I groaned.

“Not die for starters.”

“Working on it. What else?”

“Need you to help me kill the man that killed my sister.”

How do things get this bad this fast?


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Extra! Extra! Rose & Ghun Bust Hugh Roberts For Letter Hoarding!

For the beginning of this adventure you may want to read

When Ronovan Met Miss Maple (On Skype) Part 1 – A Response to Ronovan at Ronovan Writes

From Hugh Roberts of Hugh’s Views & News and hear his side of the story and why I called in Rose & Ghun.




Strange things happen in strange places. And when Hugh Roberts is involved they just turn down right weird. Being Southern I am a laid back kind of person that drifts along life as if tubing down the Chattahooche River through Georgia. Sure there may be some white water along the way, such as was used in the 1996 Olympics, but you get through it and end up fine.


Then a whirling dervish of a British man comes along with his Miss Maybohleen and the leftover mushroom pizza causes some interesting ocular fallacies. At least that’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.


When my friend Hugh and his friend Miss Marzipan contacted me through Skype I was quite surprised as I had months ago lost the password to Skype and the device scares me for some reason. Having spoken with Hugh on a number of occasions electronically I had noticed there was a difference in our spellings of various words. He called in Miss Maypenny who in all honesty and with great respect I must say did not bring about a solution. I worry that maybe there was not a enough tea and perhaps too much medicinal purposes in her cup of Joe. I’m saying she was a wing short of a wingnut if you get what I’m drivin’ at.


I called in Rose & Ghun, two detectives a few states away. I knew Trevor Rose from my Magnolia state days. He’s Rose and she’s Monika Ghun. And as their names indicate–he takes the names of the butts she’s kickin’. They arrived in no time. And amazingly enough they didn’t dance their way up to my door.


“Ron, I hope this is important, we are still working out how to handle the Stratford Family,” said Rose.


He acted like I should know about the Bradford Family. I knew eight’s’ enough so I moved on. I couldn’t help but notice Ghun. Her obvious Asian and African American background had combined to form a very pleasing to the eye masterpiece. “Umm, well Trevor, it’s like this. For some reason my conversations of late have lost the letter ‘U’ in them.”


Ghun stopped her foot tapping as she leaned against the wall. The thoughts that had been vaguely dancing at the corners of my mind, okay Ghunthey were slam dancing trying to break through, died down slightly at her stare. I had heard rumors about her but they were only that until proven otherwise. “We drove through the night and all of those hours for a spelling test problem?” She asked. The voice made my head slam slightly to the side. “You’re a bit old for the spelling bee aren’t you?”


“That’s right. Well no, I mean to say that . . . well when talking about my favorite color, you see there are two ‘U’s missing,” I said. “Then there is the case of this crazy hallucination we had about some type of ship at the end of our conversation, but that may have been the left over mushroom pizza.”


“Skype waves,” said Rose. “There have been theories only of visual chatting devices causing mass hallucinations all over the world. As for the ‘U’ problem…”


“I’m fine speaking it seems. It’ writing the words that seem to be the problem,'” I said. “I was hoping y’all would fix it.”


I don’t know why Rose knelt down on my living room floor, but he suddenly became all broody and I swear it became darker. It was like nighttime had come already. You would have thought he was looking at a dead body or something. Ghun was still leaning against the wall with her arms crossed and one foot back against the wall. How she looked as if she were not feeling the humidity in all that black leather including the little jacket was beyond me, but I wasn’t complaining.


I was a gentleman, I wasn’t dead . . . yet.


“Reminds me of some of the guys we ran into at Down Under Mike’s,” said Rose. I had to lean in to hear him. He looked up at Ghun who slowly began to nod.


“Their ‘H’s,” she said. I think that’s what she said. Her dark hair shimmered and flowed with each nod as if it were water.


“So what does that mean for me?” I asked.


“You aren’t missing any ‘U’s,” said Rose as he stood.


“I’m not?”


“No, the British have kept them from being exported so they can keep them for themselves. It’s a commonly known practice on the Grammar Black Market,” he said. “Don’t worry about it. If you really want to say col our instead of col or, then just break it up into two words like that.”


“Trevor, we’re out of here,” said Ghun. “We still have to find Miles before Martin and the rest get to him. If not there will be a world of suck going on.”


“You ever need anything else like this call Amanda Lyle. She’ll be able to help you,” said Trevor Rose and the two disappeared out my door.


“Whoa,” I said. Moi herself? Was she secretly some crime fighting mistress, mastress, master . . . guru?


“Oh, Ronovan, who were those colourful people? Your favourite exterminators?” Hugh asked from the computer screen. I had forgotten it was still on.


“Bless your heart, Hugh, they were detectives. I knew Trevor from back in my Magnolia days. He says y’alls trade practices are the reason for some of the unnecessary ‘U’s missing from my words.”


“Oh really,” said Hugh as he dunked an Oreo in a cup of something that looked like weak coffee. “Hmm, you know that does make a lot of sense. The government over here really has no clue at times, but then you would be sympathetic to that, what with your limping fowl in office.”


