Adoptive Parents. Foster Parents. Step Parents. Call those non birth nurturers of the young what you will, people have opinions about them, just like every person has a . . . well you know. I’m going to share mine . . . my opinion that is.

 

First I want to make some things perfectly clear. I KNOW that not all Foster Care parents are great. I KNOW that not all Foster Care situations work out properly. I KNOW there are statistics showing things one way or the other about the impact Foster Care has on a child’s life. THIS is not about THOSE Foster Care parents or situations. If that is the article you are looking for then you may want to move on.

 

THIS article is about the positive situations I have seen, and the POSITIVE OUTCOMES of GOOD Foster Care and Adoptive Parents.

 

You may ask, “Ronovan, what do you KNOW about THIS subject?” Have you ever heard the phrase “treat someone like a red-headed step-child?” Well that’s ME. I’m one, been one for about 40 years now. Yep, he’s my Dad, my mi papa. If I go any farther with that I’ll just end up in trouble because I think I might be mixing languages, call it Latinglish.

 

But does that make me an expert on the Foster and Adoptive Parent part, of course not. “Then, Ronovan, how can you speak about something you don’t know about?”

 

Why, I am so happy you asked me. It’s time to get serious, because I’m mad. Let  us discuss a thought of mine . . .

 

Families Aren’t Born, They’re Made

 

 

Let’s just get right down to it. For a time I was the head of a young group that took care of Foster Children while all the Foster Parents met for a required monthly meeting. It was a joy to do so and while doing so I learned a lot about the children. No two were alike. No two came from the same emotional mindset, not even siblings. With my teaching background, certification, being a parent of a young child and background checks I was of course a natural choice as leader, and I had teenagers to become human playground equipment. What more could an association ask for?

 

We were even invited to their Easter Egg Hunts and Picnic Get-a-ways. It was a great learning and growing experience for my young people as much as it was for me and those young children. We all learned about a different kind of love.

 

You would look at a sweet little face and the next thing you know they were freaking out because of some random thing, not very often, but sometimes. Or you look at a sweet face and they just want to be held, but you can’t because of the laws.

 

For me that was a heart breaker. I’m the cuddly guy, the ‘love the little kiddies’ guy, especially the little girls who you just want to be the Daddy of. They come at me with those pretty little eyes and sad faces and I just want to die. I want to hug them so bad and make them smile, even the ones that would come at me and headbutt me in the stomach because they liked me.

 

I’ve had experiences with two Foster Families. They have both adopted the children they were Foster Parents for. I know, that’s not a lot, but it’s something to comment on. Both are good ones too. I know there are some bad ones out there but there are also some good ones. Perhaps there needs to be a better and more in depth Foster Parent selection and screening progress. No . . . there DOES need to be one.

 

The children are growing up, well adjusted, as well as they can be as some recover from difficulties they had in the past. Some may have to go to therapy because of their previous family situation but they will be okay with the continued love and support they are receiving. This isn’t saying that all Foster/Adoption children have some type of issue, they don’t but some do.

 

The fact is parents that adopt a foster child know what they are getting into. I couldn’t do it. One family I am close to just blows my mind how they have taken children in as Foster Parents and they loved them so much they adopted them, and they have turned their worlds . . . and yes, for some it includes therapy.

 

These people don’t have to do it. But this family KNEW the issues before hand and still wanted these wonderful kids. Not just one, but all of the siblings so they could be together instead of separate Foster Homes. Personally, I would go crazy. One child is enough for me.

 

Did you know that some Foster and Adoptive Parents get attacked and harassed and even basically bad mouthed all over the place because they loved so much they did what their hearts told them to do? Do you know how many good people see this and then decide not to become Foster Parents because of it, and thus the system ends up with the REAL kind of people that some should be talking about?

 

Not every parent of a child that ends up in Foster Care wants their child to be there. I hope none of them do. But some end up in situations that require it. Some people might ask, “Well what if they find they are out of that situation someday?” Then if the child is in Foster Care there might be a chance of their return.

 

But if adopted, then no, there will be no return. I know not every situation is perfect and some Foster situations in some areas go wrong, but the ones I know of went right. I can’t think of those children having stayed in their previous family environment for one more and then another more chance while they slowly edged closer to being so emotionally scarred that they were permanently damaged.

 

People don’t think about that. At least I don’t guess they do. All they see is a broken up home. If I had just been with my biological father I would have begged to be in a Foster Home if I had known what it was back then. But I was lucky, I had a mother then a step-father. And yes, I made sure people knew what my father had done to me. I was 6 years old. Does that tell you how aware a young child can be of what is WRONG?

 

But some children won’t say anything. Just because the child doesn’t tell certain adults things doesn’t mean their lives are perfect . . . or maybe it’s that the certain adults just aren’t listening. There’s a thought, hmm?

 

Now for the people who are, pardon my saying it this way, real jerks about giving people a hard time for adopting kids who need to be adopted just because they disagree and THINK they know something and then start getting up in the adoptive parents’ business and start bad mouthing them to everyone they can think of . . . you need to buy a vowel, phone a friend, use a life line, basically get a clue and shut up about what you don’t know about. And I don’t care WHO you are.

 

I’ll repeat; not every Foster Parent or Adoptive Parent works out or is a good idea, but for the ones I personally know, they are incredible. Why do I say this? Because of this family the children are receiving a very good education and all of the various extra help they need either in their education or emotional areas. Their creative outlets are encouraged and their social activities are quality ones with good people. In fact the children have grown in so many ways that it is astounding.

 

There will be people that may comment on this in a negative or possibly hostile manner. I say this to you now; I’ll not engage in a debate or tolerate any badmouthing. Be civil and you may speak your piece. I read all comments on my articles. I don’t moderate them before they are allowed onto the site. But I will tell you this; start something and I delete your comment and ban you from commenting again. And you are not allowed to use any of the comments in this article in any manner at all. All rights are reserved by me. Don’t reblog it if you are going to use it in a manner of hate. Don’t ping back or link back to me for the same reason.

 

Remember, I said at the beginning this was a positive article about my own personal experiences with a family.

 

Personally I think those who love children enough to take them in, knowing they come from possibly bad situations, and still want them and even want them to the point of adopting them, is an amazing and admirable thing. I know when you are in the middle of it the situation is difficult to see from a different point of view, but there is another view. I don’t expect those involved to ever see both sides of it. Emotions run deep and it’s just a hard situation.

 

To all those good people who become Foster Parents and Adoptive Parents for the right reasons, I commend you. For those who do it to get money for taking care of the kids and don’t do jack for the kids, basically . . . you suck.

 

Much Respect to the Read Deals

Ronovan

 

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