FemaleFocusFriday: What I NEED to know about ROMANCE from WOMEN!

September 12, 2014September 12, 2014 Ronovan Humor Advice, Dating, Dating Advice, Humor, humour, List, Lists, Men, Relationships, Romance, Women

Oh Laaaadies! Holla if ya heeeeaaarrrr meee!

I have no idea why I did that but it just came to mind as I started to type. Could you imagine living with me never knowing what to expect next? I’ve asked a range of advice questions for y’all before on some many things but today . . . a rarity is occurring. Ronovan . . . is . . .

. . . focusing.

How to ask you Out In Person, Phone Call, or Text Message

That’s right ladies it’s

ROMANCE DAY!!!!

(Yes I can feel the sizzle now. And strangely I like it. Who brought jumper cables?)

Oh yeah, focus, Ronovan . . . focus. Be the romance to be the romance. Philosophically that makes sense to me but in print it looks rather odd. Much like my photo. Hmm. Oh yeah, focus. So in person, on the phone or . . . yeah Kelly done told us about the third one.

I just want to make it clear that I obviously don’t really need help in this area, ahem, but my men friends might appreciate some advice.

Blue Jeans or Slacks/Pants or Saggin’ & Draggin’

What do you want your date to dress in? I know, I know, you’re going to say it depends if you are going to a rodeo or some other place. Let’s pick some other place for this. No Bostonian leather shoes and double breasted suit at the poop palooza. You don’t want to be seen with a dork. I get it. Okay so I know which one you might do away with automatically. Unless the mood is a bit other than romantic and well . . .

Natural Musk, Cologne, or Duck Commander Date Repellent

You know, it’s a difficult question for us. Seriously. What if you are allergic or asthmatic? What if and what if? We don’t want to be in the middle of a date and have to rush you to an emergency room, that would just waste of the all you can eat taco buffet at the Huddle House Mexican Night. I am guessing here, just guessing which one you would say no to.

(And if anyone knows of an all you can eat Taco Mexican Night at Huddle House, please let me know. I can get frog legs at the local convenience store. I kid you not.)

Flowers or Nothing or What

Maybe it’s an old fashion thing to ask, but what would you call Romantic or even would like to see happen? We might think of flowers and then freeze at the thought you might be allergic or hate the flowers we pick out. Then if we bring nothing do we look like a cheapskate? Then what if we brought some alternatives? Like maybe a cat toy?

Car, Truck, or Something Else

Now when considering this you need to consider other options like where you want to go on the date and do you want to climb up in the muck hauler or ride in the over compensating mobile or do you want to get a work out in the something else? Considering the attention some women put on calorie intake I am not certain about discounting number three, if it were disguised perhaps as as pedal car.

Candle Lit Dinner or Picnic in the Park or Do Ya Want Fries Wid Dat

Now that is unless he’s dead broke, it’s the anniversary of your first date ever and he’s recreating it, or you just don’t care and want to be with each other because that’s where the true romance is at. Taco Bell served me well in those early days. I think I know we can probably rule out number three as being Romantic. See even that guy agrees.

Dancing, No Dancing or Whatever

This one might be a little difficult because of various situations. For one, even if women can’t dance they can dance. But men when they dance, well. They think they dance like this . . .

But in reality dance like this . . .

Kiss Good Night, Hand Shake, Or Something Else

We have come to the end of the evening, I know . . . I know . . . there are some steps missing like a stroll along aromantically lit street that seems to transport you back in time, or a classic movie being shown special on the big screen, or a concert that is difficult to ge t tickets for. Then of course perhaps coffee or something and the ride home.

Now we come to the second most important moment of the second most important moment of the night. The kiss . . . oh the most important? Well how to handle going to the potty, especially if it’s number 2. How romantic is that? But you asked.

There are people out there who still live with their parents. It doesn’t matter what age the dat eis, they live at home for some reason. A kiss? Okay, a soft, tender but intent kiss is a good start if you mean it. Or a lingering gentle hand shake, bu the there is the one that probably mean can relate to . . . The father inquisition . . .

Men need to know what you expect. It would be nice if their were a manual but so many of you are different. So I want to hear from you. I mean I reiterate that I PERSONALLY don’t need in the help in the romance department if you know what I mean but there are some out there that do. What are your answers? We NEED to KNOW!!!!

