I Speak with . . . Suzie81Speaks.

August 12, 2014August 12, 2014 Ronovan Interviews Blog Advice, Blog Tips, Blogger, Blogger Interview, Blogs, British, Female, Humor, Interview, Woman

One of the first blogs I started following when I began my own site was a lot of fun to read. I liked the humor with a bit of sass and a bit of class. Women love to read her because she lays out it out there real and like they wish they could say it sometimes or have said it and are happy to find someone to show them that they aren’t the only ones that feel that way. Men read her because she writes about universal things and well . . . let’s be honest . . . the eyes and that grin . . .
What was I saying . . . oh well let me just say this . . . meet . . .

Suzie
Suzi81 Speaks

@suzie81blog

RW: Suzie, first of all, where do you live, reside, crash, blog, basically where does The Suzie81 hang her umbrella?

SUZIE: In my head I live in a beautiful beach house on the coast. Unfortunately, my wallet hasn’t caught up with my little fantasy world and I live in a small terraced house on the outskirts of Birmingham, England’s second largest city, with The Bloke and two cats. I hate the curtains, but it’s cosy and comfortable and next to a beautiful park.

RW: You have a career that to me, one who knows, makes blogging really a chore, can you tell my Friends a bit about what you do?

SUZIE: I’m a music teacher by profession. I work with teenagers, and I’m lucky that my school is well managed, well resourced and I am surrounded by lovely staff and students. I teach my students all about music – one of my biggest influences throughout my life – how to play it, understand it, appreciate it. I try to incorporate lots of different genres and artists into the lessons, aside from anything by One Direction and Justin Bieber. They’re banned from my classroom. Oh, and Celine Dion’s ‘My Heart Will Go On.’ It’s the first song that everyone teaches themself on the piano and after eight years of listening to it I have to resist the urge to stab myself in the eyeball repeatedly.

RW: I know that your career as a teacher recently just put you in a place where writing content for your site was near impossible. I know how much you love your site and your readers, how did you handle not having the mental energy to probably even enjoy a TV show let alone write for your site?

SUZIE: I find it difficult when things get ridiculously busy as blogging is a stress relief – an outlet for any pent up frustrations that have built up during the day. However, when I’m mentally exhausted I find the best thing to do is write down some ideas and store them in my notes until later, retreat to the couch wearing a comfortable pair of jammies and watch something that makes me laugh. I then revisit ideas later when I’m in a better mood.

RW: This is going to seem like an odd question but do you ever sit back and think about living in a country so filled with history?

SUZIE: My mother and sister have always been fascinated with British history and so I have grown up being surrounded by endless books on the subject. However, it was only in my early twenties that I started to really appreciate the heritage that my country has, and over the years I have become a bit of a tourist. I particularly like London and I try and visit several times a year so I can just wander around and take everything in. I also live quite close to Stratford -Upon -Avon, Shakespeares birthplace, and I like to visit there. I’ve always been a royalist and love going to all the palaces, cathedrals and museums.

RW: Where do your blog ideas come from? Do you just sit down and it happens or does something have to spark before you sit down?

SUZIE: It varies. They can be inspired by something I’ve read, a comment that has been made or something will randomly pop into my head and I’ll write it down before I forget it. The post ‘23 Things You Should Actually Do Before You’re 23‘ was written in response to a post that really angered me. My most popular post, ‘How To Know When You’re a Teacher‘ is a collection of things that I have learnt from the experience that I and my colleagues have had in the profession. ‘No Means No!’ was created after the Santa Barbara murders earlier in the year. If I’m busy, I’ll make a note of it and write it up later, and sometimes I’ll sit at the laptop, write and see what happens.

RW: What is your blogging space like?

SUZIE: I’ve seen pictures of other people’s blogging spaces and I’ve been left feeling envious of the clean desk, the pastel coloured walls, the beautiful flowers that surround it. My space, however, consists of a couch, usually with a cat asleep at each side of me. The TV is usually on in the background. The Bloke is asleep next to me. It’s calm and quiet usually.

RW: Tell us a little about The Bloke? (Why do I for some reason think of Sex in the City and Mr. Big every time she mentions “The Bloke”?)

SUZIE: The Bloke is a legend. He’s a little older than me (he’s 45, I’m 32) and we’ve been together for four and a half years. He’s the sensible one, once comparing me to a children’s TV presenter (I’m still not sure how to take that), he’s a computer genius, a silver fox, a fabulous photographer and loves all things geeky. Believe it or not, I had no idea about the difference between Marvel and DC before I met him. I now not only know the difference, but I’ve seen all the films and live with his extensive comic collection. And his Lego, most of which I’ve bought for him.

RW: I always wanted to be Captain America as kid . . . and now really, which hero would you want to be or what power would you want?

SUZIE: I don’t have a favourite marvel superhero. However, I would love to be locked in a room with all the male members of the Avengers. They might be tough, but I’d love to see them attempt to get away from a crazed northern woman…

Confession time here folks. Why is Suzie one of my favorite bloggers? Is it the hair, the eyes, the grin? Is it her writing, her wit, her ire that shows itself at times? Well yes . . . but stay with me. It’s her Twitter account photo. She’s standing in front of, yes . . . Captain America. And I am a huge Captain America fan with my prized comic book collection item being Captain America #100. Were Suzie and I thrown together by fate? Sigh. Perhaps. And then there was that last answer.

10 Minutes Later After Comic Boy Geek Dreamdom

RW: How supportive of your blogging endeavors is ~~Mr. Big~~ The Bloke in as far as getting involved maybe to help you with going certain places for photos?

SUZIE: It was his suggestion that I started the blog in the first place, but since that initial suggestion he tends to keep out of it. I read out posts to him and ask him for advice, and the general response that I get from him is ‘yeah’ and a shrug of the shoulders, because he has no idea what sort of advice he thinks I want, but I know that he is proud of me. He is very supportive when I achieve something. When I was Freshly Pressed [Professional or Hobbyist] he printed out copies of it to save… It was very sweet. I’m quite independent when it comes to content, so he doesn’t need to take me out anywhere for photos – I’ll go myself or he’ll come with me and we’ll make a day of it.

RW: Speaking of photography, you list that as one of the things you enjoy and we’ve seen evidence of that on your site, what type of camera do you use? Go ahead and baffle me with the technical mumbo jumbo. I have Friends reading this that will eat it up.

SUZIE: I’d love to have an SLR, but I have a Canon SX270 HS that works as well as many SLR’s I’ve seen. Technical mumbo jumbo? I wish I could give lots of brilliant advice about settings, but I’m still learning. My best advice? Take as many pictures as you can. In every hundred pictures I take there is usually only one or two that I would consider to be any good.

Suzie thought this wasn’t technical? She spoke in Hieroglyphics as far as I’m concerned. Why do I keep asking these ladies about their cameras? And why is it the British are the ones I keep asking? And why is the British bloggers I keep interviewing? Is it the accent? Think about that one for a moment and see if it makes sense to you.

RW: How much did you know about websites and the like before starting your own blog?

SUZIE: Absolutely nothing. I had a Facbook page, and that was as complicated as it got. It’s been a lot of trial and error – deleting, adding, experimenting. I’ve changed my theme many times and spent a lot of time messing about with colours, fonts. I’m still not happy with my layout, but I’m getting there!

RW: You’ve been at this for over a year and have a great following, but at times you must run into those bad ‘blokes’ that just are not very nice, how do you handle a person who seems to simply comment to be a problem?

SUZIE: I’ve been lucky in that I’ve only experienced one or two negative comments (most of them being from irate women in response to a negative post I wrote about Justin Bieber), but I have had to deal with one or two men that weren’t particularly nice. One kept requesting the link to my personal Facebook page, and another, well, I’m not going to go into it but it wasn’t a pleasant experience.

RW: I’ve been lucky as well in not having any really negative feedback but even some messages sent my way about content focus hurts. What’s your advice?

SUZIE: I make sure that I blacklist IP addresses where necessary and I have my comments set so that I moderate each one first. The key is to try and not take things too personally – there are always going to be troll-like figures lurking around the Internet. It’s also important to appreciate those who take the time to leave something positive – it doesn’t necessarily mean that they have to agree with you, but followers who are polite, friendly and respectful and ones worth holding onto.

RW: I’m a content fiend just because I have no impulse control, but I know burnout is probably imminent for me, so for the brand new bloggers how often do you advise people to put out new content?

SUZIE: It depends what your blogging goals are. If you are writing for you and only you, then post whatever and whenever. However, if you are hoping to create a regular readership I think that it is more of a question of content than how often you post. Content is the key to any blog if you want it to be a success. There aren’t any rules about how often you should post – I follow blogs that post daily, weekly and monthly, but my best advice is to make sure that what you are putting out there is something that you are proud of. Of course, the more often you post, the more likely that your blog is likely to be seen, but the content needs to entice your readers to keep coming back for more.

