The Bad Husband/Father: Expectation VS. Reality

September 16, 2014September 16, 2014 Ronovan Opinion Articles Dad, Expectations, Father, Father Expectations, Husband, Husband Expectations, Media, Society

I like funny. I like being funny. I attempt it at times. I epic fail at times. Not long ago I wrote a guest blog for insidethelifeofmoi. I tried so hard to write something funny and when I was first asked about it I had a great idea and should have written it then. The problem, I waited too long, and my funny died.

I can still pull it off at times but only when I don’t think about it. And with a deadline approaching I wrote what you are about to read, somewhat edited now. It was inspired by one of Amanda’s articles The Good Wife: Expectation VS. Reality Amanda and I agreed it just wasn’t right, the tone wasn’t right for that moment. In fact it was a bad idea.

But here we have it now. It’s a serious subject that I will try to make an easy read. It’s something I, as a man, feel needs to be said.

What comes to mind when you think of expectations today’s society has for a Good Husband/Father? Look at the media, television, and even many movies, and what do you see?

I am not asking you what you think as you sit calmly at your work desk, at your kitchen table, or in your bed reading this. I am asking you what society at large thinks just from what they are fed through input sources.

I want you to think of the last 30 years of television and think of the dads. Now take Cosby out of that picture. You know a lot of the men in the most popular shows are shown as buffoons. Yes they are given a facade of intelligence or power but they usually end up as a joke, a punch line. And yes, I know this was the role of women in the past and it was not right then either, and it is not right when it occurs today.

Without man being used as a joke then how will we have comedies? Situations can be funny without people needing to be made fools of. My point is look at society today and see how the fathers and husbands are doing, and how even children are looking at those men.

Now you see why this is about Bad Husband/Father Expectations. I couldn’t come up with the Good Husband ones, not ones that people really honestly and truthfully EXPECT a Husband/Father to do. The key here is EXPECT. Want, yes, EXPECT, no.

You might want us to cuddle with you . . .

. . . but you don’t expect it.

Fore the sake of readability I will just refer to the husband as opposed to husband/father.

The Bad Husband/Father: Expectation VS. Reality

What entertainment and media has led a society to believe.

First of all I do not think entertainment and media are solely responsible for everything in every situation. And I know there are truths in every scenario presented, that’s what makes it funny, we can all somehow relate to it because we probably know someone who did something like the situation shown in the episode. The following is about part of what entertainment and media are responsible for, what they could help correct.

We’re Not Helpful with our own Children

BAD HUSBAND EXPECTATION

Men are selfish and only interested in time for themselves and incapable of helping there kids. They are so inept they don’t know how to do 3rd Grade homework or even make a meal without calling for take out.

GOOD HUSBAND REALITY

Some men are like that. Then you have those that are real men. To them their responsibility does not end with just helping pay the bills. It doesn’t even cross their minds to be the Bad Husband. Some of us jump in the car as soon as work is over and drive as fast as the law will allow turning a 45 minute drive into a 37 minute one to pick up our child from after school before the late fee kicks in so said child doesn’t have to stay there any longer than need be. Even though the wife says it’s not necessary to make the trip, we want the child home and not waiting. Then turn around and drive the 45 minutes back home, even while in pain that some can only imagine.

Upon arriving home the Good Husband starts the homework process with the young (I hate homework and want to play) child and puts dinner on to cook and returns to help with the homework which is progressing just fine, even if there is the melt down that occurs each day for certain ages. Yes people, your children are not the only ones that cry and have that moment and then turns back into an angel minutes later to finish the homework happily with pride (at times).

BAD HUSBAND RESULT

It sends a message that men don’t’ do anything and that the women do it all. Both genders growing up think it and either a) go along with it or b) rebel against it in an irrational manner not realizing what the majority truth is.

We Prefer Sports over All Else

BAD HUSBAND EXPECTATION

We have a sporting event we cannot live without seeing. Then it happens. The child wants to watch something, or the wife wants to go somewhere. We fake injuries, give excuses or flat out refuse. We even shove money at the situation. Anything goes in order to see our sports program. We even pay the children to lie to help out.

GOOD HUSBAND REALITY

Family comes first. Yes there are events we would like to see. For instance the University we graduated from is playing football against their biggest rival, but we’ll find out the score. We can record it if we want it that much. Experiencing an autumn tradition with the family means more than a sporting event. Seeing the excitement in your child’s eyes as they know you are nearing wherever it is you go, that’s better than a, yes I am going to say it, silly ball and men you don’t know.

BAD HUSBAND RESULT

Men think everything else is more important than the family becomes a cliché go to idea. It becomes a staple of society. It sets a standard that children and even a future spouse will accept down to. Yes, ‘accept down to’ as in they won’t expect a good man for a husband.

We Just Want Sex for Our own Pleasure

BAD HUSBAND EXPECTATION

5 minutes or 15 minutes tops. Not only is it just for us, but we like it when we want it and where we want it and we pout if the answer is no. The woman gives in out of pity and we’re like school boys with a new toy. This is the only reason we are with a wife in the first place, we are hoping we don’t have to face a life of rejection.

GOOD HUSBAND REALITY

We love when what we do makes the woman happy. For some of us that is the pleasure of it all. We know it takes more to make a woman sated in bed than it does a man, or at least most men, but there is something enjoyable about a happy woman, especially when she in turn takes control. And you know what? Even if there is no sex there is still a relationship as long as the love is there.

BAD HUSBAND RESULT

Boys and girls are growing up to be women and men thinking sex is a bargaining tool and not what it is really meant to be. You take a look around and then come back and disagree after listening to the the songs and watching the music videos. Do I sound old? No, I sound like someone who realizes one of the largest influences on our children is music, not parents. “Not my kids, Ronovan.” I’ve been a high school teacher and a youth ministry director . . . yes your kids too.

We don’t sacrifice

BAD HUSBAND EXPECTATION

We’re all for us. No matter what it is we are out for number one. We buy cheaper clothing for the kids, cheap gifts for the wife, just so we can get a new golf club that is no better than the other 5 versions of the same. We miss ball games and events because we are doing something for ourselves rather than for our family. We disappoint.

GOOD HUSBAND REALITY

We don’t care what we wear. We buy khaki colored pants to wear to work and everywhere else, no matter what store they are from. They don’t fade except to become a lighter tan color. Our shirts have mends in them, collars are faded, and elbows are thread bare. In these times you do what it takes to give your child/family the best that you can. You wear the same shoes for years even though every time it rains your feet get wet. The shoes LOOK okay from the top, so you keep going.

BAD HUSBAND RESULT

The idea is men are selfish and don’t care. What does this do to the ideas that children develop? You say “It’s only TV, Ronovan.” I ask you, who do they listen to more, you or the TV? And in all honesty where do they learn more from?

We don’t work hard

BAD HUSBAND EXPECTATION

Whether at work or home men have these things where they take every shortcut to just get by, to just get the job done. These shortcuts are shown as being dangerous and life threatening at times, but people laugh at what the husband has done. Humor? I like humor, but humor doesn’t have to come at the expense of one of the only two pieces of society.

GOOD HUSBAND REALITY

Driving all day from house to house after making phone calls for hours and then entering homes one would never bring a house plant in to in an attempt to earn money to keep a life style and a future going, the man then continues his roles of chauffeur, tutor, and cook along with his community work.

Also yard worker, errand runner, and all around list completer should be added.

BAD HUSBAND RESULT

We are bad role models for the kids and disappointments to our wives. Even when we are not bad role models you can still hear the little jokes at times your children or wife agree with.

We are inept at life

BAD HUSBAND EXPECTATION

Somehow we’ve gone through life without having learned social graces or any other basic abilities for life. We cannot do anything for ourselves in a conventional manner and if left alone to our own devices will humiliate our families with our attempts, ruining kids chances at being popular and wives chances at promotions. We cannot cook, clean or any other home related activity without help from even a child who has more mastery than we do.

GOOD HUSBAND REALITY

We are quiet when necessary, speak up when needed, and when riled we have a way of making our views politely aware to everyone. We don’t yell, we don’t shout, but we make our choice of importance known without a doubt. We have charm, we have intellect, we have awareness and we can combine it all to intersect in our daily walk of life.

BAD HUSBAND RESULT

Again a bad example is set for the young. And even spouses who know the truth will eventually fall prey to societies expectations.

We don’t remember anything

BAD HUSBAND EXPECTATION

We all have amnesia. Birthdays, anniversaries, and any event not 100% to do with ourselves is up for forgetting. I speak on this from experience as I suffer from retro grade and short term amnesia.

GOOD HUSBAND REALITY

We remember it’s spirit day at school when no one else does. We remember it’s time for a doctor’s checkup or a birthday when others might should have. You walk into the room and forget what to say, from your words you spoke we help to get you back on the way or even tell you want you were going to say.

Do we forget things at times, yes but so does everyone with so much on our minds. That’s what society is these days, snippets of micro moments that overlap and do not give us a chance to remember anything. Me personally, the retrograde and short term memory problems kind of have taken their toll, I don’t even have the snippets.

BAD HUSBAND REALITY

The idea that we don’t remember anything means we don’t care enough to remember or listen.

