Losing it. What do I do?

There’s a saying that goes something like, “You don’t know what you got till it’s gone.” For about two years I’ve kind of laughed at that phrase. For some of us, when something is gone we don’t even know what it was which means we don’t miss it.

I’ve been fine with it. I go through each day with a new loss flittering away and I feel fine. That’s because I don’t know what flitters away. Okay, so I know something is likely being lost. I’m aware that memories are lost.

Normally I don’t stress about it because stressing leads to other problems. Recently a memory loss, a huge one, became evident—with vigor.

I’ll explain an “other” problem for a moment. Depression. Well, I don’t know that it really needs to be explained. We all know what depression is. When a memory goes away and I then have people forcing that memory back in my head, or trying to get it back in there, things happen. The brain snaps. I actually at some point feel a pop in my head. I am sure it’s not really anything physical, only a psychological representation of what is happening.

When that happens, Ronovan is gone for a time.

My huge memory loss recently led to such a situation. I would think things were going fine, then wham, another hit from a different side. Lulled into things being okay. Wham, another hit. Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat.

Now, here I am, depressed, physically ill, and looking for the learning lesson of it all.

Memory problems make for a bad emotional entity. They also make for a bad relationship of any type. You wake up and you don’t know if that person who is your friend, spouse, significant other, father figure is still going to be that for you.

Who is it fair to in that situation? As I’ve been writing this I’ve been sorting through it all. I suppose the best thing is if it’s a repeat offender status thing, cut and run if the situation allows for it. I know live in family members can’t do that but there are things you can do.

Accept the memory loss person (MLP) for who they are, knowing what is possible.

Be supportive in the efforts of the MLP to handle it. Think for a moment about this. You wake up, or are even going along writing or watching a video and then—WHAM—you don’t know what day it is, or what city you are in, or who that person in the other room is. Ever wonder how a person handles that each day?

Think about being in the middle of a sentence and forgetting who it is across the table from you. In this age of internet and digital conversations and friendships it’s even more difficult to remember without those constant physical/visual cues.

People might find it surprising that I wake up and have forgotten the people in my house. Or I will go through one of those situations above. My body goes through a routine each morning and I discover what my problems are and I just go with it. I’ve told myself in letters not to stress, that I am normal. This is normal for me. I tell myself to begin to write something from a list of projects I’m working on.

Sometimes memories will come back or at least enough of a familiarity to make things fine or functionable. Yeah, another of my made up words.

What about the other person, the person forgotten?

What would I do if I were on the other end of this?

I honestly can’t answer that with an all encompassing solution. I think patience is part of it, understanding, and you know maybe even just cut and run. I know people balk at that last one but it is an option. But that is the option people will focus on here because it is seen as the uncaring, cold idea and how could I even think of telling someone to do that if a person cared about the MLP or of the MLP cares about the person.

I’ve been living with this for two years. You get to the point, where after having written about it, thought about it, and lived through it, you cut through it all to the heart or heartless of it all and give solutions.

And what about the MLP? Should they keep trying to remember, opening themselves up to an emotional tug-of-war to then either go through the loss again, perhaps not knowing it, or then being shut off once a connection is established again?

What do I do?

I have no one answer for myself. Perhaps I should, it would make my life easier. Can a person live a life, a healthy life mentally without people? I suppose they can but I’m not that far gone yet.

Now, for those who look at my writing and things I share each day and think I seem normal and I have all these friendships and all, the MLP has tricks they use to get by. Don’t call out the MLP for this if you still want to be a part of their life. At least they are trying.

I’ll tell you one trick I have. It’s called the Ronovan Writes Weekly Haiku Poetry Prompt Challenge. No, that’s not a plug for my challenge. I am telling you about a trick. There are people who do the challenge every week, and that means I read their work, usually at least twice, think about it, review it, see their names, and all of that every week. It doesn’t work for each person because of lack of regularity but when I see the name I know it’s familiar and once I get to their site things come back.

MLPs have sensory/emotional impressions of people if not actual memories. I know by a name, if it has been around me long enough, if that person is someone that is positive for me or negative, if that person is a friend or foe, if that person is emotionally good for me or a life drain.

When you hear that old saying about first impressions, it’s true. Make a good first impression and good last impression as well. You are asking, “How do I know when that last impression will be?” Whenever you leave the communication presence of someone, that’s your last impression until the next time you connect with them.

Well, this has been a longer message than I had planned, and I’m not sure if it is even what I had intended, but it is what it is and that’s all that it is. So, as I have just now read back through it, you might find it surprising I forgot about half of what I wrote while I was writing this. But again, it is what it is. I’m not to blame, you are not to blame, there is no blame.

Oh, I just remembered why I was writing this. Seriously. That big recent memory loss I had, like a mind wipe almost, took some important people away and broke things. Hmm, never mind. You know, I’ve tried. I think I will just deal with the depression of it all, come out the other side, and say I am what I am. It’s all I can be. Even if I don’t like it, I have to accept it or wind up on the 6 o’clock news.


