“Permanence, perseverance and persistence in spite of all obstacles, discouragements, and impossibilities: It is this, that in all things distinguishes the strong soul from the weak.”-Thomas Carlyle

I’ve moved away from talking about my health issues in the specifics in recent months. I felt as though my health was becoming me. And honestly I thought I had talked it to death. Well, I wish we could talk our ailments to death. If that were the case I would have been healthy a long time ago. But anyway, I wanted to be more positive in my writing I shared. However, at times I realize one should open up and share to let others know what can be done. Things don’t  HAVE to stop you.

I’ve never given much thought to perseverance as a word to describe myself. It’s been said by others but I’ve always put it off as a kind thing to say. I don’t mean to say they were being dishonest and lying just to make me feel better by saying it, but being kind in how they viewed my situation.

Many don’t know what Fibromyalgia is, but it’s a health situation that umbrellas a great many things including Chronic Pain and Chronic Fatigue. Much more goes in to it than that, but those two cane be easily identifiable with. Combine that with Osteoarthritis throughout the spine, including the neck, herniated discs in the spine and neck, and various other ailments, life can be such a joy at times.

But then you add the concussion I suffered two years ago, a Grade 3 Concussion that led to Retrograde Amnesia, short term memory loss, migraines that never cease, yes I mean I have migraines 24/7, sound and light sensitivity, and something else I can’t remember, and you end up with a very interesting life situation.

I know of the concussion because it is a habit to know now. A journal I kept around that time, barely legible as I was writing with either hand depending on the moment, tells me what was going on. I’ve slowly begun to let it go, the specifics of things, I’m not a dweller. I’ve truly decided to move on and not allow man made guilt hold me back from enjoying life.

Why tell all of this?

I have a book tentatively set to come out in December. A second book in the final draft stage before proofing and editing, that will then be shopped around to agents/publishers. I have a fairly successful blog, a group of online friends, and much more.

No, I don’t remember my family. I remember my son. I make an effort to remember history of my life as I am told in order to fit in, or at least act as though I am normal enough in my son’s eyes so he an have a normal father. I don’t wear my sunglasses like I should, nor my earplugs to avoid looking like an oddity around him. Seeing me put into an ambulance and then following it, only to see it disappear was upsetting enough for him not to have to be reminded of it every time he looks at me.

With the very odd life I have, I still push forward. I never gave it thought as being perseverance. I wanted to write a book and have my son something in the world to say, “My Daddy did that.”

People write a book for a lot of reasons. Yes, I love writing, but I mainly want something left behind for my son to be able to hold up and always look to. I want to be able to contribute to his life in many ways.

Maybe what I’m talking about isn’t perseverance. Maybe it’s simply being a father. Maybe it’s love. Whatever it is, it has brought me this far, and I intend to keep going.

I still have to write that book he helped come up with.