TV and other forms of entertainment have used the husband/father as a pratfall for comedic relief for decades now. As the years go by what we see becomes something we believe. I know some will say they use the wife for the same reasons in some entertainment. I invite you to write an article of your own and share it. Today is from me and from my angle. A man who suffers from Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, Retrograde and Short Term Memory loss, at least three herniated discs in his spine including his neck, and 24/7 Migraines who now finds himself only able to at times cook a nice dinner every once in a while. I can only write on one topic at a time. Perhaps I will write on what men expect from a Good Wife from a man’s point of view at some point. I can tell you this, the list would be short; Love, Care, and Share or maybe I would get more detailed as I got thinky about it.

As for me with my problems I still do what I can. Up until an accident not long ago, I was the Good Husband Reality. The Good Father Reality. Yes, the examples I gave for the Good were me. And yes we need to have entertainment but I believe we need to have entertainment that uplifts and builds up people and society rather than tears it down. Everything we are bombarded with leads to assumptions being made about society. And you know what happens to you and me when we assume, right?

The next time your child smarts off at you, using a phrase you don’t recognize, check what they are watching. That safe channel they watch, guess what? They have things now being included that society has slowly accepted as okay and fine for our social norm but we would never teach our children or model for our children. I role model for my child. If he can’t do it, I can’t do it . . . except for driving a car. I do that one, although even a 10 year old boy thinks he can do it.

If you’ve made it this far I will now tell you that there are Husbands/Fathers that are worse than what you see on television. My biological one was such a . . . person. That was back in the early 70s, when I was very small and there weren’t such bad examples on TV that I know of. Media and entertainment are not completely responsible for society today, but it would be nice if they would control things, things that CAN be controlled.

Is that okay with you? Do you like the direction society is taking? Where does our responsibility for it begin and end? Who watches and supports the entertainment? They might be garbage to the mind peddlers, but who are the ones who buy it?

20,000 Views and Announcements!

September 12, 2014September 12, 2014 Ronovan Opinion Articles Author Interviews, Blogging, Blogging Achievement, Bloglovin, Book Reviews, facebook, Follower Appreciation, google, New Site, Tumblr, Twitter, Views

Thank everyone who has visited my site over the past just under 5 months and bringing it to . . .

20,000 VIEWS

I wasn’t going to do this when it happened a couple of days ago but I decided why not. I know a lot of you have more than I do but I truly never thought I would have my work seen this much.

I thought I would take this as an opportunity to go ahead and announce a few things. I wasn’t planning to until just now.

I want to tell everyone about my new site,

For now I post Author Interviews here on RonovanWrites and on LitWorldInterviews starting last week, but eventually they will be housed on LitWorldInterviews.

I am just waiting for the following to increase to make that fair to those who are agreeing to interviews. What I am hoping this grows into is a place for interviews with . . .

Authors
Agents
Editors
Publishers
And anyone associated with the literary world

Also there will be Book Reviews, although that is not my specialty, there is a book review there now but we’ll see. I may actually bring on help for that part, especially for some of the umm more interesting books if asked to review them. You know I am the shy and innocent type. If I don’t find the time for it , well . . .

It is a challenge I’ve placed in front of me to grow another site. I still haven’t really grown this one. But I really thought RonovanWrites needed to be where my writing is a home to, like it was intended. I enjoy the interviews and and the lit world so I decided to unclutter RonovanWrites by starting another site.

So Follow

LitWorldInterviews

I also want to invite everyone to follow me in a few other different places.

(I wasn’t going to do this either until just now.)

Facebook

I really would like to see my facebook page grow. I post some articles there plus humorous video clips and an occasional poem that doesn’t show up on RonovanWrites. The more it grows in support the more I can do with it. I have a pretty header photo. No, it’s not of me. Sorry. Yeah, you know who I’m looking at.

Google+

Tumblr

Bloglovin’ for RonovanWrites

Bloglovin’ for LitWorldInterviews

Twitter

Much Appreciation to Y’all, New Friends and Longer Friends.

Ronovan

Sexy Intelligence. A #FemaleFocusedFriday article. Men join in.

September 5, 2014September 5, 2014 Ronovan Opinion Articles Attractive, Fetish, Intellect, Intelligence, Marilyn Monroe, Men, Sexy, Women

Intelligence is sexy. Some of y’all think of a movie stereotype nerd or geek when hearing the word intelligent, but it’s not the rule, it’s the exception. I’ve mentioned before in a Confession what the mind does for me. I thought I would elaborate about . . .

Sexy Intelligence

Ah, Marilyn Monroe. Considered the greatest sex symbol of all time. Yes she was beautiful and sexy. Master of the empty look in a full figure. What makes this photo sexy, and a few others I’ve seen? She isn’t posing, she is engrossing. Marilyn wasn’t just a pretty face and body, she had the brains to go with it. Her career shows you that. She just happened to be foolish enough to fall into the dark part of the world. A bleached blond angel bound for disaster. A highway to crack up central.

People find all manner of things appealing and desirable. Look at a list of fetishes and I am certain you will discover some surprising revelations. Of course the foot fetish comes to mind when thinking of fetish. I can understand finding a woman’s feet attractive. You can do a lot with a massage.

I have an Intellect Fetish. I need to explain what I mean by intellect. Intellect to me is not just knowing facts. Intellect is knowing how to properly use the information you have and in a manner that does not come across as a condescending, arrogant, jerk face.

You have the looks, the style, grace, the complete package, and then you speak. It doesn’t take long ti realize the elevator doesn’t reach the top floor.

I’m not saying you need to spell words correctly in a blog, heaven knows I mess up at times. You may even use the wrong word, it happens. But it’s your message that makes it happen for me and I am sure for others. Give me a brain with a decent packaging and I’ll take it over the Christmas wrap and a child’s toy any day.

Ladies AND Men

What do you find sexy and what makes you feel sexy?

Answer both or one.

There is no ‘Let’ in Love

August 5, 2014August 5, 2014 Ronovan Opinion Articles Blogs, Dating, Dating Advice, Life, Love, Love Advice, Opinion, Relationship Advice, Relationships

“I let you love me.“

“I let you into my world.”

“I let you determine our lives.”

Everyone, I want to say . . .

There is no ‘Let’ in Love

Also, there is no Allow . . . in Love. Letting someone do something is a phrase that has always rubbed me the wrong way, or so I believe. I know it does now, because when I find myself writing the word let or hopefully catch myself, I cringe and must examine why the word let is being used. As with everyone who is conditioned in this society of letting and allowing, those phrases slip through even when we are looking for them, so forgive me if you find them.

I wrote an article a bit of time back called ‘Don’t ALLOW people to control YOU’. Allowing is a bad word, just like letting. You allow and let things happen to you that are in your control that are possibly not good for you.

You let me fall in love with you?

You have no choice in the matter.

You let me into your world?

I am in the world already, I just found you in it.

You let me determine our lives?

No, you say yes or no and determine your own life.

You let a child have a cookie. You cannot ‘let’ someone feel.

Then what is it we do with love or at least what am I driving at? Love is acceptance of things as they are. If you are with someone and find out you want to change certain non life threatening things about them or they want to change you . . . yes there may still be love but it is not THE love.

Perhaps you are not a fan of certain types of movies, TV shows, music, or foods. You do not ‘let’ the other person enjoy those things. When you realized you were in love with them and then expressed that to them, you then ‘accepted’ them as they ARE. That is part of what makes them who they are. Why want to change what brought you to them in the first place?

Do not enter a relationship thinking about a change occurring later on. The only thing that will change is the end of the relationship or the straining of one to the point of years of miserable.

I love you, I am in love with you, I give you my love; these are the phrases of love. In none of those phrases does the word let fit. In none of those feelings does the word let fit. In none of those phrases is permission being asked. Perhaps you will reject the phrases, but believe me when I say that the speaker of those words will continue on regardless of what you say.

In conclusion if you find yourself thinking the words you are letting the person in your life do something, rethink it. Are you letting or are you loving? Are you letting or are you accepting?

I have been brief today. If you need more explanation then let me know.

For all of you lovers reading, is it let or is it love?

Other articles in the future will deal with what you do ‘Let’ happen and ‘Change’ for love.

Until then,

Much Respect & Much Love

Ronovan

Diversity in action . . . I gotta problem.

July 24, 2014July 24, 2014 Ronovan Opinion Articles Captain America, Diversity, Falcon, Luke Cage, Marvel Comics, Power Man, Sam Wilson, Thor

Diversity in writing is a movement sweeping through the publishing industry. And I have a problem with it.

I want to talk comic books for a moment. No, don’t leave. You’re a writer. Comics aren’t what they used to be . . . for better or worse. So stay with me on this. You’ll see where I am going momentarily, maybe.

Thor is a Woman

“The inscription on Thor’s hammer reads ‘Whosoever holds this hammer, if HE be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor.’ Well it’s time to update that inscription,” says Marvel editor Wil Moss.

Captain America is African American

“For most of his professional life, Sam has worked as a social worker, so he’s seen the worst of urban society up close, and how crime, poverty, lack of social structure and opportunity can affect the community.”-Editor Tom Brevoort

I’m from the South. What do you think my problem here is?

Take your time, gather your thoughts.

Now toss them out the window.

Yes I intentionally led you down the wrong brain drain. Anyone that knows me and has read my other offerings here on RonovanWrites knows how I feel about all people.

So what’s my deal?

