My Sunday Thought: The Irish Vote.

I wrote about the vote in Ireland and same sex marriage for my Sunday Thought today and how I don’t agree with it. I let a friend read it and the question was put to me, “Will they read all of it to see what your point is?”

Let’s see what the answer is.

 

What to write about today? I think I want to talk about what happened in Ireland and their recent vote.

I don’t agree with it.

But why?

Uh oh. People gonna make assumptions. I see it coming already.

If that were here in the US and there was to be a Constitutional Amendment about marriage, I would definitely be against it.

But again, why?

Because I don’t think marriage should be a government thing at all.

Just blew some peoples assumptions.

The government controlling marriage of any kind simply gives them money here and taxation rights and a say over our lives and what is right or wrong. Honestly, I would be going after the businesses instead of after a marriage amendment. Oh wait, the insurance companies are the ones that really make ‘marriage’ an issue.

They dictate who can receive benefits and that depends on who is considered married. You know, the insurance companies could make that simpler. And really, governments should have no say over who is married or not.

You see, if the US wanted to have a marriage amendment for marriage being just man to woman, I wouldn’t vote for it either.

Some say they wouldn’t be voting for gay marriage but for civil rights. I guess some would say it is their civil right to be against same sex marriage. Would a person then vote for that person to have that right without calling them homophobic?

Some people say marriage is based from religion, some say it is from some governmental thing way back when. All based on point of view.

There are a lot of things that the government gets involved in that I think they should stay out of. Then there are the things they should get involved in they seem to ignore totally.

Here in the US each state has the right to have the people vote on marriage. It’s down to the people in the area and not people of other states determining what people thousands of miles away will have to live by. Even then I would still vote against any kind of state amendment regarding any type of marriage.

I’m a Christian. Duh, right? Well, I mean most of you know that already. That means I don’t force anything I believe on anyone. I can tell you about it, but if you don’t like it, that’s fine. I don’t want to pass a law that says everyone has to believe in God as I know Him. Or pass a law that says everyone should use the same translation of the Bible I use. Sorry KJ people, but I need to study in modern English to understand at times.

Oh, and if you run across a person that claims they are a Christian and says you have to believe as they do, don’t take them as an example of a follower of Jesus. Jesus said, as I have mentioned here before, shake the dust of that town off your feet and move on. Meaning, they believe what they want to believe.

Do I have a different solution to the government control over marriage? Sort of, but I need to work on it a little. But even then the government would get involved somehow.

I hope you read this all the way through and see I’m not homophobic. I think I am governmentophobic.

Jesus said give to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s. In many aspects of life that is how I look at things. Sorry, but I nor marriage is Caesar’s.

Oh, and if you noticed earlier I said. If that were here in the US and there was to be a Constitutional Amendment about marriage, I would definitely be against it. I didn’t say same sex marriage, I said marriage. I wonder how many of you caught that.

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5 Ways to Connect with Your Children #1000Speak

Connecting with people is something you have to work at. Okay, so it comes naturally for some people. This article is being written with the 1000 voices speak for compassioncurrent 1000 Voices for Compassion theme of Connection in mind. Oddly it goes along with something I’ve been thinking of for some time now and carries over from something I wrote previously in my Let your Kids be them and not you.

I’m not a strong connector these days, and haven’t been for the past couple of years. I was prior to that but now I am more of a recluse. That being said, there are people you can’t and shouldn’t be a recluse from—Your Children.

I look at a lot of problems today and I personally believe a lot of them could have been prevented if a good and healthy connection had been established and maintained between the parent and child. Notice I said a “good and healthy” connection.

My son goes to school before I get up in the mornings. Often times I am asleep when he comes home. Chronic Fatigue is part of my Fibromyalgia so I really have no control over when I will drop off and sleeping problems mess things up as well. Thus, when I am with my son I need to make certain there is that connection. It may be only a look or a couple of words but there needs to be something positive and building going on.

5 Ways Parents Connect To Their Children

  1. Be Less Self: I know you don’t think of yourself as begin selfish but when you consider that very often you are molding your child to be what you want them to be instead of what they should be, you are being selfish. This is in regards to utilization of talents and intellect. We should all try to mold our children into being good people, so don’t even think about going off on me about that.
  2. Listen: Children like to talk, IF they have parents that like to listen. You may not like to listen—Pretend. Listen to your child and respond to them. Acknowledge you have heard what they said. Your child will grow in confidence, social abilities and even vocabulary.
  3. Be Aware: Paying attention to your child will give you ideas and clues about their likes, dislikes, desires, goals, wishes. You will see where they thrive. I know my son. From the time he could stand and throw a ball, and I mean literally just that, he could throw a strike down the hallway to me. I knew then that baseball would be the sport he would thrive at. Did I push him to it? No. I personally wanted him to play football, but through the years I changed my mind. Knowing my son, I see that he likes to know what his assignment is, do his assigned task and still be a part of a team. Also he is not a very aggressive type physically. Football is out. Basketball? He’s tried it and it is mayhem at his age because other kids don’t do their assigned tasks on the team. But baseball? He is the starting outfielder his first year playing. I mean that as in they put him where they know a team hits to most. He is also the clean-up hitter. That means he is their power hitter. His first year playing. I also can pick out a book I know he will like. Why? Because he is like me and I’ve noticed it. He likes non-fiction books and will be watching a documentary on public television he turned to.
  4. Patient: Here is a big one. Patience is a hard thing to be at times. But if you are a screamer, a yeller, you will not connect with your child. And if you are a physical punisher to a bit of the extreme, you will definitely not connect. I know that one personally. Kids do dumb things at times. You will think your kid is mature one moment and then do something completely their age the next and it will make you so mad. Just remember their age and take deep breaths and count to a million.
  5. Affectionate: Here is another tough one, especially for a lot of men. Hug your child, no matter their age. Why? So you can teach them hugging and being affectionate is normal and a hug is a sign of love. Left on their own and without a role model, they will turn elsewhere. Hugging will turn into something not simply meant as a sign of love and affection for someone. Also words are signs of affection. Tell your child you love them. Tell them you are proud of them for random things. Or maybe say “That was awesome” to something random. Don’t reserve those words for good grades or athletic achievements.

Connecting with your child teaches them to connect with others and that takes care of a lot of things out there. You may not realize it but they are learning all those things you are doing, each of those five things I mentioned above, simply by observing what you are doing. They know you are listening, they know you are being patient.

By modeling for them these characteristics we are helping the future.

Duke-Tip-Award

 

Much Respect

Ronovan

 

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Let your kids be them and not you.

I haven’t done a Sunday Thought in a  while, in part due to a lack of energy. Okay, so it is all due to lack of energy, but today I figure why not. I’ll take a nap afterwards. 2 hours of sleep in the last 36 hours or so just doesn’t cut it.

So today I wanted to talk about something I care about a lot and that’s the encouragement of children. This won’t be a long one or a revelation one. It’s simple.

We look around today and see all the madness in America involving racial issues, violence, and all sorts of things. Some things are improving but a lot of things are worse or seem to be with the ease of reporting what’s happening now over how it was so many years ago.

I don’t tell my son to go out and treat people a certain way. In fact it rarely comes up. The only time it does is when there are bullies at school. Bullies are a bit silly when it comes to my son. If my son ever really wanted to deal with one in a physical way, the bully would be hurting for a while, but physical isn’t my boy “B”s first thought. Just like it’s never been mine. For me it may be a day later before the slow burn gets to me and I wish I had done this or that, but in truth wouldn’t have anyway.

I’m proud of what my son has accomplished this year in school. He’s one of only two kids in his grade to be recognized and accepted into an academically gifted student talent search program by one of the top universities in the country and the world. He’s 10. He said the other students looked at him kind of strange when he walked down the hall after Honor’s Day and it was announced to the school. I think maybe he just was noticing something that wasn’t there. But I told him to be proud of it.

My focus with my son is on him being him. And the beset whatever him that means. He and I share a lot of the same characteristics and interests but I consciously make an effort not to put my wishes on him. He’s turning out to be better than I was, if not a little more headstrong than I was. Stubborn? Imagine that.

I thought I would share a picture of “B” today. No, not an actual photo but my portrait from a photo taken at Honor’s Day with his ribbon showing his acceptance into the program. I missed the program. The email came out the night before at a time no one checks their email. But the school takes pictures and puts them up for all of us to see. So here you are. Now you sort of know what B looks like.

Duke-Tip-Award

Much Respect

Ronovan

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Losing it. What do I do?