Cause all I got are . . .

Much Respect

Romance Man

Ronovan

(Yeah, I could have given the guys the word but you know, I can’t be sharin’ my secrets. Anyone seen my Atari 2600 Joy Stick? It’s my turn to play Frogger. Freakin’ Alligator.)

10 Things Women Need To Know About Men

August 8, 2014August 8, 2014 Ronovan Humor Advice, Blogs, Dating, Dating Advice, Internalizing, Life, Men, Opinions, Quesitons, Realtionships, Relationship Advice, Sex, Spouses

I see lists about ‘How to Know Your Man’ and ‘How to Make Your Man Happy in Bed or Anywhere Else’ and I wonder sometimes if even the ones by men are really nom de ploomers for 12 year old girls working for tickets to Judson Beader concerts.

Why do I say that?

I am so glad you asked. Let me tell you . . .

Things Women Need To Know About Men

Just remember that these are all based on my own opinions and what I have observed. Which are observations and which are my own personal opinions you will most likely know if you have read my site much. Enjoy and please, don’t kill the writer.

#10

Men Sulk and Pout

Ladies, I know it is difficult to believe that we men who scream at TVs during sporting events do this but yes . . . we internalize things. We prefer you think we are insane or mentally deranged rather than discuss it. Pizza . . . Tacos . . . Game Systems . . . Shooting things filled with glow in the dark stuff at night? Sure, but talking–no. We’re not mad at you. We’re not ignoring you. Just let us sulk and we get over it faster. The longer we are talked to and asked about it the longer it takes to get over. Let us pout. Do you really want to hear about the long awful day we had at work? Do you really?

#9

Don’t ask Don’t Tell

Ladies, you know those times when you ask us ‘what do you think?’ I’ll be point blank honest here. Perhaps I am honest because I don’t have the degrees for Creative Writing and all of that to tell the truth in a more creative way, just a degree History Education and writing tons of research papers. Or maybe it’s the concussion thing. My one year anniversary is coming up by the way. My imaginary self and I will be eating at an all you can eat Taco and Chinese buffet in No Calorieville. I hope you will join us. But here it is…ready?

If you already know what the answer that you want is, don’t ask us. We don’t know what to do. Do we be honest, or give you the answer you want? You say be honest . . . but is that ALWAYS true?

Examples:

“Is this shirt too tight?”

Okay, the male brain has now seized up as traffic has swarmed in the form of Spaghetti Junction in Atlanta, GA at 5 PM on a Friday before a three day holiday weekend.

Yes, it’s too tight because it shows off your breasts too much to other people.
I love that she has incredible breasts and I am proud she’s mine, eat your heart out boys.
She’s asking if she’s gained weight. Oh no, what do I do?
She’s asking if she’s gained weight. Do I tell her no because if I say yes then she will think I think she’s put on weight?
Man she looks good. How long will it take to get that thing of. (I hope she isn’t wearing a bra, I have no idea how those hooks work.)

You may not realize the male mind does this on its own without the participation of the male itself and all in the span of 1.01 seconds. Then the male enters into the picture and uses knowledge and common sense. You read that right. And you wonder why we get in to so much trouble with this one.

“Baby, those twins look outrageous. Mmm Mmm Mmm! You fine, girl.”-Either the young guy with no clue or the older over the hill midlife crisis male who is reliving his unsuccessful young guy days.

“I like it, but honestly honey, I love your body, and I love the fact men know how great your body is. Men are going to be staring at you enough as it is because of those kill me eyes and that beautiful smile.”-Mature, experienced male with common sense in use. Men, only use this one if you are sincere. Seriously. Customize to fit what you find amazing about the beauty of your woman.

“I don’t know, whatever.”-Moron alert and future divorce case.

#8

No opinion

Sometimes we really don’t have an opinion about something, especially if it has nothing to do with us or we just don’t know anything about it. Also there are times we are just that laid back and are like go with the flow. No, we are not always that indecisive . . . we just don’t have an opinion or we just like your opinion. Imagine that, huh? Did I say that out loud? No. Whew, awesome. There is another reason, we’re lazy and just don’t want to think. I’m serious. Even me, the one that is always thinking, I get to that point where I can answer what I want on my sandwich; ham or turkey.

