Letter

Love hard. My #BeWoW advice to my younger self.

Ronovan #BeWoW , , , , , , , ,

Dear Me,

You will go through a lot of strange moments in your life. I’m not going to tell you what they are because I wouldn’t change anything that has made me who I am today, not even the bad moments. But I do have some advice.

There are so many times you will ALLOW others to bring you down. Your heart will break, be crushed. And that’s okay, I won’t tell you who by. Go ahead and fall in love. Love. Pour your heart into it. When things don’t turn out the way you like, don’t LET it almost destroy you. Use those moments to perhaps write. You want to be a writer but may not know it yet.

Always have hope. Keep it in mind that life exists tomorrow. All those disappointments have happened and are over. You make your future today. Love, work, life? All of those moments of trial and agony? Yes, you will feel it in the moment but don’t let it eat you alive to spiritual and emotional death.

But do experience those emotional moments, they will help you in the future to handle other moments. You will become someone who can understand others with the same moments in their lives. You will be able to help people and want to help them.

Love hard. Don’t go halfway. But take your time to know who you are about to love hard. And when you know its the right person, love hard in every way. Make that person know your love is a tangible thing that exists even when you are not in the room.

Loving hard might mean you fall hard and are broken had but the experience of love filling your heart, your soul, your entire being is worth every moment. Even if it’s for a day or a week, experience it. It’s worth every it.

That’s my advice today. Let those moments of agony go and use them to make you better and love hard with everything you’ve got.

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To my darling . . .

Ronovan Poetry , , , , , ,

To my darling . . .

It has been moments since we said ‘until next time’, as ‘goodbye’ is not a word we share. I already feel infinitely smaller with your absence. A many layered ghost of ice surrounds me and my universe as I think of you as you are so far away even after only short seconds of time have passed. I feel as though I am floating in a nothingness  I cannot touch or feel but cannot escape.

My thoughts are already swirling in confusion of images and feelings and wishes. One on top of the other on top of the other and repeating until there is no semblance of one cohesive thought. I must breathe. I close my eyes and squeeze them with all my strength to grab hold of just one wish, one feeling, one image to settle this loss inside.

I know there is no reason for this feeling of dread. I know that you love me. I know that we are one. But I know you are not here. I know you are moving further and further away. I know things can happen. I know I might never know. I know.

“Have a good night’s sleep and dream of me,” you say. I dare not for fear of what those dreams bring. Joy? Passion? A world of love not realized in a life ever existing? Yes, but also the disasters await. As my mind turns faces into images of heartbreak. Sleep is not of my world.

I am restlessly content in this world we have created. Through all the sleepless nights and days and the floating naked through cold dimensions of dark emptiness . . . I shout with joy that you are mine, I am yours. No matter the dread of feelings of confusion of images, I smile. My heart beats stronger and defeats all attacks. My mind with you as its partner fights against all doubts of self.

You make me who I am. I was nothing before you. My life was simply existing in a routine until you became my inspiration, my joy, my love. My heart was meant for love and you have allowed it to fulfill its purpose. With it I can do anything. No pain, no illness, no mental state, no . . . distance . . . is too much to overcome.

I feel every ounce of my love expanding inside of me ready to explode as my love grows for you and wishes to wrap you inside of it to feel what complete love is like. A love that is total. A love that includes every aspect of your being. A love that desires, respects, is amazed, awed, humbled, and completed by your existence. Before you knew I was, I loved you completely.

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Completed by the one who is ever inside my every molecule of life.

My skin is caressed by the air she has exhaled a world away and drifted to cover me.

My world rotates as her footsteps move the earth.

She is the one that inspires me to live life to the fullest and love with heart so completely.

I may die in a moment, a flash of an eyelash,

But I have experienced what perfection of love is to be.

How much can one man take and not erupt with joy?

If this time is over then I can say that no man has ever been loved as much as you have loved me.

 

Your Lover

 

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