There’s a saying that goes something like, “You don’t know what you got till it’s gone.” For about two years I’ve kind of laughed at that phrase. For some of us, when something is gone we don’t even know what it was which means we don’t miss it.

I’ve been fine with it. I go through each day with a new loss flittering away and I feel fine. That’s because I don’t know what flitters away. Okay, so I know something is likely being lost. I’m aware that memories are lost.

Normally I don’t stress about it because stressing leads to other problems. Recently a memory loss, a huge one, became evident—with vigor.

I’ll explain an “other” problem for a moment. Depression. Well, I don’t know that it really needs to be explained. We all know what depression is. When a memory goes away and I then have people forcing that memory back in my head, or trying to get it back in there, things happen. The brain snaps. I actually at some point feel a pop in my head. I am sure it’s not really anything physical, only a psychological representation of what is happening.

When that happens, Ronovan is gone for a time.

My huge memory loss recently led to such a situation. I would think things were going fine, then wham, another hit from a different side. Lulled into things being okay. Wham, another hit. Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat.

Now, here I am, depressed, physically ill, and looking for the learning lesson of it all.

Memory problems make for a bad emotional entity. They also make for a bad relationship of any type. You wake up and you don’t know if that person who is your friend, spouse, significant other, father figure is still going to be that for you.

Who is it fair to in that situation? As I’ve been writing this I’ve been sorting through it all. I suppose the best thing is if it’s a repeat offender status thing, cut and run if the situation allows for it. I know live in family members can’t do that but there are things you can do.

Accept the memory loss person (MLP) for who they are, knowing what is possible.

Be supportive in the efforts of the MLP to handle it. Think for a moment about this. You wake up, or are even going along writing or watching a video and then—WHAM—you don’t know what day it is, or what city you are in, or who that person in the other room is. Ever wonder how a person handles that each day?

Think about being in the middle of a sentence and forgetting who it is across the table from you. In this age of internet and digital conversations and friendships it’s even more difficult to remember without those constant physical/visual cues.

People might find it surprising that I wake up and have forgotten the people in my house. Or I will go through one of those situations above. My body goes through a routine each morning and I discover what my problems are and I just go with it. I’ve told myself in letters not to stress, that I am normal. This is normal for me. I tell myself to begin to write something from a list of projects I’m working on.

Sometimes memories will come back or at least enough of a familiarity to make things fine or functionable. Yeah, another of my made up words.

What about the other person, the person forgotten?

What would I do if I were on the other end of this?

I honestly can’t answer that with an all encompassing solution. I think patience is part of it, understanding, and you know maybe even just cut and run. I know people balk at that last one but it is an option. But that is the option people will focus on here because it is seen as the uncaring, cold idea and how could I even think of telling someone to do that if a person cared about the MLP or of the MLP cares about the person.

I’ve been living with this for two years. You get to the point, where after having written about it, thought about it, and lived through it, you cut through it all to the heart or heartless of it all and give solutions.

And what about the MLP? Should they keep trying to remember, opening themselves up to an emotional tug-of-war to then either go through the loss again, perhaps not knowing it, or then being shut off once a connection is established again?

What do I do?

I have no one answer for myself. Perhaps I should, it would make my life easier. Can a person live a life, a healthy life mentally without people? I suppose they can but I’m not that far gone yet.

Now, for those who look at my writing and things I share each day and think I seem normal and I have all these friendships and all, the MLP has tricks they use to get by. Don’t call out the MLP for this if you still want to be a part of their life. At least they are trying.

I’ll tell you one trick I have. It’s called the Ronovan Writes Weekly Haiku Poetry Prompt Challenge. No, that’s not a plug for my challenge. I am telling you about a trick. There are people who do the challenge every week, and that means I read their work, usually at least twice, think about it, review it, see their names, and all of that every week. It doesn’t work for each person because of lack of regularity but when I see the name I know it’s familiar and once I get to their site things come back.

MLPs have sensory/emotional impressions of people if not actual memories. I know by a name, if it has been around me long enough, if that person is someone that is positive for me or negative, if that person is a friend or foe, if that person is emotionally good for me or a life drain.

When you hear that old saying about first impressions, it’s true. Make a good first impression and good last impression as well. You are asking, “How do I know when that last impression will be?” Whenever you leave the communication presence of someone, that’s your last impression until the next time you connect with them.

Well, this has been a longer message than I had planned, and I’m not sure if it is even what I had intended, but it is what it is and that’s all that it is. So, as I have just now read back through it, you might find it surprising I forgot about half of what I wrote while I was writing this. But again, it is what it is. I’m not to blame, you are not to blame, there is no blame.

Oh, I just remembered why I was writing this. Seriously. That big recent memory loss I had, like a mind wipe almost, took some important people away and broke things. Hmm, never mind. You know, I’ve tried. I think I will just deal with the depression of it all, come out the other side, and say I am what I am. It’s all I can be. Even if I don’t like it, I have to accept it or wind up on the 6 o’clock news.

 

Much Respect

Ronovan

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America is Burning.

America burns every few months, while smoldering in between. Depending on who you listen to the fault, the blame, will lay at the feet of police, government, black people, white people, poor people, gangs, the President, or the media.

Who is to blame for America burning?

The answer is very simple. Everyone. If each of us acted as Jesus, as Christ taught we wouldn’t be in this situation.

I skirt the issues at times. I don’t like to be confrontational. Beating a person over the head with something always seems rather a poor solution. Once unconscious, the fellow won’t be able to hear what you have to say.

Stand back a little so as I flail a bit I won’t do any harm and you are able to hear all of what I have to say today.

America and every nation needs God. I don’t mean the structures man has put in place, the traditions, the people in power to worship. I mean the almighty Himself, in our hearts, in our lives, in our actions.

If you are new to the  blog, I am not into church traditions that have been made into facts of Jesus. There are a lot of those. And there have been a lot of them from the very beginning.

I often speak on Sundays about how if we took the teachings of Jesus and followed them, how much better things would be. Even for people not believing in God those teachings are important and very good guidance.

There is so much TALKING about the situation and less about DOING about it. We’re told we have great plans to make things better. Plans are good intentions unless enacted. As Christ is the answer to our problems, there is a road to Hell paved with dusty and cobwebbed good intentions.

One race. One people. One family. Believing that, I have a difficult time agreeing with the harming of people. I even have a hard time with the death penalty. There is no eye for an eye. God will sort out the guilty. Yes, trials. Yes, justice. Yes prison. In reality, put certain people in prison for life, they won’t last long. Some will need to remain in solitary confinement for the remainder of their body’s existence. I don’t say their life, because they don’t have one any longer. While others, well, they just won’t live very long.

Back to my original thoughts. Parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, brothers, sisters, friends, teachers, you name it, step up and be forces of positivity in each others lives. You see one drifting, snatch them back in place. Not your business? Is their ending up in prison or worse because it wasn’t your business something you can live with?

Like a mother who saw her son in the riots of Baltimore and snatched him up, snatch up those you care about.

So what do I think about the police issues? I think some have been absolute tragedies that were police issues. I think some could have been avoided if any person, regardless of skin tone, had acted properly. I think some were things that have happened and then other people have taken it and made something more of it than it was.

In other words, there is no one sided answer to it all. The President said something in a press conference on Tuesday that I agree with. This is nothing new. The new part is with so many eyes watching and able to watch, record and share, it has been put out in front of the nation more readily. Those are my words but the gist of his message.

The only ones at fault are those involved in the acts. I am not a policeman, nor have I been on the other side of a situation. I can’t say what I would do if faced with a threat in either position. Would I shoot, hit, defend myself as a police officer if I felt my life was in jeopardy? If I were a civilian, how would I react depending on what I had or had not done? Would I panic? Would I cooperate entirely?

You know, I saw a video recently where a man was being restrained by several policemen. He was a large man. News agencies reported he had been beaten with a night stick type of object, or struck with one. They showed a video and said things like “Hear that? That’s him being hit.” It made me angry. The policeman had one of those clubs that telescope when you sling your arm out and it clicks into position. It was obvious watching the video that is what had happened, and he had not struck anyone.

I didn’t see a big deal made out of this incident so much. Perhaps people saw through the attempts of the media. And yes, this was a media attempt. Not all of them are.

I don’t see race. I see humans. People. Skin tones and variances in features. People reading this are likely not to believe that, but it’s true. You see, I believe what the Bible says. Adam and Eve. Two people began us all. To me that means one human race of people. Do I get concerned when around a young black man? At times. Do I get concerned when around a young white man? At times. It all depends on the situation and if I get vibes of something not being quite right.