“Hugh, I really don’t understand you a times,” I said shaking my head. “Biscuits and cookies, chips and fries? And I suppose you’re going to deny that a woman wrote all of Shakespeare’s plays next and Piers Morgan the former editor of The Daily Mirror and News of the World who was highly associated with phone tapping and cellphone tapping isn’t really a cousin of yours. I think y’all does protest too dang much.”


Hugh2“Ronovan, I heard a rumor during this cruel summer that he’s got tact. But that may have been a careless whisper and that is the last thing on my mind. Love, truth, and honesty, I can’t help it, preacher man, I’m just a shy boy who lives the wild life and if you can’t take that then do not disturb me. I want you back as a friend, cause it t’aint what you do. Cheers then.” The Skype window went blank.


That was the strangest rambling I had ever heard from Hugh. I went to the window and looked up. It was indeed night time. I could see what might have been Venus, but was probably a trick of the night. My mind went to Rose & Ghun. I was glad for their help an didn’t envy whoever the Stratford Family was because there was some rough justice ahead.


I thought about calling Nathan Jones, an old friend of mine who might help me with the Grammar Black Market. I wondered if he still had that old van of his. It was every shade of blue and could only move in one direction, forward. The reverse didn’t work. Well enough of that.


I sat back down at my desk and began to work on my story about being young at heart. The main character, well he was really sayin’ somethin’ to the leading lady about ‘only your love can take me to your heart’. She looked back at him and said “Love don’t live here.” He grabbed his chest. “If you want your heart look on the floor, and if the cops ask, I’m the one that did it, I committed love in the first degree,” she said.


She began to walk away but fell.  She turned and glared at me. “I’m always tripping on your love. Here, I found love and now it’s set on you,” she said and put his heart back on his sleeve.


I looked down at the page  and thought, more, more, more. Robert De Niro’s waiting  for this after filming Long Train Runnin’ with Mr. Bean.


I wonder what Hugh is going to do with all those Oreos and weak coffee? And what about that lady Shakespeare author?

For the next episode in this tale of ne’er do wells read:

When Ronovan Met Miss Maple (on Skype) – Part 2

From Hugh at Hugh’s Views & News then come back and meet The L.A.W. in the first part of their involvement:

Hugh is Diasppearing! What does Ronovan do?: The LAW comes to town


2014 © Copyright-All rights

Rose & Ghun in Simply Murder-Episode Nine: I’ll search all night for you. Sigh.

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gettyimages © Original Photo by Paul LoveKing

Rose & Ghun in Simply Murder-Episode Nine: I’ll search all night for you. Sigh.

by: Ronovan

“Jacob, tell me you can do it,” I said.

Computer GeekThe 19 year old college freaky genius was staring open mouthed at Monika…again. He slowly turned toward me and blinked. “Umm, yeah, I can do it,” he said weakly. “I just need the number.”

Monika leaned past him and using a pen on his desk wrote a number down. I could see his face flush at her closeness and her scent. I had become more and more immune as the hours and ticked by. “How long will it take?” I asked. She was Lori’s niece. Any other thoughts had pretty much left the building.

Jacob picked up the piece of paper as if it was fragile. “As fast as I can. I’ll call you when I get a location fix.” He turned and began to work.

I nodded to Monika and we slipped out the door. The dorm hallway was empty and we made it outside without meeting anyone. We were lucky no one was on duty at that time of night. We were lucky it hadn’t been a woman we were using. Linda would have been my next stop across campus if Jacob hadn’t been awake.

“You’ve been very quiet since the Romeo and Juliet reveal,” said Monika. We were both scanning the trees and bushes along the sidewalks as we neared the parking lot.

“Just thinking what to do next,” I said.Mini Cooper Inverted

“Lori told me about the two of you,” she said.

I slipped in behind the wheel of my emerald green Mini Cooper. “There really wasn’t much to tell.”

“Maybe not much but it was a lot,” said Monika. She clicked the seat belt. “If things hadn’t been the way they were, you two might have been different.”

“Maybe, but I always just look at things as happening the way they do and move ahead. No reason to look back, no reason to moan and groan.”

I knew she was looking at me. In a Mini you couldn’t help but know what the other person was doing, but when you were alone you didn’t think about needing extra room for other people. I just waited, but not for long. “Good.”

That wasn’t what I was expecting. She settled back in the seat and looked ahead and hummed a song. “Good? That’s it?”

“Yeah, what, do you want a sobbing moment of begging you to be all pain and anguished or something?”

“Well, no, but…”

“This isn’t a movie, Rose, this is real. I want you focused on getting my sister’s killer. If we can get him then we might stop this war,” said Monika. She started humming again.

I drove for several seconds before talking. “Now that I know what is really going on we can go to another place that might help us out.”


“Down Under Mike’s,” I said.

She turned quickly in her seat. “Are you crazy? You’ll get killed in there.”

“They won’t lay a finger on me. Not unless they are wearing gloves like you do all the time,” I said.

She looked at her leather covered hands and then my face. There was a bit of disappointment there for her to see. I didn’t blame her.