#7

Sure, Okay & Fine

This was is so whatever that I couldn’t even come up with an image for it Guess what? You’ve heard us say those words and you don’t believe us. Well guess what again? Some of us actually mean it. Shocking I know. But rather than speak in sentences with all those parts of speech, we use the efficient one word answer to get back to what we were doing and/or avoid saying something to either a) make you mad or b) causing a lengthier discussion that will eventually lead into our getting into some sort of trouble which would lead to . . .

#6

Gifts are NOT for buying Forgiveness

We give you flowers, candy, a gift card to Home Depot for supplies for your favorite little homemade fish pond and you think we are trying to buy you off instead of saying we’re sorry. That is our saying we’re sorry. We’re not buying you off, we’re talking. We’ve been trained not to say we’re sorry or show emotions. Emotions are a weakness. Instead we do something else, like buy you something nice to say we’re sorry for spending so much on the credit card bill.

#5

Sometimes we really are staring off into space and not at the server.

When we’re out to dinner, we’re not always checking out the server in the required form fitting, skin tight black pants. (I wonder about that at times. Isn’t that like really a bad thing to have as a requirement?) We’re actually sometimes either a) tired and staring off into space not even knowing where we are looking or b) bored at the third time in the last hour you’ve talked about the same thing at work that’s ticked you off. My apologies for that second one, I know we do the same thing, but ladies, you are so much more intelligent than we are, perhaps leading by example would make the old dogs learn new tricks.

Sure we listen, we care, but after 2 or 3 times . . . we get it, you get it, the server in the skin tight black pants gets it. If we reacted indignant at what happened and acted like we were going to do something, you would then tease us or call us an idiot and say that it is only a little thing and you don’t want to cause any problems because it’s a great job. Huh?

#4

We Like Chick flicks.

You read that right. Just don’t ask us about it. Don’t give us a choice. Just say you want to go to that movie Saturday night. We need the excuse. I mean really, at the end of Armageddon when Bruce Willis is saying goodbye to his daughter, didn’t you notice the man in your life tearing up?

#3

We Like to Smell Pretty

When you go to the store and shop, because you know if you don’t everyone you love will die from hunger because they may have some mental block about like grocery shopping, buy us the nice smelling soaps. We like to smell good and you like us to smell good. Don’t give us the chance to be macho and go for the unscented, floats in water soap. We’re old enough to be more concerned about smelling nice rather than sinking battleships.

#2

We Don’t Think About Megan Fox During Sex

In the middle of sex, do you want to know what we’re thinking? It all depends on the situation. We are focused on how it feels and either a) praying we don’t end the session early or b) hoping we can keep going with that pain in the back before it ruins the moment.

But I am sure some men do think about things. Like earplugs for those who don’t like the overzealous screamer. There are screamers and then there are fire alarms. Screamers are fine, just saying but a lot of focus goes into those fire alarm moments. I mean really, I appreciate appreciation but well sometimes . . . you know?

So, no, no Megan Fox or anyone else for most of us. We’re just enjoying the feel of things.

#1

The Final Thing, and the one you’ve been waiting for . . .How to Make Us Happy In Bed.

How to make us happy in bed? It’s a simple thing really or is it? The idea most things you read about is show up, get naked and the man is happy. Maybe that works for some, but ladies let me clue you in on something. We like the heart behind the happening. A woman could be the worst technical lover to ever exist but can satisfy a man she loves and loves her back because he feels her intent and heart behind it. So it’s not just about showing up and trying to be sexy.

