Hearts were made to feel,
Good, bad, found or even lost,
Love is life’s one need.
2014 © Copyright-All rights reserved-RonovanWrites.wordpress.com
Life
Her Title-Dear dentist…I don’t like you. My Title-(Daffy Duck’s Sister Speaks . . . HAHAHAHA)
With the title do I really need to say anything else? Of course I will but do I need to? Nope. I so wish she had a video of herself, that is all I am saying.
10 Things Women Need To Know About Men
I see lists about ‘How to Know Your Man’ and ‘How to Make Your Man Happy in Bed or Anywhere Else’ and I wonder sometimes if even the ones by men are really nom de ploomers for 12 year old girls working for tickets to Judson Beader concerts.
Why do I say that?
I am so glad you asked. Let me tell you . . .
Things Women Need To Know About Men
Just remember that these are all based on my own opinions and what I have observed. Which are observations and which are my own personal opinions you will most likely know if you have read my site much. Enjoy and please, don’t kill the writer.
#10
Men Sulk and Pout
Ladies, I know it is difficult to believe that we men who scream at TVs during sporting events do this but yes . . . we internalize things. We prefer you think we are insane or mentally deranged rather than discuss it. Pizza . . . Tacos . . . Game Systems . . . Shooting things filled with glow in the dark stuff at night? Sure, but talking–no. We’re not mad at you. We’re not ignoring you. Just let us sulk and we get over it faster. The longer we are talked to and asked about it the longer it takes to get over. Let us pout. Do you really want to hear about the long awful day we had at work? Do you really?
#9
Don’t ask Don’t Tell
Ladies, you know those times when you ask us ‘what do you think?’ I’ll be point blank honest here. Perhaps I am honest because I don’t have the degrees for Creative Writing and all of that to tell the truth in a more creative way, just a degree History Education and writing tons of research papers. Or maybe it’s the concussion thing. My one year anniversary is coming up by the way. My imaginary self and I will be eating at an all you can eat Taco and Chinese buffet in No Calorieville. I hope you will join us. But here it is…ready?
If you already know what the answer that you want is, don’t ask us. We don’t know what to do. Do we be honest, or give you the answer you want? You say be honest . . . but is that ALWAYS true?
Examples:
“Is this shirt too tight?”
Okay, the male brain has now seized up as traffic has swarmed in the form of Spaghetti Junction in Atlanta, GA at 5 PM on a Friday before a three day holiday weekend.
- Yes, it’s too tight because it shows off your breasts too much to other people.
- I love that she has incredible breasts and I am proud she’s mine, eat your heart out boys.
- She’s asking if she’s gained weight. Oh no, what do I do?
- She’s asking if she’s gained weight. Do I tell her no because if I say yes then she will think I think she’s put on weight?
- Man she looks good. How long will it take to get that thing of. (I hope she isn’t wearing a bra, I have no idea how those hooks work.)
You may not realize the male mind does this on its own without the participation of the male itself and all in the span of 1.01 seconds. Then the male enters into the picture and uses knowledge and common sense. You read that right. And you wonder why we get in to so much trouble with this one.
“Baby, those twins look outrageous. Mmm Mmm Mmm! You fine, girl.”-Either the young guy with no clue or the older over the hill midlife crisis male who is reliving his unsuccessful young guy days.
“I like it, but honestly honey, I love your body, and I love the fact men know how great your body is. Men are going to be staring at you enough as it is because of those kill me eyes and that beautiful smile.”-Mature, experienced male with common sense in use. Men, only use this one if you are sincere. Seriously. Customize to fit what you find amazing about the beauty of your woman.
“I don’t know, whatever.”-Moron alert and future divorce case.
#8
No opinion
Sometimes we really don’t have an opinion about something, especially if it has nothing to do with us or we just don’t know anything about it. Also there are times we are just that laid back and are like go with the flow. No, we are not always that indecisive . . . we just don’t have an opinion or we just like your opinion. Imagine that, huh? Did I say that out loud? No. Whew, awesome. There is another reason, we’re lazy and just don’t want to think. I’m serious. Even me, the one that is always thinking, I get to that point where I can answer what I want on my sandwich; ham or turkey.
#7
Sure, Okay & Fine
This was is so whatever that I couldn’t even come up with an image for it Guess what? You’ve heard us say those words and you don’t believe us. Well guess what again? Some of us actually mean it. Shocking I know. But rather than speak in sentences with all those parts of speech, we use the efficient one word answer to get back to what we were doing and/or avoid saying something to either a) make you mad or b) causing a lengthier discussion that will eventually lead into our getting into some sort of trouble which would lead to . . .
#6
Gifts are NOT for buying Forgiveness
We give you flowers, candy, a gift card to Home Depot for supplies for your favorite little homemade fish pond and you think we are trying to buy you off instead of saying we’re sorry. That is our saying we’re sorry. We’re not buying you off, we’re talking. We’ve been trained not to say we’re sorry or show emotions. Emotions are a weakness. Instead we do something else, like buy you something nice to say we’re sorry for spending so much on the credit card bill.
#5
Sometimes we really are staring off into space and not at the server.
When we’re out to dinner, we’re not always checking out the server in the required form fitting, skin tight black pants. (I wonder about that at times. Isn’t that like really a bad thing to have as a requirement?) We’re actually sometimes either a) tired and staring off into space not even knowing where we are looking or b) bored at the third time in the last hour you’ve talked about the same thing at work that’s ticked you off. My apologies for that second one, I know we do the same thing, but ladies, you are so much more intelligent than we are, perhaps leading by example would make the old dogs learn new tricks.
Sure we listen, we care, but after 2 or 3 times . . . we get it, you get it, the server in the skin tight black pants gets it. If we reacted indignant at what happened and acted like we were going to do something, you would then tease us or call us an idiot and say that it is only a little thing and you don’t want to cause any problems because it’s a great job. Huh?