The car was quiet. Had I damaged things beyond repair? Sometimes it was better that way even if it wasn’t what I wanted. Down Under Mike’s appeared before us. We both looked around before getting out of the car. Then we slowly made our way along the cobblestone street to the ancient dive bar.

Dark BarMonika walked in first with no apparent problem. I followed and could hear the sizzle. The alarm had gone off. Every eye looked toward me. Gloves went on. The demon possessed didn’t like to get burned when they punched me.

Rose & Ghun in Simply Murder-Episode Eight: Juliet is…Poison me now, please.

Rose & Ghun in Simply Murder-Episode Eight:Poison Goblet

And Juliet is the …oh poison me now,


by: Ronovan


“I thought you were a pacifist,” shouted Monika.

I dodged another tackle from another thug. “I am. I haven’t touched a single one of them,” I said. The words were barely out of my mouth before the sound of the thug crashing into window drowned out everything else.

            Bells went off as the burglar alarm was triggered in the electronics store. The two men battling Monika turned and fled leaving my opponent staggering to pull himself free of the shattered glass.

            I didn’t waste anyMan crashing through window time either. I ran.

Monika ran easily beside me. “I may take up the pacifist art of fighting. Less pain and more gain,” she said and smiled.

I couldn’t smile, I was breathing too hard. But then I wasn’t what Monika was. Still, even after our constant work since leaving her family home she could at least pretend to be tired. Finally we slowed down as the bells faded away.

I leaned against a brick wall and put my hands on my knees. “Carry me to wherever we go next,” I panted.

“Where do we go next?”

“Well,” I began. “As long as we don’t get jumped by the Hatfield’s anymore we’re heading to a techie I know who can get us the location of Mile’s phone.”

“Hatfield’s?” Monika looked confused. It was a bit of a happy moment then made me feel much older than her.

“As in Hatfields and McCoys, the old hillbilly feud,” I said.

“Oh, I get it,” she nodded. “I guess you could say that.

“Kind of a Romeo and Juliet thing without the Romeo and Juliet.”

“This one has that though,” she said.

“What do you mean?”

            Monika stared at me for a moment. I could see her thinking. “Carl Stratford is medieval dagger skull and bonesRomeo and…Aunt Lori is Juliet.”

            I held my breath. Then I realized I didn’t have any breath to hold. What was I, the poison or the dagger?

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Rose & Ghun in Simply Murder-Episode Seven: Not Like Old Times

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gettyimages © Original Photo by Paul LoveKing

“What’s so important about Miles Stratford?” I asked.

Lori leaned forward on the step beside me. “We have to find him and settle things,” she said.

“You mean kill him.”

“He killed one of ours.”

“How can you be sure it really wasn’t an accident? He could have just been driving that fast,” I said.

“There was no accident,” said Lori. “There was a battle. Miles and Phyllis were in the same nightclub when things became uncomfortable. She left, he followed and then he forced her car into a spin. When she stopped he and another man jumped out and went after her.”

“Two on one, not very gentlemanly,” I said.

“It was two on two,” said Lori. “But the other was pinned for too long. Phyllis was dead and the sirens were sounding so Miles and his friend ran.”

“And the pinned friend?”

“She freed herself and made it home. But some witnesses had seen Miles speeding away and it was assumed that it was a hit and run,” said Lori.

I looked at Monika. She was staring at the ground and her fists were clenched. She was holding anger inside, she was shaking that much.

“We can handle this, Lori,” said Martin.

“No we cannot, not the way Trevor can,” said Lori. “This is what he does. We are simply fighters. He is as a detective who avoids fighting. He will think our way out of this and if not he can fight it out.”

“He needs her to protect him,” said Martin. “Look at him, he is broken already. A man that does not fight is not a man.”

Monika was in Martin’s face before any of us blinked. “He took down Marcos Li in a matter of seconds, could have killed him. He had a pistol shoved down the throat of Stratford. What have you done?”

“Not be trapped in a car,” said Martin. His eyes betrayed his regret at the words before his lips closed over the last syllable. It was as I thought. Monika was the trapped friend who had watched as her sister had been decapitated.

“Well, either Carl Stratford was lying or he really doesn’t know where his son is. Either way it’s time to get started,” I said. I stretched slightly to disguise the need to get rid of the numbness in my butt from sitting on the steps so long.

“Where to start?” Lori asked.

I smiled. “Miles is a child of this generation. Kid can’t go without a cell phone and I imagine he has a high priced one. I’m going to see if I can track it down.”

They all looked at me with blank looks. “What?” I asked.

Monika shook her head. “That is the simplest thing I have ever heard of. Why we did not think of it is beyond me.”

Lori smiled. “Because we were not thinking like a detective. Why do you think I sent you to him?”

“Because you still think he’s cute,” said Monika.

I blushed.

Martin stood taller. “She’s a married woman, little one. Be mindful.”

It was my turn for a facial reaction.

Lori frowned slightly and turned away.

The memories of the pressure from the greeting burned away.