Love Connection. A #BeWoW and #1000Speak Poem.

Sometimes you need to lose a connection to find a connection. One you have may not be the one you need. Once that one is lost, or ended, a new one may enter your life. Connections come and go. Don’t dwell on the lost ones. Focus on the ones not yet made, or the one newly made that may have been the reason for your existence.

Always be open and aware of words and actions. Combined they can tell you the truth. If they conflict, so long. If they agree, then awesome.

This is another entry for the #BeWoW and #1000Speak for today dealing with Connecting.

Love-Connection

Next Door
Long Distance
Brick Walls
No Resistance
 
Coping All
Always Well
Frequent Falls
Temporary Hell
 
Within Sight
Within Sound
Wishing Blind
Heaven Found
 
No Reason
Every Moment
Forgotten Purpose
Eternal Appointment
 
Madness Mayhem
Quiet Peace
Constant Pain
Sweet Release
 
Decision Made
Belonging Heart
Leaving Away
Never Apart

 Much Respect

Ronovan

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5 Ways to Connect with Your Children #1000Speak

Connecting with people is something you have to work at. Okay, so it comes naturally for some people. This article is being written with the 1000 voices speak for compassioncurrent 1000 Voices for Compassion theme of Connection in mind. Oddly it goes along with something I’ve been thinking of for some time now and carries over from something I wrote previously in my Let your Kids be them and not you.

I’m not a strong connector these days, and haven’t been for the past couple of years. I was prior to that but now I am more of a recluse. That being said, there are people you can’t and shouldn’t be a recluse from—Your Children.

I look at a lot of problems today and I personally believe a lot of them could have been prevented if a good and healthy connection had been established and maintained between the parent and child. Notice I said a “good and healthy” connection.

My son goes to school before I get up in the mornings. Often times I am asleep when he comes home. Chronic Fatigue is part of my Fibromyalgia so I really have no control over when I will drop off and sleeping problems mess things up as well. Thus, when I am with my son I need to make certain there is that connection. It may be only a look or a couple of words but there needs to be something positive and building going on.

5 Ways Parents Connect To Their Children

  1. Be Less Self: I know you don’t think of yourself as begin selfish but when you consider that very often you are molding your child to be what you want them to be instead of what they should be, you are being selfish. This is in regards to utilization of talents and intellect. We should all try to mold our children into being good people, so don’t even think about going off on me about that.
  2. Listen: Children like to talk, IF they have parents that like to listen. You may not like to listen—Pretend. Listen to your child and respond to them. Acknowledge you have heard what they said. Your child will grow in confidence, social abilities and even vocabulary.
  3. Be Aware: Paying attention to your child will give you ideas and clues about their likes, dislikes, desires, goals, wishes. You will see where they thrive. I know my son. From the time he could stand and throw a ball, and I mean literally just that, he could throw a strike down the hallway to me. I knew then that baseball would be the sport he would thrive at. Did I push him to it? No. I personally wanted him to play football, but through the years I changed my mind. Knowing my son, I see that he likes to know what his assignment is, do his assigned task and still be a part of a team. Also he is not a very aggressive type physically. Football is out. Basketball? He’s tried it and it is mayhem at his age because other kids don’t do their assigned tasks on the team. But baseball? He is the starting outfielder his first year playing. I mean that as in they put him where they know a team hits to most. He is also the clean-up hitter. That means he is their power hitter. His first year playing. I also can pick out a book I know he will like. Why? Because he is like me and I’ve noticed it. He likes non-fiction books and will be watching a documentary on public television he turned to.
  4. Patient: Here is a big one. Patience is a hard thing to be at times. But if you are a screamer, a yeller, you will not connect with your child. And if you are a physical punisher to a bit of the extreme, you will definitely not connect. I know that one personally. Kids do dumb things at times. You will think your kid is mature one moment and then do something completely their age the next and it will make you so mad. Just remember their age and take deep breaths and count to a million.
  5. Affectionate: Here is another tough one, especially for a lot of men. Hug your child, no matter their age. Why? So you can teach them hugging and being affectionate is normal and a hug is a sign of love. Left on their own and without a role model, they will turn elsewhere. Hugging will turn into something not simply meant as a sign of love and affection for someone. Also words are signs of affection. Tell your child you love them. Tell them you are proud of them for random things. Or maybe say “That was awesome” to something random. Don’t reserve those words for good grades or athletic achievements.