#4
We Like Chick flicks.
You read that right. Just don’t ask us about it. Don’t give us a choice. Just say you want to go to that movie Saturday night. We need the excuse. I mean really, at the end of Armageddon when Bruce Willis is saying goodbye to his daughter, didn’t you notice the man in your life tearing up?
#3
We Like to Smell Pretty
When you go to the store and shop, because you know if you don’t everyone you love will die from hunger because they may have some mental block about like grocery shopping, buy us the nice smelling soaps. We like to smell good and you like us to smell good. Don’t give us the chance to be macho and go for the unscented, floats in water soap. We’re old enough to be more concerned about smelling nice rather than sinking battleships.
#2
We Don’t Think About Megan Fox During Sex
In the middle of sex, do you want to know what we’re thinking? It all depends on the situation. We are focused on how it feels and either a) praying we don’t end the session early or b) hoping we can keep going with that pain in the back before it ruins the moment.
But I am sure some men do think about things. Like earplugs for those who don’t like the overzealous screamer. There are screamers and then there are fire alarms. Screamers are fine, just saying but a lot of focus goes into those fire alarm moments. I mean really, I appreciate appreciation but well sometimes . . . you know?
So, no, no Megan Fox or anyone else for most of us. We’re just enjoying the feel of things.
#1
The Final Thing, and the one you’ve been waiting for . . .How to Make Us Happy In Bed.
How to make us happy in bed? It’s a simple thing really or is it? The idea most things you read about is show up, get naked and the man is happy. Maybe that works for some, but ladies let me clue you in on something. We like the heart behind the happening. A woman could be the worst technical lover to ever exist but can satisfy a man she loves and loves her back because he feels her intent and heart behind it. So it’s not just about showing up and trying to be sexy.
Yeah, I know, if that were true with all men then prostitution wouldn’t be a business. Porn would not be a business. But give me heart and you get me . . . never mind that . . . umm.
~~~~~~~~
Now I know that a lot of the above has to do with communication and that some ladies love to communicate and men just don’t and that is a huge problem. I am not condoning or excusing the above, I am just telling you the truth of what is reality. Sure some of us try to do better but failures occur. I like to understand things. Tell me things so I don’t interpret something wrong. I want to learn from whatever is happening. But once I know and you know I know . . . as I said above, don’t blame me for staring at the wall.
Anyway, that’s it for today, my Feature for Female Focus Friday here at RonovanWrites. I love Fridays. For all my Friends that might read this, please tell me what things you think?
And ladies if there are things you would like to know my opinion on . . . let me know. I would love to share . . . I really would. That would be awesome, and maybe some of your questions will be answered next Friday in a Female Focus Friday Feature.
Until next time,
Much Respect and Admiration
Ronovan
2014 © Copyright-All rights reserved-RonovanWrites.wordpress.com
8 Uplifting Things from the List of THE LATEST on CNN.com.
I’ve been told by several people now that I write too much about the L word here on my site. (Waving to all of you and you know who you are.) I would have included a smiley but it would have looked odd with the parenthesis. Okay. I shall talk about other things today.
What pray tell might those things be?
I decided to go with the list of . . .
8 Uplifting Things from the List of THE LATEST on CNN.com.
TRAVEL
Hawaii is a beautiful place, obviously. Reminds me of Elvis and all those old movies of his. Hawaii is getting ready to be hit by two cyclones. I have a friend there I care about a great deal that has been driving everywhere to find water and get the other things she needs before they hit. I hope no one dies. She’s a good friend and we share a lot of similar problems. I don’t want to lose her. I had put the thought of the cyclones out of my mind enough to be okay. Thanks for the reminder of the death possibilities.
ENTERTAINMENT
The Doors and Jim Morrison, who can forget that voice? You wonder what he would have done if he had lived. Marianne Faithful said her ex killed Jim Morrison. Too much heroine. My half-brother died of a drug induced heart attack around the age of twenty. He had been doing hard drugs for years. That and my bio father’s alcoholism are two of the reasons I don’t drink or even smoke. Thanks for the reminder.
RELIGION
Peace in Gaza for the moment, a wonderful thing. Jews used to use the blood of non Jews in their holy matzos or so says a spokesman for Hamas. He says it’s true according to the Jews own books and things. I say “Show me the books, undoctored, or shut up”. Even then if it were true of the old it doesn’t mean it is true of the today. Of course they mention the myth of the Jews killing Jesus. Perhaps I am just too aware of the Bible to fathom this myth. More attempts to sway things one way or the other and both sides do it, but CNN happened to put this one up. As I said in a poem over the weekend, God made the peace and we destroyed it. But this isn’t a place time for Bible speak. Racism and the killing and deaths because of stupid things, at least this didn’t remind me of a death this time, just the near death of my cousin as the KKK whipped him and his black friend as they were tied to a tree. Thanks for the reminder.
HEALTH
Ebola-People dying. 2 people arrived in Atlanta. It was on the news, which I can’t watch but see as I pass by the TV. I know it is happening. People are dying. Children are dying. People here in Atlanta are worried the suits will tear. I have a deep reason for not wanting to hear about children dying, that I recently found out about but had lost a memory of due to my amnesia. I am doing everything I can to forget it again. Yeah, the one memory I never wanted to be reminded of, thanks for the reminder.
POLITICS
Obama wants to plug a tax loophole. May I have something new please? How stop spending what we don’t have? It’s like a household budget, what can you control in your house budget? You can control what you spend. But I don’t want to get into politics. Both parties have good and bad about them. There is no one perfect party. Everyone, in truth does not vote for the best candidate, but the least awful one. At least there are no death reminders other than those that were dying in the veterans who were on waiting lists and all because of bureaucratic garbage. Glad my 82 year old step-father doesn’t have to rely on the VA although he’s veteran. You can see his picture from a father’s day post if you want to.
