A Conversation
by: Ronovan
“Tell me how you’ve been doing since the last time we spoke?”
At least the questioning was consistent. I supposed I should take comfort in there being something that remained the same. Of course that didn’t stop me from replying without the brain filter in place. “Do you really have to ask?” I kept staring at the ceiling tiles. I wondered if the room was really that dark.
There wasn’t a reply or even a sigh revealing a hint of disapproval or exasperation at my tone of wording. Not that I really expected one. “Okay, fine, I’m about the same as always. Is that what you wanted to me to say?”
“Only if that’s the way you’ve really been.”
Was that what they call passive aggressive? “Yeah,” I sighed. I had always wondered what that ‘sigh of an answer’ meant in reading but now I knew. You could sigh and speak at the same time. It’s like a surrender of spirit almost.
“Tell me how yesterday was.”
“It’s like every other day Pinky, I tried to recover my world,” I said.
No laugh. None expected. But I imagined old cartoon shows about mice weren’t on the viewing list.
“Where do you want me to start?” I stared at the spot on the ceiling where the shadows always made the dust look like a puppy if you looked just right.
“How did you sleep?”
The thought of ‘in a bed’ came to mind but I knew better than to be that sarcastic. There was being pretty tolerant and forgiving of my moods, and there was downright disrespectful. Even if I didn’t have the brain filter any longer I still knew better than to be downright disrespectful. “I woke up about 1:30 the first time, I think. The days tend to run together after so many being the same.”
“Are you sure it wasn’t 3:00 AM?”
I was wrong there was a sense of humor. “You’re a funny guy I don’t care what they say about you.”
“Why did you wake up this time?”
I smiled in spite of exhaustion. “This is a funny one. I think I actually breathed too hard.” I knew that wasn’t going to be enough of an answer, but it was the truth.
“How do you breathe too hard?
“Well, actually I just took a deep breath for some reason. It could be the sleep apnea.” But if it were sleep apnea then I would not be breathing at all, but then I would take big gulps of air. Okay so it might have been the sleep apnea.
“And why would the deep breath wake you up?”
I started counting the tiles in the ceiling, as if they had changed in number since last time, or the time before that, or even the time before that one. “Pain Monster didn’t like it.”
“The ‘pain monster’ is your lower back?”
“Yes,” I began. “At least that’s what woke me up. Then Neck Grinder started to protest as well.”
ronovanwrites 