#1 Thor is a Norse god of mythology, not a goddess. Yeah, I know it’s a comic book, but still. Try it with Muhammad. “Oh, but Muhammad was real.” Give me another point. Jesus was real also. So let’s not get into religion. More than likely this will be a temporary deal. Who knows?

#2 Captain America? He, in the form of Steve Rogers, the original Captain America is my favorite comic book character of all time . . . seriously. I have Captain America 100 from the 1960s in a frame, his first solo titled gig in the modern era. I even have a small statuette of him. My son has been him twice at Halloween, the first time he had a pacifier. Cute? Of course, how could he not be? Is that the problem I have, that my favorite character isn’t my favorite character inside the suit any longer? Nope.

Do I have a problem with an African American in the uniform? Nope.

It’s Sam Wilson, the Falcon,

Captain America’s off and on partner for a long time, who even shared the banner on the book for a number of years. I got no problem with it. He’s the first person Rogers has hand picked as his successor. He represents the beliefs like Steve Rogers did.And in the mid 1980s he had awesomely cool costume. He’s the first African American hero in comics.

One thing the press release said was that Sam was more in touch with the modern man and the problems of society, that he didn’t grow up in the 1930s like Steve Rogers, who has been aged somehow in the comics. Yeah, Steve grew up in the depression so I guess he doesn’t know anything about the problems of the world today and the economic situation. Yeah, note the sarcasm. Please. When you have people running the show that just don’t get it, you end up with explanations that don’t need to be given.

They say this has maybe been in the making for two years. Okay, I’m good with that. I just don’t like the gimmicks.

I just like Steve Rogers in the role. I didn’t like Bucky Barnes, Cap’s original partner, playing the part either. Is that still the reason I don’t like the change? Nope.

So what’s my problem?

Marvel is making change for money. No, they are not, in my opinion making a statement in regards to society. They are writing to just get in on the diverse market and it is sickening. I know that’s how it works but it still sickens me. It sickens me as bad as when they started allowing swearing in main stream comic books. Yeah, I stopped collecting. I protested it, me, Mr. 100 + books per month.

I don’t take the comic book industry lightly. Where did I learn a large vocabulary at a young age? Why from The Fantastic Four and Reed Richards of course. Comic books teach. And what are they teaching now? Sell out.

I have other classic books in comic book form like The Three Musketeers and the like from the 1960s as well. No I wasn’t born until after the 60s. I just liked comics.

It’s obvious and obnoxious to me. Yeah, I wanted to be a comic book writer at one point, and still would like to. I would even like it at Marvel, but hey, blogger boy gotta speak his blogger mind on his blog. So if Marvel is reading, I understand if you turn anything down I might send your way some day. And yeah, oddly I had a diverse book idea for you.

But you don’t take a real social issue and then do this with it. You have diverse characters aplenty at Marvel. Just put your money in them and your support. Power Man (Luke Cage) and Iron Fist were two of the coolest characters. Power Man was African American and look what you did with his character the last time I was around. You turned him into a book that kids couldn’t read.

You want to give books to kids with diversity in it? Don’t switch the characters in the safe books. Instead make the characters you already have safe. But then . . . comic books aren’t for kids are they?

That’s my Opinion
Much Respect
Ronovan

Unskinny Fat-Self Image Insanity

July 18, 2014July 18, 2014 Ronovan Opinion Articles Anorexia, Blogs, Self Image, Statistics, Unfit Skinny, Unskinny Fat

Unskinny Fat. Anorexic. Muscles Me Not Got. I’m not sure what you want to call it, but self image of women, especially the young these days is wearing thin on me. Is that at pun? Not exactly. It’s a fact. I’m ticked at what society has done to generations of females.

A society sitting on its own big derrière tries to dictate to females what they should look like or what the perfect body image is like getting celibacy or relationship tips from a Kardashian. It’s just not worth it.

~~~

Unskinny Fat-Self Image Insanity

~~~

Just a quick note: There are no images in this article. Why? Because I don’t promote an ideal image or even humilite someone that is an example of Unskinny Fat or Unfit Skinny. Some people can’t help what they are, some can. I’m not here to judge. Be happy with it. Now on with the article.

First of all, do you know what Unskinny Fat means? Perhaps Unfit Skinny is a better way of putting it? Now you probably are getting on the track of my crazy train mind. You see there are people out there who lose weight to be skinny, duh, right? But how do they do it?

One way is to stop eating or eat next to nothing. Lose weight? Yes. What are they losing? Muscle. So what is left? Fat. So yeah, you’re going to fit into those clothes you want to but you aren’t going to look fit. You’ll me squishy and unhealthy and there is a good chance you will die if you aren’t careful.

Then you have the Unfit Skinny that lose everything and are just bone, anorexic. I’m not going to name any celebrity names because I’m just not like that. But just pay attention and you can see them.

The Unskinny Fat and the Unfit Skinny just don’t look healthy. There are slim/skinny women that look healthy.

Men and women in the fashion magazine world need to put the airbrushes away and get real. The number one sex symbol is still Marilyn Monroe. Get a hint people. Men enjoy women of every size and shape. I want a woman that is healthy and happy not miserable in her own skin.

Do you not what really causes problems in those people that are heavier than those magazine people? Stress. It’s a killer. Why is there stress? Because they are concerned about their weight. There are people in this world that are ‘overweight’ but healthy. I’m not saying go out and be overweight and be happy, I’m saying go out and be healthy not insanely into body image.

Here are some statistics from the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders:

95% of all dieters will regain their lost weight within 5 years
The body type portrayed in advertising as the ideal is possessed naturally by only 5% of American females
69% of girls in 5th-12th grade reported that magazine pictures influenced their idea of a perfect body shape.
81% of 10 year olds are afraid of being fat
20% of people suffering from anorexia will prematurely die from complications related to their eating disorder, including suicide and heart problems.

Ladies, let me tell you something. I love you alive. That’s the way I want you. I want you healthy and with strength. Let’s be honest here, I don’t want a weak woman, in any sense of the word. If you have friends that think you need to look a certain way, they’re not your friends.

Oh, you’ve heard that before? Do you think maybe that’s because it’s the truth? Read the statistics up there. Go down the path that leads to death or down the path that leads to a healthy, happy and beautiful you. It’s up to you.

This is not a scare article. This is a I love you article. “But, Ronovan, you don’t know me.” Hey, are you human? Do you have feelings? Then I know you. If you were in front of me with a car coming would I let you die? No. Why, because I love you. I see this train wreck waiting to happen with people with this insane body image thing. I have to speak or it’s just like watching the car hit you.

But you know what? Driving a road with curves is a whole lot more exciting to me than just traveling down a straightaway.

Much Respect

Ronovan

Families Aren’t Born, They’re Made

July 17, 2014July 17, 2014 Ronovan Opinion Articles Family, Inspiration, Life, Opinion, Personal, Societal Issue

Adoptive Parents. Foster Parents. Step Parents. Call those non birth nurturers of the young what you will, people have opinions about them, just like every person has a . . . well you know. I’m going to share mine . . . my opinion that is.

First I want to make some things perfectly clear. I KNOW that not all Foster Care parents are great. I KNOW that not all Foster Care situations work out properly. I KNOW there are statistics showing things one way or the other about the impact Foster Care has on a child’s life. THIS is not about THOSE Foster Care parents or situations. If that is the article you are looking for then you may want to move on.

THIS article is about the positive situations I have seen, and the POSITIVE OUTCOMES of GOOD Foster Care and Adoptive Parents.

You may ask, “Ronovan, what do you KNOW about THIS subject?” Have you ever heard the phrase “treat someone like a red-headed step-child?” Well that’s ME. I’m one, been one for about 40 years now. Yep, he’s my Dad, my mi papa. If I go any farther with that I’ll just end up in trouble because I think I might be mixing languages, call it Latinglish.

But does that make me an expert on the Foster and Adoptive Parent part, of course not. “Then, Ronovan, how can you speak about something you don’t know about?”

Why, I am so happy you asked me. It’s time to get serious, because I’m mad. Let us discuss a thought of mine . . .

Families Aren’t Born, They’re Made

Let’s just get right down to it. For a time I was the head of a young group that took care of Foster Children while all the Foster Parents met for a required monthly meeting. It was a joy to do so and while doing so I learned a lot about the children. No two were alike. No two came from the same emotional mindset, not even siblings. With my teaching background, certification, being a parent of a young child and background checks I was of course a natural choice as leader, and I had teenagers to become human playground equipment. What more could an association ask for?

We were even invited to their Easter Egg Hunts and Picnic Get-a-ways. It was a great learning and growing experience for my young people as much as it was for me and those young children. We all learned about a different kind of love.

You would look at a sweet little face and the next thing you know they were freaking out because of some random thing, not very often, but sometimes. Or you look at a sweet face and they just want to be held, but you can’t because of the laws.

For me that was a heart breaker. I’m the cuddly guy, the ‘love the little kiddies’ guy, especially the little girls who you just want to be the Daddy of. They come at me with those pretty little eyes and sad faces and I just want to die. I want to hug them so bad and make them smile, even the ones that would come at me and headbutt me in the stomach because they liked me.

I’ve had experiences with two Foster Families. They have both adopted the children they were Foster Parents for. I know, that’s not a lot, but it’s something to comment on. Both are good ones too. I know there are some bad ones out there but there are also some good ones. Perhaps there needs to be a better and more in depth Foster Parent selection and screening progress. No . . . there DOES need to be one.