WORLD EVENTS
A Chinese city band beards? Well it also bans certain types of Islamic clothing along with the traditional beards by those riding buses during an upcoming event. One side says it is part of the anti terror policy of the year in China, the other says it is racism and a discrimination. I was the head of a small department for several years. I had Muslims working for me. I must have been very concerned for my safety? Perhaps it was from the Jews, Christians, Agnostics, and Atheists who all worked together harmoniously with each other along with the Muslims as good friends that I feared. Hmm. Thanks for the reminder of the bigot world, news world. Do I really need to say why this reminds me of death?
LIFE
A 9 year old was stabbed on a playground. I didn’t go into the story itself. My son is 10. You’ve seen his help work in some photography. Thank you for putting that thought into my mind as he goes back to school tomorrow.
INSPIRATION
An 88 year old woman was buried alive in an earthquake for 50 hours. She was rescued. Thanks again for the reminder of my 91 year old grandmother recently out of the hospital. My parents traveled to see her and take care of her as part of my family went to their ‘meeting’. Turns out she hadn’t been being fed and had wasted down to nothing. My 82 year old step-father, more like 65, cooked for her every meal. She ate like crazy and gained 10 lbs in a week. They said she couldn’t eat solid foods. I guess that roast she ate was not solid? All three helpings? She used to cook and feed all of us on hardly any money. You can see her and read about her if you like. I know I have to very old people in my life that won’t be here much longer. Thank you for the reminder about the possibility of death there and loss.
Well, I hope you have enjoyed the no L word post. Perhaps this will give you a look into what future posts may look like. I’ve written other things than the L word but I do suppose I talk about it often. It’s my life. But as one person told me recently you can’t chase the L word you get it by trickery and some other thing I can’t remember. I don’t do trickery so I guess I will just stick to writing about world events.
Is that what we want to read about? Is that what I want to write about? In all honesty I can write about anything, as you may know if you’ve read enough of my blog, I just happen to write about certain things more than other. Perhaps I should move away from one subject so often.
Perhaps I will put out a poll asking what you most enjoy reading here on RonovanWrites. I’ve been wanting to do a poll so now maybe I have my topic.
Much Appreciation to all of You
Ronovan
2014 © Copyright-All rights reserved-RonovanWrites.wordpress.com
There is no ‘Let’ in Love
“I let you love me.
“
“I let you into my world.”
“I let you determine our lives.”
Everyone, I want to say . . .
There is no ‘Let’ in Love
Also, there is no Allow . . . in Love. Letting someone do something is a phrase that has always rubbed me the wrong way, or so I believe. I know it does now, because when I find myself writing the word let or hopefully catch myself, I cringe and must examine why the word let is being used. As with everyone who is conditioned in this society of letting and allowing, those phrases slip through even when we are looking for them, so forgive me if you find them.
I wrote an article a bit of time back called ‘Don’t ALLOW people to control YOU’. Allowing is a bad word, just like letting. You allow and let things happen to you that are in your control that are possibly not good for you.
You let me fall in love with you?
You have no choice in the matter.
You let me into your world?
I am in the world already, I just found you in it.
You let me determine our lives?
No, you say yes or no and determine your own life.
You let a child have a cookie. You cannot ‘let’ someone feel.
Then what is it we do with love or at least what am I driving at? Love is acceptance of things as they are. If you are with someone and find out you want to change certain non life threatening things about them or they want to change you . . . yes there may still be love but it is not THE love.
Perhaps you are not a fan of certain types of movies, TV shows, music, or foods. You do not ‘let’ the other person enjoy those things. When you realized you were in love with them and then expressed that to them, you then ‘accepted’ them as they ARE. That is part of what makes them who they are. Why want to change what brought you to them in the first place?
Do not enter a relationship thinking about a change occurring later on. The only thing that will change is the end of the relationship or the straining of one to the point of years of miserable.
I love you, I am in love with you, I give you my love; these are the phrases of love. In none of those phrases does the word let fit. In none of those feelings does the word let fit. In none of those phrases is permission being asked. Perhaps you will reject the phrases, but believe me when I say that the speaker of those words will continue on regardless of what you say.
In conclusion if you find yourself thinking the words you are letting the person in your life do something, rethink it. Are you letting or are you loving? Are you letting or are you accepting?
I have been brief today. If you need more explanation then let me know.
For all of you lovers reading, is it let or is it love?
Other articles in the future will deal with what you do ‘Let’ happen and ‘Change’ for love.
Until then,
Much Respect & Much Love
Ronovan
2014 © Copyright-All rights reserved-RonovanWrites.wordpress.com
Four eyes are sexier than two
Alexis @collegeladyblog just ended up with her first pair of glasses. She shares what she has discovered. A genuinely good read and a very mature and wonderfully written piece. Please visit and take a look. And yes, FOLLOW HER BLOG! (She’s not crazy psycho massive content like I am!) Did you guys just hear a screaming voice or was that just me?
Long & Luxe with Allison Maire-Interview Part 2
In my last article here on RonovanWrites I shared Part 1 of Allison Marie Long &Luxe The Real Sexy. Check out Part 1 if you would like to read in order. I won’t waste any more of your time.
Allison Marie
Long & Luxe
The Real Sexy
RW: Allison, I have to say I am disappointed in you. You lied to me. Okay you didn’t lie to me, I asked why Long & Luxe, and right now your answer IS what it means, but you started your site as a fashion tips site . . . come on . . . what was the real original meaning to Long & Luxe?
ALLISON: You got me! So my original reason for L&L is kind of similar but more fashion angle – ready? My favorite song of ALL TIME is Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress by the Hollies – my favorite thing to wear is long flowing hair and a long maxi dress so luxe! Luxe to me was and is always about comfort – that is the ultimate luxury.