Connecting with your child teaches them to connect with others and that takes care of a lot of things out there. You may not realize it but they are learning all those things you are doing, each of those five things I mentioned above, simply by observing what you are doing. They know you are listening, they know you are being patient.

By modeling for them these characteristics we are helping the future.

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Much Respect

Ronovan

 

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The Unity of Humanity My #BeWoW article.

I’ve been very concerned about the racial tensions in the US. I’m not concerned for myself personally as my relationships are fine with all walks of life. As I’ve said before, I don’t see races not do I treat people as races. I’m not sure if my song got that from me or not but he’s friends with everyone.

As everywhere I look I see these almost indoctrination like attempts by media and politics to force on all of us the idea we ARE different I become incredibly angry.

Why do people allow others, others who make money through ratings on fear, dictate how we think and live?

Smart is smart, funny is funny, talented is talented, and beautiful is beautiful. Those are things we have in common across the board of humanity. Oh, and yes, ugly is ugly and dumb is dumb. I know, not nice things to say, but I know I’m not good looking, and I’m not the smartest new kid on the block. I’m okay with it. I know there is another person in another country with the exact same ugly and lack of smarticles that I have but with a different skin tone or regional facial features.

Having completed the A to Z Blogging Challenge using a comic book creators around the world as a theme, I discovered even more how much alike we all are. People from different countries inspired to do something for the same reasons, and some giving almost identical answers to questions that are very personal.

My positive message today is through everything always remember we are all the same, just in different situations. Don’t listen to and allow constant bombardment of negativity make it a reality.

 

Much Respect

Ronovan

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Nurturing is Genuine.

For me there is some difficulty when it comes to face to face relationships since my accident over a year ago. It might be the memory issues. Perhaps the fear of people. Somewhere along the way . . . hmm, maybe it’s all of it together.

As a father I have to get over it at times. I guess when I am able to get into those moments of discussion and encouragement and help my son grow, he knows it’s the real thing. And there I believe lies true nurturing.

Humans are very perceptive when it comes to fakes or genuines. Yes, another of my made up words. Perhaps I will create a comic book called The Genuines and the enemies will be The Deceptives.

“Focus, Ronovan.”

“Okay, okay, I will.”

My son is very perceptive. He knows when someone truly cares about him when they are discussing things that are to encourage and help him. He doesn’t need encouragement. I suppose encouragement is great in its place but nurturing is really the thing that is needed.

When you nurture you are giving of yourself, your feelings are shared, your time, your blood, your sweat and tears. Even an infant knows the difference between the genuine and the deceptive.

My son, aged 10, began his first season of baseball this year. No one believes it. He was apparently born to play the game. Perhaps it was the hours of throwing balls to him over the summer that helped some, the explaining how baseball works, how to properly run the bases, how to relay the ball. It was a sport I could explain and he could learn that carried over. I suppose it helped I took coaching of baseball in college.

But what is really helping him are the coaches. He has the best coaches in his league. I don’t say that because they are winning, I say that because their mentality of growing young kids into loving baseball, and training them the right way, and not just about technique.

The hitting coach even took time with my son “B” before practice, since it was early, and went through a couple of things with him, and told him he was the most naturally gifted hitter and player he had ever seen. He didn’t have to say that. And his actions back up his words.

I take the guys words as truth because of his background. He played college ball, football and baseball at the same University I went to, but ended up with baseball after the first season and was even scouted by the pros. He still plays in leagues that we have here that aren’t for pros. Oh, did I mention his father was a two time football Super Bowl Champion?

Encouragement without sincerity is just smoke. It’s a commercial for a toy that kids know won’t work. My son even explains to me why the toys won’t work when he sees the ads.

Again, I wasn’t going to do a post today, but it’s #1000Speak for Compassion with the topic of Nurturing. I opened the page and this happened without a thought.

Nurturing can be from adult to adult as well. I  have people, person, something like that, not only encouraging my writing but taking steps to nurture along the way to lead in the direction of improvement. Not so much teaching me technique but being honest with me.

Nurturing is not simply being a cheerleader, nurturing is sometimes be the tough guy for the better. The other person won’t always like it, but through a history with you, they know it is for the better and will go with it.

