Read Hugh’s most recent episode of our ongoing mystery. Then read mine tomorrow! I can’t guarantee it will be good, but I will say this . . . it’s different. muahahahahahaaha And just who is The L.A.W.?
Much Respect and Love to Y’all
This is Hugh’s response to a response of a response . . . well you get where I’m going. But his is why I called in Rose & Ghun to take care of him!
I was sittin’ out on thuh front porch ponderin’ sumthin’ fierce. I was wonderin’ how I could batter and fry a hamburger. I had done see one of them there guys on that little talkin’ picture box do it but I weren’t sure iffin’ I was up fer it. Also I was wonderin’ how Britain hadn’t become over popluated after so many centuries of existence with rainy weather. I also wondered if they, meanin’ them British type folks were wantin’ Charles to be king for a day and then hand it over to William or what. Would 007 come out of retirement tuh help Scotland become a nation or whatever is goin’ on? I’m part Scotish an’ need tuh look into that there problem.
That ain’t got nuthin’ tuh do with this story. I took another swig of muh peanuts an’ Coke as sumthin’ strange came flyin’ up thuh driveway an’ landed in thuh front yard next tuh muh car . . . up on cement blocks as I was workin’ tuh git ‘er done fixed up super fancy like.
Then ‘it’ got out of it. I say ‘it’ because at first I didn’t know what ‘it’ was. I was afeerd it might be some alien thuh way it was drivin’ . . . steering wheel on the right. Then I figured out it was a fancy dude with this straw hat thing an’ a blue jacket thing on. The dude put his hands on his hips an’ looked around with a smile on his face, hummin’ some song that sounded kind uh familiar. Then it happened. He started walkin’.
I don’t know quite what that song was in his head but it must uh caused that feller tuh do that spinnin’ dancin’ thing. He spun so faced his straw hat didn’t have time to move. He just spun under it. He turned bright yellow as he did it too. And then he was at muh steps.
“Why hello there,” he said.
“You ain’t from around here is yuh?” I asked.
“How ever could you tell? Was it the steering wheel on the right side? Is it my lovely accent?”
“Nah,” I replied, I weren’t much into talkin’ in person.
“Then please do enlighten me.”
“You spun clockwise durin’ that fancy dance you just did.”
“Oh, dance?” He looked a might bit confused. I could see thuh cylinders doin’ there work inside his head an’ then thuh light bulb went off. “You mean my walk? You are such a funny man.” He looked at my car. “Quite a nice banger you have there.”
I kind uh just went with it at that point. “Thanks.” I heard thuh word nice so figured it was a good thing he done said. “Well I reckon you ain’t here on purpose, so what you want?”
“I am lookin’ fer, I mean looking for, heavens your accent is certainly very Southern American, anyway I am visiting here and was watching the Beeb while bone-idle I saw a program about people and their bits and bobs and was inspired to venture out into the countryside to see what I could see. I was doing quite well but I first was nearly run off the carriageway by a brute in an artic and then I became trapped behind a caravan. Now I am desperate to find a chip shop and a chemist.”
And stared some more.
He was rubbin’ his hind parts so I reckoned the chemist might have meant doctor for some hind parts problem. Thuh Sip n’ Dip Quick Stop had a lot of chips so I thought I might could help him out.
I stood up an’ walked down into thuh yard. The lose board almost got me again but I won this time. I rubbed my fingers across thuh stubble of my face and rubbed my belly as I ciphered out what tuh do.
“Now you first gotta go out back thuh way you came up thuh driveway an’ then take a left on to thuh road. You’ll pass thuh old bait shop on yer right but it’s closed now. Keep goin’ and you’ll come to a roundabout they put in not long ago. You just keep movin’ if their ain’t nobody a comin’ or you git their first. Just go counterclockwise. Then when thuh road deadends you’ll come out on thuh highway. Take a right and head on fer about 5 miles an’ you’ll come to a big building on yer right. Go inside and you’ll be on thuh ground floor. When you get in the elevator you’ll know you done got it right cause the G will light up and the little light will come on next to the silver button with a G on it. Go up to the first floor by pushin’ that 1 button. Lady right there will help you out for sure.”
He was starin’ at me.
“You have roundabouts?”
“Yeah, just stay to thuh right and won’t be wrong. I always wondered about that counterclockwise thing but I reckon it must be somthin’ about everything being about entering buildings through thuh right doors and exiting through thuh lefts, so they do the same with the roundabouts an’ roads.”
“And ground floors?”
“Well they on thuh ground ain’t they? What do ya’ call ‘em where you come from?”
“I bet if someone called ’em uh first floor that sure would send you off on a hunt. An’ I almost fergot that chip place you can find along thuh way too.”
“Thank you so very much.” With a twirl he was off, humming his way back into his car and disappearing down the driveway.
Grandma came out. “What was that?”
“Guy from Boston looking for directions.”
“I heard you give him directions to the hospital but why did you send him up to the psychiatric ward.”
“Grandma, I figured they would either be able to figure out what he done said, or know what tuh do with him one.”
“Ronovan, you’ve been in the sun a while, have you burned?”
I slid my foot out of my flip flop and pulled down the sock. “Does look a might pink compared tuh the catfish belly white, don’t it?”
“You get in the house.”
I need me one of them over the pond type folks to answer muh questions. Heard tell there was uh guy named Hugh that might be able tuh help out. I wonder if they want Pippa to marry Harry, and would that make her Princess Pippa? Anyways, maybe that Hugh guy can tell us somethin’.
I Reckon That’s All
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