SET UP ALERT!!!
*****RW: Perfect. This just shows how things mature and change over time, even a site now matures into something more than we thought it would be. I set Allison up for that question because I recalled that when we first met she said something about it had to do something with something from her earlier days. So yes, Allison Marie, I gotcha on this one! And you can all hear the song at the bottom of the screen and now you know why I have the slide show above today rather than yesterday.*****
RW: We share a common bond in that we don’t write or blog to gain followers. I personally think of everyone that ends up clicking to follow my blog as Finding a new Friend. To me it’s more of a support thing than a following thing. What is your own personal philosophy of blogging?
ALLISON: I know just what you mean. If you are up for the lengthy version of my answer on this question do feel free to check out my 25 Tips On Beginning A Blog That No One Else Will Tell You. It’s not only tips for beginners but also my blogging philosophy in general. For the quick and dirty summary, I offer you this quote from the article: “Don’t write for numbers. Numbers are OK left alone. Write for people. Write for people because people don’t want to be alone.” In a nutshell, that’s what always brings me back home.
RW: I’ve found that many that do have the ability to care deep have been hurt deep.
Where does your deep heart come from? Is there a history?
ALLISON: You know, I’m really not sure where my deep heart comes from. I was always a sensitive, empathetic, introverted type and studied psychology because I have always been very interested in people, why they think and feel as they do, what choices they make, and what philosophies they adopt as their own and why. I do think I love big and I hurt big and it just comes naturally. A friend of mine and I talk about being ‘empaths’ or people who feel what others are feeling. I suppose a lot of my inner conviction to follow my heart comes from my mom, who died eight years ago very young. The experience of seeing my mom go through tremendous physical trauma to fight her cancer, and then to go through dealing with her death, has taught me that nothing is guaranteed in this life. It’s up to us to love deep and spread love wide in the time we are here. It’s the only thing that really matters.
RW: What tips do you have for someone to be able to keep blogging? For example do you have burnout tips?
ALLISON: Well, for sure my 25 Tips are my best gems so far. As for burnout I would say ask yourself why you got started in the first place and go from there. Maybe you need to go in a new direction? Maybe you need to post less often? What is so important to you that you couldn’t go another day without sharing – write and publish about that. I would also say that the more authentic your writing and connecting, the more likely you are to want to stick around. It becomes part of who you are, your way of sharing – of giving and receiving.
RW: How is the family with all of your blogging?
ALLISON: My husband is thrilled that I found blogging. I think I’m kind of a pain in the ass when I don’t have a creative outlet and this one seems to suit me quite well. The rest of the family doesn’t really get that involved. My blog isn’t for everyone and that’s totally ok with me. I think it should be that way – if you are writing from your soul, some people will groove with that and some won’t. It’s your job to stay true to you. It’s sort of a good life lesson as well.
RW: Where does the hippy chick come from?
ALLISON: My mom, I think! It’s so funny you say that because in all honesty I don’t know why I connect to the peace, love and grooviness vibe but it shows up in my world all the time. I love the music and clothing of that time and I love the peaceful revolutionary mindset of possibility and change. I have been channeling my mom’s spirit more and more lately and from what I understand she was quite an earth angel back in the day. I believe that love and peace can change the world. There’s a freedom of spirit there that – you guessed it – I dig. We are going through a time of global awakening and people are looking to come back to center, through meditation and mindfulness and a re-evaluation of our priorities. We know as a species that we need to change in some fundamental ways if we want to protect our precious lives and our planet. Greed will not get us there – love will. That is why I think my old soul always finds its way back to a peaceful revolutionary place.
RW: What is your favorite scent?
ALLISON: The beach. There’s no way to bottle it – you’ve got to sit in the sand and breathe with the wind and the salt spray and the waves.
RW: What is your favorite beverage?
ALLISON: A crisp, lemongrassy Sauvignon Blanc from New Zealand
RW: What is your favorite word and why?
ALLISON: LOVE. Because it’s everything.
I doubt anyone was surprised with that last answer. Even though I had never asked her before, when that word came back to me, it was no surprise at all. I want to thank Allison for the interview and those great answers that turned some simple questions into what I think will be some life eye openers for some who read this interview series.
I leave you with . . .
Much Respect
Ronovan
2014 © Copyright-All rights reserved-RonovanWrites.wordpress.com
Families Aren’t Born, They’re Made
Adoptive Parents. Foster Parents. Step Parents. Call those non birth nurturers of the young what you will, people have opinions about them, just like every person has a . . . well you know. I’m going to share mine . . . my opinion that is.
First I want to make some things perfectly clear. I KNOW that not all Foster Care parents are great. I KNOW that not all Foster Care situations work out properly. I KNOW there are statistics showing things one way or the other about the impact Foster Care has on a child’s life. THIS is not about THOSE Foster Care parents or situations. If that is the article you are looking for then you may want to move on.
THIS article is about the positive situations I have seen, and the POSITIVE OUTCOMES of GOOD Foster Care and Adoptive Parents.
You may ask, “Ronovan, what do you KNOW about THIS subject?” Have you ever heard the phrase “treat someone like a red-headed step-child?” Well that’s ME. I’m one, been one for about 40 years now. Yep, he’s my Dad, my mi papa. If I go any farther with that I’ll just end up in trouble because I think I might be mixing languages, call it Latinglish.
But does that make me an expert on the Foster and Adoptive Parent part, of course not. “Then, Ronovan, how can you speak about something you don’t know about?”
Why, I am so happy you asked me. It’s time to get serious, because I’m mad. Let us discuss a thought of mine . . .