RW: Other than my blog, which I know MUST be your favorite, what types of blogs do you like to follow?

SUZIE: All sorts! Poetry (mainly because I have the poetic talent of a walnut), craft, lifestyle, humour… This morning I read posts about running, a sleepy cat, a poem about lost love and a movie review of Guardians of The Galaxy. I like variety. The more interesting blogs are personal, well laid out and contain photographs.

Note that I included the part about me being her favorite blog after I asked the question. Can you blame me? I wonder if she will notice?

RW: Have you ever wanted to just throw your hands in the air and say “NO MORE BLOG”?

SUZIE: Never. It’s genuinely the first thing that I’ve truly been interested in doing in years. I’ve experienced blog burnout and had to give myself a break for a few days, but there has never been a point in which I wanted to give up. It has now become a part of my life – my blog is incorporated into my daily routine and I have put hours and hours of blood, sweat and tears into creating something that I’m really proud of – it would be such a waste of time to get rid of it. Change it, yes, add to it, yes, but never delete it.

RW: What’s the funniest comment that a reader has made on your blog that first comes to mind?

SUZIE: I’ve had so many that its impossible to choose the funniest of all time, but I do remember that Steve Says made a comment recently when I was talking about The Bloke, proclaiming that he was ‘my lobster.’ I haven’t seen that episode of Friends in years and it cracked me up.

“Come on, you guys. It’s a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what? You can actually see old lobster couples walkin’ around their tank, you know, holding claws like..”
GIFSoup

“See, he’s her lobster.”
GIFSoupRW: When I read your blog and look at it I get the sense of ‘professional’ in that you don’t do things haphazardly and you don’t get to crazy like I do. Where do you want your blog to lead you?

SUZIE: Honestly? I’ve no idea, but I love the possibilities. When I initially started the blog it was a form of therapy and I had no expectations, and I certainly couldn’t have predicted the direction that it has already taken me and the amazing people that I have met along the way.Now, I’m quite excited about all the things that I could do with it.

RW: I definitely agree that blogging is great therapy. Is there a book idea in the mind of Suzie, if so then would you give us a general idea about it and if you have put work into it yet?

SUZIE: I’m not a creative writer so fictional stories are never going to happen, but I have contemplated the idea of putting together a compilation of my favourite posts. The problem is that I don’t know who would be interested in buying something like that. I’d have to consider a target audience a little more…

RW: When does Suzie81 Speaks find time for her social life and what does she do during her favorite social life moments, her escape and getaway moments?

SUZIE: One word… Karaoke. If it isn’t a school night and there’s a microphone, I’m there. My best friend runs a karaoke night at the pub that he works at every Friday, so when I really need to unwind that’s where you’ll find me. My social life doesn’t really exist during the week, but I like to meet up with friends at the weekends and we’ll go for a meal, to the cinema or around to each others houses for a catch-up. If I want to escape I go out for a day trip somewhere – to the park, into the city, on a train somewhere, to the spa. I did once decide to go to Malaga for the weekend for my friend’s birthday and spent Saturday afternoon lying on the beach. As it was in the middle of term time, the flights were dirt cheap. I think I need to do that again.

RW: What is something you do that’s a hidden talent that maybe only your close friends know about?

SUZIE: I can make my stomach expand to the point where I look heavily pregnant. I stood next to my friend when she was 24 weeks and we looked the same size . . . perhaps it’s not a talent, more of a party trick . . .

RW: I can do that too . . . without trying . . . and it’s not a trick. Umm . . is Suzie a great dancer?

SUZIE: Suzie likes to think that she is, particularly after consuming her own body weight in cider. Unfortunately, comparisons have been made with a frog in a blender – arms and legs everywhere – and I don’t think that Beyonce or her backing dancers will be losing sleep anytime soon.

RW: We need a video of that, seriously. I think our followers need to start a vote on your blog for it. What’s the one talent you would like to have that you don’t?

SUZIE: Dance. Again, resembling a frog in a blender proves to be a problem.

RW: I see a pattern here. What is your favorite outfit?

SUZIE: I have a dress that I bought for my 30th birthday. It’s black, strapless and figure hugging. It’s beautiful. Unfortunately, it doesn’t currently fit (i’ve enjoyed my food a little too much recently) but I’m working on it.

RW: With ‘The Block’ in your life and the mention of the dress, what is romance to you?

SUZIE: I’m not a romantic, despite owning almost every romantic comedy on DVD from the last 20 years. While I love the idea, in reality I would be likely to laugh in The Bloke’s face if he gave me the speech from When Harry Met Sally, or stood outside my bedroom window holding a ghetto blaster above his head. We did, however, once sit by the Seine in Paris and watch the sunset behind the Eiffel Tower, and left a love lock on the bridge behind Notre Dame Cathedral. I suppose romance to me is not hugely wild gestures, it’s things that happen on a daily basis. When I got an ‘Oustanding’ in the last OFSTED inspection, he wrote me a card telling me how proud he was of me and that he loved me, presented me with a bracelet in a beautiful box, made me a lovely dinner and rubbed my feet. Yesterday, he attended a wedding with me, and sat holding my hand. He opens doors, kisses me on the top of my head as he walks past at home and tells me he loves me. My apologies to your readers, I can practically hear them vomiting into buckets as I write…

RW: Young Russell Crowe or Hugh Jackman?

SUZIE: Young Hugh Jackman. Middle aged Hugh Jackman. Fifty year old Hugh Jackman. Hugh Jackman without a shirt. Mmm… Hugh Jackman. However, the ultimate man is Dolph Lundgren. I’ve had a crush on him since I first watched Masters of the Universe when I was about six yeas old. I even have an autographed framed print of him in my bedroom. He’s a truly beautiful man.

RW: Did not see that one coming. What is your favorite comedic show to watch?

SUZIE: I love sitcoms like The Big Bang Theory and have seen every episode of Friends about thirty times, but I particularly like British comedies that have a slightly eclectic humour like Spaced, Green Wing, Blackadder and Bottom. I love live stand up shows – Eddie Murphy’s ‘Raw’ is still one f the funniest things I’ve ever seen.

Has to be one of my favorite answers ever. I loved hearing of TV shows I know nothing about. It shows me how much I don’t know about other cultures. Loved.

RW: What is your favorite scent/aroma/fragrance and why?

SUZIE: Stella by Stella McCartney. I love the stuff and make sure that it’s on my birthday list every year. I’ve been stopped in the street by people who have asked what perfume I’m wearing because I apparently smell nice. Unfortunately, there’s also a very popular brand of beer that has the same name, so on occasions I’ve had to explain that I don’t bathe in lager. Although, there’s an idea.

RW: What is your favorite beverage?

SUZIE: Mojito. Original Mojito, strawberry Mojito, raspberry Mojito.

(Traditionally, a mojito is a cocktail that consists of five ingredients: white rum, sugar (traditionally sugar cane juice), lime juice, sparkling water, and mint.)

RW: What is your favorite word and why?

SUZIE: Chuff. It has many uses and connotations in my world, but I like to use it in the context of ‘tighter than a gnat’s chuff.’ Take from that what you will…

Well on that note, and I am hoping Suzie was not referring to me specifically with that last one . . . I want to thank Suzie for agreeing to an interview. This one has been a long time in coming, what with her busy work schedule. I hope you all enjoyed it. I can’t believed she answered everything.

Her Title-Dear dentist…I don’t like you. My Title-(Daffy Duck’s Sister Speaks . . . HAHAHAHA)

August 10, 2014August 10, 2014 Ronovan Reblogs anxiety, Blogs, Daffy Duck, dentist humor, dentists, Funny, Humor, Life, problems, stress, teeth

With the title do I really need to say anything else? Of course I will but do I need to? Nope. I so wish she had a video of herself, that is all I am saying.

It landed in muh front yard.-Response to Hugh of Hugh’s Views & News

August 9, 2014August 9, 2014 Ronovan Humor American, British, Fiction, Funny, Humor, humour, Southern American, Storytelling

I was sittin’ out on thuh front porch ponderin’ sumthin’ fierce. I was wonderin’ how I could batter and fry a hamburger. I had done see one of them there guys on that little talkin’ picture box do it but I weren’t sure iffin’ I was up fer it. Also I was wonderin’ how Britain hadn’t become over popluated after so many centuries of existence with rainy weather. I also wondered if they, meanin’ them British type folks were wantin’ Charles to be king for a day and then hand it over to William or what. Would 007 come out of retirement tuh help Scotland become a nation or whatever is goin’ on? I’m part Scotish an’ need tuh look into that there problem.