The Harvard or Yale graduate, I can’t remember which, that played chess with my son at church is a great guy. He was in charge of our Vacation Bible School last year. His wife is nice as well and highly educated also. He’s quite dark skinned, and she’s about as white as I am. It doesn’t matter.

I challenge everyone to begin writing messages about humans and what humans do for each other.

As there is a 1000 Voices Speaking for Compassion there should be a 1,000,000 Voices Shouting For Unity for Humanity.

I don’t think small. Although I could have said one billion. Still might change that up there.

Well, I don’t really know where or how to end this today. I simply wanted to, needed to speak and share. Like it or not it is what it is. Some will say we don’t need Christ or God, we can all just be good people. In America, as God has been pushed out of more and more areas of society, society has moved more and more into a mess.

Much Respect

Ronovan

Romans 1:16

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Nurturing is Genuine.

For me there is some difficulty when it comes to face to face relationships since my accident over a year ago. It might be the memory issues. Perhaps the fear of people. Somewhere along the way . . . hmm, maybe it’s all of it together.

As a father I have to get over it at times. I guess when I am able to get into those moments of discussion and encouragement and help my son grow, he knows it’s the real thing. And there I believe lies true nurturing.

Humans are very perceptive when it comes to fakes or genuines. Yes, another of my made up words. Perhaps I will create a comic book called The Genuines and the enemies will be The Deceptives.

“Focus, Ronovan.”

“Okay, okay, I will.”

My son is very perceptive. He knows when someone truly cares about him when they are discussing things that are to encourage and help him. He doesn’t need encouragement. I suppose encouragement is great in its place but nurturing is really the thing that is needed.

When you nurture you are giving of yourself, your feelings are shared, your time, your blood, your sweat and tears. Even an infant knows the difference between the genuine and the deceptive.

My son, aged 10, began his first season of baseball this year. No one believes it. He was apparently born to play the game. Perhaps it was the hours of throwing balls to him over the summer that helped some, the explaining how baseball works, how to properly run the bases, how to relay the ball. It was a sport I could explain and he could learn that carried over. I suppose it helped I took coaching of baseball in college.

But what is really helping him are the coaches. He has the best coaches in his league. I don’t say that because they are winning, I say that because their mentality of growing young kids into loving baseball, and training them the right way, and not just about technique.

The hitting coach even took time with my son “B” before practice, since it was early, and went through a couple of things with him, and told him he was the most naturally gifted hitter and player he had ever seen. He didn’t have to say that. And his actions back up his words.

I take the guys words as truth because of his background. He played college ball, football and baseball at the same University I went to, but ended up with baseball after the first season and was even scouted by the pros. He still plays in leagues that we have here that aren’t for pros. Oh, did I mention his father was a two time football Super Bowl Champion?

Encouragement without sincerity is just smoke. It’s a commercial for a toy that kids know won’t work. My son even explains to me why the toys won’t work when he sees the ads.

Again, I wasn’t going to do a post today, but it’s #1000Speak for Compassion with the topic of Nurturing. I opened the page and this happened without a thought.

Nurturing can be from adult to adult as well. I  have people, person, something like that, not only encouraging my writing but taking steps to nurture along the way to lead in the direction of improvement. Not so much teaching me technique but being honest with me.

Nurturing is not simply being a cheerleader, nurturing is sometimes be the tough guy for the better. The other person won’t always like it, but through a history with you, they know it is for the better and will go with it.

No matter what you do, with whomever you do it with, nurture. It reminds me of one of my favorite verses.

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”~Ephesians 4:29

If those who follow these words only fulfilled these words, would it not be a wonderful world? I try. I fail at times, I am sure, but I try.

1000 voices speak for compassion

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My Blog Anniversary post of Choice.

If you were around a few days ago, you may have noticed I did a Guess Who game. I put up a profile photo of one our friends, she had changed it, and I thought it would be fun to see who could guess who it was. It was a bit obvious. In fact it was probably taken on the same day as her previous photo but this would looked all cool and movie like with the wind blowing her hair and all.

The winners, incluguessding her if she were reading, got to select a post to be reblogged here on RonovanWrites.

Melissa of The Aran Artisan, the lady in the photo of the game, decided to choose the post of a friend instead of one of her own. So I give you her choice.

yellow-bicycle-retiringLife With a Yellow Bicycle is a blog by Stephanie .

“My blog is about an ordinary woman with an extraordinary yellow bicycle and how together as a team, they overcame one of life’s dreaded obstacles. It is also about my thoughts and philosophies and stories over the course of that time.”

That’s only the first paragraph of an extraordinary story about an extraordinary woman and her extraordinary yellow bicycle that may have saved an extraordinary life.

yellow-bicycle-beachThis is Yellow Bicycle at the beach, the photo from the article you will be going to read today.

steph-and-bike-dunlaoire-002This is Stephanie and Yellow Bicycle. Yellow looks to be the most amazing bicycle. And looks so strong. The picture itself is great. I love the images. Old and new together. An Ireland lady on an adventure called life.

Now it is time to visit Stephanie and Yellow Bicycle in what turns out not to be a reblog but a request.

Today is the one year anniversary of RonovanWrites.

anniversary-1xI wasn’t going to do anything because it’s just another day of meeting people for me but I changed my mind after reading this. I have chosen this post as the one I wish for all of you to visit as a present to me. Why? The story is a reason for one. Another reason? Blogging, for me, is more than simply writing about me and my creations. Although that is what you see most of. Blogging for me this past year on RonovanWrites has been about meeting Extraordinary People with Extraordinary Stories who believe themselves to be Ordinary People with Ordinary Lives.

After reading the story Melissa had suggested, I could not think of anything I could write on this day that could come close to telling something similar to what I have been going through since that day a year and a half ago when my life was literally taken away.

It is called Je ne regrette rien ( Heading in a different direction). A story of, well it’s one you are going to read about now. I am finished speaking.

 

With Greatest  Respect to All Who Visit Here,

Ronovan

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Make an impact in a person’s life for life.

Feeling awful is awful. I wasn’t doing a Sunday Thought today because of that reason. I’ve been feeling awfuler the past few days and progressively awfuler as the days pass. Yes, I know it’s not a word. It’s my writer’s prerogative angst at the moment. Bare with me. Yes, I said bare. You don’t want to know. And yes I am ignoring the people telling me to put my pants on. I have a blanket. I’m good.

What have you done that people will remember you for? Other than blogging without pants. Do you attempt to make an impression? Should you attempt to make a good impression? Does that mean you might do something that would make a bad impression?

You could carry this out with question after question, and sometime in the future I might do that in order to show you how my mad mind works. Today, I stopped with that question, although I can feel at least three more questions floating in that empty space up there, begging to seep out onto the page.

If you look at the Bible, we really aren’t to worry about making impressions, not ones to make ourselves look good. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,”~2 Philippians 2:3.

You can look at the world today and see the people doing things for themselves. They want to get people to like them. Sometimes they want the wrong people to like them. These people may be celebrities or your best friend.

What is the impression you get from them? I would dare say a negative impression, annoyed, a sense of queasiness at times at even the mention of their name. Some will say, “At least you know me.” “Bad press is better than no press at all.” I think we’ve all heard some variation of that. Let’s look at the rest of that sentence from Philippians. I just love how that guy cut a sentence up to make verses. “not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”~Philippians 2:4 Here, we see it’s not about us, but about others. Don’t mistake this for sticking your nose into another person’s business. I think too many Christians look at it that way.

As we mature, age, we are asked who are the positive influences on our lives. In our younger days they might be musicians, actors, or athletes. As we get older we turn to authors, poets, activists, spiritual leaders, historical figures. We turn to people that hold up over time.

If you ask me who is an influence in my life and I say Jesus, many of you would laugh or roll your eyes. But take a moment to think about this. When looking at the teachings of Jesus, the historical evidence of his existence and death, and lack of negative remarks against him in the historical record, you find a man who holds up like none other. Even if you don’t believe he was God here on earth, he was a man who held up as a man who walked the walk that he talked.

His followers fail every day but he didn’t. Ignore me, ignore Billy Graham, ignore the Pope, ignore all the religious, spiritual, world leaders and think about the teachings of a man who spoke about what so many people like to harp on about as universal truths and beliefs.

Don’t try to make a good impression. Try to be a good person, live right, don’t be selfish, be kind and concerned for the well being of others. That’s how to make an impression. And how to really do it, is by not even knowing you are doing it.

