Last week I asked you to List the Negatives in Your Life under different headings:
- External Negatives
- Internal Negatives
- Temporary Negatives
- Constant Negatives
I Know of What I Speak
I want to go ahead and get something out of the way here. I am not writing about this from an outsider point of view. I’ve been through life events, young and old, that some would never want to go through. These events could make me into a Negative, bitter, angry man. If you’ve been reading my blog you probably realize I am not any of those things. Therefore, as I talk about things remember I have been there, I am there, and I am doing these things myself.
Negativity is a Perception
One of the first things I want to explain to you this week is how something impacting your thoughts about you and life is a perception. Yes, I know, bad is bad. I’ve been there. Perhaps you were physically abused as a child or worse. That being a Negative action is not in doubt, but how you ALLOW it to impact your life is now up to you. You can change your perception, your moving onward, about it.
One of the first articles I ever wrote here on the blog was called Don’t ALLOW people to control YOU. That was over a year ago. If you’ve read that article you might understand why I am going to say your External Negatives category list should be empty.
My definition of External Negatives is “negatives that are outside your control. Things you are not able to personally control your long term reactions to or veer away from being influenced by.”
However, if you mentally perceive the event or influence as an event, an occurrence, it then has no lasting influence on your mental and emotional life. The External Negatives are in actuality only Negative on your mental and emotional Positivity because you ALLOW them to be.
Ultimately it is about you determining how you will handle something, no matter how bad it may be to other aspects of your life.
An example might be a divorce. It’s possible for a lot of baggage to come out of a divorce and one piece of baggage might be not allowing you to trust someone enough to love them or get in a relationship with them.
The new person has done nothing to you. But what YOU have done is ALLOW an event, whatever the cause of the divorce, to keep you from loving again. Caution—yes. Total shut down—no. You can learn, teach, train yourself how to look at things as being events, passing moments in time.
An Increase in Your Positive Percentage Brings Success
Now, move all those External Negatives you may have to the Internal Negatives list. Why, because you have control over what they are to you. We all want to decrease the Negativity in our lives. Positivity leads to happiness and also to success. Success? Yes.
I am not talking about you becoming a millionaire. I am talking about relationship success, friendship success and your happiness success. If you are Positive, people then see an upbeat air about you which leads one to interpret you being happy and Positive.
You are successful if you’re Positive Percentage is high. You have overcome the perceptions of Negativity in your life. You are upbeat because you are confident. “I can do this.” “I got this.” No, those are not mantras. I’m not into those.
One Baby Step for Positivity is One Giant Step for Happiness
Regardless of what your Negatives are, you can overcome them. Remember, Negative is a perception, an opinion. However, ALLOWING it to be a Negative on you and your life? It’s a matter of time and attitude as to what it does to you.
You may have 20 things on your lists, but can you overcome all those Negatives at once and keep them away? Some of you just said or thought, “Yes I can.” Go for it if you like. For the rest of us who have been through up and down battles with so many things in our lives, we are going to do what it takes to be a success at life.
What we are going to do is not the typical increasing your Positives, but increase your Percentage of Positives. How do we do this? By ridding our lives of the Negatives. What will this do? The first and most obvious will be making for happier, more satisfied selves. That in turn will create environments of improvement, of Positivity. With numerous people doing this and spreading the idea, you then have people focusing on Positives and on taking ownership of their being Positive and not relying on others to give them opportunities for Positivity.
You might have read books, watched videos, or even attended seminars and workshops on how to handle Negativity. Many of these options attempt to have you basically ignore the negatives of life by using meditation or various stress relief techniques as a magic pill, which they are not intended to be.
I have started meditating, but not to rid myself of negatives. I see meditation and the various stress relief techniques as maintenance tools. Do not take this as a knock against any of the mentioned techniques. They all serve their purposes for their purposes. But when people try to say this or that is the key to a successful happiness life my alarms go off and I want to tell people who get pulled into it to wake up.
The only way to a successful happiness life is you taking an active role in getting there.
We are going to do something that makes people achieve goals. We’re going to take baby steps, not giant leaps that will skip over things we need to handle. We are not going to ignore our Negatives, we are going to face them head on and then flick them off like pieces of lint in the future.
What are we going to do?
So what do I want you to do? I want you to learn to deal with the Negatives in your life, those that have happened and those that will happen. The idea of you never having Negatives again is a bit insane. And I will not even remotely tell you differently. If you ever see a method who says that, walk on by.
But here is what you can do to make your life more Positive Percentage.
By learning to handle the Negatives you have, you will be able to immediately rid yourself of the future Negatives as they come in. You will recognize them as they arrive. You will even learn how to avoid certain situations that lead to Negatives.
As you’ve gone through and made your lists you have experienced the feelings attached to those moments again. You have recalled how and when they happened and with whom they happened. Remember all of that. If you have that type of feeling in the future stop and realize what is happening, then handle it.
Don’t look for Negatives to happen. We self-fulfill a great many things in our lives and Negativity is one of them. I have told many people, many young people, “Don’t worry about something, don’t stress about something, that hasn’t happened.”
Easy to say, right? It’s how I live. I am the calm in the storm. I am the one that sits for half hour to an hour or more while others vent about the world and then give them their chill pills to bring them back down to reality land. They blow things up to monster levels when in reality they are Smurf level.
Setting an Attainable Goal
Today you will pick one negative from your Internal Negatives to rid your life of. Look at all of those you’ve held onto and decide what you think would be the easiest to get rid of. Once this happens, work on thinking that Negative through and realizing what you have ALLOWED it to do to you. Then get rid of it. Think it through. Look at it as a problem like any other problem, because in reality it is just another problem. One for the next week. No pressures here to race. Once you have that one in hand, move to the next less easy one.
Why the easiest? You want to learn how to handle Negatives. As you learn to handle each one that you perceive as being a little more Negative you will build up experience and become a pro by the time you get to that big one. If you start out with the big one first and you fail you won’t try the others. Also if that big one involves a person, you want to be prepared and confident in yourself and your abilities to face that Negative.
There is no hurry. You were doing nothing with these Negatives before, but now you will be doing something.
Ultimately you might be asking yourself why do all of this. You’ve spent a long time avoiding these parts of your life. It’s time to face them, and take back control of your happiness. Do I have Negatives in my life? Oh yeah. But they wash over me and I am cool with it. I realize what they are. I realize they are often times attempts to bring me down.
While you work on your list keep an eye out for the next part of the series Creating a Positive Environment. This is going to be an incredibly difficult thing for some to do. Again, baby steps. I am not a giant leap kind of guy, even though I may be kind of tall. By taking smaller steps, I don’t pull a muscle and get hurt. The same goes for creating a better life.
The actual next article is Live in the Now, not in the Then. The article you are in, I felt after thinking on it a bit, is too long, thus I wrote something that is shorter and to the point for those who might prefer that if you didn’t quite get something out of this one.
Much Love, Success, and Respect
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