That ain’t got nuthin’ tuh do with this story. I took another swig of muh peanuts an’ Coke as sumthin’ strange came flyin’ up thuh driveway an’ landed in thuh front yard next tuh muh car . . . up on cement blocks as I was workin’ tuh git ‘er done fixed up super fancy like.

Then ‘it’ got out of it. I say ‘it’ because at first I didn’t know what ‘it’ was. I was afeerd it might be some alien thuh way it was drivin’ . . . steering wheel on the right. Then I figured out it was a fancy dude with this straw hat thing an’ a blue jacket thing on. The dude put his hands on his hips an’ looked around with a smile on his face, hummin’ some song that sounded kind uh familiar. Then it happened. He started walkin’.

I don’t know quite what that song was in his head but it must uh caused that feller tuh do that spinnin’ dancin’ thing. He spun so faced his straw hat didn’t have time to move. He just spun under it. He turned bright yellow as he did it too. And then he was at muh steps.

“Why hello there,” he said.

“You ain’t from around here is yuh?” I asked.

“How ever could you tell? Was it the steering wheel on the right side? Is it my lovely accent?”

“Nah,” I replied, I weren’t much into talkin’ in person.

“Then please do enlighten me.”

“You spun clockwise durin’ that fancy dance you just did.”

“Oh, dance?” He looked a might bit confused. I could see thuh cylinders doin’ there work inside his head an’ then thuh light bulb went off. “You mean my walk? You are such a funny man.” He looked at my car. “Quite a nice banger you have there.”

I kind uh just went with it at that point. “Thanks.” I heard thuh word nice so figured it was a good thing he done said. “Well I reckon you ain’t here on purpose, so what you want?”

“I am lookin’ fer, I mean looking for, heavens your accent is certainly very Southern American, anyway I am visiting here and was watching the Beeb while bone-idle I saw a program about people and their bits and bobs and was inspired to venture out into the countryside to see what I could see. I was doing quite well but I first was nearly run off the carriageway by a brute in an artic and then I became trapped behind a caravan. Now I am desperate to find a chip shop and a chemist.”

I stared.

And stared some more.

He was rubbin’ his hind parts so I reckoned the chemist might have meant doctor for some hind parts problem. Thuh Sip n’ Dip Quick Stop had a lot of chips so I thought I might could help him out.

I stood up an’ walked down into thuh yard. The lose board almost got me again but I won this time. I rubbed my fingers across thuh stubble of my face and rubbed my belly as I ciphered out what tuh do.

“Now you first gotta go out back thuh way you came up thuh driveway an’ then take a left on to thuh road. You’ll pass thuh old bait shop on yer right but it’s closed now. Keep goin’ and you’ll come to a roundabout they put in not long ago. You just keep movin’ if their ain’t nobody a comin’ or you git their first. Just go counterclockwise. Then when thuh road deadends you’ll come out on thuh highway. Take a right and head on fer about 5 miles an’ you’ll come to a big building on yer right. Go inside and you’ll be on thuh ground floor. When you get in the elevator you’ll know you done got it right cause the G will light up and the little light will come on next to the silver button with a G on it. Go up to the first floor by pushin’ that 1 button. Lady right there will help you out for sure.”

He was starin’ at me.

An’ starin’.

“You have roundabouts?”

“Yeah, just stay to thuh right and won’t be wrong. I always wondered about that counterclockwise thing but I reckon it must be somthin’ about everything being about entering buildings through thuh right doors and exiting through thuh lefts, so they do the same with the roundabouts an’ roads.”

“And ground floors?”

“Well they on thuh ground ain’t they? What do ya’ call ‘em where you come from?”

“Ground floors.”

“I bet if someone called ’em uh first floor that sure would send you off on a hunt. An’ I almost fergot that chip place you can find along thuh way too.”

“Thank you so very much.” With a twirl he was off, humming his way back into his car and disappearing down the driveway.

Grandma came out. “What was that?”

“Guy from Boston looking for directions.”

“I heard you give him directions to the hospital but why did you send him up to the psychiatric ward.”

“Grandma, I figured they would either be able to figure out what he done said, or know what tuh do with him one.”

“Ronovan, you’ve been in the sun a while, have you burned?”

I slid my foot out of my flip flop and pulled down the sock. “Does look a might pink compared tuh the catfish belly white, don’t it?”

“You get in the house.”

I need me one of them over the pond type folks to answer muh questions. Heard tell there was uh guy named Hugh that might be able tuh help out. I wonder if they want Pippa to marry Harry, and would that make her Princess Pippa? Anyways, maybe that Hugh guy can tell us somethin’.

I Reckon That’s All

Ronovan

Did you ever wonder . . . in a British accent?

August 6, 2014August 6, 2014 Ronovan Humor Banarama, Biscuits, Blogs, Blood Sausage, British, Fish and Chips, Funny, Humor, humour, Pet Shop Boys, Piers Morgan

Did you ever wonder?

Very likely your answer to that question is yes. If not perhaps you will now wonder why I thought it should be. So now that we have all wondered about something, let us continue.

It was about 10 PM one night recently and I suddenly started thinking in British. And oddly ‘Venus’ by Bananarama was running through my brain. And I started this crazy dance without any reason at all. I felt like I was in stand up spin cycle washing machine or something.

Have you ever had that happen to you? No . . . well of late it happens to me quite often. Fortunately I was able to get out of my bubble bath but had to skip the Super Walmart excursion as my socks were not clean anyway and I hate the way my sandals feel on my bare feet. You know that sweaty icky feeling. If rubber then you wonder if some jelly baby is sucking at your feet, if leather than the cow is attempting to become a symbiote with your toes to live again. Yes, these thoughts do run through my mind. And really why DOES a nose run and feet smell? And what happens when the nose runs and meets the smelling feet? I need to know before 3 AM when I go to sleep.

No, that is not why I am dragging you through my quaint little village of a blog. My suddenly British thinking mind has questions.

Why are French Fries called chips in Britain? Is it xenophobia against the French? Is there a ban on using anything that sounds unhealthily like the word fry? Why not Fish and Fries? In Britain when making fried chicken is it called chipped chicken? When ordering at McDonald’s does the person taking said order ask if you would like chips with that?

And I know you know I must ask about the cookies being called biscuits. Need I really go into this? Does Ernie the Keebler Elf talk about chocolate chip biscuits? And I am still wondering about the dipping the cookie biscuit in tea. I don’t understand. And why would you drink something called Grey? Have you not read the books? You might catch 50 Shades of an STD.

Now for the really odd question burning in my brain; why the wrong side of the road driving? Are all people in Britain left handed? Are you not afraid that you will shift gears in a zig zag formation and around the world snap? I mean really people, what is . . . the . . .deal? Oh I know, perhaps Britain is where all of the mail carriers in America secretly come from. I mean why else would they have those jeeps with the wheel switched over in order to reach the mailbox? Oh, and what do they do in Britain? Do they move the wheel to the left side of the vehicle for mail carriers?

And now finally, Blood Sausage, what? I cannot fathom the mind that thought “Let us name this meaty type thing blood so people will love it”. Why? I really do ask why?

I will not ask about Piers Morgan and why you sent him here. Perhaps it was a secret plan for a new invasion. And why is he named after a place where sailors gather? Hmm? Do you know? Piers, you can tell us.

I leave you with this and perhaps anyone ~~English~~ British will have it running through their heads the rest of the day. And perhaps my friend Hugh of Hugh’s News and Views would be able to answer these questions . . . that is when he is not dunking cookies in 50 Shades of STDs.

Much Respect

Ronovan

Meet Hugh’s Views & News-Interview

August 4, 2014August 4, 2014 Ronovan Interviews Apple Addict, Blogger, Blogs, Blogs o Follow, British, Corgi, gardening, Humor, Photography, Welsh, Writing

I blog. Amazing discovering isn’t it? Being a blogger you also follow other bloggers. Sometimes you don’t know how you ended up making the acquaintance of someone, yes I can make that joke about myself but no one else can (amnesiac rights), but you are glad you did stumble upon someone. One such person grabbed my attention not only because he liked my attempts at writing, but one day a photograph he posted jumped out at me. No it did not literally leap from the page, at least I don’t think it did. Perhaps he has sort of 3D Mac power. Yes, I am afraid to say that he is one of . . . those people.

Thinking now perhaps it was 3D and knocked the memory out of me. I do have a habit of following it hitting my head. But I do have the memory that this man took a photograph that I loved enough to remember that of him and that means the world to me. Memories to me now are made more of impressions than of actual images.

So let me introduce to you, The one and only. . . wait wrong song now . . . on a mountain top, burning like a silver flame . . .

Hugh Roberts

Hugh’s Views & News

Twitter

RW: Hugh, I googled your name in fun because I love your name and it has such a strength of character about it that I just knew it had to be famous. Are you the same Hugh Roberts who was in charge of Windsor Castle after the fire in 1992 and was also director of Christie’s, the auction house?