The children are growing up, well adjusted, as well as they can be as some recover from difficulties they had in the past. Some may have to go to therapy because of their previous family situation but they will be okay with the continued love and support they are receiving. This isn’t saying that all Foster/Adoption children have some type of issue, they don’t but some do.

The fact is parents that adopt a foster child know what they are getting into. I couldn’t do it. One family I am close to just blows my mind how they have taken children in as Foster Parents and they loved them so much they adopted them, and they have turned their worlds . . . and yes, for some it includes therapy.

These people don’t have to do it. But this family KNEW the issues before hand and still wanted these wonderful kids. Not just one, but all of the siblings so they could be together instead of separate Foster Homes. Personally, I would go crazy. One child is enough for me.

Did you know that some Foster and Adoptive Parents get attacked and harassed and even basically bad mouthed all over the place because they loved so much they did what their hearts told them to do? Do you know how many good people see this and then decide not to become Foster Parents because of it, and thus the system ends up with the REAL kind of people that some should be talking about?

Not every parent of a child that ends up in Foster Care wants their child to be there. I hope none of them do. But some end up in situations that require it. Some people might ask, “Well what if they find they are out of that situation someday?” Then if the child is in Foster Care there might be a chance of their return.

But if adopted, then no, there will be no return. I know not every situation is perfect and some Foster situations in some areas go wrong, but the ones I know of went right. I can’t think of those children having stayed in their previous family environment for one more and then another more chance while they slowly edged closer to being so emotionally scarred that they were permanently damaged.

People don’t think about that. At least I don’t guess they do. All they see is a broken up home. If I had just been with my biological father I would have begged to be in a Foster Home if I had known what it was back then. But I was lucky, I had a mother then a step-father. And yes, I made sure people knew what my father had done to me. I was 6 years old. Does that tell you how aware a young child can be of what is WRONG?

But some children won’t say anything. Just because the child doesn’t tell certain adults things doesn’t mean their lives are perfect . . . or maybe it’s that the certain adults just aren’t listening. There’s a thought, hmm?

Now for the people who are, pardon my saying it this way, real jerks about giving people a hard time for adopting kids who need to be adopted just because they disagree and THINK they know something and then start getting up in the adoptive parents’ business and start bad mouthing them to everyone they can think of . . . you need to buy a vowel, phone a friend, use a life line, basically get a clue and shut up about what you don’t know about. And I don’t care WHO you are.

I’ll repeat; not every Foster Parent or Adoptive Parent works out or is a good idea, but for the ones I personally know, they are incredible. Why do I say this? Because of this family the children are receiving a very good education and all of the various extra help they need either in their education or emotional areas. Their creative outlets are encouraged and their social activities are quality ones with good people. In fact the children have grown in so many ways that it is astounding.

There will be people that may comment on this in a negative or possibly hostile manner. I say this to you now; I’ll not engage in a debate or tolerate any badmouthing. Be civil and you may speak your piece. I read all comments on my articles. I don’t moderate them before they are allowed onto the site. But I will tell you this; start something and I delete your comment and ban you from commenting again. And you are not allowed to use any of the comments in this article in any manner at all. All rights are reserved by me. Don’t reblog it if you are going to use it in a manner of hate. Don’t ping back or link back to me for the same reason.

Remember, I said at the beginning this was a positive article about my own personal experiences with a family.

Personally I think those who love children enough to take them in, knowing they come from possibly bad situations, and still want them and even want them to the point of adopting them, is an amazing and admirable thing. I know when you are in the middle of it the situation is difficult to see from a different point of view, but there is another view. I don’t expect those involved to ever see both sides of it. Emotions run deep and it’s just a hard situation.

To all those good people who become Foster Parents and Adoptive Parents for the right reasons, I commend you. For those who do it to get money for taking care of the kids and don’t do jack for the kids, basically . . . you suck.

Much Respect to the Read Deals

Ronovan

Give Me a Photo Please!

July 17, 2014July 17, 2014 Ronovan Opinion Articles Blogs, Exploitation, Opinion, rant, Self Image, Sexist, Society, Women

Photos of women kissing men, draped over men, attacking men in sexual ways, or basically giving to the man. It doesn’t matter what type of photo I want to find on the internet, I’m going to come across photos 95% of the time that are men centric.

I’m sick of it.

Give Me a Photo Please!

“Oh, Ronovan, you know you like looking at those pictures.”

Don’t confuse me with the men in your life and men don’t confuse me with the filth in your minds. And no, I know not all men enjoy it.

To be honest, give me a photo of a woman from the shoulders up with beautiful eyes and smile and I am a very happy man.

I wrote a poem where I simply wanted an image where it was the man passionately kissing the woman. I wanted clothing on, and it being a deep romantic kiss. Romance and passion apparently mean naked and the woman doing the kissing of anything and everything.

I also wrote a poem where the man was being sensual to the woman. How many photos out of thousands do you think I found where the man was doing the sensualizing?

And man doesn’t kiss the woman passionately or romantically. I had to settle for a picture that was almost close. Nothing was close.

This goes along with a lot of how I see society today, man centric. Okay, so here is my take on the way it should be. Now hold onto your hats, seats or what your Momma gave you, because some of you won’t like it.

I’m about to go Amen on you.

God looked around after Adam named the animals. Remember that? Not a companion could be found for old Adam, well young Adam I suppose. So what did God do? God created woman.

Now here is my take on that creation. In the Bible you have to read around and see a few things to realize how beautiful the Garden in Eden was. God then created something that man would find more amazing and more beautiful and more desirable than anything else on earth. Yep, woman.

Some of you that read my various writings know my opinions about women. Now maybe you can understand it on another level. I admire women. I admire their beauty and their intellect. I especially admire those women with strength. If they have all three, a truly rare combination, The Triple Threat, I become speechless and am in awe.

Awwww

No, awe! Grrr, anyway, now it doesn’t matter if I put in coffee cup I am going to find an image pop up that’s of a woman with the coffee cup, hopefully, placed in a strategic location. Trust me men, I love the female form as much as, if not more than the next guy, but I don’t like exploitation. Even in the photos I use I darken them and crop them to attempt an avoidance of such an act on my part.

No wonder the young girls, teens, twenties on up of the females have an image problem. And no wonder the same aged on the male side are turning into pigs and dogs at a younger and younger age.

Rant over.

Much Respect

Ronovan

Internet Cyber Bullies: Not just for the young.

July 14, 2014July 14, 2014 Ronovan Opinion Articles Blog, Blogging, Blogs, Bullying, Cyber Bullying, Cyber Troll, Internet Bullying, Internet Troll

Cyber Bullying, Internet Bullying, Cyber Bullies, Trolls. You know where this is going. Did you know that if you share your thoughts on the internet that you might get attacked or that people like to use those things to try and make you feel weak and bad? No? It happens, even to the nicest people, INCLUDING adults. Cyber Bullying isn’t just about teenagers or younger any longer or in truth has never just been about those ages. Some call it discussing, commenting or debating. To me once you cross a line it becomes something else. This isn’t about something that’s happened to me. It’s happened to my FRIENDS.

Internet Cyber Bullies: Not just for the young.

by: Ronovan

Why do bloggers blog? Is it because we want attention? For some that may be the case, but I would say for most it is to share their thoughts and their creations. There are those who do it as a hobby of sorts or even as a way to make money. I need to look into how to do that last one. I’m not sure anyone would pay me to write what I write. I’m just too random.

If you are a paid columnist for a major publication I am sure you expect some attacks or fallout from certain pieces published. For those who simply share personal experiences in order for others to find a person to connect with and heal with, I expect an attack comes as a shock. It’s a sucker punch, a low blow, basically a jerk thing to do.

Have I been personally attacked? No, but I have seen my friends attacked. I hold my tongue and bite my fingers while I’m at it. Sure, I may write something in response either on their blog or even in an article myself but it is always more toward the support of the friend than against the attacker. I like to support the positive and not encourage the negative.

I’m a peacemaker. It’s what some call a spiritual gift. When I see strife it tears at me. When it involves one of my friends, especially a woman, I become . . . not happy. Society needs to realize that Cyber Bullying is not just limited to school aged kids. It happens to adults too. Sometimes it’s even by another blogger who is just so self centered they can’t see past their ego bubble to notice they have a problem.

And if what is called a ‘troll’ can find you and your weakness they are going to pick at that weakness until it bleeds and you crack. Yes, ‘troll’ is just another word for cyber bully. But people apply it to adult on adult bullying because we as adults are supposed to be able to handle ourselves.

Really? Give a try sometime and see how you like it. Not everyone is the same. Not everyone’s history is the same. I wrote an interview recently that showed me how different people really can be. That in part sparked this article. That, and a few other incidents.

‘Troll’ alert: I’m good. I’m better adjusted than my site content may suggest. I’ve been mentally attacked by the best and I’m still standing.

No matter what a blogger says the ‘troll’ will take the opposite view or spin words to create chaos, even if the blogger agrees at some point, the ‘troll’ will just change their words to keep an argument going.

‘Trolls’ want to argue and hurt people. Some ‘trolls’ don’t even know they’re ‘trolls’. However, they do know what they are doing. They find that person they think is weak, discover things about them, and then when the opportunity arises they strike. Or perhaps they don’t realize that’s what they are doing, I mean some of them. They just ended up mentally conditioned to prey upon others. I’m not giving them a free pass for it. Big boy, put on the big boy panties and act like a big boy or girl.

