Let your kids be them and not you.

I haven’t done a Sunday Thought in a  while, in part due to a lack of energy. Okay, so it is all due to lack of energy, but today I figure why not. I’ll take a nap afterwards. 2 hours of sleep in the last 36 hours or so just doesn’t cut it.

So today I wanted to talk about something I care about a lot and that’s the encouragement of children. This won’t be a long one or a revelation one. It’s simple.

We look around today and see all the madness in America involving racial issues, violence, and all sorts of things. Some things are improving but a lot of things are worse or seem to be with the ease of reporting what’s happening now over how it was so many years ago.

I don’t tell my son to go out and treat people a certain way. In fact it rarely comes up. The only time it does is when there are bullies at school. Bullies are a bit silly when it comes to my son. If my son ever really wanted to deal with one in a physical way, the bully would be hurting for a while, but physical isn’t my boy “B”s first thought. Just like it’s never been mine. For me it may be a day later before the slow burn gets to me and I wish I had done this or that, but in truth wouldn’t have anyway.

I’m proud of what my son has accomplished this year in school. He’s one of only two kids in his grade to be recognized and accepted into an academically gifted student talent search program by one of the top universities in the country and the world. He’s 10. He said the other students looked at him kind of strange when he walked down the hall after Honor’s Day and it was announced to the school. I think maybe he just was noticing something that wasn’t there. But I told him to be proud of it.

My focus with my son is on him being him. And the beset whatever him that means. He and I share a lot of the same characteristics and interests but I consciously make an effort not to put my wishes on him. He’s turning out to be better than I was, if not a little more headstrong than I was. Stubborn? Imagine that.

I thought I would share a picture of “B” today. No, not an actual photo but my portrait from a photo taken at Honor’s Day with his ribbon showing his acceptance into the program. I missed the program. The email came out the night before at a time no one checks their email. But the school takes pictures and puts them up for all of us to see. So here you are. Now you sort of know what B looks like.

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Much Respect

Ronovan

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Things We Wish We Asked On A First Date #FemaleFocusFriday

You know you’ve all been there, that first day and you go through the same old same old routine. You talk about the people you both know, about the movie you are about to see, maybe a couple of other things. You try not to embarrass yourself while eating the chips and salsa as the chips break apart and fly everywhere. The night comes to a close and it’s time for that end of date routine; kiss or not, call me or not.  Meanwhile things have been left out of the evening that are so so important that would help everyone make some good decisions.

Book with Question Mark

Things We Wish We Asked On A First Date

 

Do you have an arrest record?

You ever been months into a relationship and discovered that special person in your life has a court date coming up that might send them away for a few years? Not that I would know anything about this one.

 

Do you have any STDs?

What? If you are on a date then you should consider the possible outcomes short term or long term. Sex happens, even not the all the way kind that can still make you regret later on. I mean seriously, a crab dinner should be at the restaurant, not left overs you discover the next day. I just thought never thought about why she went to ‘that’ doctor every month.

 

How much do you make a year?

Your date is looking nice. Oh yeeeaaaahhhh. Who did they borrow the clothes from and the car? They living over the parent’s garage? You want to know what the real deal is now not after the wedding. Oh and don’t get hooked up because of earning potential, because let me tell you, that one never works out. Not that I have ever done that, just that I know the earning thing doesn’t always pan out.

 

Do you have kids?

There’s nothing wrong with having kids, just tell the person up front. In my much much younger days I dated a woman with kids. Not a big deal. Just need to know is all. Especially would have been nice to know about the older one . . . by the first husband. We’ll get into that more later.

 

Do you snore when you sleep?

This is one that is difficult to find out normally. Sure, you may even be having sex with someone but there is a good chance they head home afterwards, even if it is the apartment next door, leaving you and your roommate to make up the bed. And ladies, don’t be lookin’ at the men alone on this one. There’s a major drag strip near my house that is on national TV often and can be felt and heard miles and miles away. Just sayin’ some things can drown it out.

 

What’s your father/mother look like?

Your date is hot, but what will they look like down the line? I know that’s not a question anyone should ever even think of because it’s a bit shallow but I had to come up with something, and I tell you there are some that look one way now and in 20 years will look totally different. Again not a big deal, but for some it might be a thing.

 

Do you shave everything?

Yeah, I said it. Men if you are reading this, it’s not just a question we might want to ask. You think you like things a certain way, well perhaps the ladies like things to be a little neater as well. Just sayin’. Yeah, I know. they like their men to be men but men can . . . well, ladies comment on this if you like.

 

What’s your top three favorite sexual positions you would like to try?

This might seem like a bad question but it’s not. One of you may be more into sex than the other. This could legitimately cause some issues down the line, and quickly once the sexual aspect of the relationship begins. At first I put this one down as a joke but then as I thought about it, it’s  a lot more serious than one might think.

What are you like pre-mentrual?

First of all, I was given this question. I never even thought of it. And it was given to me by a woman. I won’t even go into the whys the need to know but I think on the flip side men might should be asked what they are like after their sport team loses.

Did your mother/father cheat on your father/mother?

A serious question. There can be a pattern in families. My own bio-father was  not a good man. I have done everything I could through my life to be as opposite of him as I could.  But things can always sneak up on you without notice. So this isn’t a bad question.  If you were afraid of this question you could also ask . . . well y’all get to comment with your own questions later, so I’ll the options open.

Are you married or hooked up already?

Duh, right? This should never have to be an issue but it is. Okay, I know situations can be different in each relationship, but regardless of what kind of marriage, be it a platonic or traditional one, the date would like to know because that’s some serious junk to deal with. The date has to determine if it’s a deal breaker or not. Just imagine you are at the dates apartment, it’s quiet and dark, and then lights hit the windows from a car pulling up. The date jumps up and yells “My spouse is home.” Your first reaction is well I don’t say those words any longer, I mean I can imagine what a date might say. But the sad part is, what if that was the first date? Put it this way, that would be the last date. Just sayin’.

That’s it for my part of this list of questions, now it’s up to y’all.

What questions can you come up with? Share them in the comments below, and if we have enough, I’ll put out  a reader list early next week of your contributions.

Much Respect

Ronovan

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