HUGH: Gee, that’s really kind of you, but no, I am not him. I have many times though, been introduced as Hugh Grant or Huw Edwards (for those of your followers outside of the UK, the latter is a famous BBC news reader over here). I suppose the mix up occurs because there aren’t many of us ‘Hughs’ around. I’ve never been asked for an autograph after being introduced as Hugh Grant, but I have on the odd occasional been stared at for a long period of time and imagined the word ‘really?’ going through that person’s mind as they stand there open mouthed and gobsmacked at Hugh Grant standing in front of them.

RW: There go all of those artsy questions. Hmm . . . So you’re English . . . I don’t know why it is the English Bloggers seem to fascinate me. Beatles or the Stones?

HUGH: There’s your first ‘strike’, Ronovan. I like to refer to myself as Welsh or better still, British. I’m very proud to be British. I have nothing against being called English, after all I currently live in England and speak English, but calling a Welsh or Scottish person English, is like being at one of those self check-out machines at the supermarket and the machine says to you “there is an unexpected item in the baggage area, please remove the item” and you’ve not put anything there! You get just a little irate. Only a little, so no need to get out those boxing gloves yet

. I guess you thought I was English because of the way my name is spelt, yeah? Well, OK, I’ll take that strike away

then, after all it is the English spelling of Hugh I use and not the Welsh spelling as Huw Edwards uses. My parents have a lot to answer for on that one.

As for Beatles or the Stones, neither for me. I’d have to go for Bananarma,

the British all girl group with the Guinness world record for the all female group with the most chart entries in the world. Their songs bring back so many happy memories for me.

RW: Sigh . . .’your my Venus your my’ . . . oh, yes, interview. Okay now onto more serious things, well that was serious but anyway, I am a big fan of your photography which is odd because you write a lot and I enjoy that as well, but tell me about your flowers and your gardening. You don’t even have to leave your home for great photos.

HUGH: We have a beautiful garden, but to be perfectly honest with you, I absolutely hate gardening. I have no interest in it at all. Don’t get me wrong, I love to sit and relax in the garden, but when it comes to gardening, I’m about as interested as a mannequin would be viewing my holiday pictures.

RW: Then where does the garden come from, Bananarama and their Venus power? (Mind drifting to the one with the short blonde hair ‘yeah baby she’s got it’. . . sigh.) Hugh, you carry on with the interview without me.

HUGH: All the credit for the beautiful plants in our garden, has to go to my partner, John. He’s the one that grew the plants which I took the photographs of. I’ve only just started to show an interest in photography, so it’s very early days for me, but a few I have posted on my blog seem to have attracted a little bit of attention. That in turn has spurred me on to taking more and I’m beginning now to really enjoy the challenges of taking photos as much as I do with the WordPress writing challenges I sometimes take part in.

RW: Tell my Friends about where you live that produces those great flowers in your photos.

HUGH: We currently live in Hove, known by some as “Hove Actually” because of the Alfred Hitchcock 1938 movie ‘The Lady Vanishes’ when Miss Froy, one of the characters, refers to herself as coming from Brighton and then goes on to say “well, Hove actually, just down the coast”. It’s situated in the county of East Sussex and is on the south coast of the UK, just over fifty miles south of London. Many people know our bigger neighbour, Brighton, far better, but the two now form a conurbation along with some other smaller towns and villages along the coast. Hove was first established right back in the 12th century, so has been around for a very long time. We have a wonderful climate, plenty of sunshine and rain, which helps the garden blossom.

RW: And I’ll go ahead and ask for my Photo Geek Friends, what type of camera do you use? Go ahead and be all techno numbers and all of that for those that speak Cameranese.

HUGH: Would you believe it if I said I take all my photos on an iPhone 4? Well, that’s where they have all come from. I love all things ‘Apple’ and am probably a marketing dream for them. iMac, iPad, iPhone, iCloud, Apple TV, I have it all, thanks to all the Apple Vouchers I get for Christmas and Birthdays (I’m so easy to buy for, so please take note). Between us, we once had five, I kid you not, five iPads! OK, some were from the very early days and I’ve sold a few since then, but I can not walk past the Apple store without having to go inside. That’s why I had to write my latest short story, ‘The Truth App’, in honour of the staff at our local Apple store.

RW: (I told you he was one of . . . those people.) And tell us about your love of the Cardigan Welsh Corgi.

HUGH: Well, it’s over to my partner, John, here, because he was the one that wanted to get a dog and it had to be a Cardigan Welsh Corgi. I suppose with us both being Welsh, we had to have a Welsh dog, but it was when John first saw one at Crufts, that he had to get one. What we did not know is that these dogs are on the vulnerable breeds lists here in the UK, with less than 100 being born every year. Originally they were bred for herding cattle and I understand they are still used for that purpose over in the States. Ours is called Toby and he’s become a bit of a star over on my blog recently, having now posted two posts about some of the walks he goes on. When I wrote those posts, I wrote them as if I were him, so from his perspective, and I’ve had some really positive comments left on those posts. When my sister was over on a visit from Australia recently, she referred to him as a “little human”. I guess that’s because we do spoil him a lot, but many people have also told us what a wonderful character he has. He knows the words, walk, chicken, cheese, custard, sausage, rice pudding, and mince pies (at Christmas time) and seems to even know what day of the week it is. He’s one clever chap.

RW: Once everyone stops looking at Toby tell us where you get your inspiration from for your stories?

HUGH: Lots of places really, some strange, some not so strange. Take for example my short story, Last Train to Aldwych. Grace Simmons, the main character in that story, introduced herself and told me her story while I was doing a pile of ironing. As soon as I had finished ironing that last sock (no, I don’t really iron socks, honestly!), I sat down and wrote the story. Other stories have come from prompts and WordPress writing challenges, while the inspiration for others have come from other bloggers. I’m currently working on a two-part short story which came as an inspiration from a photo I saw on one of the blogs I follow. The author doesn’t know it yet, but I’ll be asking if I can use their photo so I can include it in the post. My passion is for writing short stories and although they do not get as many views as my photo posts do, I’m very proud of myself for not letting the fact that I have dyslexia get in my way anymore. I used to see dyslexia as a monster, but happy to say that I managed to tame it, with the help of a few fellow bloggers who really encouraged me to continue with my blog. I am so thankful to those bloggers, who I now class as friends, for all the support and encouragement they gave me. And, yes, I’ve even written a post about defeating the monster I called dyslexia.

A few other bloggers have since also confided in me they have dyslexia, and I’m now giving them the support and encouragement I received, to carry on doing what we all love to do, write.

I also get a lot of inspiration from listening to music while I write, especially when writing short stories. ‘Dreamland” by Robert Miles is currently my favourite album to write to. If I ever bumped into Mr Miles, I would certainly have to buy him dinner and a few drinks, as a thank you.

RW: Do you have a writing spot in your home? That place that you go to where nothing distracts you from the flow of creation?

HUGH: I used to have two spots, one being the kitchen, but I don’t tend to write in there much anymore now. The main spot for me is in our study. The desk looks out over towards Hove Recreation Ground, which maybe does not sound so nice, but believe me, whilst it’s not as pretty as some of the other parks we have in Brighton & Hove, it’s lovely to look out at while I am writing. It’s used by lots of people and also used a lot for sports like rugby and cricket and I have often included bits of conversations in my posts which I have overheard whilst walking Toby in there. Of course I change what I have heard, so that it more reflects how I would have said it, but it’s a source of some great conversations. If I also see an interesting person walking in the grounds while writing, I’ll give them a name and use them in one of my stories. That might put people who live in the area and reading this, off from going in there now, but just think of it this way. One day, the inspiration you gave me, may become a Hollywood blockbuster movie or best selling novel. Who am I kidding!!?

RW: That is a great view from the window, I was thinking it would be more distracting than that. You mention a book you are working on in your bio, how is that coming along and do I get a free copy?

HUGH: Of course you can have a free copy. I’d even sign it ‘Hugh Grant” if you wanted?

I started writing the book in late 2012. As a child, I had two main ambitions. I wanted to write a book and have it published, and I also wanted to have a number one hit single! The trouble with the last one, is that although I am Welsh (Welsh men can really sing you know, just look at all the Welsh Male Voice Choirs there are) I can’t sing. I’m absolutely tone deaf and, unlike dyslexia, I’ve not been able to tame it. I was thrown out of many a school choir for not being able to sing and if my parents protested with the school headmaster, then I’d get back in, but only to be given the part of playing the xylophone or, even worse, the tambourine!