Yeah, I know, if that were true with all men then prostitution wouldn’t be a business. Porn would not be a business. But give me heart and you get me . . . never mind that . . . umm.

~~~~~~~~

Now I know that a lot of the above has to do with communication and that some ladies love to communicate and men just don’t and that is a huge problem. I am not condoning or excusing the above, I am just telling you the truth of what is reality. Sure some of us try to do better but failures occur. I like to understand things. Tell me things so I don’t interpret something wrong. I want to learn from whatever is happening. But once I know and you know I know . . . as I said above, don’t blame me for staring at the wall.

Anyway, that’s it for today, my Feature for Female Focus Friday here at RonovanWrites. I love Fridays. For all my Friends that might read this, please tell me what things you think?

And ladies if there are things you would like to know my opinion on . . . let me know. I would love to share . . . I really would. That would be awesome, and maybe some of your questions will be answered next Friday in a Female Focus Friday Feature.

Until next time,

Much Respect and Admiration

Ronovan

There is no ‘Let’ in Love

August 5, 2014August 5, 2014 Ronovan Opinion Articles Blogs, Dating, Dating Advice, Life, Love, Love Advice, Opinion, Relationship Advice, Relationships

“I let you love me.“

“I let you into my world.”

“I let you determine our lives.”

Everyone, I want to say . . .

There is no ‘Let’ in Love

Also, there is no Allow . . . in Love. Letting someone do something is a phrase that has always rubbed me the wrong way, or so I believe. I know it does now, because when I find myself writing the word let or hopefully catch myself, I cringe and must examine why the word let is being used. As with everyone who is conditioned in this society of letting and allowing, those phrases slip through even when we are looking for them, so forgive me if you find them.

I wrote an article a bit of time back called ‘Don’t ALLOW people to control YOU’. Allowing is a bad word, just like letting. You allow and let things happen to you that are in your control that are possibly not good for you.

You let me fall in love with you?

You have no choice in the matter.

You let me into your world?

I am in the world already, I just found you in it.

You let me determine our lives?

No, you say yes or no and determine your own life.

You let a child have a cookie. You cannot ‘let’ someone feel.

Then what is it we do with love or at least what am I driving at? Love is acceptance of things as they are. If you are with someone and find out you want to change certain non life threatening things about them or they want to change you . . . yes there may still be love but it is not THE love.

Perhaps you are not a fan of certain types of movies, TV shows, music, or foods. You do not ‘let’ the other person enjoy those things. When you realized you were in love with them and then expressed that to them, you then ‘accepted’ them as they ARE. That is part of what makes them who they are. Why want to change what brought you to them in the first place?

Do not enter a relationship thinking about a change occurring later on. The only thing that will change is the end of the relationship or the straining of one to the point of years of miserable.

I love you, I am in love with you, I give you my love; these are the phrases of love. In none of those phrases does the word let fit. In none of those feelings does the word let fit. In none of those phrases is permission being asked. Perhaps you will reject the phrases, but believe me when I say that the speaker of those words will continue on regardless of what you say.

In conclusion if you find yourself thinking the words you are letting the person in your life do something, rethink it. Are you letting or are you loving? Are you letting or are you accepting?

I have been brief today. If you need more explanation then let me know.

For all of you lovers reading, is it let or is it love?

Other articles in the future will deal with what you do ‘Let’ happen and ‘Change’ for love.

Until then,

Much Respect & Much Love

Ronovan

Five things men fear on first dates.

July 11, 2014August 25, 2014 Ronovan Humor, Opinion Articles Advice, Blogs, Dating, Dating Advice, First Dates, Funny, Humor, humour, Relationships

You’re on a date and you are stressed beyond belief. It’s like that first time and you just have no idea what’s going to happen. You just keep praying that you don’t do anything . . . stupid.

Stupid around my house is a bad word. We say silly instead. But really one word is as bad as another if you know what it is supposed to really stand for. No freakin’ way will I say that crap word again.

Anyway, for a guy what can you do that’s so bad on a first date, or really any date for that matter, but that first date is the one you have to impress. The rest of your time with her she realizes you’re a guy and you do guy things, so you get a pass card. And no I don’t mean that kind of pass . . . or that one either. Eww.

What do we fear?

Five Things Men Fear on First Dates

by: Ronovan

Pit Sweats

Guys, be honest, they are;

The dreaded stains,

That cause you chest pains.

You have options here men.
