I’m Not THAT Man
by: Ronovan
“So you say I’m pretty? I am not interested in you, so give up.”
How many of you men out there have heard anything like that? No, keep your hands up. I’ll get to you eventually. Oh, never mind. I’ll just say a lot of you said yes. Pardon how I ask this, but doesn’t that just chap your cheese and grate your hide? And yes…that is how I say it.
I have a confession to make. I have a habit.
Yes, it’s true. I….I…I pay compliments.
The weight is lifted and I can breathe again. Ah, that feels so good.
When I compliment it’s normally about someone’s talent but occasionally it may be about someone’s hair or dress. I am even sometimes amazed at the way someone’s skin looks. Maybe it’s because I have fair skin and cannot tan that I find those who can amazing. But I get judged because of other people who have complimented in the past with other intentions.
And it’s not just women that will judge. Even men think you are up to something if you pay compliments to a woman.
Why?
I believe it is one of three reasons;
1) That’s the reason THEY pay a woman compliments
2) In their experience that’s the ONLY reason men have paid compliments before
3) Media/Entertainment PORTRAYS it that way
Don’t worry, I’m not saying that this judgment hasn’t been brought on by legitimate actions of men over the course of existence but I don’t like it.
Yes, I said it. I DON’T like it.
I’m not an attractive guy, so if a woman were to pay attention to me should I instantly assume she is after money?
“Oh, that is just so wrong of you to even think. Not all women are like that. And you need to have more confidence in yourself.”
Excuse me? Hello! You judge me shouldn’t I judge you? Guess what, I don’t think that way. For one thing I don’t get approached but if I did I wouldn’t even think about it. People are just people to me.
“Impossible!”
No it’s not. It’s taken years to get to this point in my life and with some odd occurrences but I am a person who just sees a person as whatever they represent. That doesn’t mean I am going to let you spend the night at my house and pet my cat. I don’t know you that well. But you haven’t done anything to me to warrant my considering you a criminal.
Do you know that’s what it feels like when someone thinks of you as just a hit on artist? A nice person feels dirty and
ashamed. And all they did was be nice. It makes them not want to try and be nice any longer.
I’m not saying people should be naïve. I am just saying people should take each person as they come and be “Okay, you’re fine until you screw up.” That screw up is not as in, go out with a person or trust a person in your home until they do something bad. That means you know them for a long time and see what they are like consistently before advancing any further, if that is even a possibility.
And don’t treat us nice guys like the last person that hurt you in a relationship.
I’m not THAT man.
I’m me.
© Copyright-All rights reserved-RonovanWrites.wordpress.com-June 09, 2014.
ronovanwrites 
Great post. I have decided at my age to just say thank you when a compliment is paid and not think anything of it other than it was a nice remark! So anytime you want to compliment me I will say thanks a lot and have a smile on my face for the rest of the day 🙂
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🙂 Thank you for commenting. Looking at your comment and others following I may have another article coming out of this. Love your very happy photo.
Much Respect
Ronovan
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I have to agree with Kazg above. When a person gives me a compliment – I take it for what it is and say. Thank you.
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Thank you for commenting. It’s nice to know that women out there are able to do this. 🙂 It’s encouraging. Part of my paying compliments is somewhat selfish in that it makes me feel good as well.
Much Respect as Always
Ronovan
Still love seeing the smile in my comment sections. And I love the way you actually did the picture itself.
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Thank you. 😉
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Well stated…..I for one had a hard time taking compliments of any kind from any gender for most of my life. I would usually shyly say….oh no not me….and oddly walk away. Thankfully I realized how ridiculous I seemed. So now I say thank you and feel happy about it.
I usually do not judge a man as having an ulterior motive just because he pays me a compliment. “You have pretty hair” is much different from “damn you looking fine.” My GUT usually can tell which guy is THAT guy. 🙂
I’ve been naive many times as well and it did not end well for me. I’ve learned over the years the hard way, but I never judge one person based upon another…..
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Thank you for commenting. Ah, ‘ulterior’ that is the word I was looking for. I wonder if naive comes with heart?
Much Respect and Admiration
Ronovan
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Funny you bring up naive coming with heart. It was always used against me as a weakness, as stupidity, but I honestly thought with an honest heart hoping that people were being real with me…..I hate when it’s used negatively.
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I know. Certain people can sense the good hearted and prey on them. It’s not how it was meant to be. It’s really sad.
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Yes, me too! When I was young I never knew how to accept a compliment. Now I’m grateful for any I get!
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Thank you for commenting. And thank you for spelling grateful correctly. 🙂 Very intelligent and aware of your words even in comments.
Much Respect
Ronovan
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I hate it when people judgement when I pay them a compliment ..I mean seriously! Can’t a person appreciate another person freely? Then again must say I’ve been awkward with compliments myself as a young adult mostly coz I thought I didn’t deserve them but yes with age I’ve become more gracious and accepting and make no more squeamish excuses anymore..nice post!
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Thank you for commenting. 🙂 I love to give compliments, such as if I were to meet you and were introduced I would say that I love your name, and how you sign your About page as Nishi. I really like that. And of course brown eyes are amazing. Maybe it’s the blue eyes in me that likes the opposite. 🙂 I just find them deep somehow. If that makes sense. I often don’t make sense.
Much Respect
Ronovan
(Still loving the Nishi name.)
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😀 …that’s going to be the widest grin and a thank you Ronovan! Thank you for the words of appreciation ..means a lot to the newbie blogger tht I am..hehe..I loved your blog too, your honesty and the lovely poems….Nishi is an Indian name (I’m from India by the way) and means ‘night time’..:) do drop by looking forward to many more conversations in future! You take care…sincerely Nishi
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Honestly for a long time I was afraid to give compliments to a woman because I thought they would misconstrue my intention. But I realized that as long as you are genuine and not complimenting with innuendo, most women can sense that (like what Embracing a Wounded Soul said 🙂 ). And a single random compliment from a complete stranger can actually really make someone’s day!
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That’s pretty much how I give them. Even those in the blogging community know I am just a complimenting person. 🙂
Thanks for the comment.
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I’m one of those people who just doesn’t know how to take a compliment in person! I get awkward and try to make a joke about it. I think it’s possibly because I’m quite critical of myself so I find it hard to believe it sometimes when someone says something nice. But I have learned to be more accepting over the years and you’re right, it’s not fair to the nice people out there who’re just being genuine! Great post!
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Thank you! I am enjoying the comments. It’s giving me an idea for another article. Would you mind be quoted? With or without your name mentioned. I could just say a commenter said. 🙂
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Go for it! And feel free to quote me 🙂
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Thank you very much.
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This is amazing..!! I always connect with what you write as if you are directly talking to me….
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Thank you! That is an amazing compliment for someone who writes.
Much WOW
Ronovan
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[…] I’m Not THAT Man […]
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I think it’s important that when anyone gives a compliment to anyone else, that there’s an awareness of you putting them on the spot so they have every right to be confused, flustered, or downright rude when approached by someone they don’t know.
Sometimes I’ll tell people I like their shirt if I know the band or I’ll say hi if it’s a friend of a friend but I don’t expect anything in return. The last guy I said had a cool shirt put his head down and started walking away so fast you would’ve thought I was airing his weird medical records or something but he obviously didn’t understand what I was trying to do and got freaked out by some random dude accosting him.
I don’t ever compliment women I don’t know because of how intrusive and uncalled for that kind of stuff is; no matter what the man’s intentions are it’s going to come off like he has weird ulterior motives and there’s no judge nor jury to determine how other people “should” react to you.
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