I’m afraid the book has had to take a bit of a back seat since I started my blog, because that is where most of my free time now goes. I’d like to think of it as my first book, but because I’ve really enjoyed writing short stories since starting my blog, I am thinking of perhaps putting all of them into a book and self publishing them first. I will certainly go back to the book and don’t think I’ve done any harm in leaving it alone for a while. I read somewhere recently that some authors can leave finishing writing books for years, then go back to them to finishing them off and the book then becomes an international best seller.

The book I am writing is about life in London in the 1980’s and 90’s. I lived in London for 27 years before coming to Hove and the book is based on my life in the city during those times. Some of it is based on fact, a lot is fiction, but I had such an interesting and wonderful time whilst living in London, that I wanted it to be recorded somewhere, so the ambition I had as a child, may just come true, one day.

RW: Does Blogging ever interfere with your social responsibilities?

HUGH: Oh, John is going to like you for asking me this question, I can guarantee it. Did he ask you to ask this question? I bet he did didn’t he? I have to be very honest here, because after all, I’m a very honest person, so my answer is yes. Both John and myself are tidy people. We hate clutter and like everything to be in place, that’s why we get on so well and have been together for nearly 21 years, but, blogging has taken over my life. Sure, I’ll do the chores, walk Toby, empty the bin, make the beds, and all that, but I’m probably not as thorough as I was before I started my blog. I’m not saying that the house is now looking like a store does at the end of the first day of the sale, but I do rather tend to rush the social responsibilities these days, so that I can log on to the blog and start reading and writing. That reminds me, I need to descale the coffee machine before it seizes up for good. Thanks for the prompt!

RW: When did you start your blog?

HUGH: 12th February 2014, so it has a birthday which we will be celebrating next year, much to John’s amusement I might add. February is a big month for us, because not only is it the birthday month of my blog, but John also has a birthday that month, our civil partnership anniversary is the same month and, of course, who could forget valentine’s day as well?

A family member introduced me to WordPress in early February after I inquired with the family if they knew anybody who blogged? I don’t think most of them thought I was being serious when I told them I was thinking of starting my own blog and one friend even told me to be careful because of internet trolls and all that, but I saw it as a way to tell my story and write about all the various elements of everyday life I love so much. Although I have dyslexia, I seem to be able to explain things by writing them down far better than by talking about them. Starting a blog has given me so much confidence and its the perfect way to get over my views and news. Hence the blog name, Hugh’s Views and News.

RW: I notice you around the Blog Block so to speak in my reading of other bloggers and your likes and comments; do you notice a difference in style between bloggers from different parts of the world?

HUGH: Yes, hugely. Not only in the way the author writes, but also in that of the comments that are left. Reading blogs is such a great way of finding out about different cultures and how people live their lives on a daily basis. You can really get to know somebody so well just from engaging with them by asking questions and leaving comments on posts.

Perhaps the saddest thing about it though is that you can read some comments, which can be read as being offensive to some, but to others may be perfectly normal. I’ve come across that quite recently and was going to react as I thought a particular comment somebody had left on a blog I follow was rather offensive. But then I thought ‘its not my blog’ and I looked at it from the ‘other side of the coin’ and thought about the position the person who had left the comment was in. The person who owned the blog obviously hadn’t seen it as an offensive comment as otherwise they would have removed it, so I moved on, without saying anything.

RW: What type of Blogs do you tend to gravitate toward?

HUGH: I follow a lot of blogs which concentrate on one subject but I tend to gravitate more to those which contain lots of variety. My own blog contains short stories, photos, reviews, my views on life, television and commercials, as well as a few other categories. I have seen some bloggers create brand new blogs because they think having too much variety on their blog looks messy. I’m not so sure about that. Yes, if I am looking for a blog that only contains recipes, then it’s great to find a blog that contains only recipes, but I like a good mixture in a blog (no pun intended there)! I like to get to know the blogger, and by having lots of variety on their blog, I know I can achieve that because it will tell me more about them other than that they may be a great cook. So I tend to graduate towards blogs that have lots of variety. After all, they do say that variety is the spice of life, don’t they?

RW: You seem to really enjoy what you do, what advice can you give others to help keep them motivated to blog and enjoy? Do you have something like a limit of time, a number of posts per week, anything like that?

HUGH: My first piece of advise would to be to treat your blog as if it were alive. I’d better explain that a little more, hadn’t I? To me, I see my blog as being alive. To stay alive, it needs plenty of nourishment. I look at a post I have written myself, as a meal for my blog.

Because I have written the post, I look at it as if it were a meal I had prepared myself from fresh wholesome ingredients. When I press that publish button, I’m feeding my blog a good meal to keep it nourished. I look at re-blogs as ready made meals because I am not the original author.

None the less, when I re-blog something, then I am still feeding my blog and giving it nourishment, thus keeping it alive. There’s absolutely no problem in taking a break from your blog to try and get the creative juices flowing, but try not to leave it too long, otherwise it may pass away. Always consider re-blogging something you have found interesting from another blog if you have nothing to publish yourself. After all we are all told to visit, read and comment on other blogs so as to connect with other bloggers and create new openings and attract new followers.

So my first piece of advise is to feed your blog, even if it means just re-blogging something occasionally.

My second piece of advise is to connect and engage with your followers and anyone, other than trolls, who leave a comment on your posts. I always thank anyone for taking the time to read and comment on a post I have published because, by doing so, I am then engaging with them. I always answer any questions they ask me and in turn I may go back and ask them questions or for further comments on the answers I have given. I know some bloggers are going to get huge amounts of comments and won’t be able to respond to them all. but I think it sad when I come across a blog and see absolutely no response to comments from the author.

When I first started blogging, I thought I’d stick to one post a month, but that soon became two posts a month, to three and so on, because I was really enjoying what I was doing. I try and post something on my own blog at least twice a week. Of course if you are not enjoying what you doing then stop and move on to something else. That’s exactly what I did after my two year relationship with the gym fell apart.

RW: Finally for my Big Three Questions. What is your favorite scent/aroma/fragrance and why?

HUGH: Mint. I love the stuff, not only on my roast lamb, but also as an aroma around the house. It makes the whole place smell fresh and clean, which of course my house is, after you asking me that earlier question about social responsibilities.

RW: What is your favorite beverage?

HUGH: Tea. I suppose that is the Britishness in me. I love the stuff especially when I have a pack of Oreos or chocolate digestives to dunk into the tea. Pure bliss!

RW: And finally, what is your favorite word and why?

HUGH: Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogoch – go on, I dare you to check it out. It’s a real Welsh word. If I can’t chose that word because it’s not an English word, then I’d say “Twist” Not in the dance or pain sense, but in the story sense. I love a story or movie with a great twist or two in it.

I want to thank Hugh for the interview and what I have to say was an enjoyable time. Make sure to visit and follow him at Hugh’s Views & News and also on Twitter at @RobertHughes05. Also click Hugh’s favorite Bananarama song below and watch him dance along. I like to have a little fun with those guests that have that touch of humor about them. All that’s missing are the long socks and sandals he loves to wear.

Her title:My Valentine’s Day plans… My title: Men Find Out a Secret

August 1, 2014August 1, 2014 Ronovan Humor, Reblogs Advice, Blogs, Fifty Shades of Grey, Funny, Humor, movies, Romance, Valentine's day, Women

Saw this earlier in the week and made note to share it with everyone on Female Focus Friday here on RonovanWrites. The lady has a hilarious style and some real advice men should take. Honestly guys, if your love life is suffering read this and maybe it will give you some ideas. @collegeladyblog

10 Twitter Things That Annoy Me

July 31, 2014July 31, 2014 Ronovan Humor Annoying, Blogs, Follow Backs, Hashtags, Humor, List, Mean People, ReTweets, Things, Twitter

I’ll be the first one to admit that I enjoy Twitter. There are some great things that can be done with it, including talking with Friends in a conversational style that you cannot do within a blog comment section. Sometimes you want to talk and taking up comment space is not the place to do it and emails just aren’t that fun.

Even as great as Twitter is there are the things I have to deal with that comes along.

So I give you . . .

10 Twitter Things That Annoy Me

Having to Learn What the Acronyms Mean

I don’t speak Initialese. I’m sorry, but I took a little Spanish in High School and College, but that’s it. I might even throw out some inappropriate Cajun French (What, you expect working in a warehouse in my younger days beside excons to fill me with gooder words?). I am fluent in Typonese, both the typing of and the reading of. But please Initialese is not my thing. Some Initialese is quite embarrassing. Especially if you ask one of your female friends what they mean.

Pardon me while I mention one here. As you know I had a concussion that wiped out my memory, and I am a fairly nice guy who thinks fairly nice thinks. (Yes ‘thinks’.) So when I see the letters MIL(And the letter after E), I am naturally not understanding it. Yes, I asked a female friend I was chatting with and they understood that coming from me it was a real lack of understanding and were kind enough to help me. Now . . . I google things.