Am I kind and caring? I like to think I am at times. I don’t set out to do it. It’s not my purpose. I wake up and I just do what I do. My intent each day is not to do bad things. Perhaps that’s it. My focus each morning, during my quiet time as I focus my thoughts and my world, is to do good, to focus on good, and to move away from bad. I fail each day in some way, but I keep trying.

I’ll leave you with this passage from Philippians, without the verse numbers, I believe they detract from the understanding at times.

“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God,
    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
    by taking the very nature of a servant,
    being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
    he humbled himself
    by becoming obedient to death—
        even death on a cross!

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
    and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
    to the glory of God the Father.”

Bold emphasis mine.

Every knee will bow to a servant. Next time you are in a restaurant, kneel down in the aisle and bow to the one who serves you your food. Kneel down to the person who cleans the toilets in your workplace.

Jesus fed us the Spirit and cleaned up all our junk for us. All we need do is bow to him and acknowledge the truth. You don’t want to accept him? At least read and follow his teachings. Look at the Sermon on the Mount beginning in Matthew Chapter 5. As well as the rest of his actual words in the First four books of the New Testament. These are great words to live by.

The inspiration for this post came after I received a request from a former student for my address to send a high school graduation invitation to me. She is one of the loveliest young ladies you could ever know. That invitation came at just the right moment. As I had made an impression on her, so too had she on me, and through that, things work out for those “just the right moment” moments. I was about to give up on the A to Z blogging challenge, letting everything going on in my life get in the way and get me down. I was done with it, sick, tired. But I am going to try and push through another week and see what happens. A simple message and things change.

So this post is dedicated to that young lady. MB won’t be reading this but she’s out there somewhere, praising God right now in church.  At least as I write this.

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Merry Easter and Happy New Life.

I was thinking that a lot of people in the world like to argue about what day Jesus died.

I’ll basically give it to you straight. I don’t care what day it was, or how the days are counted or by what tradition. The point of the matter is, it happened. That’s my belief. The arguments will continue on until the end. Either our end or the real end.

Recently I’ve gone through some troubles. I’ve shared a bit about the recent health issue. It’s been a week since I got out of the hospital. I at least look better than before.

ron-now-bwAlthough I look better than in the hospital, which I would hope anyone would, things are going to take several weeks, at least, to recover. Perhaps months. But I’m good. I’m accustomed to illnesses. I did almost give up on the A to Z Challenge but, here I am still writing. and doing my Sunday Thought. Which I need to get back to.

I guess all I really have to say about Easter is, it’s the reason Christmas came about. You know there really isn’t a known date for when Jesus was born. I sometimes wonder if it was around this time of year. The way God works, it wouldn’t surprise me. And if you think about it, what’s really the important day to remember? The birth or the resurrection? I like to go with Easter myself. That’s the whole reason Jesus showed up.

Whether you believe in Jesus or not, or God or not, just know there are things we all share. Beliefs. You may not realize it but we do. Jesus taught about those. It’s nice to have them written down to remind us every now and then. I always like to tell people even if you don’t believe, following what Jesus said can’t lead you wrong.

Everyone have a happy Easter. Eat some eggs. I have to hide some. “B” always makes me hide them as hard as I can. I have to take pictures to know where I put them. We lost a couple two years ago. I think a squirrel got ’em.

One last thing before I go. I’ve told this story before. but with Easter here ham is apparently part of the whole thing. Well a old pastor friend of mine liked to preach on this:

Jesus Restores Two Demon-Possessed Men

Matthew 8:28-34

28 When he arrived at the other side in the region of the Gadarenes, two demon-possessed men coming from the tombs met him. They were so violent that no one could pass that way. 29 “What do you want with us, Son of God?” they shouted. “Have you come here to torture us before the appointed time?”

30 Some distance from them a large herd of pigs was feeding. 31 The demons begged Jesus, “If you drive us out, send us into the herd of pigs.”

32 He said to them, “Go!” So they came out and went into the pigs, and the whole herd rushed down the steep bank into the lake and died in the water. 33 Those tending the pigs ran off, went into the town and reported all this, including what had happened to the demon-possessed men. 34 Then the whole town went out to meet Jesus. And when they saw him, they pleaded with him to leave their region.

My old pastor and friend told the story from the Bible and was very serious as he looked out over the congregation in church that Sunday and followed it up with  “And that is the first known record of Deviled Ham in history.

 

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Is my face red? How do you Define Love?

I attempted to write an article for my Thought Post, had the idea and everything, but something got in the way. Love. My son’s very first baseball game.

Oh, I arrived home with plenty of time to write the article, but it requires too much brain activity, and that’s something I don’t have at the moment. Why? Love.

I’m allergic to the sun and to heat. My son had to be at the fields at 11:45 for the parade of teams and the first pitch to be thrown out by a future NFL wide receiver expected to be drafted in the 4th or 5th round. “B” as I call my son here in Blog World, was very excited. He actually had him autograph his cap in a specific spot so the signature would not get rubbed and messed up. My son thinks a lot. Not sure where he gets it from.

After 4 PM on a beautiful sun filled day and a winning score of 12-2 I managed to get back to the car. Barely. Very dizzy. And even though I had 50 SPF on I was sun burned badly. Even through my shirt. Yes, apparently my allergy has become worse.

But why did I risk it? Love. I took precautions. I felt the heat, but I always do. I knew I would get burned a little. I knew the migraine I am in the middle of as I write this would be this bad, okay, I didn’t know it would be THIS bad. I can’t say I remember the last one that spiked this badly, but I have a dedication to this blog and my friends for some reason.

My son needed me there his first game. And I WANTED to be there.

That brings me to my question today, and I may compile the answers into a future post.

What is your definition of love? Or, how have you demonstrated your definition of love before?

Leave a comment.

You might also do a post of your own with your definition and example and leave a link to it in a comment below for others to read. But please let it be a new post, not an old post.

@RonovanWrites

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Christian Sex. Try it, you might like it.

I’ve started today’s Thought several times and it has ended up on the topic of sex each time. The decision has been made to go ahead and begin with that as the topic.

The world has this view of Christian Sex as something that would resemble two butterflies passing gently by on a spring day with their wings barely touching and then flittering away in opposite directions to hide in shame due to their having made eye contact during the process.

Get two Christians together, married up, and you have the opportunity for the most passionate sex to ever have existed on the planet.

People can argue against that idea. Many do. I’m not denying that non Christians, married or not have great sex. But since this is my blog and my post I’m here to talk about Christian Sex.

Yes, you will have the embarrassed Christian Butterfly Sex.  But then you have the Christian Sex that comes from this bond of trust. This trust that allows for anything and everything to be possible and nothing is off limits. It allows for unashamed joy in the exploration and the satisfaction of each other.Why? Because of that trust, that respect.

In a true, loving Christian relationship the sky is the limit. The secret though is that true, loving Christian relationship. What does that mean? What is that made of? CAN it be achieved?

First of all, a relationship like that takes patience. Patience from the first moment the two meet and onward. You have to learn a lot about each other to discover if the two of you are meant to be. By this I mean you are to discuss almost every single topic. Some say, “Then why not have sex and see if you are the same there, or why not discuss sex before you get married to see if one likes to be tied up and the other is against it.”

Why? Because you don’t know. Until you are in that most amazing relationship of complete trust you don’t know what you are capable of.

People are reading this and thinking. “This guy has lost it. Christians aren’t supposed to do certain things sexually.”

You know, if you look in the Bible you will not find anywhere, it saying there is any kind of sex between husband and wife not allowed. What are the limits then? As long as it is just the two of them, the only limitation is will it in some way hurt the marriage.

How could a consensual act between husband and wife be considered harmful for the marriage? Some things may be physically dangerous, some things may be addictive. When the sex is the object of the marriage and not the spouse and the love of the marriage you have found the sex that should not occur.

The trust, the open and honest ability of each spouse to say no, that is what makes the ultimate Christian Sex possible. It may sound odd to you but some people may not like to have their back touched during sex. A difficult thing, yes, but when their back is touched it brings memories rushing back from being beaten as a child. The body, certain spots have the emotional memory that remains.

“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything.”~1 Corinthians 6:12

What is the significance of this verse from Paul? As a married couple you have the RIGHT to do any sexual act with each other, but it should be beneficial and it should not master you, control you, become your obsession.

Christan Sex. Try it, you might like it.

For a more weird moment in my thoughts about the subject you can click and read Sex and Hell: My Sunday Thoughts, Enter at Your Own Risk from back in September.

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The Truth of My Faith.