No matter what you do, with whomever you do it with, nurture. It reminds me of one of my favorite verses.

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”~Ephesians 4:29

If those who follow these words only fulfilled these words, would it not be a wonderful world? I try. I fail at times, I am sure, but I try.

1000 voices speak for compassion

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Taylor Swift and Mean For #1000Speak on Bullying.

1000 voices speak for compassion1000 Voices Speak for Compassion is Speaking about Bullying. I’ve written a couple of articles already. I wanted to share a music video. Taylor Swift and Mean fits quite well. One thing I like about it? I can understand the words. Always great with a song. Listen to it, even if you don’t like Taylor Swift.

Peer Pressure: The Bully in Disguise

As always with a post, I wrote one out and it was long and rambling and ended up with a thought nowhere near the place it began. And I finally ended up with this piece. Maybe it isn’t perfect but it is my contribution.

Red hair, freckles, chubby, and new in school; what do you think those things equal to? Yep, bullied. I survived. But that’s not the bullying I want to talk about today. This is the one type of bullying every person on the planet faces and at one time or other fails at fending off.

Peer Pressure: The Bully in Disguise

bullyingWe have all faced this. Some of us don’t even realize it. If you have been coerced into doing something you didn’t want to do by a friend or group of friends who knew you didn’t want to do that thing, that’s bullying. How many teens have died from that first drug taken? How many girls have ended up pregnant from having sex just one time? How many guys and girls for that matter, have ended up hurt for life because they played a sport they didn’t want to?

What is some obvious ways Peer Pressure looks like?

I was bullied in the traditional way until I got a little older, and figured things out. One thing I rarely fell in to was peer pressure. I saw it happen to friends. That guy in history class who couldn’t lift his head up as he vomited all over his desk because he had drank a whole bottle of vodka or at least most of one before school, the sex behind the concession stand, the sex in the school bus, smoking in the bathrooms. The shoplifting just that once. You name it and someone you know has likely been bullied with the threat of being an outcast because they weren’t cool enough to be adult enough.

But what other types of Peer Pressure Bullying are there?

But it doesn’t stop with those behaviors. My son has let his grades slip. He’s still getting top marks but he’s just doing it at the bottom of that. He didn’t like being called one of the two nerdiest kids in his grade. I told him Bill Gates is a nerd. Nerds make those fancy electronics that all those kids play on rather than focus on studying.

Peer pressure is even present in how we eat.

“You’re eating a fruit cup, yogurt, and a salad at McDonalds?”

“You want water instead of a Coke?”

Even TV.

“You watch Educational TV instead of ESPN?

The traditional type of bullying is bad but Peer Pressure is bullying people haven’t thought about. It’s the kind that kills more teens, likely causes more suicides, and does more damage to our society, cultures, and nations than anything.

The United States government tries to force a certain required system of teaching in place. Any teacher knows you can’t do that. The US worries about dropping further behind nations in education. It’s not that teaching has been wrong; we learned the old ways and are doing fine, and so are the teachers trying to teach this new way.

The problem is countries don’t focus on supporting an environment where each child is to flourish in the area they are best suited for without being made to feel better than others or lesser than others. Each person has a skill, a talent. To change peer pressure it will take decades, decades of first our generation then the next, and then the next to stop it. Once you can give a student self worth and have them understand other students’ self worth, a lot of the other type of bullying will stop.

Building for Bullying Part One.

As I grew older and realized who I was and what I was I saw the problems with peer pressure around me. Some reputations were destroyed of some great young people I knew and they never recovered. Maybe that’s why I am less of a joiner and a late joiner when I do. I sit back and watch and listen and learn. When I am ready, if I am ready, I will take the  next step. But the step has to be for me because I want to.

You can look at my blog and tell I’m not exactly a conformist. I don’t write content that is focused on one thing or in one style. My reading selections are all over the place. I have every type of  friend you can have. I’ve gone my own way. I’ve learned from other peoples’ mistakes. And what I’ve learned I’ve passed on to my son, many students, and youth group members as well as adults that have worked for me over the years.

I could have become a bully. I am a big guy. Temper back then. I was being bullied, and taunted when I snapped. I grabbed the guy by the jacket, spun him around onto the stands in the gym and informed him I was sick of it in a very vocally forceful way. No foul words. Then I sat back down. He was scared. People wanted me to fight him all day. I never did. His bullying reputation was ruined. I didn’t want to start my own.