So how do you handle a ‘troll’? If you are a blogger you can block them from posting. Or better is just to ignore them and ask your reader Friends to not reply to their comments. ‘Trolls’ want attention. Don’t give it to them and some day they will go away.

But that isn’t the answer for some bloggers. There are some situations that can’t be ignored. That’s when you do have to block them or even report them to whoever you have your blog with. I would just make sure to reply to a comment telling the ‘troll’ not to comment on any more of your blog posts or any other social network or media you are involved with. Copy it, screenshot it, keep it, and if it continues, it’s harassment.

Will this article bring the ‘trolls’ my way? Perhaps, but if they disrupt my Friends enjoyment of my creations they will be blocked. And in truth, they would just give me more things to write about. Perhaps my next article would be Cyber Bully Booger Blues. So sad.

Until next time,

Much Respect

Ronovan

Women and Short Hair? A brave or insane man’s opinion.

July 13, 2014July 13, 2014 Ronovan Opinion Articles Alyssa Milano, Hair, Length, Sinead O'Connor

How do men like it on their women, up or down, long or short?

You ask 100 men and you won’t get a unanimous agreement. Even if you asked 10 you might not get it. Let me say one thing up front; it doesn’t matter what men like, ladies. As long as you like it and it makes you feel happy and beautiful then go with it. You feel beautiful then that beauty will shine through.

The reason for this article was the result of a conversation recently when a lady asked what do men like and why. Me being me and Ronovan being one who Writes, I decided to write. Yes, that’s what my site title means; I write and I write anything and everything in any style. Now let’s get on with the hair tips from Mr. Van Van Man. Yeah, that’s me. Deal with it! Around the World Snap and in a Z formation! Yes, hair tips, what did you think I was talking about? I’ll turn away while that blush of yours goes away. I promise not to peek.

Oh, honey, you still blushing? Well fan yourself or something. We got to get on with this. No, stop looking at my picture it just makes it worse. Just saying.

Up Down Up Down Up Down: How do men like it?

by: Ronovan

Most men like long hair to some extent and we like the ponytail at times. Really what I want to look at today is short hair and what works. I picked two celebrities today. I have two more in mind for another day if people like this article or if I just feel so inclined to do it.

Sinead O’Connor

Let’s make it simple. It all depends on the woman and what makes her look good. Some guys say they like long hair, or at least not really short hair as in like Sinead O’Connor. Personally, the ‘Nothing Compares To You’ Sinead was beautiful. Pardon my saying this but back then I was a teenager. I waited for this video to come on MTV, back when it really was about music videos. Just think all in black, simple, and all you really see is this beautiful woman.

Here’s the honest part of this. Sinead at that point made it so you didn’t even notice her short hair. She made a statement back during a time of show what you got. She showed what she had, talent. And that combined with the focus on her facial features was a perfect combination. Even today just looking at the image you see beauty but not a model doing a photo shoot.

What would make this not work? Have her in a dress with a plunging neck line. Her face shape in this photo wouldn’t support that look. At least not in my opinion. She has a softer line to her face that I just don’t see working that way. There are photos of her elsewhere that show her face a little less soft and she could pull it off, but not for this video.

Now let’s look at Alyssa Milano.

Truth time here. She is one of my all time most beautiful women ever. I don’t like the style here. Yes she looks good with short hair but this particular picture and style doesn’t work for me. The only way she gets away with it is because of who she is. Even with her eyes, which we all know I am fond of brown eyes, it’s hard to not see the forehead here. If you go bangs that short then you need to just put some product in and style it up.

What I think is happening here is that she’s in that awkward in-between length. You can almost see that the lengths aren’t quite right for the shape of her head. She has a great face shape for short hair and bone structure. The problem could even be the earrings. They are adding length in the wrong place. Just take your fingers and cover up the earrings and see what I mean. No earrings and the hair almost works. Fact is; she is still gorgeous! Sorry, I geeked a little there.

I know some of you are saying “Ronovan, you crazy. That is hot.” Okay, she’s amazing, but that bangs thing is just making my Migraine shout at me to scroll down and type something else.

Okay, fine, here you go. See same basic length but with a bit of color change and better styling. The earrings are much simpler, great improvement. Also the smile doesn’t hurt. And it’s not just about the smile itself. By smiling she added just a touch bit of length to her face and that makes it all work perfectly together. Now she’s got me. Yeah, like she didn’t before, right? Ahem.

If the style is done right and it looks right for the woman’s bone structure, neck length, shoulders and body type, then I’m good. I could have used different people as examples but I thought Sinead was an obvious choice for short hair. Alyssa Milano was a good one here for showing how just a little change makes a difference with the short hair.

Do we like hair up or down? Yes. I had to say that because we like it either way. For me, wear it how it’s comfortable. Visually the hair can be a picture frame or an accessory for the face. Some faces may need the frame if they are wanting to look their best, some don’t so much.

Do all men think about it this way? Doubtful, but it may just be something that is a natural thing the eye and mind do without our knowing. I like art and to me a woman is art. I look and notice the details.

But truthfully if a woman feels beautiful it comes through no matter what she wears or how her hair looks.

At least that’s my opinion.

Opinionated Detail Minded On the Catwalk

‘Right Said Red’ Ronovan

Five things men fear on first dates.

July 11, 2014August 25, 2014 Ronovan Humor, Opinion Articles Advice, Blogs, Dating, Dating Advice, First Dates, Funny, Humor, humour, Relationships

You’re on a date and you are stressed beyond belief. It’s like that first time and you just have no idea what’s going to happen. You just keep praying that you don’t do anything . . . stupid.

Stupid around my house is a bad word. We say silly instead. But really one word is as bad as another if you know what it is supposed to really stand for. No freakin’ way will I say that crap word again.

Anyway, for a guy what can you do that’s so bad on a first date, or really any date for that matter, but that first date is the one you have to impress. The rest of your time with her she realizes you’re a guy and you do guy things, so you get a pass card. And no I don’t mean that kind of pass . . . or that one either. Eww.

What do we fear?

Five Things Men Fear on First Dates

by: Ronovan

Pit Sweats

Guys, be honest, they are;

The dreaded stains,

That cause you chest pains.

You have options here men.
• Date only in winter and never wear a coat, jacket, or sweater
• Duct tape bath clothes to your pits
• Or be sensible and wear a t-shirt

But the truth is, none of those ideas occur to us until it’s the end of July and we’re standing outside her door and that trickle starts down the back of the neck. You just know what’s going to be next. Back sweats? Okay you can get away with that, she’ll understand. But then you drive and move your arm and the air hits and . . . you know it has happened.

That freezing cold feeling hits that damp pit cloth of the shirt and you begin to sweat more and wonder if she would question stopping at a local Quik Trip convenience store while you air dry your pits with the hand dryer in the restroom. Then you begin to worry she thinks you have other problems.

Bad Breath

You leave the house and you are like, “It’s all good.” Then you start singing to the radio. Something begins to smell.

You’re at her driveway. She’s sitting on the porch swing and sees you. You have no way out. You pull in and scrounge for anything.

And then you find it, that melted plastic wrapped piece of peppermint candy that is now pink from where the food coloring has fun together from who knows how many years of living in the cup holder under that Taco Bell napkin.

The plastic will not release. She’s stopped swinging and now is staring. Yes, you do it. In goes the candy, plastic and all and you . . . chew. You have to get out of the car because she’s coming. She’s worried about you. Oh no, you can’t get rid of the plastic or she’ll see and then your hands are covered in sticky 3,000 year old candy sugar.

Yep, you swallow the plastic.

Bats in the Cave

It happens to everyone, even her. But men, you know it’s going to happen on that date.

You can even feel it happening. The tickle starts. You breathe and hear that slight noise and feel it moving.

You start breathing through your mouth slightly. But then she’ll think you’re a mouth breather. You try for the distraction and the big sniff to move that thing up. Or maybe you find a way to rub your nose in the hopes of it settling into place.

Then one of two things happens. You’re in the moment, the kiss could happen. She has those melt you in your shoes eyes looking up at you and her eyes go from yours to your lips then . . . you got it. Her eyes moves slightly upward as the bat begins to say hello.

Is that the worst thing? Nope. Same situation and then Bat Cave Bomb Away, you got it, the boogie done left the building and it only has one place to go.

Nose Hair

Related to the Bat Cave situation are the Nasal Follicles.

I know the Good Lord designed them to help us out, after all if not for them all those Bats in the Cave matter would be in our lungs, but for goodness sake, trim the vines before the date.

Men if you are headed to the date and you are in your car, look in the mirror. No, you don’t have the nose hair trimmers with you. Yes ladies, we do have those. Mine are burgundy. Now guys if you look in the mirror and see Tarzan swinging it’s desperate measure time.

Yes, you have to pull them out. I heard the ouch. I feel your pain. Seriously, I’ve been there. Just go for it and yank Tarzan and Cheetah both out and hope the tears are gone before you get to Jane.

B.O. Bomb

Well men we finally come to the most dreaded one of all. All the others we can try to avoid and take care of. But when it comes to the body odor, well, what can I say? It stinks.

Some men keep deodorant in their car. Nice. Some even keep cologne. Not going to work. If you are like most men, you’re in trouble.