I want to talk about something today that I don’t really dig in to deeply here on RonovanWrites very often. Yes, I mention it, but I don’t really discuss it. I want to talk about my faith, my religion. You may think I have but I don’t. I normally save that for another site I have.

But this is RonovanWrites and so I’m Ronovan and I’m going to write. And I won’t be doing my humor moments to splice my Christian thoughts in with. I prefer clarity today.

What is MY faith?

You know, some people don’t know what Christianity is. They look at TV and history books, listen to friends or family, and that’s it. There is their views of Christianity.

That is not Christianity.

Those are personal views formed and written by personal views. And before some decide to stop reading and begin commenting they know from the inside of Christianity what it is and it’s bad, I am here to tell you what Christianity should be. What it is in my life.

Yes, this will be from my personal views. I like to think the Christianity that guides me in my actions here on my site is a good example of what it should be or at the least a good example of the good Christianity can be. What it is meant to be.

Don’t look to the aspects of the Crusades people like to point to. The President of the United States already showed his ignorance of what all the Crusades was completely about. No side was completely right and no side was completely wrong.

Don’t look at The Inquisition, the witch trials or even the attempted justification of slavery. Or whatever may the Bible may have been used for in your country. All of those twisted views of the Bible to advance PERSONAL agendas. They are very frustrating to me. Those views are NOT what Jesus intended.

How can I say that with such certainty? Jesus said that if a place didn’t agree with you, then move along. “If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.”~Jesus Matthew 10:14

Sounds like Jesus wanted to force his teachings on people, doesn’t it? Wanted you to be confrontational. Wanted you to cram your ideas of down a persons throat, right? If you are taking all of that as I am seriously saying Jesus meant all of that then please step back, breathe and let’s move on. 

Too bad so many Christians don’t take the attitude of Jesus, you know the guy they follow, about sharing Christianity. I know of one ordained minister who pretty much says it’s his job to try and keep at a person, be confrontational about it. I disagreed with him. He didn’t like that. Yes, I do that. A piece of paper doesn’t make you more knowledgeable or closer to God than anyone else. Sometimes it means you were willing to use your credit card for that online site to get your paper. I use mine to by books by Indie Authors trying to make their dreams come true.

What am I?

I have been friends in the physical world and blog world with virtually every walk of life. Being in a college town will do that. And I have been supportive of every walk of life that does not bring harm to others.  Why?

I see people, I don’t see labels. That’s not exactly correct. I do see the labels, I just don’t live by them.

I don’t force anyone to be like me, or believe like me, or think like me. You don’t have to be my clone for me to follow your blog or read your posts or support your blog by having it mentioned here on mine.

If you’ve read my blog you’ve seen articles and poems about pretty much every subject. I’ve written about society. I’ve written about love. I’ve written about sex. I’ve written about sensuality. I’ve written about being a father. I’ve written about blogging and writing.

All of those things are who I am. Being a Christian is part of that, the main part of that. It guides all the other pieces of my life. When I stray from that part of my life things become confused and wrong. Since my fall and concussion those times happen. I always find my way back and I write about that as well. I write about my faith. Hopefully not in a preachy way. There are realities of life that we all should face.

For me, I face them every day and am fine with them. For others I hope they can face Christianity, true Christ Led Christianity in a favorable way. Not the hate groups like the church that boycotts funerals. Or the supposed religious icon on his TV show that says don’t support your child who loves the same gender.

I’ve written about my thoughts on same gender love. It would surprise my denomination but is as Biblical as it can get.

Passion is a part of Christianity in a way few people realize. By knowing God, by loving God and being loved by God I believe I have opened myself up to the ultimate in loving. If you know me you know I love hard. I have passion about what I love, what I care for.

Failures of a Diatribe

There are a great many times I will see the title of an article and won’t even bother clicking it, even if it is by someone I follow in the blogs or an opinion of a famous person I might like because the title is just that bad. Sometimes it’s bad of subject and sometimes it’s bad in regards to Christianity. Sure I am open to opinions but those with intelligence behind them.

And some of this goes back to an article I wrote about a blogger’s personality. We are lulled in to a safe place and then slapped by what may be the true personality of the blogger with a diatribe. In that one moment, that one glimpse all of that effort put in to building up a blog loses momentum. They’ve created a facade that has now been seen through and must be sewn back up for people to hopefully forget about.

I don’t think anyone today is surprised at my talking about Christianity during my Sunday Thoughts. You know, I am not defending churches or any particular denomination, although I am a member of a certain church. They all get it wrong. They all get a bit of it right. They’ve made Church Traditions imitators of Biblical Teachings.

It happens in every aspect of society at some point. You just need to step back periodically and get back to basics. It’s kind of like a pitching coach for baseball. He sees his ace pitcher having problems. The coach watches and sees if the pitcher is doing the basic mechanics right. And that’s where the problem normally lies.

Nobody’s Perfect

In closing, if you run across a Christian that just seems to touch that nerve of, “If that’s what a Christian is then what’s the point?” then step back and compare to the teachings of Jesus.

I haven’t been perfect in my Christian walk, but I try to follow as best as I can. That’s all we’re asked to do, try. We can’t be perfect. But we can make good decisions and be a good example.

I hope I haven’t been too preachy to all of you today. It wasn’t my intent. This was actually the third version of this and maybe even not the best. Maybe it delivered the point I wanted. Maybe it didn’t, but I hope you received something positive from it.

My goal in life and in Blog World is to share my love, encouragement, and positivity. When it comes down to it, that’s all I’ve got to give.

Much Respect

Ronovan

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Sincerity & Integrity in Blogging & Life

sincerity-integrity

This is a rather unusual Thought this week. It rambled in my mind over so many areas that I decided to see how it rambled out in words. This will be about Blogging and about Life. For me the two are mostly the same. What dictates what appears on my blog is also what dictates my life.

The Reason

I don’t know about you, but I receive emails asking for tips on how to build a successful blog. They then go on to define successful by how to increase Followers, Likes, people to Comment on their blogs. Well they normally do it through the comment form on my About page but it shows up in my email.

Success is a term that is defined differently by each person. For some reason people think I  have successful blog. I am not exactly sure why. I don’t know really what measures you would look at for that. And in all honesty, I don’t concern myself with it unless I am doing tips. It’s not something I think about every day. People don’t know my numbers so I suppose they have an impression of what they must be. If you have been following me long enough you will have noticed I don’t do Follower milestones any longer. It’s just not a thing. Perhaps I should do Comment milestones but I don’t think WordPress has those.

The Secret

Anyway, here is something people might find surprising that I have done. I don’t look at my stats any longer. Well, I did once this past Thursday because of a recent hashtag movement I started and wanted to see what happened, but that was more out of curiosity than hope or gauging success because the hashtag part is secondary to what I am doing on Wednesday.

How do I know if I am doing okay with my blog in regards to reader visits? I look at ‘Likes‘ and ‘CommentsIF I have a desire to know. And I notice in the notifications if I have people ‘Following‘.

What does this have to do with a Sunday Thought?

“In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.”~Titus2:7-8

How I write and what I write about I do with honesty, sincerity. I don’t do that intentionally most of the time. I write what I think and see what happens. If I have an opinion I write I will go and check some facts before I move on with it.

Sincerity

I can read a post by someone and tell if it’s sincere or not. Or I suppose I should say I can get a feel of sincerity or not.

How? Well there is something you have to consider, does the post match the personality that’s been displayed? There are some great posts out there but when I read them I can’t quite fall in to the grasp of them because it doesn’t fit with the regular content or the actions, or the comments of the person. There is just something missing.

Integrity

Another part mentioned above is integrity. There are just so many ways you can say something about blogging. It’s difficult to be original, however I don’t steal ideas. I experience the things I put out there and then write about them. In fact I intentionally don’t read the experts blog tips because I want to discover things on my own.

And if you really want to know the truth, those experts aren’t so expert at times. I like to give tips the real bloggers can do, not those with nothing but blogging to do in their lives.

I write novels, so I can’t blog all the time. It seems like I am around a lot but I’m not here as much as people think. Also with my health issues I am actually unconscious for more hours than I care to comment on.

Many people can read tips from me and know who wrote them when they are on another person’s blog. Imitation is not the highest form of flattery when it comes to things like that. At least not so much to me.

The Work

Sure, people notice I can write an article in 10 minutes and put out 20 of them in a day with no problem so they don’t think I work at it, the thoughts behind it.