I am not Robin Williams.

The auto DM after a Follow

Someone follows me and I look and they appear to be a human that is in a field I am interested in, so what do I do? I return the favor. What do I receive in the not to distant future? An automated Direct Message in my DM box thanking me for following, usually accompanied by an ad for their website or service. Whut? This is the way to have people UN-Follow you very quickly. You don’t understand? There are services that will generate Automatic Messages upon receiving certain actions.

The Follow Back where the person makes it sound like you initiated the Follow

You Follow me and I return the favor to a human. You then Tweet about my Following you in an obvious either auto Tweet or a form Tweet to make it appear that I must just be in love with you so much that I begged to Follow you. At first I just ignored this. Now . . .

“You’re welcome, and I thank you for Following me so I could then Find & Follow you. Hope you enjoy!”

Hashtagonese

I use Twitter for three things; Talk to my Blogger Friends, Help my Blogger Friends, and network. To do two of those things I have to know the Hashtag language. I am thinking of coming up with my own little list of Hashtagonese and sharing it, but now that I’ve said that someone else might do it and I am sure others have before, but mine would be geared toward Blogging. Hashtagonese is a truly difficult language. It’s almost like Pig Latin.

Auto RTs

I like to RT when I can. For those not familiar with Twitter and Initialese RT means ReTweet, meaning you Tweet something and then I click the ReTweet option to share it with all of those that Follow me. I actually go through and RT what I like. So if you see me RT something I have actually looked at it and even clicked the link to your site to see if I like it or not. This way you get triple benefits; a view, a like, and an RT to my Follower Friends.

But some people use services that RT everything. You can set them up to RT everything with . . . say (wp) in it, you know the link address for WordPress blogs. I really should try doing a Tweet one day that has just letter combos like wp, owl, and whatever other blogs use. Don’t get me wrong, we have some great people in the WordPress family that RT great. Nonsense & Shenanigans is amazing at it. And I am not saying that just because she’s a fiery looking red head.

RTs of the nudity and stuff I intentionally don’t Follow

When I RT I try to be considerate and not choose anything that isn’t at least PG. I Followed some people early on and quickly realized I was Following people I just did NOT need to be Following. Write the books you like, and some of it is even okay to read, but please . . . don’t put the nuday photos up and please don’t RT them. No Nuday for this Manay. o,O (That’s my face for what did I or you just say.)

My Tweet Typonese

I am an edumucated man. I really am.I received my Bachelors degree just like everyone else in 8 years. Okay, it was 4 years and a quarter because of my student teaching. But I like to use my smarticles at times. Then I do it . . . Typonese. For all of those of you who glance at Tweetverse and see Ronovan done did an i instead of an o when talking about a shot of a flower . . . it’s Typonese.

Discovering a person has chosen not to allow me to RT their great stuff.

Someone has a wonderful article or a fantastic thing they have shared with the world and I see they have made it so I am not allowed to share either of them with the rest of the Tweetverse. Am I bad? Did I offend? Did I look at you funny? Did you notice me looking at you like this, o,O? We Follow each other and yet . . . I done been banned in some way? Ronovan done been heart burned. o,O Did that come out right?

Twitter accounts that follow you just long enough to get a Follow Back then UnFollow you a week or two later.

Oh this one gets me right here. Yes, it’s good you can’t see me when I pointed. You do the nice, you Follow Back, then you check for something and notice your numbers aren’t right. The Follower done become the UnFollower. Of course my next step is to UnFollow, but I am considering perhaps using some other method as well . . .

“Thank you for the Follow so I would Follow you then YOU UnFollow me. Your number just went down by 1 just like mind. Enjoy!”

And of course do some Initalese things or something to all of my Follower Friends about them.

Mean People

Do I really need to speak on this?

Ten Things I Hate Most About…Summer!

July 29, 2014July 29, 2014 Ronovan Humor, Reblogs BBQ, Blogs, Funny, Heat, Humidity, Humor, Insect Bites, Socks and Sandals, summer

What better way to announce my next Blogger Interview than to give you a taste of him? So have a taste of Hugh’s Views & News and his thoughts on Summer and BBQ. Pass me the ribs and sausages.

Female Focus Friday: Things Men Need to Know About . . . The When and Why to Shut Up . . . During a Vent

July 25, 2014July 25, 2014 Ronovan Writing Advice, Blogs, Dating, Humor, Men, Relationships, Women

Guys, take it from me, the man who knows . . . Women want us to Shut Up.

Not a major revelation, since I imagine most of us have heard those words, or close to them . . . a few times. But I’m not talking about those times when you . . .

Are about to announce the name you’ve picked out for your child that you promised not to mention to anyone. (This usually is also accompanied by a bruised shin that occurs from underneath the restaurant table.)
Or when you start telling that joke in front of her parents you just know is wrong. (Yes, never tell the mother-in-law the joke about the Secret Service discovering who peed the words The President Sucks in the snow outside the White House. Yes, being OJ Simpson at the time was funny, and yes it being in the First Ladies handwriting was also funny. But still . . .)
Or when you are about to tell your mother the truth about what your wife thinks of one of your mother’s specialty meals. (See results of the first type of shut up moment.)

No, I’m talking about the truly important times to shut up. Bruises will heal. Some scarring may occur, depending on the shoes worn or the length of the nails as they dig into your hand if a kick is not available. There are things worse, much . . . much worse.

So let me give you . . .

Things Men Need to Know About . . . The When and Why to Shut Up . . . During a Vent

First you need to know that whatever the stage of the relationship, they have to let things out sometimes. If you read all those magazines and watch all those talk shows like Oprah you will know pretty quick that “They are like Stars” and “We are like a . . .” well it rhymes with Venus. At least that’s how it seems when it comes to handling those talk times. We are insensitive. At least that’s how we’re portrayed. We’re not insensitive. We’re just not trained right.

WAKE UP! This is important. Pay attention.

You know the talk times I am talking about. She’s had a bad day, and she needs to talk, and you half mindedly listen and give your advice on how to handle the situation. Before long you realize that either 1) you are alone in the room, b) you are being glared at, or the most likely 3^rd) you don’t notice a thing and keep talking as you watch the game assuming you have done something amazingly helpful.

Men if you are reading this and you identify with the first two or believe she was happily listening as you spouted wisdom between screams at the coach on TV for his bad play calling and crunches of nachos while still advice spouting then I advise you to keep reading.

The scenario:

You walk into the room and your Significant One does NOT look happy. She doesn’t give you the ‘what the frilly hoohaa have you done this time’ look, so you start breathing again. Now you do the only correct thing of the next several minutes to two hours that you will do. You ask, “What’s wrong honey?”

She will do of two things:

She will say nothing is wrong, and you will either stupidly accept that, or you will rightly be sensitive and ask her what is really wrong, knowing you will probably regret it, but you love her and must continue.
Or she will immediately begin telling you what is wrong without any further prompting.

Now we enter the ‘Shut Up Zone’. Men, I know it’s difficult, but in time you learn. At times you will forget, but for the majority of the time you will make your life easier. Follow these basic rules of ‘Listening to your Significant One Vent’.

The Reasons you need to Shut Up are . . .

#1

. . . so you can listen. Listening accomplishes a lot of things.

You need to know what is actually going on for the test later. (The test will be unannounced and at any moment within the next 2 days to 55 years.)
Another reason is to know when she is actually speaking specifically to you. If she pauses and stares at you, you best be ready with, an “of course, you’re right”.

#2

. . . so you can remember not to give advice. Men, the Significant One does not want your advice. If they wanted advice they would call their mother or their best friend, neither of which you are. Oh, you think you are her best friend?

Men, we like to think that. We may even believe that. But the truth is, once you become the Significant One’s other there is a change in the dynamic. There are things that can no longer be said or shared for fear of hurting our masculine pride. Don’t believe me? Okay, your significant other is thinking of Johnny Depp while kissing you. And that ‘mmm’ sound, was not meant for you. How do you feel now? Point made.

#3

. . . so you can remember not to try and solve the problem. Men, they don’t need us to solve their problems. In fact if you listen well enough, you may realize there is no problem. We are the ones that created the mythical problem by asking what the problem was. In reality there probably wasn’t a ‘problem’. They just need to vent. If you do not ‘Shut Up’ you will then create a . . .

Wait for it.

. . . BIGGER problem . . . YOU. As for solving a problem, if they want us to help they will ask us to help. (A secret, they usually don’t need any ‘help’. Yeah, like I said, just shut up.)

#4

. . . so you can tell when the vent is over. Men, you’ve listened well, but have you paid attention. The vent is over and you are sitting there staring at her. This will lead to a couple of dangerous possibilities;

It is assumed you were not paying attention and zoned out,
Or your opinion may be asked, although only on a rare occasion.