• Date only in winter and never wear a coat, jacket, or sweater
• Duct tape bath clothes to your pits
• Or be sensible and wear a t-shirt

But the truth is, none of those ideas occur to us until it’s the end of July and we’re standing outside her door and that trickle starts down the back of the neck. You just know what’s going to be next. Back sweats? Okay you can get away with that, she’ll understand. But then you drive and move your arm and the air hits and . . . you know it has happened.

That freezing cold feeling hits that damp pit cloth of the shirt and you begin to sweat more and wonder if she would question stopping at a local Quik Trip convenience store while you air dry your pits with the hand dryer in the restroom. Then you begin to worry she thinks you have other problems.

Bad Breath

You leave the house and you are like, “It’s all good.” Then you start singing to the radio. Something begins to smell.

You’re at her driveway. She’s sitting on the porch swing and sees you. You have no way out. You pull in and scrounge for anything.

And then you find it, that melted plastic wrapped piece of peppermint candy that is now pink from where the food coloring has fun together from who knows how many years of living in the cup holder under that Taco Bell napkin.

The plastic will not release. She’s stopped swinging and now is staring. Yes, you do it. In goes the candy, plastic and all and you . . . chew. You have to get out of the car because she’s coming. She’s worried about you. Oh no, you can’t get rid of the plastic or she’ll see and then your hands are covered in sticky 3,000 year old candy sugar.

Yep, you swallow the plastic.

Bats in the Cave

It happens to everyone, even her. But men, you know it’s going to happen on that date.

You can even feel it happening. The tickle starts. You breathe and hear that slight noise and feel it moving.

You start breathing through your mouth slightly. But then she’ll think you’re a mouth breather. You try for the distraction and the big sniff to move that thing up. Or maybe you find a way to rub your nose in the hopes of it settling into place.

Then one of two things happens. You’re in the moment, the kiss could happen. She has those melt you in your shoes eyes looking up at you and her eyes go from yours to your lips then . . . you got it. Her eyes moves slightly upward as the bat begins to say hello.

Is that the worst thing? Nope. Same situation and then Bat Cave Bomb Away, you got it, the boogie done left the building and it only has one place to go.

Nose Hair

Related to the Bat Cave situation are the Nasal Follicles.

I know the Good Lord designed them to help us out, after all if not for them all those Bats in the Cave matter would be in our lungs, but for goodness sake, trim the vines before the date.

Men if you are headed to the date and you are in your car, look in the mirror. No, you don’t have the nose hair trimmers with you. Yes ladies, we do have those. Mine are burgundy. Now guys if you look in the mirror and see Tarzan swinging it’s desperate measure time.

Yes, you have to pull them out. I heard the ouch. I feel your pain. Seriously, I’ve been there. Just go for it and yank Tarzan and Cheetah both out and hope the tears are gone before you get to Jane.

B.O. Bomb

Well men we finally come to the most dreaded one of all. All the others we can try to avoid and take care of. But when it comes to the body odor, well, what can I say? It stinks.

Some men keep deodorant in their car. Nice. Some even keep cologne. Not going to work. If you are like most men, you’re in trouble.

There are four options available at this point if you are in her driveway:
1. Grab the jacket in the back seat and wear it all night, even in late July at the ball game. Yeah, Pit Sweats combined with the B.O Bomb. Nice. Then you begin breathing heavy and the plastic peppermint quits working and you feel that piece of plastic still stuck in your teeth.
2. The car deodorizer might work. Chemical hazard? Yes. Worth a kiss on the first date? Yep.
3. Asking to borrow her bathroom and using her deodorant. It’s one way to be sure but you better keep it a secret.
4. Keep as far apart from her as you think is the safe smell limit. One problem with this is . . . no second date. You can either get close and get the rep as Señor Stinko with all of her friends who you also know, or become known as General Germaphobia. Take your pick.

Well, there you have them, and that’s just 5 of our fears. You didn’t know we had them, did you ladies? You thought our only worries were how expensive you were going to order and if we were going to get to first base or farther. Oh, and some of you men didn’t know you had to worry about all of that? Welcome to reality.

If you really want something that will freak you out, and this really happened, check out “When toots let loose. . . “ or what I call “A College Girls Gas Confession” at my fellow blogger’s site A College Girl’s Confessions. I swear, I’m not making this up.

Men AND women, do you care to share some of your MOMENTS on dates? Come on, you know you want to. Put a comment in.

Much Respect
Apparently Hygiene Deficient Ronovan

ronovanwrites

Author, Poet, Blogger, Father, Reader And More

Dating Advice

10 Things Women Need To Know About Men

Things Women Need To Know About Men