There are four options available at this point if you are in her driveway:
1. Grab the jacket in the back seat and wear it all night, even in late July at the ball game. Yeah, Pit Sweats combined with the B.O Bomb. Nice. Then you begin breathing heavy and the plastic peppermint quits working and you feel that piece of plastic still stuck in your teeth.
2. The car deodorizer might work. Chemical hazard? Yes. Worth a kiss on the first date? Yep.
3. Asking to borrow her bathroom and using her deodorant. It’s one way to be sure but you better keep it a secret.
4. Keep as far apart from her as you think is the safe smell limit. One problem with this is . . . no second date. You can either get close and get the rep as Señor Stinko with all of her friends who you also know, or become known as General Germaphobia. Take your pick.

Well, there you have them, and that’s just 5 of our fears. You didn’t know we had them, did you ladies? You thought our only worries were how expensive you were going to order and if we were going to get to first base or farther. Oh, and some of you men didn’t know you had to worry about all of that? Welcome to reality.

If you really want something that will freak you out, and this really happened, check out “When toots let loose. . . “ or what I call “A College Girls Gas Confession” at my fellow blogger’s site A College Girl’s Confessions. I swear, I’m not making this up.

Men AND women, do you care to share some of your MOMENTS on dates? Come on, you know you want to. Put a comment in.

Much Respect
Apparently Hygiene Deficient Ronovan

1st Image Credit: gettyimages© Original Photo by Laurence Monneret/The Image Bank

2nd Image Credit: gettyimages© Original Photo by Don Bayley/E+

4th Image Credit: gettyimages© Original Photo by sturti-E+ Man

5th Image Credit: gettyimages© Original Photo by Don Bayley/Vetta Man

Meet Beautiful ‘M’: A Marfans story.

July 2, 2014September 12, 2014 Ronovan Opinion Articles Athlete, Competitive Cheer, Death, Illness, Inspiration, Isaiah Austin, Marfan Syndrome, Pain, Teen, Young, Youth

Isaiah Austin has Marfan Syndrome and won’t be able to play professional basketball in the NBA. That dream is over. But due to his talent and popularity he has many opportunities to remain in the sport he loves from coaching at his alma mater to a job with the NBA once he finishes school.

You’re wondering why you should you care, right? Ronovan doesn’t write about sports. Keep reading. How often do I not have a madness to my method?

Marfan and Beautiful ‘M’

by: Ronovan

“About 1 in 5,000 people have Marfan syndrome, including men and women of all races and ethnic groups.”-marfan.org

Now take a look at what Marfan Syndrome is:

“Marfan syndrome is a genetic disorder that affects the body’s connective tissue. Connective tissue holds all the body’s cells, organs and tissue together. It also plays an important role in helping the body grow and develop properly.” “Some Marfan features – for example, aortic enlargement (expansion of the main blood vessel that carries blood away from the heart to the rest of the body) – can be life-threatening. The lungs, skin and nervous system may also be affected. Marfan syndrome does not affect intelligence.”-marfan.org

For something most of us that has never heard of it, we can tell by that simple blurb this is a very serious disorder.

What if you aren’t a superstar athlete . . . in a popular ‘sport’?

First of all, don’t think I am knocking Isaiah Austin. He didn’t ask for Marfan or the opportunities coming his way. That’s not it. Now that he’s drawn attention to Marfan I want to draw attention to another side of it.

Meet ‘M’. She’s not a superstar yet, well not to the world but she is to those who know and love her, but she is a competitive athlete. She’s been in competitive cheerleading for most of her life.

Some don’t realize how tough competitive cheer is. ‘M’ has been a flyer. Meaning she is the one that is thrown in the air and just prays she is caught. She has to spin and do all sorts of things while up there and still find her mark on the way down while trying to stay in sync with the other flyers.

On top of that she also does the gymnastic tumbling and has to be super strong in her core, abdomen in order to stay stiff as a board while standing up with people holding her in the air. Or how about you have to support someone as they jump over your head while you are in the air? Think it’s easy? Try it. Plus she also has to hold others in the air while she is up on peoples hands because she is so strong. You know that person in the middle of all those people up in the air that others are hanging onto? That’s ‘M’.

Continue reading →

10 Things: How to Avoid a Vasectomy

June 30, 2014June 30, 2014 Ronovan Humor, Opinion Articles 10 Things, Bathing, Blog, Blogs, Excuses, Fun, Funny, Handcuffs, Humor, List, Lists, Opinion, Thoughts, Vasectomy, Vaseline, Whoopi Goldberg

10 Things: How to Avoid a Vasectomy

by: Ronovan

So men, she wants you snipped. You are thinking, “Uh uh”. Short of divorce or breaking up with said female desiring the snippage what are you going to do?

I came up with 10 things that will help. Some may only work if married because a wife by the point where a vasectomy is an issue is probably at the point of ‘whatever’ when it comes to things you do. Any ladies reading this know what I mean. (Men if your wife or girlfriend ‘likes’ this article, email me for other ideas.)

Some of these are just ways not to have sex and others are ways to make things stop before that “Gorilla Grunt” thing men do. Either way you don’t want to end up with the babies.

#10

Whoopi Goldberg Naked

I know it sounds desperate but in all honesty that’ll withdraw the cannons and the . . . umm . . . ammunition very quickly. There is a drawback to this method. Don’t use it too often or every time you start having sex you will start thinking about Whoopi Goldberg and eventually throw Ted Danson in there too. You’ll be impotent for the rest of your life. (Admittedly, in her early career Whoopi had it going on. Just saying.)

Not ignoring the back pain

This is simple and real one. For years you’ve fought through the pain because, well you know why. But now you have no choice but to admit the weakness. Again, don’t use this too often or you end up at the doctor’s office and going through MRIs and therapy sessions.

Not Bathing

gettyimages © Original Photo by RubberBall Productions

This is the easiest for men to do. It’s a natural part of us not to want to bath. If not bathing is not something you want to go through, don’t use the deodorant. After one whiff of you she’ll never want another hamburger from McDonald’s again.

Remember

If you have children just remember how many sleepless nights you had and how many times you let that baby barf on you instead of spinning it around to face a room just so it wouldn’t get upset and the carpet didn’t have to be cleaned. What? Am I the only one that did that? There is no experience like the feel of barf on the neck and eyebrows. But the boy didn’t get very upset and he appreciates it now. (Note: This is one way the woman will get you to shower to overcome #8.)

Bringing out the Handcuffs and the Vaseline

Now for some this might actually backfire, so be careful. If you aren’t really certain then don’t do it. You decide which way would gross her out more; smearing on your own pale paste body or asking her to smear it on herself while you watch. The handcuffs are the scare tactic part to push her over the edge. Understand the downside of this though, she’s going to wonder one of two things; 1) you’ve been watching porn movies or 2) you have lost your freaking mind.

Now we enter the Desperate Zone.

Men, only do this if you are willing to live with the results. I will not be held responsible for any attorney’s fees, medical expenses or anything else that comes from these ideas. If explanations are really needed for each of these ideas then you may require some professional help. Just go ahead and have the Vasectomy along with the Psych Ward admittance. Two for one deals are popular even in hospitals these days.

Telling Her Anything is Women’s Work

All men know what this does to a woman. If you don’t then you are a pig and jerk. (Sorry for diverting from the humor.)

Insulting her mother

Even if she doesn’t like her mother, always remember only she can insult her while you nod for support. You cannot start the insulting . . . unless it’s for very desperate reasons.

Discussing your Playboy subscription during Sunday School class at church or in front of any of her friends

She may not even care that you have a subscription, but she doesn’t want everyone to know it. It makes her feel like either a) there is something wrong with her, or b) like you’re a complete jerk. We all know which one is true.

Talking about how hot her sister/cousin/best friend/or if your girlfriend her daughter is

Yeah . . . I think the picture speaks for itself on this one.

Calling her an ex-girlfriend’s name

Unless you decide to always date women with the same name, you may end up slipping on this one anyway. But the use of this when the lights go out will result in instant celibacy.

I doubt there are any of my Friends reading this that would actually need to use any of these, but I hop you were entertained. And those ladies that may have actually read, men wouldn’t really do this . . . you think?

Much Respect

Ronovan

Plastic Rings and Latex Things & The Side Effects of Therapy

June 27, 2014June 27, 2014 Ronovan Opinion Articles Blog, Blogs, Creative Writing, Humor, Letting Go, Medications, Opinion, Release, Side Effects, Therapy, Writing

Plastic Rings and Latex Things & The Side Effects of Therapy

by: Ronovan

Hello to my Faithful and perhaps some infrequent Flyby Friends of the Lost Mind. We are gathered here today to discuss . . . Therapy!

No, don’t run, don’t hide, and do not DENY!

I see you with your Krispy Kreme donuts. That . . . is NOT . . . therapy. Or is it?

Therapy is defined as ‘treatment especially of bodily, mental, or behavioral disorder’.

Oh my. Look around my little site and you will find much disorder, won’t you? I keep meaning to organize things but cannot seem to remember to do so. I would winky smiley face but I don’t have the strength. My right index finger is sprained. I may have to use the naughty middle finger instead. Perhaps I need a Krispy Kreme. For my Friends of Foreign firmas that are terra, that IS how the company actually spells the words. Don’t hate the spelling, eat the cake . . . the donut or doughnut if you want to really drag it out—whatever just eat the freaking pastry!