Do not, I repeat, do NOT give an opinion. Agree and say that you totally agree. I REPEAT, DO NOT GIVE AN OPINION!

“But DUDE, she ASKED FOR MY OPINION!”

“DUDE, SHE IS ASKING YOU TO AGREE!!!”

#5

. . . so you cannot ask questions. Men, shut up and just listen. Don’t ask a question because you will do one of two things;

Make her mad that you interrupted
Or you will send her off onto another vent before she comes back to the main vent

I repeat . . . Shut Up.

How will you know the vent is over? I will make this simple for the moment, although this could be an entire article of its own.

Know the Significant One’s body language
Listen to the voice for a change in pitch
Finally notice the vein is no longer protruding wherever it protrudes and the shoulders are no longer up around the ears from tension and the hands have stopped waving

You may ask, “Ronovan, how do you come by these freshwater pearls of wisdom. ”

Oh young grasshopper mint cookie. Though the waters may appear calm, even this tiny grain of sand in the great ocean of the male population irritates. You either become a pearl, or you are spit out.

As for the Significant Ones reading this today, I ask, are there other reasons to add to the “Shut Up” list? Please advise. We really need to know.

The ever Needy and

Much Respectful

Ronovan

Inside the Life of . . . Amanda Lyle, Blogger extraordinaire.

July 22, 2014July 25, 2014 Ronovan Interviews Amanda Lyle, Blog Tips, Blogger Interview, Blogging Tips, Blogs, Humor, Inside The Life of Moi, insidethelifeofmoi, Interview

Must read blogs are rare. We all have blogs we like to read, but then there are the cannot miss blogs. What websites or blogs keep me coming back for more? Sites with entertaining content that give real life moments in humorous ways at times, but can surprise with a bit of the serious and the deep of the heart. There are a few of those out there but one that I find very entertaining, primarily due to the personality that breaks through every paragraph is Insidethelifeofmoi. Now to introduce the star . . .

Meet Amanda Lyle

Insidethelifeofmoi

(Don’t miss the Thailand adventure movie Attack of the Mankinis at the end of the interview.)

RW: Amanda your bio says that along with your blog you also have three bambinos and a husband? I didn’t know you were Italian. How do you manage all that and a blog?

AMANDA: I feel like I’m in the ‘cirque du life’. I’m juggling fire, I have a few plates spinning, and all whilst walking a tight rope. It’s difficult to keep those plates spinning. It’s almost impossible to juggle fire without getting burned. When I started blogging I was writing a lot more, 3 or 4 times a week, in fact. As my blog grew in popularity, it meant I had to devote more of my time, time as a mum, I didn’t really have. The way I managed things, was to reduce my posts to twice a week. My number one priority is obviously my children…and my husband! (he might be reading this!) I generally write in the evenings when my husband is watching the football, or some gangster, too-much-shooting-and-dying-for-my-liking, film. So, to answer your question, it is very difficult, but I find it equally rewarding.

Continue reading →

My Response to the 10 Things Florence T. Wants.

July 19, 2014 Ronovan Humor 10 Things, Blogs, Funny, Humor, humour, Lists, Satire

Florence T. paid me a great compliment by doing her own “10 Things” on Friday. After having some fun answering my ‘10 Things I Just Need to Know About . . . Women‘ she came up with her own ‘10 Things I want to know…about men‘.

Here are my answers to those questions. If you want to know the questions then please visit Florence T and her article.

#10

I love to cook so, let me see. Um . . . let’s see men like all balls of all colors. They even like smooth ones or fuzzy ones. If they see them they must have them. They are like a laser pointer to a cat.

I said a CAT!

We like to watch other men with balls but we think we know about how to use them better than those who get paid for it.

Men just naturally want it long I guess. They like the way it feels and lays there enticingly.

(I just had to use this one. It might not be about the question but it is just so . . . ow.)

I don’t mind a woman in control. She knows, so tell me what to do and where to go otherwise she gets frustrated and then there is no fun for anyone. But I know some men just don’t get it . . . even when told.

Hmm . . . one word . . .sex.

(Yeah, I changed the name of this one to “dog” slap in my files.)

We like it to feel good inside not just look good.

Maybe it has to do with answers to #1 and #2.

It is great four letter word. It’s one of my favorites too. And I am glad you think it’s sexy. I guess some men just think it’s just not a very masculine thing and other men would use it as a sign of weakness when applied.

I think you are right about this especially the anger and lust being the man ones. But answer #3 relates to this. If we used it any other way then we would be called that four letter word.

Yes. I think we would love to. Just putting it all out there for everyone to see would make everyone better off and make it a healthier world.

There you have it. Now go check out ‘10 things I want to know . . .about men‘ from Florence T.

Much Respect

Ronovan

10 Things I Just Need to Know–About Women

July 18, 2014July 18, 2014 Ronovan Humor 10 Things, Blogs, Humor, Questions, Satire, Why, Women

Okay, so I’ve done a few articles and lists about men and our issues. Well today I’m going after the women. That’s right Female Focus Friday is doing just that Focusing on the Females.

Ladies here it is . . .

10 Things I Just Need to Know

(Why do I start sounding like J Lo’s ex every time I say ‘I need to know”? You do know which of her ex’s I mean, right? Just sayin’. And oh yes, I did go there.)

#10

Ladies why do you look better cross dressing than we do? You put on our dress shirts and . . . okay, I’m not really asking. I just wanted to, you know, okay, never mind, time to move on. (Stop looking at me like that, yes, the ears are burning red now.)

#9

Ladies, why do you like dope so much? Yes, I said it. Dopamine is the chemical that chocolate releases in the brain. So what’s up with that, ladies?

#8

Why can’t you drink with your eyes open? Every time you take that first drink from a cup of coffee or tea you close your eyes. Is it concern over the contact lenses melting from the steam, or one might pop out and start floating?

#7

Hmm?

Okay, Steven Tyler in the 70’s, okay, maybe the 80’s, sure. You hit the 90’s it’s getting close, then the 2000’s, umm. What’s up with the continued fascination with Steven Tyler? Mick Jagger and David Bowie had a love child? That whole Dancing in the Sheets song from Live Aid still has me confused. Wait, that was the song from Footloose . . . hmm . . .

Maybe?

#6

From my understanding lipstick can pull out the pigment in your lips meaning they fade the color, but you use lipstick to give your lips color . . . and then they have the tattoo makeup procedures? I think I see a cycle here. Do any of you?

#5

Why do you make men act so stooopid? I mean we fall in love, we get rid of all our friends, forget our mother’s birthdays to go to your friend’s baby shower, and then two weeks after we start dating, you say it’s over? Whipped boy say whut?

#4

Miley Cyrus? Can you explain her to me, please?

#3

I get it, high heels make your calves and butt look great, but why in the world put yourself through that? Why is there a big man at my door screaming through the window at me right now?

#2

David Beckham, Hugh Jackman, or Vin Diesel? I gotta know. (Comment below.)

#1

I’m big, I’m cuddly. So why is it that Kevin James gets all the cute and cuddly and I don’t? I need to know!

Check out Hilary’s answers back at me at Joy of Writing.

Bus Stop Stories: Margaret and Martin-A Man’s Stomach. She wins? or He Loses?

July 18, 2014June 6, 2020 Ronovan Fiction Creative Storytelling, Creative Writing, Fiction, Flash Fiction, Humor, Relationships, Storytelling, Writing

“I don’t care, I’m not going to like it.” Martin’s arms were firmly crossed in combat formation.

“I know, dear.”

He lifted his hands, shoulders up around his ears. The first crack in his battle formation. “Then why are we going?”

“Because we must. If we don’t, you know what they will say.” Margaret’s head bobbed with every other word.

Martin’s hand slapped down on his gray slacks. He shook his head and stared at the sidewalk. The shaking stopped, and he looked at me. “I will trade with you.”

I held my hands up in defense.

He nodded. “I thought so.” He turned to Margaret. “See, I told you. I doubt I could pay for someone to take my place.” His shoulders sagged, his eyes focused on the reliable cracks in the pavement.

“No one you ask will know what you’re talking about. Besides, if we don’t go then we won’t be able to stop off at Strom’s Deli on the way back.” She leaned forward, as if she were looking for the bus.

The shoulders straightened. Martin’s eyes lifted from the sidewalk. “Well, I guess it would look bad if we were the only ones not there. It’s not like I have any problems with it, it’s just that it’s so far away. But if it will make you happy, then okay.”

Martin stood up as he heard the whine of the bus, that sound only a bus makes. Margaret stood and looked down at me. She winked and put her arm in through the crook of her husband’s.

He helped her up onto the first step of the bus and then followed. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. But so is his weakness.