Families Aren’t Born, They’re Made
Let’s just get right down to it. For a time I was the head of a young group that took care of Foster Children while all the Foster Parents met for a required monthly meeting. It was a joy to do so and while doing so I learned a lot about the children. No two were alike. No two came from the same emotional mindset, not even siblings. With my teaching background, certification, being a parent of a young child and background checks I was of course a natural choice as leader, and I had teenagers to become human playground equipment. What more could an association ask for?
We were even invited to their Easter Egg Hunts and Picnic Get-a-ways. It was a great learning and growing experience for my young people as much as it was for me and those young children. We all learned about a different kind of love.
You would look at a sweet little face and the next thing you know they were freaking out because of some random thing, not very often, but sometimes. Or you look at a sweet face and they just want to be held, but you can’t because of the laws.
For me that was a heart breaker. I’m the cuddly guy, the ‘love the little kiddies’ guy, especially the little girls who you just want to be the Daddy of. They come at me with those pretty little eyes and sad faces and I just want to die. I want to hug them so bad and make them smile, even the ones that would come at me and headbutt me in the stomach because they liked me.
I’ve had experiences with two Foster Families. They have both adopted the children they were Foster Parents for. I know, that’s not a lot, but it’s something to comment on. Both are good ones too. I know there are some bad ones out there but there are also some good ones. Perhaps there needs to be a better and more in depth Foster Parent selection and screening progress. No . . . there DOES need to be one.
The children are growing up, well adjusted, as well as they can be as some recover from difficulties they had in the past. Some may have to go to therapy because of their previous family situation but they will be okay with the continued love and support they are receiving. This isn’t saying that all Foster/Adoption children have some type of issue, they don’t but some do.
The fact is parents that adopt a foster child know what they are getting into. I couldn’t do it. One family I am close to just blows my mind how they have taken children in as Foster Parents and they loved them so much they adopted them, and they have turned their worlds . . . and yes, for some it includes therapy.
These people don’t have to do it. But this family KNEW the issues before hand and still wanted these wonderful kids. Not just one, but all of the siblings so they could be together instead of separate Foster Homes. Personally, I would go crazy. One child is enough for me.
Did you know that some Foster and Adoptive Parents get attacked and harassed and even basically bad mouthed all over the place because they loved so much they did what their hearts told them to do? Do you know how many good people see this and then decide not to become Foster Parents because of it, and thus the system ends up with the REAL kind of people that some should be talking about?
Not every parent of a child that ends up in Foster Care wants their child to be there. I hope none of them do. But some end up in situations that require it. Some people might ask, “Well what if they find they are out of that situation someday?” Then if the child is in Foster Care there might be a chance of their return.
But if adopted, then no, there will be no return. I know not every situation is perfect and some Foster situations in some areas go wrong, but the ones I know of went right. I can’t think of those children having stayed in their previous family environment for one more and then another more chance while they slowly edged closer to being so emotionally scarred that they were permanently damaged.
People don’t think about that. At least I don’t guess they do. All they see is a broken up home. If I had just been with my biological father I would have begged to be in a Foster Home if I had known what it was back then. But I was lucky, I had a mother then a step-father. And yes, I made sure people knew what my father had done to me. I was 6 years old. Does that tell you how aware a young child can be of what is WRONG?
But some children won’t say anything. Just because the child doesn’t tell certain adults things doesn’t mean their lives are perfect . . . or maybe it’s that the certain adults just aren’t listening. There’s a thought, hmm?
Now for the people who are, pardon my saying it this way, real jerks about giving people a hard time for adopting kids who need to be adopted just because they disagree and THINK they know something and then start getting up in the adoptive parents’ business and start bad mouthing them to everyone they can think of . . . you need to buy a vowel, phone a friend, use a life line, basically get a clue and shut up about what you don’t know about. And I don’t care WHO you are.
I’ll repeat; not every Foster Parent or Adoptive Parent works out or is a good idea, but for the ones I personally know, they are incredible. Why do I say this? Because of this family the children are receiving a very good education and all of the various extra help they need either in their education or emotional areas. Their creative outlets are encouraged and their social activities are quality ones with good people. In fact the children have grown in so many ways that it is astounding.
There will be people that may comment on this in a negative or possibly hostile manner. I say this to you now; I’ll not engage in a debate or tolerate any badmouthing. Be civil and you may speak your piece. I read all comments on my articles. I don’t moderate them before they are allowed onto the site. But I will tell you this; start something and I delete your comment and ban you from commenting again. And you are not allowed to use any of the comments in this article in any manner at all. All rights are reserved by me. Don’t reblog it if you are going to use it in a manner of hate. Don’t ping back or link back to me for the same reason.
Remember, I said at the beginning this was a positive article about my own personal experiences with a family.
Personally I think those who love children enough to take them in, knowing they come from possibly bad situations, and still want them and even want them to the point of adopting them, is an amazing and admirable thing. I know when you are in the middle of it the situation is difficult to see from a different point of view, but there is another view. I don’t expect those involved to ever see both sides of it. Emotions run deep and it’s just a hard situation.
To all those good people who become Foster Parents and Adoptive Parents for the right reasons, I commend you. For those who do it to get money for taking care of the kids and don’t do jack for the kids, basically . . . you suck.
Much Respect to the Read Deals
Ronovan
© Copyright-All rights reserved-RonovanWrites.wordpress.com.
Thursday Thought: Encourage Intelligent Decisions as a Habit
“When you see a young friend make intelligent decisions acknowledge it, and praise it. By doing so you are encouraging the continuation of a habit. Do this in every relationship of your life.”-Ronovan
A Conversation
A Conversation
by: Ronovan
“Tell me how you’ve been doing since the last time we spoke?”
At least the questioning was consistent. I supposed I should take comfort in there being something that remained the same. Of course that didn’t stop me from replying without the brain filter in place. “Do you really have to ask?” I kept staring at the ceiling tiles. I wondered if the room was really that dark.