Do you take headache medicines? Did you know there are side effects? Do you ever read them?

“This may cause rash, itching/swelling (especially of the face/tongue/throat), severe dizziness, trouble breathing.”

And that’s just for Tylenol, and not even all of the possible ones.

I have to take medicines for my Fibromyalgia and my Migraines. Yes, I capitalize the M because they have earned it. If I don’t do so they then remind and demand it. But these medicines say they may cause pain in the joints or muscles and cause Migraines. Oh and of course possible death. Perhaps that is just their covering themselves from any oopsies.

So where am I going with all of this?

There are controversial therapies for treating all sorts of things. To relieve migraines and other such head ailments they once drilled holes in the skull. Of course then there was using leeches for those who were anemic.

(My apologies but I just could not bring myself to show the leeches. I am freaking out thinking about it.)

Now there is a balloon therapy for releasing your worries, pains, and hurts caused by either other people or just life in general. I learned about this on my friend Amanda’s site, Inside the Life of Moi, a wonderfully entertaining and tasty fare you really must partake of. Nom nom nom.

(Please remind me never to type ‘nom nom nom’ ever again for the rest of my days. Thank you.)

On this particular occasion Amanda became more serious than usual and shared a personal experience where she tried the balloon releasing suggested by a friend. This was after she resisted stabbing the innocent pain bombs as they floated around her. You really need to read the article. I may be explaining it incorrectly. I just know there were balloons and possible stabbings involved. Is it possible to band aid a balloon?

Upon reblogging said article I received replies about what the releasing balloons does to wildlife and the environment. Of course neither Amanda nor I would ever wish for any living creature to be harmed in any way. Amanda was merely saying people needed to let go of what ails them in order to heal. If she had for a moment thought an article such as hers would cause her intelligent readers to storm the stores for balloons and helium tanks to harm the planet, she would not have published said article.

Thus we come to a side effect of the balloon therapy, wildlife endangerment. There are plenty of sites that will give you all the details, but just know that latex isn’t good for wildlife. Choking of course is one side effect.

It reminds me slightly of the movie Happy Feet when the penguin voiced by Robin Williams has the six-pack plastic ring holder caught around his neck and then he ends up almost choking to death because of it. For a cartoon where you knew there was no harm you may have laughed. I didn’t laugh, but I have become or have always been a bit sensitive about certain things in film.

In real life the penguin would have died. Is that a pretty picture to you? Funny?

“Ronovan, oh Ronovan,” I can almost hear some of you say. “Why are you writing all of this drivel and randomness?”

Therapy. I was hurt by the response and a feeling of being attacked. These hurts were the side effects of being nice.

“So don’t do it again.”

Oh but I will, and you know I will. But as Amanda suggested, I’m letting go. I’m putting my hurts and pains down in words, placing them in the blogosphere, and letting them go. What will be the side effects of that?

. . .

Amazing looking Tacos — gettyimages © Original Photo by Lauri Patterson

Perhaps a life time supply of tacos will come my way.

To all of Fine Friends of Fellow and Foreign firmas, I say Farewell For now.

Much Respect, Much Love, And Much Much More

Ronovan

Men get away with . . . NOTHING!

June 26, 2014June 26, 2014 Ronovan Humor, Opinion Articles 5 Things, Blog, Blogs, Creative Writing, Funny, Gas, List, Men, Nose Picking, Ogling, Opinion, Tacos, Underwear, Women, Writing

Men get away with . . . NOTHING!

by: Ronovan

Men, we think we have them snowed. You know all of our little ways of doing things, but we don’t. Nope. Women know. They know when you’re walking through the store and you shake that leg trying to get a muscle cramp out that you’re either a) trying to get the underwear back in place, or b) trying to get some other things in place.

Don’t yell men. I’m not giving away trade secrets. I haven’t given out the secret handshake yet.

But men, it’s time to give up the delusions.

Here are 5 things women know we’re doing:

You’re not scratching your nose or rubbing your nose. No matter how fast you do it they see the thumb slip inside that nostril. They know.

They know you aren’t behind a car with some faulty exhaust system when the smell hits after Taco Bell. Next time just the Tacos and not the additional Nachos Belle Grande.

You don’t check for your wallet that many times. They know you’re scratching your butt.

They know you are going to check out the waitress. You know you are going to check out the waitress. DON’T check out the waitress. And yes that means the other waitress a few booths behind the woman you are with that you are checking out while you pretend to be thinking about a question your lady asked you. We’re not that deep.

They know what the word ‘fine’ means. They know it doesn’t mean yes. It means the same as ‘whatever’. In other words they know that you don’t want to do whatever it is but you are agreeing to it just so they will stop talking about it.

Life could be so much simpler, guys. I don’t really know how, but it could. Yes, the nose hair causes things to itch. Trim it. Tacos? Take something ahead of time or eat less than some small states. Butt itch? Use some powder or lotion. Waitress checking? Stare at the table or your woman. The word ‘fine’? Well there’s no solution to that one. No matter what we come up with they’ll just know.

Until next time, peace out and don’t pretend to stretch so you can smell if you forgot deodorant . . . or need it.

Unsung Hero: The Stay at Home (And/Or Single) Mom

June 25, 2014June 25, 2014 Ronovan Opinion Articles Blog, Blogs, Hero, Hug, Inspiration, Love, Moms, Mothers, Opinion, Reality, SAHM, Single Moms, Single Mothers, Stay at Home Moms, Teacher, Writing

Unsung Hero: The Stay at Home (And Single) Mom
by: Ronovan

I read an article by my friend Barbie over at B’s Words called Stay at Home Loser. Just when you get caught up in your own world of problems someone smacks you in the face with a world of more of them, and really some that are worse.

Sure I have problems of misconceptions about my health, but Barbie’s article just really brought a subject to mind that just . . . well . . . wow.

I’m going to focus on the Stay at Home Mom here, although this could apply to Stay at Home Dads too. And I don’t intend to take much time as I want you to go read Barbie’s article and get raw honesty on the subject.

What do I see the Stay at Home Mom as being:
• Character builder
• Manners teacher
• Respect teacher
• Human teacher
• Kindness teacher
• Love teacher
• Equality teacher
• Sharing teacher
• Reading teacher
• Writing teacher
• Responsibility teacher
• Safety teacher
• Relationship teacher
• Smile builder
• Laughter builder
• Face making teacher
• Walking teacher
• Riding bike teacher
• Look ways before you cross teacher
• Hold my hand teacher
• It’s okay to be you teacher
• How to forgive teacher
• It’s okay to make mistakes teacher
• Clean up your mess teacher
• How to make a sandwich teacher
• Singing teacher
• Psychiatrist
• TV and media specialist/monitor
• How to hug teacher
• Dietician

There are a lot more things that a Stay at Home Mom is but there are just the ones that quickly came to mind aside from the cleaning things they go through, (Not wanting to think of laundry, dishes, or diapers, thank you very much). I don’t see Loser on the list. These are just my view from the outside.

Please share what some of your definitions of a Stay at Home Mom. But before you answer, go read Barbie’s article and maybe leave your definition there instead. She inspired this article, give her the great words back.

Things in My Inbox. VIAGRA? Say What?

June 25, 2014June 25, 2014 Ronovan Opinion Articles article, Blog, Blogs, Creative Writing, Eharmony, Email List, Funny, Humor, Junk Mail, Opinion, rant, Spam Emails, Viagra, Writing

Things in My Inbox

by: Ronovan

I DON’T need Viagra! Men, and women too, how many of you have the Viagra emails pop up in the old inbox almost daily?

Not many things really annoy me but I have to say those spam junk mail emails are thorns in my thighs.

And it’s not JUST the Viagra emails. I do kind of wonder if my doctor has been sharing information though.

I have no idea who Adrianne or whatever the name is from facebook that misses me and wants to share a picture but sorry, I’m not going there.

Fake Rolex? I don’t have the time for it.

Eharmony? Say what? You’re singing the wrong tune.

No, I don’t need Ink Cartridges. You send me an email about ink cartridges? Send me a letter showing me why I need ink. Really, marketing much?

And no, I don’t need to view profiles of singles in my area. I know who they are and I know why they are single. It’s not that big of an areas!

What do I want?

How about helpful writing tips from those things I signed up for that only send me things to buy?

How about a Happy Birthday message from a friend rather than your insurance agent?

How about inspiring daily scriptures I signed up for instead of the buy these DVDs?

How about a free milkshake at Arby’s without having to buy a meal?

How about . . . just a kind word?

If not me then who?

June 23, 2014June 23, 2014 Ronovan Fibromyalgia/Chronic Pain, Opinion Articles Chronic Pain, Column, Disability, Fibromyalgia, Judgement, Life, Opinion, Personal, Pity, Understanding, Writing

If not me then who?

by: Ronovan

I recently wrote an article called The Disguise of Contentment about life with illness and disabilities and how others look at seemingly healthy people who suffer from them. As I was writing it I simply wanted to share with people the other side of something of stereotyping.

If you’ve been reading my work for a while you know I don’t hold back. I only know how to write one way and that is personal. My site is primarily a place to release those thoughts in my mind, as I have put it in a previous article I call it Writing for Therapy.