I think all the time. It has taken time to develop my style and voice in my writing and although I don’t say anything to people that copy me, I still am not a big fan of the blatant copying. You know, if you do something, if you copy an idea, if you even copy phrasing, why not put a footnote in the post giving credit? I’ve done that. (Yeah, remember I was a History teacher that graded reports and gave a zero to a kid for taking a book and writing word for word. And yes, it was 40% of his grade.)

I wrote a poem once that was inspired by two other posts I had read. I gave the two bloggers credit and linked back to their blogs right at the beginning.

The Why

Why do people click Like or Comment on my things and perhaps not the copycat’s? Everyone that visits my blog knows that I put every ounce of heart into every sentence. Even if it might make me look bad or it means the reader doesn’t agree with me, they are fine with it because they KNOW I am for real. That’s the only reason I can think of.

Sincerity and Integrity goes a long way in your life. If you follow those two things it’s difficult to be spoken against. We all mess up, but we all should try to get back to the S&I in our lives.

I’ve messed up over time but I’m good now. I stick to what I am and don’t stray from it, even when people are angry at me for being the who I am now.

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Racist Bigot or Another Human People Disagree With?

go-your-way

Loving America. That seems to be a question or hashtag trend or reason to go on a hater-fest of someone.

A former very prominent political figure came out this past week and spoke against President Obama. You may google and discover what was said and then do research before jumping to conclusions.

Conclusion jumping has led to follow-up interviews and hashtag trends that divide people even further. Maybe if we all got along or agreed there were more than one possible thought on a subject things would just be too boring and we would have to read books or something instead of Tweet about some dumb carp stuff like who had the best dunk of the night in the NBA. I know my night is not peaceful until that is trending somewhere.

At first I was going to delve into the whole Racist Bigot situation, actually I wrote a whole article on it and after getting that out of my system I came up with the real article for the day.

Ever wonder why one person is a Racist Bigot and another person is an Activist? Hmm. I get confused.

Oh, I got it. If you like the person they are an Activist and if you don’t then they are a Racist Bigot.

Wonder what happens when you run in to someone who simply says it’s cool to be you so be you and let me be me and then we good?

Ever met someone like that?

I mean met someone truly like that?

Hello, my names Ronovan. Nice to meet you. Just be you, I’ll be me, and we’ll get along naturally.

Hey, and all those things we see in the news and the back and forths? Just use them as a way to learn about the truths of things by doing research. They lead you to learn a lot more than about the stupid thing you first start reading about. Sometimes there are some really great things to discover.

Of course this wouldn’t be a Sunday if I didn’t mention where I get my direction from. You know, Jesus was a good guy, even if a lot of people that have used his name for their own purposes have not been. His example is a good one for anyone to follow. Jesus let you do think what you wanted to think. Okay, he got a bit angry when he went in to the temple and found all the bad stuff going on, but you know, I’d do the same if I went in to my house and found bad stuff like that going on as well. And yes, the temple was his house. He got ticked. One thing about Jesus that you had to just like was that he said basically you know, this is how it is and you believe what you want to. I’m not going to force anything on you and if I’m right then oops you gonna be in a world of hurt. He didn’t force anything on people. “Oh, but scaring people with Hell is the same thing as forcing them.” Um, well if they believe in Hell then most likely they believe in Heaven then most like they believe in God then most likely they believe in Jesus soooo, I’m not seeing the scaring part going on, just the part of the Bible says this.”

I think I rambled. I sort of lost my way there in the middle. It’s been one of those weekends already. Well, that’s it this week. Have a good one this week. What one you have good of is up to you.

 

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Thought: Being too sensitive?

Being too sensitive? Have those words ever been thrown in your direction? I’m not even absolutely certain what that even means.

Too sensitive according to what definition?

Would people rather I be too insensitive?

What some call too sensitive is what I would call caring sincerely. I care about my friends. Let’s take having author friends as one example. I read for other authors at times, we call this Beta-Reading, test reading. If you see it spelled another way then it is wrong. B.E.T.A.-R.E.A.D.I.N.G.

For me that reading carries over to the published book. If I read a friends book that is already out there for the world to buy and I see typos, I make note and let the author know about it so they can correct them if they wish before a review comes out commenting on them. What if I sat down to write an honest review, which are the only ones I do?

Perhaps I am too sensitive when I am told I am wrong and basically that the information is unwanted.

Now let’s look at asking people to help with a cause. This past week I heavily publicized a need. The results have not been what they should be. Am I too sensitive when I look a the number of people out there who are aware of it then look at the number involved in it and wonder why there is even a need still there?

Why does this lack of cause participation cause me to be sensitive in any way at all? Well I care. I care about people. I care that my friends are people that care as well. And by that I mean care if only a little. I know not everyone can help but I was hoping for more.

There are plenty of other things I could say, but I don’t want this to be too long today.

Friends, be too sensitive. Those that tell you that you are usually are those that have very little heart to begin with. Some may think they do and are simply think they are helping by saying it but they don’t have the heart. If they did they would understand.

 

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Patience in Everything.

There are a lot of things you cannot be taught in life. Okay, so that is an opinion of mine. I don’t think you can be taught talent. The talent that you have can be brought out of you, but if you don’t have that ability in you to begin with then you cannot eventually do it simply by someone showing you how.

You may be taught Algebra, but when you leave the classroom it is gone. You must constantly study it in order to pass the test.

There is one thing you can be taught.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.~Philippians 4:4-7

Patience can be taught. I recently had a conversation with a lady about how when writing a book you needed to be patient. You want to rush that book to an agent, a publisher or self-publish, but the truth is you need to be patient. You need to allow for that work to grow and mature. take your time to find everything that needs your attention. I compared it to raising a child.

You would not want your child to be set before the world weak because you did not have the patience to feed it properly because it didn’t want to eat what it needed. You would not put your child out there without the best you could give it. Even if that best is not as good as what someone else has it still is as good as they have. Keep that in mind. Your best is all you can do, therefore it is just as good as what anyone else does as their best.

We need patience in all parts of our lives. Especially with children. Our children are like little adults to us at times. We know how smart they are. We know what they know and are capable of. Then they do something that is, well frankly is very much a 6 year old thing to do.

One thing to remember, above all else about your child, is they are the age they are for a reason. They are growing and maturing and no matter what WE think they can do, they are still children.

Friendships are the same way, relationships as well. Both are children that we know what they are capable of but with our being slowly developing them, we need to remember that in a relationship or friendship that is only two weeks old, there are going to be things that are going to be trying to us.

You know what your moods are. Your relationship person does not. You have to learn and you need to be patient.

Books, children, relationships, even your own new found hobbies all require patience. Maturity may never happen in some situations, but sometimes they won’t and weren’t meant to. Be patient and accept that relationship for what it is. And if your book doesn’t mature, be mature enough to recognize it and move on to another one until YOU are mature enough to come back to it and nurture it along to becoming that mature published novel.

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Tolerance or Support, What do people really Want?

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Tolerance. One of the most misunderstood words in language, or at least in the English language.

You can have a tolerance for pain. Your body can tolerate medications more than they once did and thus the medications become less effective. You can tolerate someone’s behavior.

I personally have less tolerance for things than I once did. Some reasons are medical reasons. There are other things that I finally decided that I was simply tired of tolerating and therefore no reason I must tolerate.

Or should I say, not tolerate in the way the world has come to define the word. Tolerance these days is  defined as acceptance and supporting.

Before anyone begins to jump on some high horse and think I am talking about certain social issues, get over yourself and put your assumptions back in your back pocket close to where it belongs.

I had a very long post written but I decided to make this as short as I can. First of all I have two polarizing examples that will make my point clear.

  • Example: The death penalty is a law in some states in the U.S. of A.. Does that mean I have to SUPPORT it or Tolerate it? I’ll keep using the death penalty here. If you believe it should be a law in my state and you live in my state as well and there is a vote coming up, do I have to SUPPORT it just because you want me to? And if it does become a law do I have to SUPPORT it or Tolerate it?
  • If you want to go another more controversial law you can consider abortion. It’s a law. Do you SUPPORT it or Tolerate it?

So what I want to talk about today is having to tolerate what other people say about Christianity, Jesus, and God. A great many in the public eye like to speak out against Christianity while praising or supporting other faiths or even no God at all. And if someone calls them on it then the person doing the calling is called a bigot or intolerant.

If you are of another faith or don’t believe in God, that’s your deal. It has nothing to do with me. I have friends here in the blogs that believe in other faiths or no God at all. We get along just fine. So before you start calling me a bigot as I continue, I’m about the least bigoted person you will find. I figure God gave us free will. I’m not the one to take that away from anyone.