There wasn’t a reply or even a sigh revealing a hint of disapproval or exasperation at my tone of wording. Not that I really expected one. “Okay, fine, I’m about the same as always. Is that what you wanted to me to say?”
“Only if that’s the way you’ve really been.”
Was that what they call passive aggressive? “Yeah,” I sighed. I had always wondered what that ‘sigh of an answer’ meant in reading but now I knew. You could sigh and speak at the same time. It’s like a surrender of spirit almost.
“Tell me how yesterday was.”
“It’s like every other day Pinky, I tried to recover my world,” I said.
No laugh. None expected. But I imagined old cartoon shows about mice weren’t on the viewing list.
“Where do you want me to start?” I stared at the spot on the ceiling where the shadows always made the dust look like a puppy if you looked just right.
“How did you sleep?”
The thought of ‘in a bed’ came to mind but I knew better than to be that sarcastic. There was being pretty tolerant and forgiving of my moods, and there was downright disrespectful. Even if I didn’t have the brain filter any longer I still knew better than to be downright disrespectful. “I woke up about 1:30 the first time, I think. The days tend to run together after so many being the same.”
“Are you sure it wasn’t 3:00 AM?”
I was wrong there was a sense of humor. “You’re a funny guy I don’t care what they say about you.”
“Why did you wake up this time?”
I smiled in spite of exhaustion. “This is a funny one. I think I actually breathed too hard.” I knew that wasn’t going to be enough of an answer, but it was the truth.
“How do you breathe too hard?
“Well, actually I just took a deep breath for some reason. It could be the sleep apnea.” But if it were sleep apnea then I would not be breathing at all, but then I would take big gulps of air. Okay so it might have been the sleep apnea.
“And why would the deep breath wake you up?”
I started counting the tiles in the ceiling, as if they had changed in number since last time, or the time before that, or even the time before that one. “Pain Monster didn’t like it.”
“The ‘pain monster’ is your lower back?”
“Yes,” I began. “At least that’s what woke me up. Then Neck Grinder started to protest as well.”
I Don’t Stop Living
Fibromyalgia Doesn’t Stop Me Living
by: Ronovan
If you’ve been around my blog a bit you notice a lot of things written about how I hurt sometimes, usually in my poetry. That’s my release, that escape hatch. But something else you may have noticed is, I haven’t stopped living my life.
For one I do a fairly decent job of putting out a lot of content for my blog, and it’s varied. Perhaps that’s just the old noggin not being able to shut down from the concussion.
Sorry, I had to write down an idea for another blog article. But as I was saying I don’t let Fibromyalgia stop my life. I have a son, let’s call him B, yeah for boy, original, huh?
But wait, you say you don’t know what Fibromyalgia is? Wow. Actually I’m not surprised. Oddly enough you may be reading this and have it yourself. You’ve heard of Chronic Pain and Chronic Fatigue syndromes? Then you know something about FMS, Fibro, Fibromyalgia. I’m not going to go into details right now, but just think of having pain all the time or pretty much every minute. I’ll do an article of what it acutally all entails another time, but I’m not letting it take over my life of having fun blogging right now.
Now back to living. I’m not supposed to do a lot of things with my ailments because they make me hurt. But here is the thing . . . it’s a secret so don’t tell anyone else, okay? Good. No matter what I do or don’t do I’m going to hurt anyway, so I’m going to enjoy life regardless.
Sure I can’t sit in a chair very long. I can’t lay down very long. I can’t stand up very long. Riding in a car is grrrr. But other than the car I know I can stop or change whatever it is, and those I am with understand it and if they don’t they can just go on without me.
My son needs practice hitting a baseball. We have some wiffle balls to use and he has my old Louisville Slugger little league wooden bat. Yes, I know they use aluminum bats but this is what we have and it is actually working on his strength. Just imagine when he pick up an aluminum bat to hit the kind of speed he’ll have.
So what do I do in the day time? 20 wiffle balls in a bucket times five rounds of buckets equals 100 pitches from the guy that isn’t supposed to do things. Oh and that’s 2 buckets for him to hit right handed, and 2 to hit left handed and the final 1 for whatever he wants to do. Yes, 9-10 year old who can switch hit, all on his own. These are very light so it’s not the weight that gets me it’s the arm motion. My arm doesn’t move like that any longer, but I make it do it.
He sometimes wants to learn to throw a spiral with the football, American football. I’ve discovered during this summer that I can apparently pitch pretty well and my throwing arm for the football is not bad at all.
What happens after these B times? Yeah, pain. What happens during the B times? Yeah, pain. But you know what happens as well? Life, learning, laughs, and love.
Just because I have something that can’t be cured doesn’t mean that I have to let it dictate my entire life. Are there days I just can’t do things? Oh yeah, plenty. And everyone understands that. But if it is at all humanly possible I’ll do things. You see I’ve lived with pain for so long that it’s kind of like a limp. I have it every step I go but I don’t notice it, I just keep walking and I keep getting to where I want to go.
Oh, but there is one thing my son won’t let me do. He won’t let me on his bike. I tried when his back was turned and he nearly freaked out. I don’t know if he was worried about me or his bike. But yeah, he does watch out for me.
Much Apprecation to all of You
& Especially for my boy B
Ronovan
© Copyright-All rights reserved-RonovanWrites.wordpress.com-July 05, 2014.
Church Playground Memories
Church Playground Memories
by: Ronovan
After I came home from the hospital even I knew something was missing, but I didn’t know what. I just felt incomplete somehow. For a person suffering from amnesia that probably doesn’t sound unusual, but this was something that I just knew was missing, I could feel it.
But I only had the feeling when I went to the doctor’s office, or some type of testing. My clothes were laid out for me. I had my wallet, keys (although not allowed to drive), a 10 dollar bill, and a pen. Apparently I always carry a pen.