Much Respect


© Copyright-All rights reserved by ronovanwrites.wordpress.com 2015


My Sunday Thought: 50 Lashes against Freedom

Stepping on toes, insulting people, getting in someone’s face. Those aren’t things I tend to do.

Saudi blogger receives first 50 lashes of sentence for ‘insulting Islam’

You know I saw that article heading and some things jumped out at me.


50 Lashes

Insulting Islam

I’m an honest guy so I am going to be honest. None of it surprised me from what I see in the news. Aren’t we all accustomed to seeing it? Received this many lashes for this or that reason. Put to death because of insulting this or that. It’s almost like we are desensitized to it all. I mean I KNOW not all of Islam is like that.  We ALL have Muslim friends here through Blog World. I just never think of them as Muslim friends. I just think friends. The Muslim part never comes to mind nor does any other label you might put on someone.

Then I read the headline again because it came to my attention from a friend of mine across social media land. Yeah, we’re connected like that. Word.

Stay focused today, Ronovan.

Since this friend posted it I had to look again. So I looked again and saw “50 lashes OF sentence”. There would be more? I had to read more, as I always do when this particular friend posts something like this with the passion in which it was done.

The blogger is a man named Raif Badawi, a once husband, his wife’s family had activistthe courts put through a forced divorce, and father of three. The wife and kids were able to make it to Canada. He will now spend 10 years in prison and receive 1,000 lashes, 50 per week until completed. Each week he will be flogged. Before the wounds fully heal he will be lashed again. Why?

I also wonder will he again be transported from prison to the public square so those who have just went to prayer will witness it? Will it again last 15 minutes? Will the public lashing send the intended message to others not to do the same as he did? What did he do?

“According to Amnesty the charges against Badawi mention his failure to remove articles by other people on his website. He was also accused in court of ridiculing Saudi Arabia’s morality police.

In a statement after the flogging Amnesty called it a “vicious act of cruelty” and said Badawi’s “only ‘crime’ was to exercise his right to freedom of expression by setting up a website for public discussion”.

The US state department spokeswoman Jen Psaki called the punishment an “inhumane” response to someone exercising his right to freedom of expression and religion.”~Associated Press Dubai as seen on TheGuardian.com site.

You know, for some this is only about Islam. For me it isn’t. It’s more than religion to me. Yes, I am a Christian. And this being my Sunday Thought spot where I discuss my faith I chose instead to discuss this matter. I think everyone that has roamed the site here knows that I am an unashamed Christian. That means I have no beef against anyone else. I love all people, no matter your faith or non-faith. I live my life and I pray and hope others will come to Christ because I believe in Jesus and what the Bible says. Part of what the Bible says, what Jesus says, is that if someone won’t listen to you then shake the dust of that place off your feet and move on. It doesn’t say flog them, lash them, imprison them or force them.

Yes, some idiots in the past have done all of those things and used the Bible and Jesus as an excuse for trying to be in control of things, but they fell from power.

Now that I have the religion faith part of the Sunday Thought done, let’s move on. Although really, all of this is me and my faith is me.

This today is specifically about freedoms and what is simply right to do . What is humane to do.

The U.S. reached out to Saudi Arabia and asked them not to do the lashings, sort of. Okay. What are they going to do now? They call it wrong. What are they going to do now?

Pardon me here for a moment as I may venture into some less than Ronovan like moments. The U.S. leadership on both sides of the line don’t have the . . . backbone . . . to make a serious stand about anything with a country that has something it needs. Sure, we can make a stand against Iran, North Korea but they really don’t have us in a place where they are in control or where we can’t live without them.

Saudi Arabia on the other hand has the fuel that dives the U.S.. I’m  a bit sick of it myself. I won’t go into the politics of it all and where I see the failures in things.  All I am saying is just as no one had the . . . backbone to stand up for Jesus, the U.S. doesn’t have it to stand up for this man nor any others who are flogged and murdered for offenses that aren’t offenses to anyone other than those who fear for their political power if an idea is allowed to spread.

Will I receive some backlash from readers or a drop in followers and views of my site for coming out against people who are gutless power tripping maniacs? If you are reading this, do you think I care?

Oh, but some are saying, “At least he wasn’t killed like those people in Paris for drawing cartoons.” You want to know why that happened? That happened because people haven’t made a stand for decades against things like what is happening to Raif Badawi. Those men in Paris and others have no fear of reprisals. They want to be martyrs. I don’t want Raif Badawi to be a martyr. Mankind already has the only martyr it needs.

Each country has a different set of laws. I don’t know the laws in Saudi Arabia. I do know this though, there is no law that can keep me from thinking, believing and caring what I want to.


Thank you for giving us the freedom to think as we wish and make the choices as we wish. I pray that those in power will have the strength to follow what is right over what is self serving. As you have been a servant to this world I ask that those in Saudi Arabia become servants as well, servants to those who look to them for leadership and example, those in the U.S. to do the same. I pray that all those who read this are blessed by you with a desire to better the world with love and not lashes. All of this I ask in the name of Jesus who you gave all power in heaven and on earth, Amen.

Ronovan Writes


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© Copyright-All rights reserved by ronovanwrites.wordpress.com 2015