I don’t SUPPORT what people say about Christianity. I take that back. I don’t support ALL of the generalizations and negativity aimed at Christianity. Some things said may be true, about some Christians. If a specific person is being discussed and the things mentioned are true then they are true.

But if I were to get on a news program and say that I don’t like what someone says about the negative generalities I can almost guarantee you that I would end up with hate messages in various places. Why? Because I am supposed to ACCEPT and SUPPORT  the hate at me but no one is supposed to TOLERATE or PUT UP WITH my defending my faith, my beliefs.

I can hear the thoughts of some now. “Ronovan, you can’t be serious. You Christians think you have it so bad. You rule the world. You have it so easy. You can get away with anything. You are in control of everything.” Let me read my Bible at lunch in a local school, alone, in my classroom, and see what happens.

I read blogs, opinions of people, and remain friends. I don’t always support what people say but I don’t have to. I can still be friends with someone and not support every single thing they support. And I don’t go out and yell and scream about not supporting something.

Is it Tolerance the world wants from Christians or is it SUPPORT they want? There is a difference. Let’s turn it around. I want you to SUPPORT what I believe. You know, Tolerating would be good but no, I am saying now as an example, I want you to SUPPORT what I believe about something and make it a law. Do you think you can do that? The answer is no. You can’t. You want to say yes. You may comment yes, but the honesty in you should say no.

A society says they kill the first born child if it is male. It is legal in that society. Do you SUPPORT that? You are now thinking, “Ronovan, that’s not even close to what we are talking about.” Actually by saying I can’t freely act like a Christian, that I can’t fulfill my faith as a Christian as the Bible says to do so, you are saying to put my faith to death.

I tell you Jesus is the Son of God, that he died on the Cross for our sins, was resurrected so we could be saved. That I believe what Jesus said in the Bible about his being the only way to the Father.  I’m done. You can take it or leave it.

For some reason there are people that don’t like that. They think it’s forcing something on them. They think it is some form of I don’t know what. But they just can’t handle it. It’s up to you to believe me or not. I’m not going to beg, or repeat it over and over to you. I’m moving on and going to Wendy’s for a burger and fries.  And yes they are fries, not chips. Chips are thicker and not like the thin strips like American fries.

If you had questions after I said that about Christianity I would answer them, but that would be to you. No megaphone shouting in your car from me. And I wouldn’t even say that up there about Jesus being the only way unless there was some reason that came up in a conversation.

All my faith says to do is share it with others. Not force it. Some try to do that and they are wrong. I will tell you that now. If you are a Christian and reading this then you need to look what Jesus said; If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet~Matthew 10:14. No mention of yell or cram it down someone’s throat until they run you out of town.

I’ll tolerate things. I’ll put up with things. But just as I  don’t intend to force you to support things that you may not believe, don’t try and force me to support things I don’t believe in and use tolerance as a front to do it. It won’t work with me.  Make a law out of something all you want, but it doesn’t mean it will be supported by people.

As I’ve written this I am sure there are various things that have come to peoples’ minds. What issues could Ronovan be thinking of. Don’t try to guess because you would be surprised at how wrong you might be.

Are there things you are tired of people forcing you to SUPPORT by telling you to Tolerate? Share it below in the comments. Or fill out the form below if you don’t want it to appear in the comments. I may use the results in a future post, without names and contact information included.

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Depression, Understanding, and Finding Peace.

Year of Renewal. That’s what my theme for this year is. In reality that’s a theme for every day. For someone who has days that are very routine oriented, who needs days that are very routine oriented I surprisingly find myself starting over a lot.

Just when you think things in your life are possibly, just possibly on the right track—Boom! But that’s okay. If you look at my life, I’m kind of accustomed to things never being quite where I need them to be or like them to be or maybe it’s just that life is not where I expect it to be.

Talking About Depression.

First off, I am going to say that everyone is different. No two people have the exact same things about their depression. They may be similar enough to be helped but they are all unique. Also, how they are helped will vary. What I discuss here today is about me and what I know and have discovered through my adventure through this thing we call life.

Depression is something a lot of people think they understand. A lot of people are wrong. For me, a conk on the head, the loss of all my memories, and a ton of pain without ceasing plays havoc with my abilities to cope at times. Don’t get me wrong, I do fairly well. Sure, I talk about depression and life situations at times, actually not near as much as I once did, but I do so to share with others so they can see there is a bright spot, a way through, an ability to overcome. I do so in order that people who don’t understand can understand about someone in their life that may suffer from depression. And by the way, I can’t stand the word cope, but it might pop up at times today.

Tell Your People It Happens.

For those of you who do suffer from depression know that life is not over. That’s something to tell those who support you and give you sympathy to the point of enabling you to be depressed even more often. That makes it sound as though depression is something one can turn on and off like a garbage disposal. No, but once you are in a bout of depression what is your motivation to come out of it if those around you are doing nothing but giving you pity?

That being said, you do need time to handle it. And no one, no matter what, can force someone out of a true bout of depression. I am not speaking of sadness, I am speaking of depression.

Being Mr. Positive about my life is a pain in the backside at times. Don’t get me wrong, I am fine. I really am Mr. Positive. I’m not dead. I could be and probably should be. But I’m here rambling away. But let me tell you one thing about depression.

It Sucks.

For those of you who experience depression I’m here to say I know how much it sucks. There is a line you are trying to not be sucked over but the quicksand of that part of your mind just keeps pulling you in. We all get jerked over that line. And let me tell you folks who haven’t experienced depression, I’m not talking about grief and sadness, you do get jerked over that line. One moment you are fine and the next it’s literally like a switch has been flipped. One moment one side of the line, next moment the other side of the line, yes, sucked over. Sucks. I used that word for a reason after all.

When I enter the suck zone I am fortunate that I can come here and write about it in some form. Normally it’s a poem. I don’t feel poetic today. In fact my long form poetry may be on hiatus for a while. I’ve been struggling lately. As an example there are times when I open a page to type and the tears begin. It may even be my opening email to write someone and the tears begin. It doesn’t matter what I am writing, they begin. But how do I keep going? I want to go into me for a bit more  here and I will tell you later on how I keep going. But now a bit about the for real me.Because me is the best example and the most thorough example I can give.

  • Retrograde amnesia – Meaning I don’t remember people or events prior to my fall other than my son.
  • Short Term Memory problems – There are times I won’t remember from one hour to the next something. There are even times I won’t remember something from 5 minutes ago.
  • Fibromyalgia – which consists of things such as Chronic Pain and Chronic Fatigue.
  • Osteoarthritis – of the entire spine with a narrowing of the spine at the base.
  • Migraines that do not stop but only vary in intensity.
  • Light sensitivity.
  • Sound sensitivity.
  • Problems with crowds.
  • Not allowed to drive.
  • Recently fell again and hit my head again.
  • Cannot do math to save my life.
  • Crippling hand pain where I end up using pencils to type with, or my knuckles or try to use voice to text programs.
  • No off switch to the brain. Most of the time I can’t stop thinking and just have to fall asleep from exhaustion.
  • Herniated discs in neck and other parts of spine.
  • Slowly becoming a recluse without actively trying.

For those out there who are professional therapists or whatever, I am not using these things as identifiers but simply as contributors to something I am talking about. I identify myself as positive, constructive, and creative things. So don’t fret and chill a bit.

That’s a list of some of the problems I have. There are other things related to them I have and also those caused by the medications I must take but I don’t want to take up the whole article with all of that. One thing happening right now is as I type these words it feels as though with each keystroke I am jamming my fingers into nails and needles. But my escape from all of my troubles is writing.

It Isn’t Pretend.

Looking at that list, do you think my bouts of depression are simply moments I want to just wallow in self-pity? Or do you perhaps see things that can overwhelm someone to the point of breaking for a short time until recovery takes place? I admit if you are having a bad time in life sometimes you do want to just wallow in that downer time, acknowledge, and own it and then move on, but that’s something completely different.

Look at an athlete. Let’s say you have someone participate in the Iron Man Triathlon. Following that event, after pretty much every muscle group has been used and spent, they need a time to recover. No one questions that. Well, the brain can be exhausted as well by various stimuli that force it to work overtime and then it needs to shut down and recover. So think of depression as the after effects of a mental marathon and the time it takes to come out of a bout of it is that cool down, rub down, and however much rest needed to recover from it.

Another aspect similar to the Triathlete is exhaustion. Depression is so mentally draining you feel like you can barely move. I compare it to having the flu. You do not want to move. For me it intensifies the physical pains because I am not able to put my mind on other things. I focus on me  and notice what is wrong with me more. Normally I do everything possible to ignore the pain.

The True Silent Killer.

In addition to the list above depression is also part of everything. It goes along with the memory loss and the Fibromyalgia. Oddly, Fibromyalgia is not a life threatening illness. The depression part of it is. Just call the life threatening aspect a side effect.

Although the brain takes over and will shut everyone and everything out, at some point I’ve learned to handle things for the most part and take preventative measures. I partly do this by closing myself off from negative stimuli as much as possible. Those negative stimuli primarily relate to the media. I am also fortunate, in a way, that I  spend my days in a little room typing away at writing novels, articles, and interviews a good portion of my waking hours and can just crash whenever the pain is too much or the Chronic Fatigue hits.  This also helps with some of my physical ailments and allows me to be able to function at least somewhat normally, or at least appear to do so for my son.

Understanding.

Something people don’t understand about the seclusion part during a bout of depression is, it isn’t intentional or something I am even aware of until afterwards. My mind takes over to heal itself.

But then I get slammed by something. In those moments I shutdown and I don’t just mean my laptop. My brain shuts down until it can handle it. With the responsibilities here in Blog World I am not able to shut down as much as I need to but then again work is work. Responsibilities are responsibilities and when you agree to do something then you do it.

Amnesia is an unusual part of the package in my life. Throw in the short term memory problems as well. There are things I don’t remember at all from before my accident. Let’s be completely honest, as far as people, you could probably number them on one maybe two hands. That’s out of decades of my life. I’ve  learned to mange that at times, but it does overwhelm as well. No matter where I am a wave of not knowing will sometimes hit me.

Now to the short term memory problems. Here in my home it is not as much an issue because people simply work with it or around it. Well, most of the time. Thus the need for routine. For breakfast I have about two options I make. Two for lunch and for dinner I eat what I am given or if not given anything I revert to one of my lunch options. I was never one for enjoying the same thing over and over, or so I am told, but now I eat the same thing. There have been days where I had the same thing for each meal and didn’t know it. It’s one way to save on the grocery bill.

But how does short term memory problems contribute to my depression? First of all, I don’t remember things from a short time ago, even during the same day. But the biggest problem and really it is part of the first problem is people. I am accused so often of neglect by people. Why do you not talk to me? Why do you ignore me? Why did you stop being my friend? Why are you a jerk? Why have you made my life so upsetting?

Now, as time goes by I develop ways of dealing with these messages. I file them in the T folder. Yes, that may sound harsh but the truth of the matter is if a person does not know me well enough or cares enough about me to understand my situation well enough to, and I hate to say this, just go with it, then there isn’t anything I can do about it. If I remember I remember if I don’t I don’t.  And one sure fire way to guarantee me not remembering is to send a message including phrases like those in the previous paragraph. You may tell me you were the most important person ever to me. I don’t know my mother or my father. The only member of my family I know is my son. Step back and reflect on that for a moment. Put that into perspective.

But those that persist trigger the depression, they tip my brain over that line into the suck zone. The exhaustion zone. The I ain’t here no more zone.

And the saddest part of it all is it’s not about me. It’s about them. They will never recognize nor acknowledge they have anything to do with it. Nor will they simply accept whatever the new way things are and go with it and leave the petty remarks in their pocket.

For some people they deal with a combination of everything I go through and then go to work each day. Imagine having depression and not being able to tell your boss. It’s not something you can control, and it may not even interfere with your work but guess what happens when you tell your employer. A great deal of the time you end up with a  label, a stigma, a pink slip, a demotion, a new job at home without a paycheck but done so in a manner as of it being downsizing or they suddenly find all these things that have never been wrong with your job performance before. So guess what? Handling depression gets even more difficult. Yes, it’s difficult for me for certain reasons and it’s difficult for others for other reasons.

Do you want to know what the biggest problem with depression is? People. People not treating you as a person and just letting you do what you need to do to work through it. I have people who think talking a lot will help me. Okay, so I am depressed, my brain has shut down. It simply wants to rest and you then want to get in my safety zone and turn on the fake happy and talk like a crazy clown?

I’ll end that part of things there.

So what do I do?

What do I do beyond medications and preventative shutting out of the negative parts of the world? I turn to God. I have medications for pain, migraines, and I think one that does a double duty job on something plus is also a depression thing. It’s not specifically for depression but one of the alternate uses is for it. But all of those things together don’t work. Pain is still there and life goes on. The one thing that can bring me peace of mind and put me on an even keel is the Word of God.

One of my favorite verses, one I have shared before is “He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”~Psalm 46:10

You see there isn’t really a specific verse that says “If you are depressed do this.” Instead the Bible tells us what to do as an everyday practice.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”~Philippians 4:4-7

And I know there are other verses about praying without ceasing and the like.

That’s tough. Let’s not sugar coat it. Let’s not make it sound easy. When you are being torn apart in the middle of a bout of depression it is difficult to find the energy to even say a prayer. I won’t lie to you about that. But you don’t have to. You see, I know my Bible. Oddly that is something I didn’t forget. I don’t HAVE to necessarily say a prayer or even praise God in the way you are thinking to be pulled out of depression or be made at least at ease enough to ride through it. Knowing God is there is enough. Since I believe in Him so strongly, just the thought of Him is enough.

A Year of Renewal. Plans don’t always work out the way you think. I think having that word Renewal is appropriate. This isn’t a tips article. It’s what I do to survive. It’s what I do to find peace. And with that in mind, this will be my last article on this subject or these problems. If you ever find yourself with questions, refer to this article, I’ll even put a link to it on my About page.

peace-understanding-depression

Be seeing ya,
Ronovan Writes

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My Sunday Thought: Why Worry?

I wrote a long post for today about Depression. I even listed all of my medical problems to help people understand reasons why things can get the way they do for me at times. I created an image for it. Put about 15 links to other sites in it and scheduled it.

It’s in the Trash folder now.

Yes, it would have been useful for some. People need to know that other people go through the same things and come out the other side just fine. Look at me, right? Mr. Positive. I have been called that more times than I can count on one finger. Okay, so yeah, I’ve been called that a lot.

But you know what? Why not be Positive? Life can throw you a big old load of Suck sometimes. Wallow in it for a while and then jump out and move on. Yeah, I said wallow in it. Acknowledge that it is there. Don’t deny it to yourself. Sure, deny it to everyone else. But admit it to yourself. I have a saying about when I am in a bout of depression, “As long as I know I am depressed then I’m okay, it’s when I don’t know that I am depressed that people should start to worry.”

How do I stay positive through all the crap life throws my way?

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”~Philippians 4:4-7

Yeah, it doesn’t say there is an exception to the rule, does it? Nope. You’ve heard ‘Give it to God’ before. Well there you go and there it is. But take all of his passage in. “And the peace of God . . . will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” But you need to remember that. Don’t just read it, but remember it and live it.

I hope each of you have a great week ahead of you. No matter what comes your way think of these verses. For some of you out there you are probably thinking, “But, Ronovan, I don’t believe in God.” Well, let me ask you this, what good does it do for you to be anxious about things all the time, to worry all the time?

I may post the other Sunday Thought another day, but for today, be positive.

Be seeing y’all around,
Ronovan Writes

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I tried to do a Thought for Sunday.

Tried to write a thought for today. Was interrupted too much to do so.  Every time I began, and I mean every single time I actually tried to type a thought, I was interrupted.

So that’s what you call an old fashioned blog entry. I hope you have a great day and have a better chance at writing then I have had.

If you get bored and haven’t checked out some of my work from this past week:

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Try to take my joy. This was the first take I had on my Haiku challenge this week.

The L.A.W. in London: Yeah, Baby. This was a continuation of a story Hugh of Hugh’s Views and News and I have been doing for months now.

My Lips, Your Curves. A Haiku. Another Haiku I wrote for my challenge. It’s, um, a little different.

Disabled, Disgruntled and Disenchanted-The WordPress Stats Page I had been suffering through the changes to the Stats page but had been kind of making do with being able to click to the link near the top of the new page to go to the old page. Then this week happened.

Tips to Increase Followers and Views. Some ideas that I have been thinking of that are a bit outside the normal way of seeing things. But then that’s kind of how I am.

The continuation of disenchantment. Well, I think you might get where this is going by the title. Yeah, another change that is just making it more and more difficult for me to fight my way to get past the 24/7 migraines and everything else. Just imagine having a migraine every second of your life and showing up and your blog world is more frustrating when it has no reason to be.

 

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