My belt was in place, all of my clothing was the way it should be. It really bothered me though. I put it down as possibly my not driving. Maybe I just wanted to be the driver since I always drove everywhere. Perhaps I just was not accustomed to being on the passenger side of the car looking around.
Then one day it hit me. There was a burning in my pocket. I noticed each time I left the house, not actually my own house, that my right pants pocket felt lighter than it should. There was a spot that didn’t feel right. Even looking down at my pocket when seated there was something odd about how it appeared.
A flash of yellow came to me. And that made me think of the word, ‘pecan’. I wasn’t able to speak yet but I quickly wrote it down and shoved it toward the driver. She looked at it.
“Do I have a pecan?”
“Yes,” she said.
I held my hands out and shrugged.
“I don’t know where it is,” she said.
I quickly scribbled down my flash.
“Yellow toy box.”
“Yes. I know what you mean, beside your chair.”
A few days later it arrived.
I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a pecan before. They are oblong and pointy on the ends, but not this one. This one glows and looks like polished wood. When the light hits it there is character and grooves you don’t see in a normal pecan shell.
When I touched it for the first time again, the smoothness of the shell was comforting and familiar. I instantly held it to my ear and shook it. I could hear the rattling inside.
My eyes closed and I ran my finger tips around the shell slowly and could feel the ridges that you normally didn’t realize were there. Maybe they normally weren’t. Then I slipped it into my pocket and the weight was right. My balance was right. Just a few ounces but it was right. When I sat down, the sight was right.
My mind tingled with it with me again.
“For you, Daddy.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I found it for you.”
Of course the smile crossed my face and a big hug was given. “Then it goes right here and never leaves,” I said. I slipped it into my pocket. The smile crossed his face.
A pecan as a prized possession may sound a bit odd to some, but six years earlier my little son had walked up to me with a smile from the church playground and given it to me. To him it may have been just a find that day.
The grey shell had turned into polished brown like the finest piece of furniture. But this hadn’t been done by a machine. This had been done by years of being in my hands through the day, and living inside my pocket forever being polished.
Now that I had it back I was more at ease. Every night he comes to me and asks “Do you have your thing?” “Yeah.” “Okay.” He now knows how special it is to me. He knows I remembered it. He knows I know him. He knows I don’t want to lose it.
Some prized possessions may have monetary value to them, even family heirlooms, but for me, a moment of innocence that can never be captured again . . . that’s my prized possession. The pecan is a reminder of it, but the real possession is the memory of it. That’s what I have, that memory. Memories of your children can bring you back to life. That’s what happened to me.
Maybe you have a memory. Perhaps riding along with your child in your lap in a golf cart, or smiling up at you with such love in their eyes at an ice cream parlor, or giggling when you tickle them. Those are prized possessions.
Copyright-All rights reserved-RonovanWrites©.wordpress.com-June 27, 2014.
Bursting Balloons
Bursting Balloons
by: Ronovan
Giving advice is kind of like playing Russian roulette. You load up and put that bullet out there and there is always that chance someone is going to pull the trigger and the bullet is going to come back at you.
Today I reblogged a piece from my friend at InsideTheLifeOfMoi regarding letting go of those things inside that hurt you. She used a piece of advice she had received about putting your hurts in a balloon and the letting it go. The POINT of the article was to Let Go of your hurts and pains caused by others.
Someone responded about how dangerous releasing balloons is to wildlife. You see, my purpose for reblogging the article was to help my friend Amanda out who has been on vacation for two weeks. I wanted to keep her articles circulating here and on Twitter where I would Tweet her articles along with her handle.
Balloons – The Art Of Letting Go
I’ve been Reblogging some of Amanda’s best articles while she’s been on vacation. Best to me from her means funny. One thing about funny people is that they are funny because they are really also sensitive and deep people. I TRY to be funny, but fall flat most of the time.
This is an article that shows Amanda is more than a punch line or laugh track. This great advice. I’m serious. You really do need to read this one.
The Problematic Pimple
Amanda had a Pimple? On a Wedding Day? Say it isn’t so. Even more surprising were her disastrous solutions. Is an Egyptian Mummy wrap the solution? Read and find out. 🙂
@AmandaLyle86
If not me then who?
If not me then who?
by: Ronovan
I recently wrote an article called The Disguise of Contentment about life with illness and disabilities and how others look at seemingly healthy people who suffer from them. As I was writing it I simply wanted to share with people the other side of something of stereotyping.
If you’ve been reading my work for a while you know I don’t hold back. I only know how to write one way and that is personal. My site is primarily a place to release those thoughts in my mind, as I have put it in a previous article I call it Writing for Therapy.
I say all of this to make sure you understand to never look at anything I write as attention seeking or a pity party. I’m beyond all of that. Sometimes the pain gets to me and I just need to let the feelings out in words and by doing so I have discovered there are people out there who can relate. They find comfort in knowing they are not alone and that a person is productive and creative even while living with some really whacked out pain problems. (I apparently love the phrase ‘whacked out’.)
Just to clarify a bit of that previous article and its intent:
If you see a person with disabilities that are obvious you have the opportunity of choice; a) treat them just like anyone else, b) treat them with pity, which they don’t want, or c) be aware they may need assistance at times.
For someone appearing healthy, such as myself, those options aren’t there. What this brings me to is people with disabilities don’t want pity they just want to be understood. I know it’s difficult to understand in a brief encounter with someone, but the way to be is like me in a grocery store and asking for help. If I ask for help then I need it. If I park in a handicap spot and if my car has the right tags or permissions on it to do so then keep moving and don’t look at me like a criminal.
I personally don’t care. I’ve moved past what others think about me. My main mission is what I think about myself. If I am good with me then I’m all good period. But how will other people know if people like me don’t share experiences?