Building From Bullying Part Two

When my son comes home and talks about a bully, we talk about bullying. We discuss it, who the kid is, what they are like. We discuss why bullies are the way they are. We talk about how fortunate he is to have parents that raise him in a way that doesn’t promote bullying and that is loving and respectful of him and what he likes.

Don’t get me wrong, the word ‘NO’ exists in the house. Usually he knows it’s coming, but he still has to try. A lot of times he’ll be smiling knowing what an answer will be. I’ve discusses in posts before of his intelligence and his heart. He doesn’t hold grudges against kid bullies. Adults though? He holds them more responsible. Yes, he knows adults bully kids. Told you, he’s smart. But he moves on and he treats everyone the same, bully or friend alike. To him, just about everyone is a friend until they do something that is just really dumb.

How much does my son stand up to bullies? He’s the hero of his grand. An older kid had four of them pinned to the wall by the neck with his arms.  My son got away and distracted him so the others got away. Then he told a teacher, in spite of the other boys saying not to. Smart, a heart, and brave. He has a sense of right and wrong that is so ingrained that it shocks me at times. Bullies beware.

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#1000Speak Hello, nice to meet you . . . again.

1000 Voices Speak for Compassion.1000 voices speak for compassion

As I write this it’s the 19th and something nagged at me the 20th was a date I should know. I logged on to facebook and saw a 1000 Voices for Compassion update. It’s a group for bloggers that I think the name of speaks for itself. Now here I am writing. Good thing I joined the group at some point. Not sure when, but I did.

People forget all the time. People instantly think of Alzheimer’s patients when you start talking about memory problems. We’ve learned to have compassion for them.

But there are other reasons people forget. You have accidents that result in concussions, brain damage, and that can be a problem.

Have you ever wondered about people with amnesia? Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be an adult and not know 40 years worth of memories, people, history? Have you ever wondered how to deal with people like that? Probably not.

Let’s play pretend.

You look completely healthy. Actually you look healthier than before your accident. People look at you and have no clue anything is wrong. You might have to ask one of the simplest things you should know and people will think you are joking.

The responses range from a laugh and answer, to a curse and walking off. All you want to know is where the cooking oil is or which aisle the peanut butter is on.

Imagine if you will, walking in to a store and each time it is a brand new store, no matter how many times you walk in to the store. As far as you know have never been in that store.

Okay, let’s change that. Let’s say you wake up and you don’t know where you are. You look beside you and see a notebook that is opened to a page that says ‘Read Me’. Reading you now know your name, where you are, what is wrong with you, and how to find the restroom in the house because there is a hand drawn map on one of the pages you are told to read.

Imagine that is you every morning because not only do you have amnesia but you have short term memory problems as well.

Then you have to deal with people being mean to you. You are nice to everyone. You even cover your being afraid by joking with the cashier while the 70 year-old woman who drives you places is paying for the groceries.

Now imagine people you know, who talk to you each day, wanting you to be the exact person you were before. But you can’t. You don’t know how you became the person you were before. You want to be that person for those people and you search and search and you try to remember but the keys can’t be found.

Imagine the lack of understanding you have to deal with, even when told by the people they understand. Yes, you understand how the other people are frustrated because you can’t be the same. But what can you do about it? Can you make yourself remember and be the same? I guess that’s where the compassion comes in. Imagine the guilt you would have for not remembering. Imagine how you would see these people sad and looking at you to make things better and can’t. Imagine how the insides of you, the amnesiac are ripped apart each time that look is given, that word is said. Imagine how difficult it is for you to even face those situations that will rip them apart. Imagine the depression you would go through. Imagine how you would want it all to end.

All the things of your life that made you who you were and be the way you were and love the way you did have been forgotten—no, they have been taken away. What have they been replaced with? Opportunities for being made to feel like you are stupid and opportunities for guilt because you aren’t ABLE to act as you once did even if you do feel the same way.

Amnesiacs are a rare thing. They look healthy. They look normal. They are great actors. But they can’t do some of the simplest things due to no fault of their own. How many do you know?

Hello, my name is Ronovan. It says so on my notebook on my bed. Nice to meet you . . . again.

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