I say all of this to make sure you understand to never look at anything I write as attention seeking or a pity party. I’m beyond all of that. Sometimes the pain gets to me and I just need to let the feelings out in words and by doing so I have discovered there are people out there who can relate. They find comfort in knowing they are not alone and that a person is productive and creative even while living with some really whacked out pain problems. (I apparently love the phrase ‘whacked out’.)

Just to clarify a bit of that previous article and its intent:

If you see a person with disabilities that are obvious you have the opportunity of choice; a) treat them just like anyone else, b) treat them with pity, which they don’t want, or c) be aware they may need assistance at times.

For someone appearing healthy, such as myself, those options aren’t there. What this brings me to is people with disabilities don’t want pity they just want to be understood. I know it’s difficult to understand in a brief encounter with someone, but the way to be is like me in a grocery store and asking for help. If I ask for help then I need it. If I park in a handicap spot and if my car has the right tags or permissions on it to do so then keep moving and don’t look at me like a criminal.

I personally don’t care. I’ve moved past what others think about me. My main mission is what I think about myself. If I am good with me then I’m all good period. But how will other people know if people like me don’t share experiences?

And remember, I’m the same guy that wrote about writer’s needing fluffy butt cushions and canaries. Just because there are some raw and honest work from me doesn’t mean that is what defines me. I’m a funny guy. Ask my other self, he’ll tell you.

He lies.

Shut up, Os.

If you see an article or poem that appears to be a pity poem or a sympathy seeker don’t think that. It’s just me releasing the only way I have available and in a way that I hope others can connect with and say “Yeah, that’s me too. I’m not alone.”

Just so no one thinks this is just my rants about things, please read A good day out and a dollop of judgement at The Happy Starfish.

5 Thoughts on Facial Follicles & Shaving Torture

June 23, 2014June 23, 2014 Ronovan Opinion Articles Blog, Blogs, Column, Cut Throat, Funny, Hair, Humor, Men, Opinion, Razor Blade, Shaving, Women, Writing

5 Thoughts on Facial Follicles & Shaving Torture

by: Ronovan

Women have it so difficult shaving. Puhleeeasseeee.

Actually that was just to get your attention. But you know men don’t have it easy in the shaving area either.

I read an article recently over at my new found friend’s site A College Girl’s Confessions called Why Shaving Sucks. Always reading about the dire straits of the beauty lives of women got me to thinking that we men have it tough as well. (Don’t ask me why I read about the beauty lives of women. I Follow for Inspiration, right? Right.)

I honestly think that the idea of men shaving was something women came up with. What sane man would voluntarily think “Hey, let me put a razor blade to my throat and see if I sneeze.”? And there is no way I would actually let an old fashioned barber do it either. I don’t trust myself with one of those mafia movie killing things so I definitely won’t trust anyone else. Look at that thing.

Woman Shaving Man Blood — gettyimages © Original Photo by Ryerson Clark

And a woman with a blade? Umm . . . really? No way, especially not after that above article and the contortions and things. I have no desire for my important man parts to go missing. I like my nose where it is, thank you very much.

Here are 5 Thoughts on Facial Follicles & Shaving Torture

First thing, why is it women can comment on our facial hair and their disapproval of it but if we men mention theirs we are insensitive and sleeping on the edge of the bed for the next week? That’s if we’re lucky to still be in the bed. And yes, we know women stop shaving their legs sometimes out of revenge for something we men have done. Here’s a secret ladies, we don’t care that much . . . well not at the point we would notice anyway. I mean seriously, at that point an asteroid hits the earth and we don’t care.

You nicked your legs shaving: I nick my face and I can’t put a band aid on my face and get away with it. People would be asking me if I had some type of biopsy or something. (Yes I had that done once. I’m good now.)

Shaving cream up the nose: Do I really have to explain the awfulness of alcohol and whatever else is in that stuff going up the nasal passages feels like and how irritating it feels for days afterwards? I guess I just did.

You miss a spot shaving the legs? Think about missing a spot on your face where everyone is looking. Which one do you think they’ll notice in an interview? Yes, I am sure there are some that would notice your legs, I know, I know, but we’re talking about the other 5% of the polite people conducting interviews.

Oh, and don’t get me started on the ear hair issue. Okay, God, I know why you gave us all the various hair that we have, but seriously, why the extra Sasquatch growth of ear hair for men? I start in September leaving it alone and don’t need earmuffs by winter. Men if that hasn’t become an issue for you YET then take a tip from my article 10 Things Every Writer Needs But Never Thinks About and invest in Nair now. Oh, and someone call them about Nose Nair, I swear it is sooo needed.

Ladies, yes, I know you have it tough shaving, and believe me when I say at least this man appreciates all you go through, but appreciate what we go through as well. Nose hair, ear hair, facial hair, neck hair, between the eyebrows hair . . . What? Am I the only one that shaves that?

Big Brother? Small brain!

June 16, 2014June 16, 2014 Ronovan Opinion Articles Bush, Death, Foreign Policy, Iraq, ISIS, Military, Obama, Opinion, United States, War, Writing

Big Brother? Small brain!

by: Ronovan

ISIS Control — ISIS control January 2014

What’s Wrong With Iraq? Big brother let ‘em down.

The US let Iraq down. Yes, the US is the big brother in that we like to act like it.

People are seemingly amazed at ISIS and the advances it is making in Iraq. Really? Seriously? Wow.

This is RonovanWritesRanting time.

Hey, enemies of the new Iraq government, you guys just wait and plan because we’re going to pull out our troops by this date! Is that cool with you guys? Yeah? Okay, stock up.

Okay and before I go on, I am ticked off. I am mad. I am angry. Yes, RonovanWrites is angry. Think of all the troops, US, Iraqi and all the other countries involved that lost their lives just for this to happen. Yeah, ticked off is my polite way of putting it.

Oh, and before people start blaming Obama for pulling the troops out, Bush actually signed the order with the date on it for the troops to be removed before he left office. And no, this does not mean I am an Obama supporter or a Democrat, it means I like facts, I guess it’s the Historian in me. But does that mean I am a Bush supporter or a Republican? No, it means I like facts.

You cannot set a date for something like what happened in Iraq. You stay until they ask you to leave or the situation is well in hand. Now the US is storming to the area with a warship. I hope no more lives are lost.

I read a book a while back, took some notes on it, and it said that the reason terrorists from that area of the world are turning their attention to the US is because we keep stomping around in their yards. If a country asks for help, sure, go for it. Was there a legit reason to go into Iraq in the first place? I’ll never know.

But this I do know; once you are there you stay there without an expiration date until the job is done. One president caved to the pressure to set a date, and another caved to the pressure to follow through with it. Both were wrong.

I don’t understand everything going on in Iraq. We get the news here in the US with a western take on things. I try to look at a lot of sides. Regardless of what’s going on ISIS has been wrong so far. And really the whole idea of ISIS from my understanding is wrong, especially there methods.

I think the US needs to change their foreign policy in the future about how to deal with things. Don’t mess in other people’s muck. Take care of number 1, US, and each country would call themselves number 1 so don’t start with me on calling US number 1.

And here is my biggest Foreign Policy change. Whoever the president is consider this; if we cannot get it right in this country why are we going elsewhere to think we can fix it there?

Much Regards

Ronovan

The Bad Husband/Father: Expectation VS. Reality

What entertainment and media has led a society to believe.

We’re Not Helpful with our own Children

BAD HUSBAND EXPECTATION

GOOD HUSBAND REALITY

BAD HUSBAND RESULT

We Prefer Sports over All Else

BAD HUSBAND EXPECTATION

GOOD HUSBAND REALITY

BAD HUSBAND RESULT

We Just Want Sex for Our own Pleasure

BAD HUSBAND EXPECTATION

GOOD HUSBAND REALITY

BAD HUSBAND RESULT

We don’t sacrifice

BAD HUSBAND EXPECTATION

GOOD HUSBAND REALITY

BAD HUSBAND RESULT

We don’t work hard

BAD HUSBAND EXPECTATION

GOOD HUSBAND REALITY

BAD HUSBAND RESULT

We are inept at life

BAD HUSBAND EXPECTATION

GOOD HUSBAND REALITY

BAD HUSBAND RESULT

We don’t remember anything

BAD HUSBAND EXPECTATION

GOOD HUSBAND REALITY

BAD HUSBAND REALITY

Spread this stuff everywhere!

Thank everyone who has visited my site over the past just under 5 months and bringing it to . . .

20,000 VIEWS

I want to tell everyone about my new site,

So Follow

I also want to invite everyone to follow me in a few other different places.

Much Appreciation to Y’all, New Friends and Longer Friends.

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Sexy Intelligence

Ladies AND Men

What do you find sexy and what makes you feel sexy?

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There is no ‘Let’ in Love

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#1 Thor is a Norse god of mythology, not a goddess. Yeah, I know it’s a comic book, but still. Try it with Muhammad. “Oh, but Muhammad was real.” Give me another point. Jesus was real also. So let’s not get into religion. More than likely this will be a temporary deal. Who knows?

Spread this stuff everywhere!

~~~

Unskinny Fat-Self Image Insanity

~~~

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Families Aren’t Born, They’re Made

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Sinead O’Connor

Now let’s look at Alyssa Milano.

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Five Things Men Fear on First Dates

Pit Sweats

Bad Breath

Bats in the Cave

Nose Hair

B.O. Bomb

Men AND women, do you care to share some of your MOMENTS on dates? Come on, you know you want to. Put a comment in.

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