Man of few Words

July 16, 2014July 16, 2014 Ronovan Poetry Creative Storytelling, Desire, ego, Flash Fiction, Humor, Love, Poetry, Prince, Queen, Romance, Storytelling

Man of few Words

A man named Ego

Stood before the Queen

His arrogance of self

Bordered on the obscene

“You wish to be spared,

But what use are you to me?

What can be had from you

That all these others cannot be”

“I am a great man,

A man for all seasons

Name any one

I will give you the reasons”

“It is now Spring

What will you do now?”

“I will plant your fields richly

Without even using a plow.”

“What then of Summer

When the Spring will turn?”

“I will use my broad shoulders

To protect your tender skin from the sun’s burn.”

“And of the Fall?

When the sun is no more to do?”

“I will pick the rose petals

To accent the glow of your hue.”

“Then Winter will come

With no planting, sun nor rose,

That is when I will show you

This man Ego can melt . . . whatever is froze”

She saw the look in Ego’s eye and looked around.

Surrounded by the court each her subject,

Except for one who was visiting among them,

A man whose gaze upon her was never in neglect

He was a visiting Prince,

Who had come from a distance.

She looked at him,

His appreciative smile was of consistence.

“Prince I ask you,

What do you say to this,

These words of advice,

From this man Ego came hence?”

The Prince stood up,

And approached the queen.

“A lot of words spoken,

But very little to be seen.”

“You speak with a confidence,

Quite deep from the thoughts in your head.

What would you propose

If not his words instead?”

The Prince did not hesitate.

He embraced the Queen.

His lips pressed hers.

Their bodies with nothing between.

He leaned back and looked into her eyes

“Will that do my Queen . . . instead?”

She pointed to Ego without a glance

Then said, “Off with that blathering fools head.”

Five things men fear on first dates.

July 11, 2014August 25, 2014 Ronovan Humor, Opinion Articles Advice, Blogs, Dating, Dating Advice, First Dates, Funny, Humor, humour, Relationships

You’re on a date and you are stressed beyond belief. It’s like that first time and you just have no idea what’s going to happen. You just keep praying that you don’t do anything . . . stupid.

Stupid around my house is a bad word. We say silly instead. But really one word is as bad as another if you know what it is supposed to really stand for. No freakin’ way will I say that crap word again.

Anyway, for a guy what can you do that’s so bad on a first date, or really any date for that matter, but that first date is the one you have to impress. The rest of your time with her she realizes you’re a guy and you do guy things, so you get a pass card. And no I don’t mean that kind of pass . . . or that one either. Eww.

What do we fear?

Five Things Men Fear on First Dates

by: Ronovan

Pit Sweats

Guys, be honest, they are;

The dreaded stains,

That cause you chest pains.

You have options here men.
• Date only in winter and never wear a coat, jacket, or sweater
• Duct tape bath clothes to your pits
• Or be sensible and wear a t-shirt

But the truth is, none of those ideas occur to us until it’s the end of July and we’re standing outside her door and that trickle starts down the back of the neck. You just know what’s going to be next. Back sweats? Okay you can get away with that, she’ll understand. But then you drive and move your arm and the air hits and . . . you know it has happened.

That freezing cold feeling hits that damp pit cloth of the shirt and you begin to sweat more and wonder if she would question stopping at a local Quik Trip convenience store while you air dry your pits with the hand dryer in the restroom. Then you begin to worry she thinks you have other problems.

Bad Breath

You leave the house and you are like, “It’s all good.” Then you start singing to the radio. Something begins to smell.

You’re at her driveway. She’s sitting on the porch swing and sees you. You have no way out. You pull in and scrounge for anything.

And then you find it, that melted plastic wrapped piece of peppermint candy that is now pink from where the food coloring has fun together from who knows how many years of living in the cup holder under that Taco Bell napkin.

The plastic will not release. She’s stopped swinging and now is staring. Yes, you do it. In goes the candy, plastic and all and you . . . chew. You have to get out of the car because she’s coming. She’s worried about you. Oh no, you can’t get rid of the plastic or she’ll see and then your hands are covered in sticky 3,000 year old candy sugar.

Yep, you swallow the plastic.

Bats in the Cave

It happens to everyone, even her. But men, you know it’s going to happen on that date.

You can even feel it happening. The tickle starts. You breathe and hear that slight noise and feel it moving.

You start breathing through your mouth slightly. But then she’ll think you’re a mouth breather. You try for the distraction and the big sniff to move that thing up. Or maybe you find a way to rub your nose in the hopes of it settling into place.

Then one of two things happens. You’re in the moment, the kiss could happen. She has those melt you in your shoes eyes looking up at you and her eyes go from yours to your lips then . . . you got it. Her eyes moves slightly upward as the bat begins to say hello.

Is that the worst thing? Nope. Same situation and then Bat Cave Bomb Away, you got it, the boogie done left the building and it only has one place to go.

Nose Hair

Related to the Bat Cave situation are the Nasal Follicles.

I know the Good Lord designed them to help us out, after all if not for them all those Bats in the Cave matter would be in our lungs, but for goodness sake, trim the vines before the date.

Men if you are headed to the date and you are in your car, look in the mirror. No, you don’t have the nose hair trimmers with you. Yes ladies, we do have those. Mine are burgundy. Now guys if you look in the mirror and see Tarzan swinging it’s desperate measure time.

Yes, you have to pull them out. I heard the ouch. I feel your pain. Seriously, I’ve been there. Just go for it and yank Tarzan and Cheetah both out and hope the tears are gone before you get to Jane.

B.O. Bomb

Well men we finally come to the most dreaded one of all. All the others we can try to avoid and take care of. But when it comes to the body odor, well, what can I say? It stinks.

Some men keep deodorant in their car. Nice. Some even keep cologne. Not going to work. If you are like most men, you’re in trouble.

There are four options available at this point if you are in her driveway:
1. Grab the jacket in the back seat and wear it all night, even in late July at the ball game. Yeah, Pit Sweats combined with the B.O Bomb. Nice. Then you begin breathing heavy and the plastic peppermint quits working and you feel that piece of plastic still stuck in your teeth.
2. The car deodorizer might work. Chemical hazard? Yes. Worth a kiss on the first date? Yep.
3. Asking to borrow her bathroom and using her deodorant. It’s one way to be sure but you better keep it a secret.
4. Keep as far apart from her as you think is the safe smell limit. One problem with this is . . . no second date. You can either get close and get the rep as Señor Stinko with all of her friends who you also know, or become known as General Germaphobia. Take your pick.

Well, there you have them, and that’s just 5 of our fears. You didn’t know we had them, did you ladies? You thought our only worries were how expensive you were going to order and if we were going to get to first base or farther. Oh, and some of you men didn’t know you had to worry about all of that? Welcome to reality.

If you really want something that will freak you out, and this really happened, check out “When toots let loose. . . “ or what I call “A College Girls Gas Confession” at my fellow blogger’s site A College Girl’s Confessions. I swear, I’m not making this up.

Men AND women, do you care to share some of your MOMENTS on dates? Come on, you know you want to. Put a comment in.

Much Respect
Apparently Hygiene Deficient Ronovan

Thursday Thought-Smile

July 10, 2014July 10, 2014 Ronovan Thoughts Advice, Blogs, Happy, Humor, Inspiration, Smile, Trials, Troubles, Wisdom

Smile through all your troubles and your trials and they will stare back at you in confusion.-Ronovan

Notification of Plop

July 8, 2014July 8, 2014 Ronovan Poetry Blogs, facebook, Humor, humour, Notification, Poetry, Satire, Social, Social Networking, Twitter

Notification of Plop

by: Ronovan

I have a notification

I see it up there at the top

But when I go to look

There’s nothing to make me stop

I wonder where the number went

That number 1 that went pop

Was it just there to tease me

With hopes that then went flop

Oh you evil message thingy

You promised me a prop

Then you evil message thingy

You end up splashing plop

Gifts of joy

July 7, 2014July 7, 2014 Ronovan Poetry Blogs, Dance, Gifts of Joy, Guilt, Haiku, Humor, Inspiration, Joy, Poetry

Guilt eats at your soul,

While life brings you gifts of joy,

Grab them and boogie.

Gifts of Joy

by: Ronovan

Who says you can’t have fun writing poetry?

You Might Be An American Male if . . . The Fifth of July Edition

July 5, 2014July 5, 2014 Ronovan Humor, You Might Be An American Male if . . . America, American Men, Groin Shot, Humor, Larry the Cable Guy, Male, Men, Swimming Pool Fail

The day after the Fourth of July is a tradition every year. Ah . . . what, you didn’t know that? Well every year the Fifth of July happens.

You see these lists of what to do on the Fourth of July. I decided not to do one of those, nor a ‘what traditions there are’ list. Instead I decided to give my Friends a look into the American Male.

So I give to you my first edition of: