Last week I wrote about The Importance of Being You. Coming to terms with who you are, admitting it, owning it, and not ALLOWING others to deny you of being who that person is, is THE defining moment of your life. And before people go in to the odd areas, this is being you that doesn’t harm other people. Okay? Just to make that clear. I’m not up for supporting your norm if it’s to watch child pornography.
You know, I really don’t understand that one. I really don’t. I somewhat in a way understand an adult watching another adult. I think we can all at least grasp that concept. But children? Really? If that’s your norm, seek help now.
Well, I went on a bit of a tangent there, and now back on the path of whatever is about to come out of these fingertips and onto this page. Frightening, I know.
Allowing
Just as it is important that you ALLOW yourself to be you, yes, and others should ALLOW you to be you, well really you ALLOW them to keep you from being you, but just the same, YOU should not hamper others from being who THEY are meant to be.
I’ll use my son as an example. He has the potential to be anything he wants to be. I know many of us say that about our children and the reality is hogwash, but he really does. He has the intelligence, the athletic ability, musical talent, artistic talent, creativity, and even the looks to be whatever he wants to be. I mention looks in case he wants to be a Calvin Klein model someday. Disturbing as that may be. If Marky Mark can do it and become a famous actor after having assaulted a person of another ethnic background then I tell you my very loving son can do it too.
Are these my opinions? Yes and no. They are but they are also the opinions of many other objective people. But the family unit needs to ALLOW him the freedom to find his way.
I may want him to be one thing, but he may not want to do that for whatever reason. I’m cool with it. He’s 10. He’s got lots of time to determine what he wants to do with his life. I’m just here to make sure he has the support, love, and guidance to get to that moment of decision.
Perhaps another parent subtly discourages an activity by being negative about it in a way that the child doesn’t even know it’s negativity. What if that negativity is denying the world of something amazing or revolutionary? WE never know what one thing might lead in to. This career might lead to saving the world through another totally unrelated career but one that came about through some weird link that only happened because of that first career.
Supporting
I’ve learned to just let it flow. Eventually my son will find what it is he wants to do. Right now? Baseball. And to be honest, if I am to be honest with myself, that’s what he’s shown a skill for from almost birth. He’s been able to throw a strike since he could stand and throw a ball. And he throws hard. But is that all?
He is great at many things. No one thing is likely to be your defining thing. No one thing will be his. He’s at that stage now where he is wanting to fit in and I am trying as best I can to guide him to keep looking around at everything he is interested in.
He hates being called one of the smartest kids in his grade by the other kids. Now that he plays sports things are calming a bit, but he is letting his grades just get the A grade instead of that high A where it should be. He’s in the Fourth Grade. I’m not going to throw a fit unless he just intentionally tanks something that makes no sense. I’m not letting that off the hook.
But I don’t allow my idea of what I THINK he should be or could be interfere with what he may WANT to be or SHOULD be. And I don’t let MY OWN self abilities and who I AM dictate who he is to be.
Lest We Forget
That’s one thing I think some people forget. Just because we want to be who we are and want to be doesn’t mean we are to interfere with what someone else wants to be, even if that happens to be something that may challenge our own desires.
As we want others to be not interfere with our positive environment we should contribute to their having one. We should be encouraging and motivational whenever possible. But don’t be over the top. That’s the key though. When is over the top? Perhaps that will be next week.
If you would like to read a companion article to this I wrote as a guest blog a couple of days go on the blog Meanings and Musing. The blog of Florence Thum an attorney and therapist out of Sydney, Australia, click Do you Know an Anthem Writer of the Next Generation?
How are you encouraging and positive in someone’s life?
How do you be encouraging without sending the wrong message of being more than just interested in encouragement?
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