And remember, I’m the same guy that wrote about writer’s needing fluffy butt cushions and canaries. Just because there are some raw and honest work from me doesn’t mean that is what defines me. I’m a funny guy. Ask my other self, he’ll tell you.
He lies.
Shut up, Os.
If you see an article or poem that appears to be a pity poem or a sympathy seeker don’t think that. It’s just me releasing the only way I have available and in a way that I hope others can connect with and say “Yeah, that’s me too. I’m not alone.”
Just so no one thinks this is just my rants about things, please read A good day out and a dollop of judgement at The Happy Starfish.
© Copyright-All rights reserved-RonovanWrites.wordpress.com-June 22, 2014.
The Notebook: A Life Lesson
The Notebook: A Life Lesson
by: Ronovan
“Hey, Ron, check out that box over there and see what we can get rid of,” said Chet.
I pulled the box to me and began going through the sweaters, magazines and umbrellas. I wondered how people could lose so many things in a church and just not think of what happened to them.
The Bible was beautiful. I opened it and saw the name, Orthel Hopkins. I shook my head. His mother should have been looking for this already. Or maybe he had been hiding something else in his Bible cover so she didn’t know yet. I set it aside and would sneak it to him another time.
Read. The word jumped out at me. It was my hand writing. It looked like one of my notebooks. But why was it here?
“. . . had a great time and posted some fun vacation pictures for you. . .”
“Chet, I’ll be back later.” I didn’t wait for an answer. I only lived minutes away. The car didn’t even have time to cool inside before I was pulling into the driveway. Continue reading
The Disguise of Contentment
“I can’t disguise myself with a wig and dark glasses – the wheelchair gives me away.”-Stephen Hawking
The Disguise of Contentment
by: Ronovan
Do you have certain thoughts when you see an elderly person slowly getting out of the car in the handicap spot at a store? What do you do when you see an elderly person in a store having to use a walker to walk with? What about those with obvious disabilities?
If you were to think about it honestly, you probably don’t give it a second thought. That’s who is supposed to be using those parking spaces and walkers, right?
I recently changed my Profile Picture back to my real photo. I was hesitant to do so because I was worried it would take away from the impression one gets from my writing. I know how when I read someone’s work the image used does sometimes add or take away from what I am reading but eventually I no longer even see the person as I read more and more of their work.
Now, look at my picture. You see a man that’s 6’1”, fairly clean cut, broad shouldered, some say rugged looking. I think rugged means someone who has been out in the rugged weather to much and is worn out looking, but okay, I can agree with that. When I wish I can assume the role of a bulldozer in crowds, politely so and people tend to get out of my way. This has usually occurred in the past when someone has held onto my shoulder and others are holding onto them in order to follow me through the crowd. Teenagers love me for this.
The rugged guy is leaning on a rail over a beautiful river, and somewhat smiling at the camera or at least not frowning. In other words you see the picture of contentment.
“Illusion is needed to disguise the emptiness within.”-Arthur Erickson
I’m the one that gets out of the car slowly from the handicap spot. I don’t use a walker in the grocery store, I lean on the cart instead. I’m the one that walks slowly forcing anyone with me to take their time. I’m the one that people have to get things from the bottom shelf for.
I’m the one that people look strangely at as he gets out of the car. I’m the one they look strangely at as he shuffles through the store. I’m the one that gets left behind as people walk on ahead. I’m the one that can’t get anyone to help get things from the bottom shelf.
I’m the one leaning on the rail for support. I’m the one hoping he doesn’t fall into the river as spasms of pain shoot through his body. I’m the one holding his dark glasses so he can have a normal picture of himself while hoping the earplugs blocking out the sounds don’t show up. I’m the one hoping the smile reaches the eyes in time before the click of the camera happens.
But what do you see?
Do you get yelled at as you get out of the car because you ‘look’ healthy? Do people stare at you as you shuffle through the store because they think you are on drugs or drunk? Do store employees chuckle when you ask for help as they walk away believing you are in jest?
Did you have to spend two hours of pain in a car . . . one way . . . to have your picture taken over a river? Do you have to hear the grinding of neck bones and the snapping and cracking of back bones every time you take a step?
Do your fingertips ache and hurt and feel like nails are being hammered into them every time you hit a letter on your keyboard? Is that keyboard your only escape and healing and chance at distraction and happiness? Do you pound the nails deeper or give up happiness?
I didn’t write this as a complaint about some of what I go through. I wrote this to show you that you don’t know what is on the inside of a person. I don’t go around wearing my illness and pains on a t-shirt or make it obvious. Just know that when you see people that there is a reason they are the way they are. Maybe it’s not a physical thing, it might be they are shy and don’t want to be bothered. There is a reason for it. Respect it. I walk slower, I move slower, but I ‘look’ healthy. And I am fine with that.
But here are some things I am not fine with:
- A relative, knowing about my amnesia telling me to not forget about my family and then saying it was his attempt at a joke.
- A person assuming that if I build up the courage to ask for help that I am just joking
- A person assuming seeing me walk upright at a decent pace means I have been faking it
- A person assuming because I have a blog and type a lot that I must be okay
- A person assuming that because I can type that I am not exhausted and barely hanging on
- A person assuming that because I can give words of encouragement and love that I must not feel pain inside
- A person assuming that because I feel pain inside that I cannot give honest words of encouragement and love
Two things made me think to write this, one was a comment recently and the other was a thought I had.
“Friends may not know who you are, but they’ll never forget who you were.”-Ronovan
“The best live among us in disguise.”-Louis Dudek
© Copyright-All rights reserved-RonovanWrites.wordpress.com-June 21, 2014.
Pesky Passengers!
Amanda at Inside The Life of Moi rants better than anyone I know. Why? Because there is truth in her humorous rants. I ran across this one just now and I am still cringing and laughing from the awful truth of it.
@AmandaLyle86
ronovanwrites 